KateWatch 2024 - Baseless theories, tawdry rumors, and disrespectful speculation

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Modern royals are, as I see it, only good for one thing:

Gossiping wildly about them with absolutely zero guilt or shame.

They make all the money, they own insane amounts of land, and this is the price they pay: no privacy and everyone speculating on their whereabouts. Cry me a river.

Anyway, I wanted a spot to talk about the craziest theories you've seen, what you actually believe, and what you secretly/not-so-secretly wish was going on.

Every other location online is censoring this discussion heavily: "Don't mention there could have been a suicide attempt! Don't speculate about anyone's mental health!"

Fuck that. These people are just hereditary celebrities. Let's see your looniest hypotheses.

I'll start with this fun timeline posted everywhere but mostly on Twitter (which started censoring the #WhereIsKate / #WhereIsKateMiddleton hashtags earlier today).

 

[ConsentAccidentVictimNo98]

She's with her new husband @Bargain Bin Laden who is treating her right

 

[Turtle O'Carolan]

My first thought is burst appendix. It's abdominal surgery that could explain the long recovery time and rapid onset. But why not just say so?

On the wild speculation front, how about xenomorph infestation?

 

[grimacefetishist]

Kate who?

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Ostomy after bowel resection is IMO the most likely surgery since it's a poop bag but they can do a reversal a few months later. So if you kept her out of the public eye long enough to not potentially show the poop bag, you can pretend it never happened.

But the kids haven't been seen, either. Isn't that part the most extraordinary part of it all? No photo opp with "get well soon, mommy" cards from the children. None of them have been seen, and not Kate's parents, either.

 

[Lurker]

Ostomy after bowel resection is IMO the most likely surgery since it's a poop bag but they can do a reversal a few months later. So if you kept her out of the public eye long enough to not potentially show the poop bag, you can pretend it never happened.

But the kids haven't been seen, either. Isn't that part the most extraordinary part of it all? No photo opp with "get well soon, mommy" cards from the children. None of them have been seen, and not Kate's parents, either.

it could really be as simple as wanting to be out of the public eye for its own sake. but it is peculiar that the kids and her parents also haven't been seen, which makes me wonder if there was a domestic incident. because if she did have a bowel resection and she had an ostomy bag, why would she bring the kids along? surely she would be exhausted from whatever she's been through, i'd imagine she'd like to recuperate in peace with her parents? i mean i guess there's always 'the help' that can take care of the kids, but idk. still, my curiosity is piqued.

 

[DumbDude43]

she caught william cheating on her with camilla so he had her disappeared

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

Maybe she just looks like absolute shit or got something as silly as bruising from an IV or a mark on her face from an unrelated fall/accident, and the powers that be decided they don't want her seen that way.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Maybe she just looks like absolute shit or got something as silly as bruising from an IV or a mark on her face from an unrelated fall/accident, and the powers that be decided they don't want her seen that way.

But why the kid and parental absence? Her alone, sure, I'd think that was as likely as anything else. But surely the palace has to know that it'd be wise to show some proof of life for the kids?

 

[Din Djarin]

I don't really have any theories myself but I do find it interesting that they have started to censor speculation. There's just something weird about the royal family. Always has been and always will be.

 

[Colin Robertson]

He beat her. Her anorexic body couldn't handle it this time. She is in the hospital and is initiating a divorce.

Edit to add: She would meet the press hours after giving birth (which is insanity.) So I believe she isn't able and/or willing. Therefore my theory of severe illness combined with a divorce.

 

[barnabyjones]

She had a bowel resectioning and had to use a colostomy bag for a couple of months.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

clot broke put her in coma while william manhandled her .

 

[Almighty Space Duck]

I think she's still recovering and is being kept out of the public eye because of a combination of her not wanting to be seen with the colostomy bag and the whole Charles having cancer/men you need to get checked on the regular etc etc thing.

As for the kids, remember that George is 10 and Charlotte is 8. I think they just want to spend time with mum who's not been well.

clot broke put her in coma while william manhandled her .

Harry Henry has been broken for a while and I reckon Kate could have him any day, no need for William to step in.

 

[Otterly]

Well my theory is something gastrointestinal. She had been looking very thin to the point her (immaculately tailored for her) clothes were ill fitting. She’s usually very well put together and it was noticeable.
She had severe hyperemesis with all three pregnancies. The severity varies but I know someone who was sick up to 30x a day for nine months straight with all her kids (crazy lady had four in the end…) the vomiting can damage your oesophageal tract and it can also make any small hiatal hernia you have a lot worse. She may have needed a large repair, possibly with a fundiplication (they literally wrap your stomach around itself ) or a mesh. Both are serious ops.

That or something that needed a colostomy bag. She’s been under a lot of stress, and that makes colitis a lot worse. Harry and That Woman being just arses, queen dying, kind sick, all that takes a toll.
Whatever it is, I hope she gets to stick two fingers up at the media and keep it under wraps. I’m not even a huge royals fan, I just hate the way the press are doing this feigned ‘for the good of the country we must know!’ Shit to force them to put a statement out.
She’s clearly had a big op and doesn’t want to be out in public looking bad or unable to operate without pain. Frankly if my job was to look good in public and wear high heels I’d be wanting a few months off as well.

She’s clearly learned from the late Liz on how to behave - never explain, never complain, and that’s hard if you’re not totally on top of how you feel. She’s right to go to ground for a bit. I wish her all the best, and should she throw a few journalists in the tower, I will look the other way.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

I was just thinking another possibility is that the surgery was for something involving maternal-fetal medicine. If one of the royal spawn were to be deformed in some way necessitating surgical intervention, such a thing might be kept well under wraps with the princess not emerging until the baby was born in whatever condition it was in.

 

[Colin Robertson]

Images shared on the William and Kate thread at the tattler these last few days:






Edit: Colostomy patients have been active fighting the "stoma stigma" for decades. They are a great self-advocacy group. If Kate needed a colostomy I imagine they would be "on that".

 

[Otterly]

I'll start with this fun timeline posted everywhere

The kids wouldn’t be allowed to visit - the London Clinic doesn’t allow children to routinely visit. Charles’s visit was obviously shown to the public but they will have good secrecy and a non public entrance so her family may well have. pippa is having Yet Another Holiday with gay abandon so she clearly isn’t worried.
The affair rumour - is the notMM@suusex.org address a joke? I’m assuming it is. Markle is supposed to have leaked the idea of and ‘affair’ with Rose thingy-what’s her face
Also the Spanish thing - if she’d been in a coma there’s absolutely no way she’d be released the next day, that doesn’t even happen in the NHS for us plebs. I think that was another ‘leak something really bad and they’ll rebut.’
I’m actually quite surprised nobody’s leaked anything yet.

how about xenomorph infestation?

Sounds reasonable.
My moneys on Kate in that fight. Any woman who can put on high heels and a light dress hours after birth to smile at the media is made of stern stuff. I’m picturing her Ripley style in a mech fighting markle. Amusing.

 

[Free the Pedos]

Images shared on the William and Kate thread at the tattler these last few days:

Ver archivo adjunto 5776457
Ver archivo adjunto 5776462

The Jews did all that shit?!

 

[White Trash Motorsport]

It could be the the ‘abdominal surgery’ is just a cover for having a bit of work done. The gap between December and her supposed return to duties at Easter is just long enough for a very subtle, very expensive, lift to settle down. There are lifts available that aren’t immediately noticeable but stop you sagging later on down the line, like those celebs who get the ‘omg, don’t they look fantastic for sixty!‘ headlines like Sharon Stone. As a skinny women in her forties with little buccal fat, she’ll start getting the Mum-Ra look as she ages, and as she’s in the public eye a little prevention would be understandable,