Stand-up Comedian Lolcows

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Burr is such a phony.
Bills fall to mediocrity dates back over a decade ago, when Bill found out MRA and MGTOW channels were clipping his bits on women he started to soften his material and lost his edge.
this current drama and his black wife were simply additives to an existing problem, also id suggest his falling out with Anthony Cumia to be a big factor.
 
his falling out with Anthony Cumia
Cumia is a fucking moron for thinking he can humiliate a guy’s wife and they’ll all be cool and friendly afterward. Telling Anfernee to FOAD is the only Burr action I can wholeheartedly endorse. Cumia’s lucky he didn’t get the pocks punched out of his face.
 
I'm not sure if she counts as a lolcow since she's mostly inactive as of recent years in regards to doing any major stand up performances, so I'll just refer to her as a washed-up talentless hack. Remember Paula Poundstone? She was this painfully mediocre asexual dyke comedian who was mildly successful in the 90's. I remember seeing her all the time on Comedy Central back then and just thinking how unfunny she was. Later I learned that she was charged with an undisclosed lewd act with a minor, which some people speculate was something of a non-sexual nature, such as drunk driving with children in a car or something, or maybe just physical abuse towards minors.

Apparently the allegations resulted in her being replaced as a voice actor on that weird Adult Swim cartoon "Home Movies".

Anyway, Blind Mike from Barstool Sports, Who Are These Podcasts, and the The Dabbleverse did an episode on her in his podcast:


She does podcast interviews to this day, and looks just as unfuckable as always:

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Just like my observation on known tranny Fran LaBlance, Paula Poundstone gives off lesbian girls gym teacher energy. Back in her heyday, her gimmick was wearing men's suits on stage, and she was basically a less funny and less abrasive version of Rosie O'Donnell.
 
Asexuals are ironically more sexually deviant than normal people.

I refer to them as The Asexually Online. I've consistently found them to be sexual deviants with avoidant attachments; attempting to put strangers at ease concerning their overt lack of success in attracting, forging, or sustaining interpersonal relationships, while simultaneously branding themselves romantically unavailable to others within the peer groups whose unconditional validation they crave to the point of skinwalking.

There are a number of thin-skinned cows I follow without sharing here, for fear that attention from the Farms would cause them to DFE and deprive me of the joy I get reading what they overshare with the world. One is a forty year old male virgin who made a Meetup group for asexuals, with the specific goal of tricking women who identify as asexual into "dating" him by hanging out. He canceled the meeting and deleted the group because every single "asexual" woman who RSVP'd was in a relationship with someone; and he couldn't come up with a way of mandating that only "available" asexual women were permitted to meet up with him.

Another is a middle-aged female school teacher who specifically invokes "aromantic" as a euphemism for asexuality, despite the majority of her online content being thirstposts for the dicks of fictional characters (she draws the penises and composes tweets detailing her various romantic fantasies with said dicks, in which she is consistently depicted as surprised by their shapes).
 
Última edición:
He cancelled the meeting and deleted the group because every single "asexual" woman who RSVP'd was in a relationship with someone;
I feel sad for the men married to the asexual women.
But remember archive, archive, archive.
 
I forgot Poundstone existed. We had all sorts of great comedians back in the late 80s and early 90s -- Steven Wright, Sam Kinison, Richard Jenni, Jay Leno, Dennis Miller, Jerry Seinfeld, etc. etc. -- and somehow that unfunny cunt got regular appearances.
 
Alright, so I had another listen to Blind Mike's podcast about the history of Paula Poundstone's career. Initially when I made my original post, I only listened to the episode briefly a while back, so I was paraphrasing from what I originally remembered. I just had another full listen through the episode earlier today. Here's some clarification:
  • She's not actually a lesbian, but she's extremely independent (from men) and non-sexual, thus she deliberately chose to never have kids. She adopted some kids and was a single foster parent.
  • She was frequently accused of being a lesbian, and when she came out as straight (lol) she shocked a lot of fans who wanted her to be a gay icon.
  • Her unusual style of wearing men's suits was not done because of any androgyny, but rather because she once bought a suit and tie on a whim when she was high on painkillers and thought it was funny. This became her trademark look, so she just ran with it.
  • Her sexuality (or lack thereof) was an inspiration to asexual fans.
  • She was charged with two crimes involving minors: one was made well-known (and she would even joke about it in her comedy act), and the other crime is a lot more complicated and has little or no information readily available for. She has a gag order for the 2nd crime and the document was sealed. The first offense involved drunk driving with children in a car, and she was legally required to attend Alcoholics Anonymous. The "lewd" act is therefore unknown, and it's speculated that she was actually innocent but had to do a plea deal.
    • People in the comments section speculate that she actively scrubs the internet of information regarding her "lewd act" charge.
    • Blind Mike speculates that she was falsely accused of a sex act on a minor, and was able to talk down her charge to a lesser offense.
  • She currently contributes to NPR, mainly to an audience of crazy cat ladies (surprise surprise).
  • According to Blind Mike, she has severe TDS, so much so that Mike said every time he would try to find contemporary clips of her stand-up acts, she would always shoehorn in anti-Trump rants.
  • But most notably, to this very day she has a very angry grudge against Howard Stern. Is it because he sold out and went woke? Is it because his post-terrestrial show is cancer without Artie or Jackie? Is it because of him doing blackface jokes 35 years ago? Nope! It's because Howard was too friendly with Trump in the years prior to his presidential run, and therefore she blames Stern with "normalizing" Trump a long time ago, which paved the way to his political career.
Also her voice is a lot more unpleasant that I remember sounding. She speaks with a very harsh Boston accent. Now in her old age, whenever she wears glasses she bears a strong resemblance to That Vegan Teacher.
 
The only compliment I'll give Paula Poundstone is that she was funny on Home Movies. So was Louis CK and Sarah Silverman.

As for comedians who are embarrassing, Bill Burr is a huge one. He was hilarious in the old days but he created his downfall.

It's a shame that comedians like Greg Giraldo, Patrice O'Neal and Mitch Hedberg all died while he's still around.

Then there's Carlos Mencia who was the joke thief with a really horrendous comedy show that was way too popular since it was unfunny as hell. The one thing I appreciated about Joe Rogan was him destroying Mencia's career. I don't know why he was so popular in the 2000's.

Amy Schumer for reasons I don't even have to say. She tried to go from making edgy jokes to trying to do feminist jokes, which she's even worse at. There are way better women comedians than her, and she ends up the one with the huge career.
 
He hasn't done standup in forever, but Larry David's whole thing is being a lolcow who looks at all of the normal social shit you're just supposed to do and says 'nah, I'm not doing that,' and then everything breaks, like a modern day Bartleby the Scrivener, he's just a self-aware one who harnessed it into a career. He is George Costanza.

If we're talking about lolcow comedians who also suck at comedy, though, Jim Norton. It's possible he's done something intentionally funny, once, maybe, but life's too short to wade through all of the shit to try to find it. He just reads as incredibly dumb. He's somehow stupider than the people he makes fun of, but he's dumb enough to think he's owning them. And while lots of comedians channel their hatred of women into their comedy, his brand of seething woman-hate is conspicuously that he's in denial about being gay and he's angry that women don't have cocks. He's hiding in a glass closet with his male 'wife,' coping by calling the tranny jizz he craves 'feminine essence.' Everyone can see you in there, dude, you're not hiding anything from anyone, you can just come out.
 
Little Jimmy Norton gets to relive the glory days of Monster Rain everyday now. While it was horrifying initially, Jimmy's "marriage" makes sense. He's never been capable of normalcy, and doesn't pretend otherwise. He would never refer to himself as "straight", or be dishonest about how difficult it is for him to just be a person.

Find myself listening to the old Patrice clips lately. The dead comedians died of being too real. The fakes will live forever in plasticland churning out safe drek.

Jordan Jensen is a funny female. There are probably 6 funny women on the planet at any given time.


 
This is something that has been thoroughly scrubbed but Paula Poundstone was really into comedy for children back in the 90s. Her and Rosie O’Donnell. Wikipedia has scrubbed any mention of this as has Jewgle. You have to go to YouTube to see a couple clips. I can’t embed but here’s one: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pe6UUpR16n0

Once she caught those charges, that all got memoryholed. There is a Family Guy cutaway gag that has her hosting a Kids Choice Award show that makes reference to one of her charges. The comedy world, full of perverts like Jim Norton, collectively decided that she gets a free pass.
 
Jesus look at the choppers on that yenta. Her accent causes me physical agony. She's doing Ellen Degenerous. She's a 3.4.

Never cared about that. I appreciate the Kevin Nealon style delivery. I've seen Ellen's stand up and I honestly don't see the similarity.
 
Maybe Ellen is doing a her? Dunno which came first. That thing where she's about to finish a sentence then makes the last few words something unexpected. We should go on a mission to find funny females.
 
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