What old media are you watching? - Since new media isn't worth watching

[Idiot Doom Spiral]

Over the Christmas holiday, I watched Rear Window (1954). Hadn’t seen it in years.



As with all old films, it hits to the point of unbearable pain what society had then that we have permanently lost now.

People making an effort to present themselves and taking pride in their homes/surroundings.

Little traditions like warming brandy.

Aspiration to be of better social standing and no idiotic demonisation of wanting material wealth as part of a productive life.

 

[Captain Syrup]

Recently watched Shakespeare in Love and realized I kind of miss the old Miramax Oscar-bait days.

I think Miramax did a drive by on the Oscars and they never really recovered. "This movie won Best Picture,” cool man, I have never seen one frame of it. They’re not even on cable. They're fake movies.

And yeah, in the 2010s they were like, “Oh wait, what if we made something smart,” but it was like trying to make the mall cool again.

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

Over the Christmas holiday, I watched Rear Window (1954). Hadn’t seen it in years.

Ver archivo adjunto 8392099

As with all old films, it hits to the point of unbearable pain what society had then that we have permanently lost now.

People making an effort to present themselves and taking pride in their homes/surroundings.

Little traditions like warming brandy.

Aspiration to be of better social standing and no idiotic demonisation of wanting material wealth as part of a productive life.

grace kelly was very stunning in that movie, just am marveling at that screencap alone. straight class act!

 

[Captain Syrup]

Only You (1994)



So Only You is just Marisa Tomei being like, “A gypsy told me I’m gonna marry a guy named Damon,” and then she ruins RDJ's life over it. Italian astrology would make me want to have a drug relapse, so I feel that.

RDJ is being a lovable piece of shit, he's doing a scam artist thing abroad. The entire plot is Marisa chasing a Hinge name through Rome while Robert's like, “Yeah, I’m Damon….cause I'm tryna Dame that pussy."

I have this memory of watching this movie as a kid and I don’t know why it stuck. I think it’s just the name “Damon” repeating over and over, it's like hypnosis. You start believing Marisa Tomei’s delusions. Marisa's haircut in this movie:



Takes a little getting used to, but it suits her. I'd give her hair a star.

And she’s really good. Makes you believe the character even though she’s kind of a nimrod. Robert Downey Jr. is good too. Baby-faced, but funny, and he knows how to work props. I'd give him a star.

I do remember being surprised that he doesn’t show up for like 30 minutes. The first act is just Tomei and Bonnie Hunt. (Remember Bonnie Hunt? Beethoven? Jumanji? Right.) She’s playing the other 90s archetype, woman who "doesn't believe" in romance but exists to destroy it. Another half star. The rest of the film is in Europe, so it doesn’t look too dated, unlike all the other ‘90s rom-coms. That alone bumps it up a star.



Billy Zane plays Fake Damon #2. The wig is really something. I can’t look at anything else. That's a star right there. For the real Damon, you expect a warlock, but instead they cast some ruddy dude who looks like he should be hosting a New York Jets podcast. Another half star.



Rating: 5 Damons

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

I've found a great fun new game to annoy the wife with as she watches Miami Vice and other 80s things
"oh hey that random kid in this 80s show I think I had that shirt lol"

 

[Captain Syrup]

My Dream Is Yours (1949)



Doris Day is Single Mom and her big plan is “what if I simply sang on the radio.” Some agent (refrigerator shaped man Jack Carson) loses his big crooner client, Gary, because he has a diva meltdown. So the agent finds Doris Day, “Perfect. You will replace the hot jerk.”



This is basically Jerry Maguire. Carson’s agent is washed. His one remaining talent is Doris Day. So he drags her around Los Angeles, striking out over and over until he’s mortgaged to the hilt. Hovering over him is this Bob Sugar-type villain. Not even interestingly evil, I think they cast this guy so Carson would have rizz in comparison.

Carson’s an interesting case. Mostly he played shylock characters. Most famously he’s the one who drives James Mason to suicide in A Star Is Born. Here he’s likable and earnest but not very compelling.

This is Doris Day's second movie, but she already looks and sounds like she starred in 400 movies and survived three studio mergers. It's almost annoying.



And because it’s 1949 they wedge in a Space Jam sequence. Bugs Bunny leads the cast in a song with humiliating rabbit costumes. Mercifully, it’s brief.

Verdict: 7 out of 10

 

[Foundinglaunderer]

getsmart
and old oliver wood docs
batman the animated series

 

[Captain Syrup]

Gay Purr-ee (1962)



This is basically Oliver & Company with frog accents.



Judy Garland Cat (Mewsette) is on a farm and she gets a offer to come to Paris. There’s also Robert Goulet Cat (Jaune Tom). He's doing manual labor and trying to please Mewsette, but she craves sophistication.



So she goes to Paris and immediately gets groomed by this Epstein cat named Meowrice. Meanwhile farm simp cat follows her to Paris. Eventually he exposes Meowrice, who’s basically running a finishing school / cat trafficking ring.



I’m automatically suspicious of celebrities voicing cartoons. In Gay Purr-ee they sort of justify it. You need Judy Garland and Robert Goulet because they have to sing. None of their songs are like, earth-shattering, but they hit the notes. Goulet is so funny though because his singing voice is like, “I AM THE VOICE OF GOD,” and then his speaking voice is just… some guy. It's like when Jim Nabors surprised everyone by singing opera. Red Buttons is his sidekick and contributes "comedy."



The animation is very early-60s acid-trip. Flat colors, weird backgrounds. Feels like The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, and the villain is literally Boris again. Yeah, it’s just Paul Frees doing a different accent. Bonjour, I am not Boris. I am… Baurice. (And they give him this enormous evil girlfriend who lives in a chaise lounge.) He is the best character and gets all the good songs just because he’s openly a piece of shit. He’s got a whole gang of creepy alley cats doing these dance routines.



I assumed the ending would be “We learned Paris is a shithole, let’s go back to farming.” But it actually surprised me a little. It’s not totally paint-by-numbers.

 

[The Great One]

Gay Purr-ee (1962)

Ver archivo adjunto 8578511

This is basically Oliver & Company with frog accents.

Ver archivo adjunto 8578512

Judy Garland Cat (Mewsette) is on a farm and she gets a offer to come to Paris. There’s also this farm cat, Jaune Tom. He's doing manual labor and trying to please Mewsette, but she craves sophistication.

Ver archivo adjunto 8578513

So she goes to Paris and immediately gets groomed by this Epstein cat named Meowrice. Meanwhile farm simp cat follows her to Paris. Eventually he exposes Meowrice, who’s basically running a finishing school / cat trafficking ring.

Ver archivo adjunto 8578514

I’m automatically suspicious of celebrities voicing cartoons. In Gay Purr-ee they sort of justify it. You need Judy Garland and Robert Goulet because they have to sing. None of their songs are like, earth-shattering, but they hit the notes. Goulet is so funny though because his singing voice is like, “I AM THE VOICE OF GOD,” and then his speaking voice is just… some guy. It's like when Jim Nabors surprised everyone by singing opera. Red Buttons is his sidekick and contributes "comedy."

Ver archivo adjunto 8578547

The animation is very early-60s acid-trip. Flat colors, weird backgrounds. Feels like The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, and the villain is literally Boris again. Yeah, it’s just Paul Frees doing a different accent. Bonjour, I am not Boris. I am… Baurice. (And they give him this enormous evil girlfriend who lives in a chaise lounge.) He is the best character and gets all the good songs just because he’s openly a piece of shit. He’s got a whole gang of creepy alley cats doing these dance routines.

Ver archivo adjunto 8578572

I assumed the ending would be “We learned Paris is a shithole, let’s go back to farming.” But it actually surprised me a little. It’s not totally paint-by-numbers.

Ive heard of this, but never seen it. From what I know, this is the movie that got chuck jones fired from warner bros (because he helped his wife on the script, his friend/animation co director abe levitow worked on it, and in the end warner bros ended up distributing the movie) which led to him getting fired from warner, which led to him going over to mgm for tom and jerry. And whilst that happens the bronze age of looney tunes was beginning to happen.

 

[Captain Syrup]

in the end warner bros ended up distributing the movie) which led to him getting fired from warner, which led to him going over to mgm for tom and jerry. .

As you said, he basically ghost-animated Gay Purr-ee for his wife. When UPA started going bankrupt, WB took over the film, but it still lost money. They fired him because thank God we finally have an excuse! Apparently he was trying to unionize and was kind of a crank.

Today Jones is mainly remembered for being the guy who publicly trashed Space Jam. (There is still feuding in the Looney Tunes fandom over whether or not Chuck ruined it by making it too lifelike.)

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

I watched The Happiest Millionaire. Old Disney film. Its got a shit ton of people in it: Fred McMurray, Greer Garson, Lesley Ann Warren, Tommy Steele for some reason, Disney regular Hermione Baddeley, etc. Really the old Disney musicals are the only ones I can tolerate (aside from stuff like Sound of Music, King and I, Flower Drum Song, etc). Greer Garson what the fuck are you doing in this movie? (She should have been in more Disney stuff.)

Geraldine Page is in it a decade before she voiced Madame Medusa in The Rescuers. One of the Hollywood Squares hosts is in it. Oh and Gladys Cooper.

When I first watched it, I got confused because I was mixing it up with another Disney film that Warren was in called The One and Only Genuine Family Band which featured then unknown Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn. I also kept looking for Dorothy McGuire because she seemed to be in almost every Disney film during this period.

 

[Captain Syrup]

Tommy Steele for some reason,

Tommy Steele is in this movie but they only use him three times, which is the correct amount of Tommy Steele. (He's funny, but in a very specific British working men's club type of way. Know what I mean?)



Anyway, the funniest part of these old movies is the dad lining up the entire family like a Nazi Kommadant. Stand straight! Chin up! Well, I guess they all served in a war.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

Gay Purr-ee (1962)

Ver archivo adjunto 8578511

This is basically Oliver & Company with frog accents.

Ver archivo adjunto 8578512

Judy Garland Cat (Mewsette) is on a farm and she gets a offer to come to Paris. There’s also this farm cat, Jaune Tom. He's doing manual labor and trying to please Mewsette, but she craves sophistication.

Ver archivo adjunto 8578513

So she goes to Paris and immediately gets groomed by this Epstein cat named Meowrice. Meanwhile farm simp cat follows her to Paris. Eventually he exposes Meowrice, who’s basically running a finishing school / cat trafficking ring.

Ver archivo adjunto 8578514

I’m automatically suspicious of celebrities voicing cartoons. In Gay Purr-ee they sort of justify it. You need Judy Garland and Robert Goulet because they have to sing. None of their songs are like, earth-shattering, but they hit the notes. Goulet is so funny though because his singing voice is like, “I AM THE VOICE OF GOD,” and then his speaking voice is just… some guy. It's like when Jim Nabors surprised everyone by singing opera. Red Buttons is his sidekick and contributes "comedy."

Ver archivo adjunto 8578547

The animation is very early-60s acid-trip. Flat colors, weird backgrounds. Feels like The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, and the villain is literally Boris again. Yeah, it’s just Paul Frees doing a different accent. Bonjour, I am not Boris. I am… Baurice. (And they give him this enormous evil girlfriend who lives in a chaise lounge.) He is the best character and gets all the good songs just because he’s openly a piece of shit. He’s got a whole gang of creepy alley cats doing these dance routines.

Ver archivo adjunto 8578572

I assumed the ending would be “We learned Paris is a shithole, let’s go back to farming.” But it actually surprised me a little. It’s not totally paint-by-numbers.

I've almost watched this a few times. Paul Frees has songs? I'm sold!

 

[Captain Syrup]

Employees' Entrance (1933)



Oh hell yeah, pre-Code. Back when movies were allowed to be horny.



It’s about a department store during the Depression, they hire this manager, Kurt Anderson (Warren William) who’s basically JK Simmons in Whiplash. Everyone hates him, obviously, but the stakes are high because without him, the store will close.



He runs the store like it’s Fallujah. He bans married employees because they cost too much. Loretta Young shows up as the wholesome new hire, Madeline, and Anderson does that thing where he’s like, “Congratulations on the job. The job is me.”

Meanwhile, his protege Martin (Wallace Ford) is pretending to be a bachelor to hide the fact that he has a wife at home.



It’s hard to imagine a moment when businessmen weren’t treated like gods, but in '33 the public were not exactly keen on Horatio Alger stories. Warren William cornered the market on this Alec Baldwin "A-B-C" type. He is handsome in that way villains with pencil mustaches are handsome.



He explains, with some conviction, that he clawed his way up from a farm, fought for every inch of status, and therefore feels entitled to run the department store as he sees fit. When he humiliates an elderly clerk who can’t adapt to modern sales tactics, the clerk kills himself. When confronted by Martin, Anderson remarks that he hopes someone will put Anderson down when he’s no longer efficient. The finale hints that he’s cultivating a new generation of cutthroat strivers.



The film only tips into insanity when Anderson date-rapes Madeline in his penthouse after a few drinks. Still, not entirely unexpected as he'd just delivered a monologue about denying himself romantic attachments.



Verdict: This is Warren William’s opus. "I am capitalism and capitalism is horny!" Loretta Young is just kind of… there. She’s basically reacting to Warren William hosting Shark Tank. Everyone else just fills space. 8/10

 

[Lion of Yehuda]

I saw this movie from the 50s called The Hitch-hiker starring Edmond O'Brien on a Pippa Pipkin stream, pretty tense, around 90 minutes but doesn't feel like it. Villain is hauled away in chains and not killed by the police like I expected. Solid oldfag flick

 

[All the beef fit to eat]

Since all new media sucks ass, what old media do you watch?

Space: Above and Beyond.

A show cancelled way too early.

 

[Pokemon Conquistador]

This is technically the second adaptation of the book. The first one starred James Mason and Pat Boone, and I remember none of it.

It was pretty dull until they got to the ancient city with the giant lizard. The ending where they escape was so wacky, that I gained a little respect for it. There was no way the heroes could have survived it, and yet they did, because reasons.

Found a Youtube channel with lots of "Based on a True Story" TV movies on it. I watched the one based on the death of Adam Walsh and the opening scenes that take place in the mall where Walsh was kidnapped made me feel an odd combination of horror and nostalgia. As in "Dear God, I couldn't imagine the terror of turning around and seeing that my only child is miss---ohmygod, look at that Atari 2600 display. And those toys. This is my childhood. I miss the days when department stores used to look like this..." Anyway, the acting in this movie is top notch and the scene where Adam's father finds out about his death occupies a prime spot in my Inner Gallery of Nightmare Fuel.

 

[Womble of Wimbledon]

Watched this two-part miniseries from 2002, The Second Coming written by noted homosexual Russell T. Davies, who went on to be showrunner for Dr Who in the Eccleston/Tennant era (I have never watched Dr Who).

The first episode was pretty good, hokey in places but actually not a bad take on how people might react if a regular schlub (Christopher Eccleston) announced himself as the messiah. I like that they demonstrate how he would have to perform undeniable miracles for people to believe, but if he did most people would accept his message.

The second episode totally fumbles the bag, the ending is beyond ridiculous. The messiah's love interest (Lesley Sharpe) literally kills God and ends all religion, allowing humanity to move on and start to heal from the chaos and division religion causes... yes it sounds like a Reddit atheist's wet dream because that is essentially what it is. I was staring in disbelief at the end unable to accept that the ending was really that retarded, right down the death scene being absolutely laughable (Eccleston gasps and writhes and then flops down dead with a sigh, literally seconds after ingesting the poisoned pasta. It gave primary school play vibes).

And the SFX are some of the worst I have ever seen in a mainstream production, used sparingly but the CGI is Butt-Ugly Martians-tier.

Naturally it was highly acclaimed and nominated for awards. I would not recommend it at all.

 

[Captain Syrup]

It was pretty dull until they got to the ancient city with the giant lizard.

Were moviegoers actually shitting themselves at what is very obviously a confused iguana? You’re telling me an audience that lived through the Depression and a world war was like, “My God… a salamander… civilization is finished”? Did pet shops not exist? I refuse to believe it.



Irwin Allen was a cheap piece of shit, but at least there's a leopard-skin cave girl jogging around.



Journey to the Center of the Earth has three sweaty limey guys in pith helmets. 0 sexy mole women = 0 stars.

 

[WhiskeyJack]

Having recently rewatched 'Signs' for the first time in ages and finding I like it a lot more now than when I first saw it, and then rewatching 'Unbreakable' which I've always said was M. Night Shyamalan's best film, I decided to finally watch "Lady in the Water", the film that seems to have largely killed his career as a mainstream Hollywood director.



What the utter hell was that?!

It's like an alien found a copy of the Little Mermaid on a corrupted hard drive, then directed a live-action remake based on the remnants. It's like a fever dream or something an AI would've come up with 2-3 years ago.

The cinematography is absolutely top-notch, a lot of shots are quite interesting in how they're arranged or how they use color, and there's a lot of asymmetric compositions for shots that really pop out. Even in some of the weirder parts.

Christopher Doyle saves the film, in my honest opinion. He was also the cinematographer for Hero (which is also beautiful) and for the remake of Psycho (which I haven't seen).








But the dialogue is so damned weird, nobody acts like a human, people just accept this preposterous invented-on-the-fly plan without questioning anything. It's like one of those dreams you get when you eat chili right before bed.

I wouldn't even call it terrible, exactly, but fuck me, it is a weird film. I can't even say if I hate it or sort of like it for it's weirdness. Shyamalan 100% should not have cast himself in it, though, especially as the savior of humanity (in a weird Bill & Ted sort of indirect savior way), that probably more than anything hurts the film and I can see why it turned off audiences.

Some of it is so strange I laughed out loud at how ridiculous it got, and I'm not sure if that was the intention (I assume so) but Shyamalan seemed to be at the peak of his arrogance as a director so maybe he just didn't realize how silly some of it comes off as.



This one might end up like Signs, where I don't really hate it or like it, and it grows on me over time.