Do Middle Class White Men That Want Trad Wives Really Exist?

[JohnnyG]

Every woman I've dated has either also worked/been in school or both. So I don't see why marriage I would expect anything different

"So Ashley, as we're getting more serious, and planning for marriage and those 3 kids, do you have a timeline in mind for pivoting from your marketing analyst job into being a full time mom?"

what do you do if your husband gets in a car wreck? Or loses his job?

You sign up for life insurance while you are young and healthy. Ideally your company offers both a life insurance plan (say 10x salary) and disability insurance (say 3x), but if not, a term life plan is pretty cheap as long as you buy it well before it starts looking like you'll need it.

 

[geckogoy]

If you're a tradwife in how I see it online where you take care of the kids are a homemaker and are completely dependent on your husband, what do you do if your husband gets in a car wreck? Or loses his job? Well I guess you're both fucked then in the interim

What do you do if 2/3rds of people don't wind up having kids? That would appear to be the more acute question at the moment

 

[Banquet Meal]

my husband has always been the head of the family in a way, and definitely the provider. he does also deals with car stuff, putting gas in the car, scary bugs, bills, etc..i take care of the home, cooking, baking, sewing, laundry, kids, etc.
it works for us.
that said, ive been married for nearly 34 years (we got married at 17 and 18 ) so its not a new thing. its something that we both thought would work, and it did.

you're too old or not pretty enough to be worth being the provider for.

i dont think thats true...if you have been married for a long time and have built memories with someone, them being older shouldnt make them less lovable.

 

[Chunky Salsa]

i dont think thats true...if you have been married for a long time and have built memories with someone, them being older shouldnt make them less lovable.

OP is talking specifically about her situation reentering the dating game.

 

[Need for Sped]

Every woman I've dated has either also worked/been in school or both. So I don't see why marriage I would expect anything different. The stability of dual-income financially just makes more sense. If you're a tradwife in how I see it online where you take care of the kids are a homemaker and are completely dependent on your husband, what do you do if your husband gets in a car wreck? Or loses his job? Well I guess you're both fucked then in the interim.

This is an argument that makes sense on paper but no so much in reality. Most dual income couples have a lifestyle that's contingent on having two incomes coming in, and if one of them is unable to work (Temporarily or permanently), they're going to be up shit creek as well.
And it gets worse when you factor in children, because if the woman wants to keep working, she's going to park the kid in a daycare, which usually has an insane cost, to the point that it's not uncommon to see scenarios of "I'm working to pay for the daycare I send my kid to because I'm working", where one of the incomes is almost entirely directed towards daycare expenses. And unless both parents are high earners, the strategy of working and parking the kids in daycare can only scale up to one, maybe two children.

And that's not even getting into the hidden costs of having both parents away from the home.

 

[browserbowser]

"Middle Class" in the U.S. is typically split into upper and lower.

If you're aiming for upper, trades/college educated, it's a crapshoot. Higher or lower than that as you said you'll probably have results. Upper middle class in the U.S. will see you trying to pair off with the contingent most likely to have "liberal" leanings (in quotes because it's not political, but romantic) in that regard. To reiterate this is an apolitical problem, tradespeople are as likely as college graduates to be unwilling to 'put a ring on it'.

Traditional as a moniker can mean different things to different brackets as well. Rich white dudes especially if they came from money are going to be expecting a demure housewife, meanwhile, traditional for lower-income people can look a lot different depending on the region.

Again this is all US-centric.

 

[umseriously]

This is a 'woman complaining' thread. She is not asking a question. She is fishing for a form of validation. If men want you to be also working, you're too old or not pretty enough to be worth being the provider for.

This should be transformed into the spinster thread. We all know what she really wants. Let the other spinsters gather here and complain about their lack of romantic aspects. They will say their standards are not impossible to achieve, but once you look at what they actually desire, you will easily see why they are single. The top 5% of men aren't looking for slags from the farms to bed.

 

[NEVER LURK]

My father and all my older brothers are providers with "trad"wifes.

But we are upper class Lebanese Christians.

 

[Lip Glossary]

I can't comment on it because my girlfriend makes more money than I do and I'm comfortable with that.

 

[Kitty Cat Man]

that said, ive been married for nearly 34 years (we got married at 17 and 18 )

This is the thing, traditional relationships only work if you go about them the traditional way and marry your highschool/college sweetheart and have similar values and upbringing.

If you blew it by being some kinda asocial in your youth and are in the "dating scene" in your late 20s and 30's it's going to come with compromises, the biggest ones all-but preventing a traditional "provider and homemaker" dynamic from forming.

 

[The best and greatest]

they think men actually want girlbosses

Dunno about a girlboss but I'd raise eyebrows at women who don't have jobs when you meet them because it begs the question of how they support themselves so either prostitution, drugs, sketchy hustle shit, or she has a man already if she's not working.

the traditional way and marry your highschool/college sweetheart

This is not traditional. Traditional is "Your parents choose your spouse a decade in advance"

Ideas of 'free love' and that women in particular should be able to choose their own marital and sexual partners is a novel idea relatively speaking.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Just genuinely curious. And I've never found this. Most middle class white men are scared shitless of being the provider.

Yes, but the problem is you have to be WORTH providing for. You have to prove over time you're worth a man's time and money. Just being there, sleeping with him, and looking pretty really isn't enough. Men want women who like us for us, not necessarily for what we can provide and are pleasant to be around.

The other problem is as you get older you neither have the luxury of time and what can be provided becomes more and more important for women. You're also working with men who have already likely been burned a few times. They're far more reluctant to give away their resources for free out of fear of divorce or aggravation at the concept of money and relationships. So, it doesn't really surprise me the moment you go and say you want to be a "tradwife" that men recoil in horror.

My advice is to just to stop talking about it and let cards fall where they may.

 

[Otterly]

$50k - $150k is middle class in the US. That's a pretty wide range. Sometimes it's less about if you want a trad wife, but whether or not you can afford a trad wife.

Average wage in uk is something like 32k before tax and 150k is a tiny percentage if earners. Very few middle class here can afford a stay at home wife

This is a 'woman complaining' thread. She is not asking a question. She is fishing for a form of validation. If men want you to be also working, you're too old or not pretty enough to be worth being the provider for.

Gee thanks. You say the sweetest things.

 

[Male Idiot]

To be brutally frank, middle class can no longer afford a stay at home wife.

That is basically an upper class thing. The price of everything went up over the decades, especially housing, and there are way more bills to pay than there were 50 years ago while wages have been slashed in half by women workforce, than slashed down again by infinityjeet imports.

So it is not really a preference thing, more of a thing that 95% of men just sadly can not afford. Or if they can, it would be a situation where the woman would be unlikely to like all the privations such a lifestyle would put on the family, basically pushing them into the lowest class of poor.

I had seen a single income middle class family in school, all their kids wore the same set of clothes handed down from the older kid. Say goodbye to vacations, new clothes, brand shoes, get used to public transport, etc etc.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Or if they can, it would be a situation where the woman would be unlikely to like all the privations such a lifestyle would put on the family, basically pushing them into the lowest class of poor.

Plus Op is re-entering the dating market after being divorced. There's not really any +30 divorcees or otherwise that are really going to accept a woman not having employment. Maybe once/if they have kids it becomes a different story, but until then? I don't see that happening.

 

[Otterly]

Also, what are women supposed to DO? You go to uni, it’s not like there’s a queue of men waiting for your hand in marriage. If you expect that you’re a gold digger, You have to get a job and support yourself. You have kids and end up doing that job plus all rhe domestics. You ARE the provider.
He who feeds you can starve you. If you’re sure a man is going to love and care for you forever and magically have a job tha pays six figures then great. But if that doesn’t happen and you can’t work you’re screwed. The whole setup no longer incentivises one parent at home. That has significant knock on effects on society, children, etc.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

what are women supposed to DO?

Well, I have a family member who had a very fun answer to that. When she was 16 she decided she wanted to be a gold digger and marry a man who made as much money as possible. By the time she was in her early 20s, that's exactly what she did. Her answer to making sure divorce or splitting up doesn't happen? Keep pumping out kids.

Worked out pretty darn well for her.

 

[Kalsarikännit]

Are there middle class men who want to be providers?

I’m literally right he-

When I finally divorced him

Yeesh, nevermind.

 

[Otterly]

Her answer to making sure divorce or splitting up doesn't happen? Keep pumping out kids.

How old is she?

 

[Bioniclelover]

As said by others earlier, men who are able to afford being the sole family providers with single income are not middle class but upper class. And if you are already rich there is no real reason why you'd want to settle for a sub-tier woman unless it's for a one night-stand. At that place you're not really looking for a "trad wife" but for a "trophy wife" whose whole purpose is too look good and pump out kids.

Tbh I am not exactly sure what "trad wife" buzzword really means, even in old traditional families you generally had women work somewhere, even if it was only as support in your business - my mother's family were rural farmers and everyone worked there, not just the men.