I wouldn't have even gone out to these places if not for being told to.
My God, man-child, take some responsibility.
I'll do that, but how am I even meant to know how long spent trying is enough and how do I tell which options are more likely to work out when nothing I've done has given me any indications of success?
Get the data first, then come back.
I'm not sure how looking back on my past failures is meant to remove the emotions from the equations.
The point is focusing on data, not emotions, as a first step, so you can objectively assess things (or listen to those who are in a better position to evaluate that data...then listen to them).
I love emotion, but emotional overlays like you're giving only protect and obscure (or alternatively, paint a more dire or distorted picture than reality). Data tells its own tale. You look at the two together, and you may gain some real insight.
I've reread most of the thread and most of the genuine advice is relating to my mental state and lack of personality both of which I don't really know how to fix, I'm going to therapy but it's such a slow process and has never helped me in the past. I am going to the gym on average three or four times per week and tend to work out for 30 minu
Do the exercise. Don't peruse or summarize or anything else. First: data.
I've tried to ask others how I would get to that goal but typically it just results in being told to give up, to do things that I'm already doing or to do something that I just can't whether due to lacking the prerequisites(usually a social life or interests) or just being too nervous to act on the direction I have been given.
What else do you think there is? I am challenging whether you've truly given the needed level of "try" in every single area. I also challenge your ability to discern between shitposting and real advice. I also challenge the "impossibility" of things - which tbh is based on your own subjective and fixed views [never a reliable source; if it were reliable, you wouldn't be struggling].
I also suggest that "I'm too nervous" is a starting point that you are confusing for an end-point. IT'S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE EASY. And there are no guarantees, ever. If you accept those and some other truths, you'll potentially be in a better place to create some actual improvement in your life.
I don't even mind being dependent, I don't think I have the energy or motivation to live an independent life, I hate being left alone, I have no direction, my only goal is something that seems constantly out of reach and I have little motivation to do anything beyond the bare minimum.
I've done an honest look back and all of my attempts at independence lead nowhere and even then I was usually only going out because I was told to by someone else.
Well, this is an obstructive belief for your future betterment. If you are not capable of being fully independent, that's one thing (and possibly workable). But if you are theoretically capable but you just languidly or lazily don't want to bother or it's "too hard," or excuse #65397, then you might as well pack up any hopes of life changing. In that case, make peace with current situation now, and retire being distracted by want for something better. Because unless and until you are ready not to be lazy and passive, you're just wishing on a star (and making yourself miserable as a result).
Well then what should I be thinking about? I'm clueless when it comes to interacting with women and the typical flow of interaction.
I have said it multiple times - not girls and not games/ internet, to start. What you need to focus on is opening your mind to the reality that you have not figured things out correctly, and that your first order of business needs to be reforming your thought framework. No more obsession that gets in the way of progress, no blaming others, no self-pity, no certainty you've figured out yourself, women, or life. You need to replace the things currently providing your negative input or encouraging passivity with things that demand the opposite from you.
Critically, you need to stop focusing on some idealized end-goal and instead focus on intermediate steps of making yourself stronger, constitutionally, than you are now. You also need to focus on learning not to insist on guaranteed outcomes for something to be deemed by you to be worthwhile. What I'm talking about is letting go of ego/superego and being fully receptive to a complete change in thought/ framewirk/ understanding of the world.
And you will resist, but I ask: how is your current approach working for you? (Rhetorical.).
being constantly tortured mentally by the inability to get the one thing I'm stuck obsessing over, and people do know I'm a virgin because my desperation for a woman is evident in every part of my world view and outlook on life.
So stop talking about it, geez. No one in your life wants to hear it, first of all; and second of all, why would you lead with a self-perceived weakness you don't want people to mention or focus on?
And listen, I have a never-launched cousin. Very smart, objectively attractive and bearing all the physical aspects that some men presume women care about above all else (6'1", fit, full head of hair at 50, not even a hint of Norwood in the building). He also has some esoteric and cool interests and activities, though they're mostly solitary pursuits. At 50, he lives with his parents. In many regards, he feels trapped and miserable, which is wrenching to know - though tbh, he also does not care for his aging parents as he should or contribute to the household as an ambulatory grown man should. I love him, and I don't pry much, bc I know he has a painful life in certain ways (though blissfully will never face homelessness, the lack of a full pantry, or people to buy him clothes occasionally (he doesn't care much about clothes, but things wear out) or cover his car insurance or tailor meals to his preferences).
But I will tell you this: the LAST thing I think about when I think fondly - or worriedly - about him is whether he has had sex, or the relative possibility that he has not. As a person who is not he, IDGAF about his sexual habits or experience. It has zero bearing on my appreciation of, high esteem for, or love for him. Neither do his loving parents or anyone else. His sex/ lack of sex is so far down the list of things to pay attention to or care about, it doesn't even register a faint ping. NO1CURR, so give your acquaintances a break and stop making them think about it. All they're seeing as a problem is a guy with an obsession and dedication to stubbornness and neediness, not a guy whose virginity is itself a problem.
I still struggle to find situations that could lead to any sort of relationship developing, my social interactions are rare and always very brief and I don't know how to change that.
Step 1: stop pulling out all reasons you can't do x or be in some situation, and stop relying on them as your security blanket.
