The DarkSyde Sexuality Thread - Explore Phil's sexuality or lack there of.

[Beverly Sutphin]

I do think that Dave does swing that way, however, that Catholic guilt of being attracted to dick haunts him. I say that because he did make some VERY sus "jokes" towards John Rambo during those traveling videos, especially when him and John were hanging out and how people called him (John Rambo) a "gayboy" and how him and Phil were "gonna make love later tonight."

Maybe it was Phil's attempt at humor, but as the old saying goes, there is truth in comedy. I don't know about you guys, but I don't make those kind of "jokes" around my buddies. Also, the way that he salivates over sweaty buff oily men a la WWE, but the MOMENT a female wrestler comes on, it's "Ugh, really?" Also, his attempt of making "jokes" about butts, assholes, and dicks is kinda sus. I'm even willing to bet that when he was scratching his leg, he was probably watching the gay section on the 'Hub.

Also, let's be fair: if your girl was bending over like Panda was, your first thought wouldn't be "Uh, what is she doing?" Stevie Wonder could've seen that a mile away, but not Philliam Burnell. Had to stumble and be awkward, now, had it been Hulk Hogan with his dick hanging out, Phil would've been all over that like Derich getting a retweet from his favorite porn star.

 

[millais]

He is very closeted and refuses to acknowledge his homogay nature because his social mores are still firmly rooted in the 1980s movies and pop culture that inform his core beliefs.

Just like he refuses to wear glasses when driving or streaming because glasses are for nerds, and nerds are not cool (in 1980s movies).

Just like he refuses to acknowledge his 50% Polish ancestry (compared to 25% Italian ancestry), because dumb Polacks are the butt of the joke in 1980s movies.

In a similar fashion, he refuses to acknowledge his homogay proclivities, since homos were the butt of the joke in the 1980s movies.

 

[Sicko Hunter]

Phil is probably not a closeted homosexual as funny as that would be. I think his "I'M MARRIED DOOD" mentality is combination of three things:

Firstly I think his poor diet and heavy abuse of alcohol has rendered him mostly impotent. Remember that gout and impotency are heavily correlated. Secondly he is insanely paranoid that Kat will leave him like Pandalee did. His wife, the main tool he has to LARP as an adult, leaving him would be proof the detractors were right all along. He's afraid she will see him looking at boobs and think it's somehow cheating. Sexual things also reminds him that he and his mom roommate WIFE doesn't fuck him. Thirdly I think Phil has a teenage view of sexuality and love, the fact that he thinks that if you even look at another woman that is some form of cheating says alot.

Asexuality would make sense if he didn't have a very long history of making virginal sexual comments about women during his early LP's.

 

[Two Yum Yums]

I lean towards the fag territory purely because his raging crush on Rambo was so blatant, and the most genuine form of affection I've ever seen him have towards anyone or anything.

 

[Schmeckel]

Phil hasn't had pussy since pussy had him.

 

[SauceRyuKen]

There's a lot that's been said on this homosexual-style sexuality topic, and I've long been one of the defenders of the "Yup, totally gay" viewpoint, but there are good points on both ends. I'm sure whoever reads this very long post can just discern which things work both ways, seeing as we're all very big brained people. I think I got most of the things and reasonings that have been said about this subject, mostly in the Kat Speculation thread.

Spoiler: Closet Queen Phil recap over the years. Pretty damn long, be warned.

- Super awkward around other dudes since his earlier days.
- Seriously looks up to strong, physically fit men.
- "Sir LTG, Sir Kenny Omega." Phil's much quicker with the subservient grovelling when the other guy's fit, and he lays it on much thicker.
- Very interested in dynamics between dudes in videogames, fiction, and even real life.
- Never offended by shirtless Yakuza fights, muscly men grappling, men in sexually exploitative situations.
- Ignored self-defined Nympho Panda, who was young, hot and obviously interested and willing to the point she complained about a dead bedroom, AFTER plucking her out of highschool and moving her across the country.
- "LTG is a sexy maaan, thirty dahllers, he'll turn on his webcaaam... Ack ack ack!" Tell me one straight dude who defines other men as sexy.
- Was all over Jahn Rhamboe.
- Went on a date with Aireaidlord.
- Acted like a jilted lover when men didn't pay him attention. This can go either way, as it easily could just be a narc thing.
- Many prominent inner circle community members have been gay, and not just straight manly gay, femme flamboyant gay or down right perverse. (Kekon, Swagginz, OIC, Anonymouse...)
- Was "Raised catholic." Between that and the pretty lasting influence 80's movies and the Sopranos have had on him, it's hard to think he perceives men as anything other than macho, physically capable individuals who certainly don't suck dicks. Sopranos in particular I feel has had a really deep impact on him, since his speech patterns are literally a poser Joisey accent combined with a valley girl inflection for whatever reason. He's probably one of the guys who watched and just thought "Wow, Tony Soprano is just really cool." Dude even had leather jackets that greatly resembled the style Tony wore.
- Used to act like a hypersexual, insatiable horndog. This is easily forgotten now, but then Phil used to drool at every single female character that appeared on screen. Eva is a famous one, and even then he showed a clear lack of knowledge about sex. Famous quotes include things like:

"Why don't you taste my wild beast then?"
"She's wearing a bikini, dude, I love this!"
"I do like anal. Giving it, not receiving it, by the way."
That one line he had on top haters about having to do a cosplaying girl "Up the poop shoot, because doing it normally would imply I have some degree of respect for her."

- Now acts like a puritan pearl clutcher who can't even stand the sight of videogame boobies, when he used to be all over that shit, because that's how mature men act, I guess. This is another point that could go either way: Broken dick, asexuality or being in the closet, but it has to be said that many young gay men used to act macho and outrageously sexual towards females to appear straight, before eventually bagging one that could become the frumpy stay at home beard they could ignore to go get their rocks off on the down low. Phil and Kat sleep in separate bedrooms and share very little alone time together. Another thing that doesn't get brought up enough: They pucker kissed. At their wedding. I don't know a single straight couple that pucker kiss. Not one.

Spoiler: An analysis on the DSParents, DSP's youth stories and actual behavior around women. Yung Pigroach the Coochtease.

Slightly tangential and highly speculative, but I think it still bears bringing up: DarksydeDad Dave was in the army, presumably at a time before they cut homosexual men from active service. That is, at any point before 1993, where they switched to their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. He was actually raised Catholic and attended the Sacred Heart university. DarksydeMom Linda asides from being a chainsmoker and heavily involved in orange-shaped head Philip's life was also Catholic and native Italiano, in spite of being mostly Polish. It's speculation, of course, but they might be juuuuust a tiny little bit homophobic. Phil was sheltered and generally antisocial, stated that he was at his hormonal and sexual peak at around 12 years old where he commited the daring act of gifting one of the nuns some perfume or something, didn't seem to have many friends or even be allowed to hang out much before he was in his late teens, at which point he joined the FGC while being too poorly socialized to really strike up a friendship with anyone, before being adopted by T and Rambo and his crew, and was surrounded by a sausage fest of gamer bros in his off time and an array of athletic basketball americans during his study time.

By far his fondest memories, kindest words and best behaviors have always been around men. Don't take me wrong, he's still a piece of shit, and even when trying to tug on the dents' heartstrings with how T just gave him his shitty plastic Street Fighter keychains or whatever he still sounds like a self involved retard with 0 ability to read the room, but you can tell on some level he really appreciated T, and he really was hurt by Rambo deciding to break up their friendship over how much of a retarded, selfish, willingly clueless asshole he was.

Even in his story about the hot latina she stole from some black dude by playing impassible and above the allure of latina coochie, it's the black dude who was really good looking and, notoriously, "Could have been a model." Same thing he said about Kat when trying to upsell her, odd enough. He also mentioned at this time he was stalking a girl and on a cocktail of medication, which sounds like the type of thing Catholic parents would resort to if they thought their precious valedictorian to be had some inclinations to suck the pickle. Again, Phil has never been one to NOT notice a good looking man in the room, which by itself is a little sus.

After this, the arc that followed was Bachelor Pad, Slay a Gin Handle Every Day Phil, who still made a point of buying plenty of collectible statues with big booba, as well as paintings from that girl who slapped her chest on a canvas, at the time all key components of the unstoppable fuckfiend Burnell LARP. This smacks of just not understanding sexuality. A figurine with big booba isn't sexy, neither is a piece of cloth where a woman's boobs may have been. It was all playacting by a man who was, more likely than not, a virgin until his late 20s, but wanted to appear not just sexually active, but really good and confident at it.

For all his bluster, he never really seemed to have any girls around before Panda, per John Rambo's words, and he was in his early to mid twenties making up shit about hot blonde girlfriends on the Shoryuken forums. Phil kept up this facade for many years, and now, supposedly, it was "Just part of his schtick" and he was "Trying to say the next most outrageous thing to bring in viewers, because that worked". Right. Then why was this a part of his personality even pre King Of Hate and Youtube career? I know horndogs can be tamed and don't need to chase every skirt in sight when they get older and get a taste of a good, commited relationship, but it's really weird that Phil's transformation came literally overnight. Day one, Phil's a horndog who could split you in two all night and the morning after. Day two, Phil meets his match in Pandalee, young cute insatiable nympho. Day three, Phil's no longer interested in sex and Panda is whining on Sims forums because Big Daddy Burnell doesn't put out nearly enough. Did she bring a strap-on and surprise buttsex'd him or what? Is she a rough, sweaty grunting jackhammer cowgirl type? Did the session end in bruised body parts and a shattered ego? Why did he keep up his horndog persona, even when it was clear that he was at best incompetent and at worst uninterested or unable in anything relating to sex?

His supposedly keen interest in women and horny as fuck mighty sex god image that he tried very hard to project fell to pieces the second he was alone with a woman. A presumably interested woman, mind you. That chick Evie he brought over one time to play a game about giant bugs invading a city, normally loud and boisterous Big Dick Burnell suddenly turned into quiet, meek little Choir Boy Philip. Same in a lot of vlogs with Panda, biggest example being that one where they went to get hotdogs. This is a dude who would chat women up, talk a big game, hotshot youtuber, fighting game champion, money to burn, etcetera... Bring them to his place... And start that camcorder to record some vidya or some waddling, shakycam tour of a hotel room rather than try and have sex. While the woman's in the room. Presenting. It's like a harmless, ridiculously autistic version of Jeffrey Dahmer. Then you get some takeout and a vague declaration that "WE're tired." Yung Pigroach was essentially a Coochtease.

So in the end, what was the point of even bringing his new potato wife to meet the parents, other than mooching off of them and doing the same things he did with Panda to spite her? Why would Phil even bother at this point? He had Panda for a while, but that fell through, AND Panda complained publically about a dead bedroom. That shit needed correcting, and Kat's a much higher level beard. It didn't even matter than Dave and Linda were unlikely to have kept up with Panda's goss: They might have, and that was enough to send Phil hard enough into a tailspin that he made a play to steal a man's horse and pay for it's livelihood for the next 30 or so years, JUST to look less like a flaming faggot. So obviously, he'd parade her in front of his parents, for money, as well, but definitely to clear the doubts that Phil might be gay. To LARP that yeah, he turned out okay, he's a succesful adult, with a business degree, and a full-time benzo potato wife and a beautiful catson. No problem, nothing to be ashamed of, perfectly happy, normal, and able to perform.

I don't think that LARP is for anyone but himself and his parents. Even the dents can tell the whole thing is a farce. A cat is not a son, and a weird fat autistic lady who lives in your house is not a loving wife. He's tried to sell to the dents that he has "Sex on demand" and it's "Not a big deal". To any married kiwi, sex on demand will sound like such an alien concept. What the fuck was Phil even talking about there? The man who showers once a week just drops his pants, walks up to his behemoth wife and goes "Okay Kat, it's underwear time, duhuhuhuuuu", she just sighs, undoes her weathered sweatpant cords and beige granny panties and lifts up her sizeable butt for Phil to get his weekly three pumps in while she doesn't even take her eyes of her 479th Normal, unmoddded playthrough of 2011 classic Skyrim?

Superblindman has more of a real relationship with his own fat, ugly balding pet behemoth than Phil could ever hope to achieve with Demon Slayer Kat. And even the dents can see that, as they don't even ask about Kat at all.

He's not even comfortable sharing space with Kat. That is not how a man secure in himself and his partner's interest, I.E when you're married, acts around their couple. It's the type of comfort that comes with intimacy and Phil and Kat just don't have it. She had to hold her attack button for 10 seconds to charge "Basic peck on the cheek" with the Pigroach. Don't read this as a cynical take, but when you're in a stable relationship, these things become so common that you start taking them entirely for granted. Basic touch and affection aren't something you need to get your shit together to be able to confront. They're level 1 relationship stuff. And Phil here isn't EVEN at level 1.

The way I see it, mature men tend act properly around women. You act detached when there's no interest, you act confident when there's a confirmed mutual interest, and women can, actually, and in spite of what current year politics would have you believe, be and act sexual around men. Videogames are videogames. A sex crazed fridge hardly matters. You are not your videogame character. On top of that, Phil usually fails a shitload of spot checks when picking up on sexualized behaviors, designs and actions. The sex fridge was enough to drive him into a full puritan breakdown, but Juri, who is a hyperviolent, hot, toned, incredibly flexible girl fighting in her gym clothes, designed to draw attention towards her crotch, abs and legs, no less, with her hair up, making a shitload of exploitative poses, spicy comments and showing massive amounts of feet isn't sexual because... She's mostly covered up. That's it. Phil resents overt sexual or romantic behaviors in games because it makes him uncomfortable. That could, in theory, just go either way, but I feel it at least clears up the asexual option. Asexual people just don't give much of a fuck about sex. At this point we're working with just Closet Queen or Broke Dick Burnell, theories, but I personally think it's a combination of the two. It triggers his desire to be "Normal" either way: Either he wants to be interested in the vagoo, but isn't, or wants to be able to get it up, but can't, or would like to get some man on man action, but has many hangups AND is unable to perform.

All in all, Phil does not show a healthy grasp of normal sexuality, which does lead me to think he's in the closet due to his fairly sexual behaviors towards men, of which the biggest smoking gun is the "LTG is a sexy man" jingle he came up with, but in the end I don't think he's likely to ever act on his pickle lust. He's definitely bad at sex, in poor shape, physically unnatractive, generally slovenly and cantankerous, and wouldn't have much luck even if he were to come out of the closet, or hell, even remain in the closet, kick that mooch Kat back to bumfuck Michigan and hire an actual, real live-in maid to cook and clean for him. God knows he has the money, and he'd be living his best life, but I think the LARP is too imporant to him at this point.

Who's the LARP for? I can only speculate. My personal opinion is himself and his parents, but he might just be dumb enough to think the dents buy that suburban catdad shit, which they don't. Phil doesn't have much self awareness, but things like the hats, blowing bubbles, putting on stupid vests and the rest does make me think that he knows, while he doesn't want to admit it, that he really is a special needs children's entertainer. Much like I think he knows that his unhealthy obsession with Hoganpud isn't just about being the best at a stupid fucking match three basically singleplayer game. He really wants the Hulkster to fold him like a pretzel and do unspeakable acts to him, but he'd never act on it, because a big part of narc ego is to get comfortable with living in denial far past what is reasonable to normal people.

If he really wanted to pull that shit, he'd get something like Kitty Powers' Matchmaker, Cheat Engine, and cheat himself to the very tippy top of the leaderboards, like many hue hue I am the best at something people have done before. Paying out the ass for bonus gem damage is just retarded if what you want is meaningless online leaderboard glory at 0 actual effort.

WayTL;DR: Phil super gay, Hoganpud obsession, SIR FITMAN PLS NOTICE ME, Kat beard, Panda cobweb'd cooch, weird crush on T, weird crush on Rambo, literal dates with male fans, former insatiable manwhore now turned suburban sexless catdad, Catholic raising, Catholic parents, Sexual peak supposedly at age 12 overwhelming evidence.

Broke Dick Burnell is probably also true, but I think these two are not mutually exclusive. He is full of impotent rage at people acting sexual because it both reminds him of his "abherrant" wants and inability to indulge.

Is he ever gonna man up and get his ass rammed by Jamal the lightskinned BBC owner like he's always dreamed of? Fuck no. Even if he wanted to, he's way too old to come out and turn over a new leaf as a gay man. Plus, his dick probably doesn't work to begin with. Long term alcoholism is a bitch and a half. You'd probably need meds just to be able to perform, and those are a whole new can of worms to open.

Is he ever gonna at least admit to himself that marrying Kat was a dumb move, kick her out, get a live-in maid and live his best, Closet Queen life while peacefully jerking it to wrestler sextapes and saving lots of money? No, because he thinks he'd look dumb doing that after all the shit he had to pull to actually marry Fat Kat. And god knows narcs would rather get tarred and feathered then hung than have to consider they might have made a bad call, much less having to actually go back on it.

 

[Derich 2nd of coomland]

@SauceRyuKen
-"I do like anal. Giving it, not receiving it, by the way."
-That one line he had on top haters about having to do a cosplaying girl "Up the poop shoot, because doing it normally would imply I have some degree of respect for her."

Do you remember where this is from? The last one is..."interesting?" especially combined with the first one.

 

[Panda’s bouncing bosom]

A natural follow-up question to this discussion. Has Phil had any kind of gay sex? I absolutely believe he has had "occasions" with other men. Certainly in the same hidden time span as his body builder carrier. I think his Catholic guilt combined with his 80's interpretation of homosexuality is central to him not fully embracing the cuck.

 

[Burl McMillan]

So now that a thread dedicated to LimpSydePhil/GaySydePhil has been created, how will he alter his behavior towards sexuality in the next few days when he catches wind of mentally ill tractors spreading dumb conspiracies?

 

[Panda’s bouncing bosom]

So now that a thread dedicated to LimpSydePhil/GaySydePhil has been created, how will he alter his behavior towards sexuality in the next few days when he catches wind of mentally ill tractors spreading dumb conspiracies?

Absolutely, through the dentvine he will find out about the troll's thoughts and hot theories about his non-existent sex life.

 

[SauceRyuKen]

@SauceRyuKen
-"I do like anal. Giving it, not receiving it, by the way."
-That one line he had on top haters about having to do a cosplaying girl "Up the poop shoot, because doing it normally would imply I have some degree of respect for her."

Do you remember where this is from? The last one is..."interesting?" especially combined with the first one.

Found the top haters article. It's all his articles, but the cosplay one seems to be a little more hidden. It's here, I'll post the general archive down below: https://web.archive.org/web/20041014202732/http://www.top-haters.com/cosplay.htm

There's also some supposed hatemail he got over it (Most likely fictitious) where he doubles down on all the bullshit that could make you think he's gay. Bragging about a porn habit, to begin with. All pasted down here for convenience. Images are broken.

And here's the text:

Sound Labs new "dweeb attractor" whistle is so high pitched, it can only be heard by these fucking idiots.


If you don't yet know what Cosplay is, you're lucky. The "technical" definition is to dress up like an anime and/or manga character, using authentic clothes that replicate their ridiculous outfits in the non-real world. This also includes any ridiculously large swords, wacky hairstyles, or anything else that cannot exist properly in this plane of existence. Of course, these morons don't seem to get the picture.


First of all, why do people cosplay? What kind of fun can you possibly get out of spending hundreds of dollars on an "authentic" costume of your favorite anime/manga character? If you haven't noticed yet, anime is FANTASY, not reality. Halloween is once a year; you're not going to score any extra points for trying to pull off looking like some imaginary character all the time. I can't imagine the kind of person that would actually enjoy doing something like cosplay; it's a waste of time, money, and self-dignity.


Wait, I take it back, I DO know the kind person that would enjoy something like that:


Exhibit A: The Cosplay Dork




This is your typical cosplayer: fat, stupid, UGLY and so much of a dweeb that the only social interaction he can get is to dress up in fucking drag and drive 40 hours across the country to meet up with other transsexual nerds. This is the kind of guy who sits behind his computer on IRC wishing he was cool and trying to be friendly with all the girls, while incessantly stuffing Yodels in his face all day in real life. He actually thinks that what he's wearing right now is funny rather than pathetic and revolting. A sad, sad man. The sadder part is that he's probably a closet homosexual...who else would attend a cosplay convention?


Don't get me wrong, I'm all for conventions and shit. Anime/manga/comic book conventions celebrate important aspects of the pop culture of our world during the past 50 years or so. But what the FUCK makes it so cool to dress up like a fool? You don't even get any goddamn candy for it; all you get is your picture on the internet and a million people who don't even know you, making fun of your dork ass behind your back. I can't imagine what would possess a person to participate in cosplay, besides being so amazingly bored with life that you have hundreds of dollars to waste and hundreds of hours to spend with your fellow dorks, acting like you're cool and socially accepted while in reality, you're just a silly faggot fooling yourself..


Exhibit B: The random hot chick


This picture shows:


A. A hot chick showing off


B. A hot chick making this homely-looking chick look bad


C. The guy above's wet dream



The correct answer is, of course, D. NONE OF THE ABOVE. That girl is a fucking DWEEB AND A HALF, not a hot chick. Any self-respecting hot girl who would dress up like that has to be on some kind of drugs, and she looks pretty straight to me. If you were to meet this girl in real life, talking to her for more than five seconds may result in either 1. a sudden outbreak of uncontrollable narcolepsy or 2. your brain liquefying instantly and beginning a slow dribble out of your inner right ear canal. This is unfortunate, because if she were not a total loser, this girl would actually be a hot piece of ass. If I were to fuck this girl, I would have to fuck her RIGHT IN THE POOPSHOOT because actually sticking my dick in her pussy would probably reflect some kind of respect for her, and that's something I definitely don't want to do.





All hail the king of Dorkland! Beware my sleeves of satin, infidels! THEY CHAFE!


The really disturbing part about Cosplay conventions is that they're basically just a precursor to free sex. I've heard from sources that they're nothing but a front for a lot of wacky sex and orgies. Pretty much everyone who attends a cosplay convention gets laid.


Sounds cool, right? Dress up and act like a fool for a day and get some hot pussay? Well, sadly, 99% of the people at these events look like this:




So you get all the sex you want from THESE guys. God save us all. And the girls pretty much make that hideously ugly chick from the Drew Carey show look like Jennifer Love Hewitt. I can get hotter sex from my next-door-neighbors great dane, if I set my dick on fire first before plunging into the bitch.


So, in conclusion, cosplay is bad news. It's for the biggest losers on the planet, it attracts the ugliest antisocials together for free sex, it costs too much, and it's pointless. On top of all that, you can pretty much expect to find your fucking ridiculous-ass picks somewhere on the internet to be made fun of. AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE, and the next time you see a cosplayer, punch him in the gut for me. If we all follow this simple rule, soon all the cosplayers' guts will be too sore to fit into those gay-ass costumes.​

Every once in a while, someone sends me some e-mail related to the site. Sadly, some people's brains must not be functioning when they come, because I've gotten some real nasty mail in the time that Top-Haters.com has been up. Everything from "you're an ASSHOLE" to "my vomit looks better than your site." Although both are good points, sometimes I get some e-mails that are really just off-base. Case in point: here's an e-mail I received today while in the middle of a vigorous porno viewing session.


Apparently this spry young man read my cosplay article and felt inclined to comment on something I said:


mmm well regarding this comment "This is unfortunate, because if she were not a total loser, this girl would actually be a hot piece of ass. If I were to fuck this girl, I would have to fuck her RIGHT IN THE POOPSHOOT because actually sticking my dick in her pussy would probably reflect some kind of respect for her, and that's something I definitely don't want to do.

Well I really doubt that any girl would even contiplate spleeping with you as you are probley one of those extrememly ugly guys who cosplay, and you have only made this site so to fool your self, plus you really do sound like a real wanker.

Any way thats just what I think, we all have our opinons dont we, have a good day.


Well, all in good fun, now it's my turn to reply.


I thought about what you said a long time, Mr. Nathan Cox <ferrari_1985@hotmail.com>. And you know what, I agree with you. I really, really doubt that any girl would ever contiplate spleeping with me either. And I'm really glad. Because if a girl ever said she was contiplating spleeping with me, it would probably mean she had a hideously dislocated jaw, or ridiculously big front teeth. And I would smack her hillbilly ass all the way back to Mississippi so she could fuck her uncle some more.


...that is, of course, unless she had a hot body. Then I'd cover her face with an issue of Gamepro magazine and FUCK HER IN THE POOPSHOOT. Hey, what do you know, that mag IS good for something.


Now as for your accusations about cosplaying.


Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm 6 feet tall, and weigh about 195 pounds. I'm built, but out of shape. I used to lift weights.


I have been complemented by many at tournaments on the way that I dress. A lot of people wonder where I get my shirts and skullies from. All I can say is that I have an undeniably badass taste in clothing. The only person who's said otherwise was a guy named Big Dave, but he's a fag anyway, and he looks like Urkel, so he's not one to talk.


But I have never...............EVER........EVER dressed up in cosplay, and I never will. I am a HETEROSEXUAL, not some slimy fat fuck who smells like a sweaty nutsack and has pieces of old donuts stuck in his stubble of a beard. I'm not some crossdressing closet case bisexual who thinks that "it's okay to dress up as a female anime character as long as it's all in good fun."


And one thing I'm definitely not is some moronic internet critic with a british accent, who is so fucking stupid he can't even type a hate mail utilizing the skills of fourth grade spelling. You are, in your own words, EXTREMEMLY retarded. Wanker? Do you really think I'm a wanker? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Oh, I know, it means I'm American and you're not, so I fucking OWN YOU. I wish I knew if you lived in Britain or Australia or another one of those assinine places, so I could run up to your front door, kick it down, run up into your room and SHIT RIGHT IN YOUR MOUTH. I've got a few lincoln logs saved up just for you, buddy, so come and get em' while they're still hot! What the fuck took you so long to find my cosplay article anyway? It's been written since November, so that means it took you 1.....2........FIVE months to fucking read it! A bit slow are you?

Congratulations, Nathan Cox! You've won the first ever Top-Haters.com

​

Jesus, Phil's text allignment is so fucking annoying. Anyway, I'll see if I can find the claims about anal. I wanna say it was Metal Gear 3, but I'm not sure. Pigpiggo is not helping. And keep in mind, all this shit is pre-youtube. Phil has always been sus.

Here's the rest of his Top-Haters posts. It's in the main thread #1, in a post from 2018 made by Buck Buckle, but I figure more archiving can't hurt: https://web.archive.org/web/20041014023346/http://www.top-haters.com/archives.htm

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

So now that a thread dedicated to LimpSydePhil/GaySydePhil has been created, how will he alter his behavior towards sexuality in the next few days when he catches wind of mentally ill tractors spreading dumb conspiracies?

Make up a bunch of totally real intimate scenarios that he has with Khet that don't involve ordering a heavy starch-based meal through Doordash, chauffeuring her around town to eat a starch-based meal in a restaurant or hovering behind her and pulling jpegs of the Hulkster while she's creating her 10000th Restore Magicka potion in Skyrim. It will, of course, sound like something an extraterrestrial armchair anthropologist would say while describing human mating-style rituals, like the "sex on demand" thing or the weird thing he said that I don't 100% remember but it went something like "Me and Khet enjoy intercourse in our own way."

 

[Crab Couch Choochoo]

Khet living in that house is pretty much a housemate situation. She has a house, she has a small side job, and there is little to no reason to get close to The Pig.
Yup she is a beard.
And him, ... hard to say what sexuality he is, or if we even want to know. But damn, his behavior is showing just how loving his relationship with Khet is and how many times they get close. They probably don't even sleep in the same bed.
So is he gay, seeing the things he really really really likes... potentially. Yeah high chance. We seen how his last JRPG was, that weird pirate game... so many characters with plot. You see him flatline!

 

[smug comporon]

I watched the video that sparked this and that fridge scene is actually incredibly lame, I don't blame anybody for debating quitting after that.

However, Phil is a fat faggot with a 3 inch dick and that's why he has no sex drive.

 

[Sicko Hunter]

They probably don't even sleep in the same bed.

He's slipped up a couple times and accidentally heavily implied they do not sleep together. I think she's less of a beard and really just a tool for Phil to larp as a married mature adult™. Think of how many times per stream he brings up he can't do something because he has to go by groceries for his family or I'M MARRIED DOOD! He gets off on the image of him as a robust family man.

 

[Chad_King]

Romance khat that is all

 

[Panda’s bouncing bosom]

Romance khat that is all

More like Romance Rambo

 

[PenskeMaterial]

He really wanted that Schnoz ride.

 

[Panda’s bouncing bosom]

He already acknowledged that he (or dents) knows about the new assexual theories. Pretty fast to be honest!

 

[Sand Mega]

Well guys, it's in the bottom of the dsp iceberg, meaning that no matter what happens, it still is a 100% real, not fake, totally factual dogmatic absolute truth that can't be disproven