2020 RESOLUTIONS | WEIGHT, MONEY, COLLEGE, ETC 1/2/2020 - StoryTimeLynn starts 2020 off with one helluva tall tale

[DefCon Dumb]

She threw a lot into this one & managed to deliver it in as smug, arrogant & condescending tone as only she can manage. The major clangers have been covered - found a few more.

She mentioned she'd lost weight in November; not so much in December. Odd that - I recall more than a few videos during Vlogmas where she airily assures us she IS indeed losing weight - we'll see. Either she was losing weight in December or she wasn't... not both. I say she gained.

She wants to start up a NEW Insta account for weight loss; the old one, (Curvy Calories), isn't working. There yas go! The recipe for successful weight loss! Just open a new Insta account with the RIGHT name & make it public & you're guaranteed to be a winner. Her choice of account name should prove revealing... and amusing.

She whines about wanting to do the style of videos & topics SHE wants to do, as if she hasn't been doing that all along but hey, whatever. I'm still scratching my head over that one. Is she trying to pre-empt criticism by pointing out, (as usual), "other YouTubers, yada, yada"? By all means AL - continue showing us your revolting culinary concoctions, stuff your gullet on camera & buy more cheap crap; why change? You might want to throw in more colouring books & maybe show us you proudly picking up after yourself so we can coo: "Good for YOU!" as we hand you a cookie. That worked when I was housebreaking my toddlers.

127.whatever pounds she wants to lose this year... just for shitz & gigglez I ran some numbers. That works out to about a pound every 3 days. Gave her a generous, (cough - bullshit!), starting weight of 550 lbs. & kept her sedentary. She'd need to be starting her 'journey' eating 2500-2600 calories a day & that would drop by several hundred calories a day after a bit. Not going to happen - that's only half a binge worth of calories if she's binging lightly & one thing we know she won'tstop doing - bingeeeeeeen'.

Edit for spelleen' & spaceen'

 

[krazy orange cat]

Maybe she can take a writing course and write children's books.

"A is for aaaygs and aaayg allergies"

 

[FatalTater]

I hesitate to mention what went through my head a moment ago because I'm sure Fat Amber reads here, but I'll mention it anyway because if this gives her an idea she'll surely bungle it spectacularly, to the amusement of us all.

Taxes scare her? If she was running a church she would be exempt. Get all the occupants of Chateau Homo ordained, write up a belief statement and statement of faith, make up a list of 'church officers' or board of directors, maybe file papers to be a corporation, not surre if Kentucky requires that, declare themselves a non-profit organization, mention it on her channel so that it becomes a part of the ministry, send the yt profits to a "church" bank account instead of her private one.

This is all too advanced for our college bound gorl, but probably some grifter in Becky's family could sort it out for her if they aren't too busy running this scam themselves already.

 

[idosometimes]

She claims she lost weight all through November but stagnated in December and that's why she's not doing a weigh-in yet. If this is true (lol) that she has really lost weight, how [glonking] big was she before? We know wht she looked like just a few days ago.

Ver archivo adjunto 1079081

Seriously how big was she before

Trigger warning: harsh unfiltered language follows.

It is all lies, friendo. You do not even need the photo of what appears to be someone melting into a sofa to know she never lost a gram

This is the woman that would would brag about 3 pound swings as if they were the result of serious efforts and not her morning BM. If she lost significant weight, she would be mentioning that fact all the time. She would do a weigh in and talk about how her skin tight clothes are falling off of her due to all the weight loss and now she is buying smaller sizes as a button pops off her "shirt" and embeds itself in the wall. She would pull out her Dr. Amber hat and start giving people advice. She would talk about how much better she feels and how everything is easier for her. Her viewers would never hear the end of it. It would be content for a month's worth of videos.: "How I lost [specific number of pounds to tenths place] pounds", "what I eat to lose weight", "weigh in proof I lost weight", "size 3 torrid haul", etc.

This lummox loves attention and "beating' the "haydurs." Showing weight loss would give her both at once. She is a dolt, but even Ambs is not stupid enough to let those opportunities go for naught.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

She also doesn't understand all the work that goes into doing something creative well.

I think she likes poetry because she's allowed to just fart it out emotionally without revision, but i'm pretty sure that's not how you get good poetry (disclaimer: poetry isn't my forte, so correct me if i'm wrong here). Like... you might get a basis for a poem and a few lines that are central, but you still need to revise revise and revise until it's perfect... that is, if it's a poem you ever think is good enough to publish.

You are not wrong. This is exactly how poetry (and prose) work. Although with how easy it is today to self publish by vomiting up anything, formatting it for ebook, and using Amazon, it would not surprise me if she collected her terrible, terrible poetry and did a Trisha Paytas, self-pubbing and declaring herself a "published author". Part of me weeps for the language she mangles so badly, but another part of me is rooting for her to do it, just so I can see the hordes descend on the review like locusts, telling her how badly she sucks at it.

She mentioned she'd lost weight in November; not so much in December. Odd that - I recall more than a few videos during Vlogmas where she airily assures us she IS indeed losing weight - we'll see. Either she was losing weight in December or she wasn't... not both. I say she gained.

Definitely gained. The video in Eric's vlog when Density was taking the cake into the living room puts all her claims to the lie. She's enormous.

She whines about wanting to do the style of videos & topics SHE wants to do, as if she hasn't been doing that all along but hey, whatever. I'm still scratching my head over that one. Is she trying to pre-empt criticism by pointing out, (as usual), "other YouTubers, yada, yada"? By all means AL - continue showing us your revolting culinary concoctions, stuff your gullet on camera & buy more cheap crap; why change? You might want to throw in more colouring books & maybe show us you proudly picking up after yourself so we can coo: "Good for YOU!" as we hand you a cookie. That worked when I was housebreaking my toddlers.

Yeah, I don't get this one. She does this already. Although I suppose it's nice to be able to crow about crossing off THAT "resolution" as done.

127.whatever pounds she wants to lose this year... just for shitz & gigglez I ran some numbers. That works out to about a pound every 3 days. Gave her a generous, (cough - bullshit!), starting weight of 550 lbs. & kept her sedentary. She'd need to be starting her 'journey' eating 2500-2600 calories a day & that would drop by several hundred calories a day after a bit. Not going to happen - that's only half a binge worth of calories if she's binging lightly & one thing we know she won'tstop doing - bingeeeeeeen'.

Ain't happening. My money is on her continuing to gain weight. Late in 2020 she'll finally admit to being over 600 ellbees, as she's nearing the 700 ellbee threshold. There will be tears, and NutritionistLynn will insist that she knows what works and she's been tryeeeen, you guize, but "muh mentalz" and "haydurs" just got to her.

Taxes scare her? If she was running a church she would be exempt. Get all the occupants of Chateau Homo ordained, write up a belief statement and statement of faith, make up a list of 'church officers' or board of directors, maybe file papers to be a corporation, not surre if Kentucky requires that, declare themselves a non-profit organization, mention it on her channel so that it becomes a part of the ministry, send the yt profits to a "church" bank account instead of her private one.

Sounds a lot like work there to get it done, and you know Big Al is actually allergic to work, not aaayyyggs.

 

[Plague Dog]

You are not wrong. This is exactly how poetry (and prose) work. Although with how easy it is today to self publish by vomiting up anything, formatting it for ebook, and using Amazon, it would not surprise me if she collected her terrible, terrible poetry and did a Trisha Paytas, self-pubbing and declaring herself a "published author". Part of me weeps for the language she mangles so badly, but another part of me is rooting for her to do it, just so I can see the hordes descend on the review like locusts, telling her how badly she sucks at it.

I knew it worked for prose, but I'm less experienced with poetry.

I just mean even for your followers. Sometimes when I do a creative project I work and work and work, then say it's all crap, metaphorically throw it out and never post it for anyone to see.

 

[a bootiful jung woman]

custom made planners

Gorl they are off the shelf at Walmart.

 

[HissingBastard]

Gorl they are off the shelf at Walmart.

Some of them. But in this video she admits she bought even more online because they were customizable and so so cute. I checked out the website and they're $20+ each. She's not a hoarder thou. she just has a really busy life situation type thing you guys!

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

I knew it worked for prose, but I'm less experienced with poetry.

I just mean even for your followers. Sometimes when I do a creative project I work and work and work, then say it's all crap, metaphorically throw it out and never post it for anyone to see.

Same same for poetry, even if a lot of free form stuf from people is just diced up prose. Language, people. There's a flow to it.

Still, think like a narc and just decide that a bit of minor revision, and poof! Best writer/poet evar.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Just for shits and giggles, I looked into what goes into the typical psychology degree.

Gorl wouldn't make it past the general classes.
Math? LOL
Life sciences? MORE LOL
Biology: ALL THE LOL

And the kicker, some colleges include statistics in their psychology program line.
Statistics.

YOU GO, AL!!! I'm certain you'll succeed - the statistical probability of your braincells knocking against one another and providing you the capacity to pass is greater than 0.000000000%! I believe in you.

 

[SituationTypeThing]

Isn't that what she'll do anyway?

Yes, but at least it would go on record as her completing something for the first (and only) time in her life.

 

[Rare Steak]

Someone her size shouldn’t be drinking?
Amber, someone your size shouldn’t be ..... your size.

 

[gay cowboy]

She claims she lost weight all through November but stagnated in December and that's why she's not doing a weigh-in yet. If this is true (lol) that she has really lost weight, how fucking big was she before? We know wht she looked like just a few days ago.

Ver archivo adjunto 1079081

Seriously how big was she before

It's hard to tell what part of that mass is Dana's body and what's the couch.

 

[a llama weighs 450lbs]

unfortunately for amber, getting good at writing or any other creative aspiration requires years of disciplined practice. our gorl already thinks she's the next poet laureate of kentucky, and probably couldn't define the word discipline even if you chucked a dictionary at her extremely wide head.

this is good for us though, because while amber is incapable of understanding humor to be funny on purpose, the few glimpses we get of her lymphedema brain attempting to put words together for a "poem" is probably one of the funniest things she does.

 

[Pog Mathoin]

She mentioned she'd lost weight in November; not so much in December. Odd that - I recall more than a few videos during Vlogmas where she airily assures us she IS indeed losing weight - we'll see. Either she was losing weight in December or she wasn't... not both. I say she gained.

Yes - I noted this as well. She repeatedly assured us in December that she was losing weight....and didn't she also say she was weighing herself daily? Liars gonna LAH !

 

[Strong Tomato]

Almost anyone can get into a community college, it's not that fucking hard, just pay for it. The thing is that even online community college courses take a certain amount of discipline, which we know Amber does not have in the slightest. I could see her signing up for a few courses and doing somewhat well for about a month before losing motivation, just quitting and taking the financial hit. Especially since she's exceptional and would likely need remidial courses, which would be too taxing on her fat brain.

 

[Stoneheart]

And the kicker, some colleges include statistics in their psychology program line.

Some? does that mean that some dont?

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Despite writing as a hobby, I always found poetry difficult. True, you can barf words all you want, but it takes even more discipline than prose in my opinion to turn out well. Being concise, precise, obeying meter, etc is further critical when it's poetic. Poetry is like singing for reading. Yes, even free verse. Prose is a bitch, too, don't get me wrong. 'Simply find it easier to convey what I want to without fucking it up. I recall reading a novella narrated entirely in poetry once and thought "that is a master."

That being said, Amber's so functionally illiterate that any of her writing is a guaranteed well of lulz. "Like a monster truck in the nightlife" is my byline for a reason. Not even Eddie Murphy having Mister Robinson write "cill my landlord" generates as many giggles.

Just for shits and giggles, I looked into what goes into the typical psychology degree.

Gorl wouldn't make it past the general classes.
Math? LOL
Life sciences? MORE LOL
Biology: ALL THE LOL

And the kicker, some colleges include statistics in their psychology program line.
Statistics.

YOU GO, AL!!! I'm certain you'll succeed - the statistical probability of your braincells knocking against one another and providing you the capacity to pass is greater than 0.000000000%! I believe in you.

I didn't study psychology, just considered it. When I looked at the requirements for my college's psych degree back in the day, you also had to take an exam from a major institution (I forget the name between memory and early morning brain farts) junior or senior year. Can you imagine Amber having to take an accreditation exam?

 

[Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost]

So does anyone think that 2020 is gonna be the year the Beetus takes Hamber's left foot or will she skip that and just become immobile couch melding lady without the limbs falling off?

 

[Gene's Secret Cat]

Sorry to sperg, but I can think of at least two different legitimate, non-community college, brick-and-mortar universities around me that offer an associate degree in psych and are offered as online only. Will accept students conditionally without a high school transcript or ACT/SAT score and just take her (out-of-state) tuition money. Higher education is a business, and once they've got you admitted and signed up for courses, you are just a number. They don't give a shit about your failure to retain or matriculate. They just need your number for a semester.

She would never have to step into a classroom. She would, however, have to participate in a virtual one. Dumb shit like, "Read this chapter. Answer these five questions in this Moodle forum thread. Respond to three of your classmates' posts," over and over and over again. She would never do it. She also probably couldn't do it in a literate way.