2022 Lolcow Derby - AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME!!!

[CansOfCant]

Put me down for Fatrick. Though I know nothing of the Sport of Kings, should it not be the *NoChild handicap?

No, child, he does not have a daughter named Annabelle. Those are your delusioNs, child.

 

[Overdrive MASK_de_SMITH]

The only one I disagree with is Ethan Ralph's face on a horse.

He needs to be a truffle pig instead.

 

[Thirteenfifty]

My bet is on Ice Poseidon right now.

should there be an Onlyusemeblade horse? or would that just be cruel and unusual because it wouldn't be able to walk from hoof holes and would pass out periodically

 

[Smithfield Ham]

Give me a huge stake on Patrick, and hedge with Ethan Ralph!

 

[CeleryBread]

I don't know shit about horse races and bets, but still made me lol. I'd recommend our halal certified OrsonZedd as a newcomer, though he appears to be more pig than horse.

 

[Overdrive MASK_de_SMITH]

My bet is on Ice Poseidon right now.

should there be an Onlyusemeblade horse? or would that just be cruel and unusual because it wouldn't be able to walk from hoof holes and would pass out periodically

If there was an Onlyusemeblade horse, it'd just be his face on a bottle of glue because horses with damaged legs tend to get put down lol

 

[The Milkman]

Where the fuck is KingCobraJFS, the gothic dark horse?
Out of these contenders I choose Wings, because I want to see him ride a horse.

 

[The Batter]

My money was instantly on Keffals when this derby was brought up. He was  BORN in the slop, he  LOVES the slop, he EATS up the slop. His father was a mudder, his mother was a mudder! Anyways, 600 on pappanick- I mean Keffals.

 

[Snusmumriken]

This post is more autistic than our dear feeder himself, but I did snortle at DSP.

 

[DigitalSoryu]

No Goocheese horse? Disappointed

 

[Looney Troons]

This is incredible.

 

[Thirteenfifty]

If there was an Onlyusemeblade horse, it'd just be his face on a bottle of glue because horses with damaged legs tend to get put down lol

You're probably right, here's onlyusemehoof anyways

 

[SevenEightNine]

My bet is on Ice Poseidon right now.

should there be an Onlyusemeblade horse? or would that just be cruel and unusual because it wouldn't be able to walk from hoof holes and would pass out periodically

OnlyUseMeBlade tragically foundered last year, and lost a big chunk of hoof. He won't be sound to race for months, if ever.

You're probably right, here's onlyusemehoof anyways

The face of equine cushing's and founder

 

[oramge cat]

My nigga can you dm me your dealer's number? Whatever you were on when you wrote this up I want some.

Fucking 10/10 shitpost. This thread needs a poll badly.

 

[TheGrandDragonJesus]

I gotta vote for Ethan Ralph as Lolcow of the year or whatever the fuck this shit is. Dude got multiple young women pregnant, has a blood feud with the entire family of one of them with a second quickly approaching. Went to Lisbon, twice, got his ass beat twice and his purse stolen once. His face has been permanently fucked up and his eyes are slanted, has to wear glasses inside on a stream as a cope. Weighs a metric hogload of hotdogs in a single beetus foot, could probably drink the Mississippi under the table and still lose. The battle for Jim's drive way will be bigger then the Cell Games at Sumer Slam.

 

[BigFatSweatyMan]

I'm betting on whichever horse @SevenEightNine bets on

 

[Chris Redfield]

I honestly don't know what I was expecting...
(John lol) money's on Keffals!

 

[Haramburger]

This is my favourite new thread in a long time, and Ethan Ralph will Ralphamale his way to victory, by a dozen lengths

I want to put my thumb in that horse's mouth and feel around a bit

 

[Your Starter for 10]

I'm going for Eugenia Coomey. Not the best horse, certainly, but with track conditions the way they are, her lane assignment, and the expected weather, she's the best chance for a big payout.

 

[Pepito The Cat]

I know nothing about turf, I have no idea who half the cows are, I can't seem to find a point to all this and I'm sure OP is so into the spectrum he has a cozy prefab there...

But, man, I'm loving it.

Put me down 5 bucks on horse number 8.