Imagine you had to kill yourself

[Pervious]

I like the idea of getting a bomb implanted in my skull. Then get really angry over something really trivial, like my coffee order. Then, when they tell me to calm down, say, “Calm down? CALM DOWN?!” And at that very second, detonate the bomb.

This is one of the better ones. I love the whole "killing yourself for a quick lul" things, the idea of not only dying but putting tens of people in therapy just for a quick laf is the peak of internet humor.

 

[Obviously Snape]

Smear yourself with honey and some maggots on the hottest week of the year then seal yourself in a box and ship yourself to whatever dickhole owns the business that keeps sending me all those loose coupons I have to sift through to make sure there's no real mail wedged in it before chucking it.

--

If you manage to become a celebrity, get a guest appearance on SNL and work your death into one of the skits. See how long it would take the laughing audience to realize you're actually dead.

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

Pack all of my body with popcorn.

Electrocute myself in front of witnesses so the popcorn begins to pop, eventually rupturing my body and exploding in a cloud of inedible popcorn.

 

[BILLY MAYS]

For some reason you are put in a position wherein you have to kill yourself in the most creative and deviant way possible.

i'd rather kill myself than let myself be put in such position

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Pack all of my body with popcorn.

Electrocute myself in front of witnesses so the popcorn begins to pop, eventually rupturing my body and exploding in a cloud of inedible popcorn.

I like this one. The only change I’d make is to call an ambulance, then take a drug that will cause my heart to stop so that the defibrillator makes the corn pop.

 

[Pervious]

I like this one. The only change I’d make is to call an ambulance, then take a drug that will cause my heart to stop so that the defibrillator makes the corn pop.

This would be far more shocking since you could do it in a mall or something and everyone would be watching out of morbid curiosity, then they'd get showered in popcorn.

 

[Corbin Dallas Multipass]

No u

 

[FeverGlitch]

I'm black, I will get shot when shit happens close to me or if I step outside the wrong time.
I don't need to do anything, the world's gonna fuck me horribly up.

 

[Magic Sun Daddy]

Put the barrel of a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger.

A nerf gun to be exact. It'll take a while but eventually I'd suffocate on the foam dart stuck in my throat.

You guys are going for a lulzy death, I'm going for the most pathetic death.

 

[TenMilesWide]

Razor wire noose, superglue hands to sides of head. Look like I ripped it clean off.

 

[Pervious]

Put the barrel of a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger.

A nerf gun to be exact. It'll take a while but eventually I'd suffocate on the foam dart stuck in my throat.

You guys are going for a lulzy death, I'm going for the most pathetic death.

If we're going for pathetic I can get you beat:

Invite an ugly as fuck girl you hardly know out on a date, but first make sure you look like a bag of smashed assholes. While on the date be a complete spergtard and do everything wrong, enough to make it a bad date but not so much she walks out. When the bill comes (and you make her pay it) propose to here. When she says no explain you have admired her from far away your whole life. When she says no again tell her she is your only option. When she says no a third time go home and neck yourself.

 

[User names must be unique]

build a jet wing and attempt to board a plane mid flight I either die or become the worlds first sky pirate.

 

[Magic Sun Daddy]

If we're going for pathetic I can get you beat:

Invite an ugly as fuck girl you hardly know out on a date, but first make sure you look like a bag of smashed assholes. While on the date be a complete spergtard and do everything wrong, enough to make it a bad date but not so much she walks out. When the bill comes (and you make her pay it) propose to here. When she says no explain you have admired her from far away your whole life. When she says no again tell her she is your only option. When she says no a third time go home and neck yourself.

Pretty good, but you're talking about the lead-up to suicide while I'm talking about the act itself. Hows about we combine the two? The shitty date leads up to someone killing themselves with by choking on a nerf dart. Best of both worlds!

 

[Carlos Thin]

Listening to all the pop-punk and emo albums of the 2000's and posting my suicide note on myspace

 

[Gorillagorillagorilla]

I could also just ask to have a nuclear missile dropped on me while I'm chained so I don't feel a thing

 

[Hikikomori-Yume]

Creating some sort of weapon that would destroy the entire planet

 

[Kaede Did Nothing Wrong]

The aim must be to make it to every "List of mysterious deaths" on the internet, therefore, you need to get creative.
Like making vague claims to feel uneasy but always being reluctant to go into detail, do some unusual stuff.
If possible, one should try to obtain something mildly radioactive (like a lab sample) to irradiate oneself before doing the deed (which should look like a bad attempt to make murder look like a suicide).

yeah I like this, die with a bunch of cryptic shit on your persons like the Taman Shud case.

 

[Hikikomori-Yume]

1 ) Go to Pakistan.
1 ) Scream I'm gay! in public.
3 ) Wait for public beheading.

More like stoned to death (and not by marijuana).
Having your head crushed to bits would be horrible.

 

[PL 001]

Ideally? Escape bag. Tank of nitrogen gas, attach a hose to an airtight seal in a mask and keep breathing. You'll fall unconscious, with brain death occuring soon after and not even realize you're suffocating. Painless and easy way to cash in that "get out of jail free" card...

Deviant and extravagant? Riding a nuclear bomb down to earth, ala Dr. Strangelove. If I'm dying, I'm taking as many of you fuckers as I can down with me!

 

[Hikikomori-Yume]

Ideally? Escape bag. Tank of nitrogen gas, attach a hose to an airtight seal in a mask and keep breathing. You'll fall unconscious, with brain death occuring soon after and not even realize you're suffocating. Painless and easy way to cash in that "get out of jail free" card...

Deviant and extravagant? Riding a nuclear bomb down to earth, ala Dr. Strangelove. If I'm dying, I'm taking as many of you fuckers as I can down with me!

It's called an Exit Bag, actually.
I was planning on using one of those.