The Crow (2024) - Brandon Lee is spinning in his grave

[Pale Empress]

I remember when they announced this they kept going on about how it wasn't a remake of the first movie, it was actually a direct, more accurate adaption of J. O'Barr's original book.
They also emphasized that O'Barr was closely involved with the production, but I doubt that's the case anymore and I really doubt he gives any kind of shit about it these days other than for the paycheck.

Reading the production notes for the remake sheds light on what a dumpsterfire the entire debacle was and how they squandered all of the legitimate talent that was once attached. Of course this is going to suck, but it'll be funny to witness the aftermath.

Van Helsing is another early 2000s schlockfest that I truly love. I love that movie for all the same reasons that I love the Underworld movies and wish that we had gotten a sequel or two.

For all their efforts to make a universal monsters extended universe, they had the perfect blueprint right here. Hell, they could have revived this concept before Tom Cruise got his hands around its throat, the nostalgia factor of Huge Ackman returning to the campy horror action fold would have been a recipe for automatic success. What a blunder.

 

[TATE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE!!]

Van Helsing is another early 2000s schlockfest that I truly love. I love that movie for all the same reasons that I love the Underworld movies and wish that we had gotten a sequel or two.

Van Helsing was a better at being Castlevania than the thing Netflix put out which felt like it was written by a edgy 14 year old atheist that's really really mad at religion.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

Reading the production notes for the remake sheds light on what a dumpsterfire the entire debacle was and how they squandered all of the legitimate talent that was once attached. Of course this is going to suck, but it'll be funny to witness the aftermath.

It looks like Lee's ghost is staying there yelling at them all those years

 

[Quarterback Rex Grossman]

There was gonna be a female Crow sequel actually. It was going to be called "The Bride". The concept was scrapped due to female action protags not being popular at the time supposedly, so they could've easily revisited that dead concept and brought it back instead of remaking the original.

According to the intronet there was a lady Crow movie in 2000 called Wings of the Crow but I couldn't find anything on it besides a couple of blurbs and some old reviews. I wonder if it was a cable pilot or something

 

[Still Exceptional]

I didn't even care for the original, but goddamnit the people who did deserve better than to have to watch it subjected to the horrors of being remade in [current year].

And here's my bullshit woke take to piss off the conservative Retards from A&N: there should be a female Crow. I want to see a hot goth chick with guns and wings waste motherfuckers. And if you don't want to see that then you are homosexual.

As one of the tards from A&N, I will totally go for this if she's got big gazongas.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

According to the intronet there was a lady Crow movie in 2000 called Wings of the Crow but I couldn't find anything on it besides a couple of blurbs and some old reviews. I wonder if it was a cable pilot or something

there's been enough random The Crows that I wouldn't be surprised if one or two is actually lost media at this point

 

[Travoltron]

According to the intronet there was a lady Crow movie in 2000 called Wings of the Crow but I couldn't find anything on it besides a couple of blurbs and some old reviews. I wonder if it was a cable pilot or something

This IMDB entry is all I could find.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0197104/reference/

Maybe you should contact those lost media people.

 

[Pale Empress]

According to the intronet there was a lady Crow movie in 2000 called Wings of the Crow but I couldn't find anything on it besides a couple of blurbs and some old reviews. I wonder if it was a cable pilot or something

From what I could find, it was a very low budget production and was, apparently, meant to be a 1 for 1 remake of The Crow but with a gender swapped protagonist. For most of the cast and crew this was a highlight in their careers, if not their only credit.

Based on what I can tell this was the first production from the company Lighthouse Pictures, who got started with ultra low budget genre flicks back in the 00s and now appear to specialize in zero budget made for television christmas romcoms.

ETA: turns out there are several distinct production companies with the name Lighthouse Pictures. The one responsible for producing Wings of the Crow was owned by the director of the movie and shuttered after his daughter died in a motorcycle accident.
According to IMDB he directed a handful of other low budget genre movies that follow the same template but there's zero trace of them online.

IMDB has an OST track list for Wings of the Crow which includes tracks from Rammstein, Alice Cooper, and goth rock icons Creed. I'd assume they premiered this at some musty old cinema and were then hit with ton of legal issues related to song licensing, association with The Crow commercial brand, etc. Coupled with how crap the movie ended up being, this was likely the catalyst for it to be shelved entirely.

A post on some obscure webforum claims there were production photos floating around back in the early 00s but I haven't found them yet. Archive.org is no help.

Some other notes
- The production was born out of an amateur wrestling company called IPW (I couldn't find any records for any of their events, matches, or wrestlers), the director appears to be the owner of the organization and most of the cast were part of his roster or are familially related to him.
- IMDB claims the female lead was paid almost one million dollars for her role.
- The film was apparently written by the husband (also an amateur wrestler) of the lead actress, and they both served as executive producers for the movie. Sounds like a vanity project.

ETA: Found artwork for the "original motion picture soundtrack" for this, and, well....

Spoiler: wew lad

Here's an archive of the "official site" for the lead actress and it puts some of this into context.

Kinda fell down a rabbit hole with this one, it's like everybody involved with this movie just dropped off the face of the earth.

 

[Quarterback Rex Grossman]

Thanks for the info.

Here's an archive of the "official site" for the lead actress and it puts some of this into context.

My eyes!

 

[TATE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE!!]

Holy early 2000's throwback.

Need to bust out winamp so I can get my custom lady Crow skin.

 

[M€￦]

The Crow is up there with Interview with a Vampire on my Mount Rushmore of movies from the '90s that were awful that people aren't allowed to say are awful.

They made Interview with the Vampire into a tv series. JLongbone's commentary on Youtube points out just how cringey and overdone this series is, because some of the stuff in it is just questionable and even stupid. If you didn't like the movie, you probably won't like the series, because it is worse.

Van Helsing was a better at being Castlevania than the thing Netflix put out which felt like it was written by a edgy 14 year old atheist that's really really mad at religion.

That's what Castlevania looked like to me too. Plus the pointless sex scenes which were just there to 'push the boundaries.'

 

[Retink Retunk]

I liked Crow 2 with Iggy Pop, but this is trash. The first few seconds are painful of that trailer.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

archive of the "official site"

well shit if you can't trust Lavender Godfather on fortunecity then who can you trust?
quick edit because I realize I'm old- that's not some clever bullshit geocities thing as seen in the movie, that was a real bullshit free host in the day
seems like that could use a bit of clarification, as amazingly "ORIGINAL CORVID DO NOT STEAL" as that movie appears to be

 

[Anne Hathaway Fan]

I liked Crow 2 with Iggy Pop, but this is trash. The first few seconds are painful of that trailer.

I like literally anything with Iggy Pop. Guy fucking rules. Plus he's looked like a methed out looking 50 year old for at least the past 40 years.

 

[Retink Retunk]

I like literally anything with Iggy Pop. Guy fucking rules. Plus he's looked like a methed out looking 50 year old for at least the past 40 years.

Let's be real, this isn't art, it's dumb schlock, but it's also 90's era sequel schlock with a big name attached to it. I am far more forgiving for all of these weird low budget cash grabs than modern day remakes that have a big budget and still suck because all of the money is embezzled to fund gay orgies.

 

[Anne Hathaway Fan]

Let's be real, this isn't art, it's dumb schlock, but it's also 90's era sequel schlock with a big name attached to it. I am far more forgiving for all of these weird low budget cash grabs than modern day remakes that have a big budget and still suck because all of the money is embezzled to fund gay orgies.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=20VgwegerlY

As lame and goofy as I find crow movies, there's no denying that sometimes a bad movie can be good.

This movie actually has "FUCK YOU, BIRD DICK!!!" in the script. Someone was editing that and left it in the movie

 

[Quarterback Rex Grossman]

Looks awful. According to Longbone's source he doesn't even get the makeup until the third act. Real shades of the Max Payne movie there where he didn't do jack until the last twenty minutes.

Bill Skarsgard gets wasted again. The eternal paradox of a good actor with a terrible agent.

I've seen him three movies and he's been meh to shit in all of them. I'm starting to think it's not the material. He's like that Swedish guy who was in the Robocop remake who for some reason talks like a Detroit wigger.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

I've seen him three movies and he's been meh to shit in all of them. I'm starting to think it's not the material. He's like that Swedish guy who was in the Robocop remake who for some reason talks like a Detroit wigger.

I understand he broke out as Pennywise in the IT remake, and he was good in John Wick 4 as the sinister, kinda gay eurotrash antagonist. I'm still holding out hope that he can get a part that he can just nail.

 

[Calandrino]

I understand he broke out as Pennywise in the IT remake, and he was good in John Wick 4 as the sinister, kinda gay eurotrash antagonist. I'm still holding out hope that he can get a part that he can just nail.

He was good in Barbarian. His agent must be ok enough, since I see him in everything, and I'm sure not looking for him. Like Zendaya or Awkwafina, except I don't hate him as much as them.

 

[Your Starter for 10]

Bull (2021) with Neil Maskell is the best The Crow movie.