😵‍💫 Skitzocow Stephen William Lafleur / henstepl / Thisismyrofl / Elecbullet - Schizophrenic Arsonist Who Hates Soda

[henstepl]

Teddies are women, right? Why are you afraid of them?

This is a heartbreaking interpretation that I suppose I can't blame you for. I'm fine with women at large. I can get along great with them in environments of mutual success, or even those of my unilateral success, as long as nobody's infringed upon. I'm really handsome enough that I get flirted with before and after these social successes.

But there's an ethical and practical concern here. The ethical concern is: when several of your psychiatric attempts have resulted in women crying (and have left you back at square one), the ultimate measure of morality becomes the number of women you didn't make cry today.

And practically: in certain states of mind, my cognitive deficits will be augmented by dissociation and weird behavior to avoid dissociation, given that dissociation occurs when bad ethics are in play. Forcing teddies to do things, or interface with doctors, is bad ethics. And I weirdly strategize, and weirdly avoid dissociation. It's like the repulsive smell of vodka after a night of sickening drunkenness (for people who are prone to sickness after drinking), which is worse when it's a tab of acid after a trip. But it's not a drink, and it's not a drug, it's a teddy - and it's something to be avoided.

 

[TinyKitty]

This is a heartbreaking interpretation that I suppose I can't blame you for. I'm fine with women at large. I can get along great with them in environments of mutual success, or even those of my unilateral success, as long as nobody's infringed upon. I'm really handsome enough that I get flirted with before and after these social successes.

But there's an ethical and practical concern here. The ethical concern is: when several of your psychiatric attempts have resulted in women crying (and have left you back at square one), the ultimate measure of morality becomes the number of women you didn't make cry today.

And practically: in certain states of mind, my cognitive deficits will be augmented by dissociation and weird behavior to avoid dissociation, given that dissociation occurs when bad ethics are in play. Forcing teddies to do things, or interface with doctors, is bad ethics. And I weirdly strategize, and weirdly avoid dissociation. It's like the repulsive smell of vodka after a night of sickening drunkenness (for people who are prone to sickness after drinking), which is worse when it's a tab of acid after a trip. But it's not a drink, and it's not a drug, it's a teddy - and it's something to be avoided.

So you're not afraid of them, you're afraid of making them afraid of you.

 

[henstepl]

So you're not afraid of them, you're afraid of making them afraid of you.

And I fear my fear of their fear. Dissociation (or the AB-contested state I wrote about) is extremely alarming to witness, and in a building of doctors you're liable to get an ambulance called (for something that will resolve itself once the bad ethics are removed from consideration).

Doubleposting, but I dug out my copy of Paul Schrieber's Memoirs of My Nervous Illness. He tried his best to keep to Poe's edict, that should you ever be drowned or hung, be sure and make a note of your sensations. Some of his thoughts seem to run parallel to yours, but you lack the irritability and anger of most schizophrenics.

Do you have hallucinations or delusions? I think you mentioned once that you are free of those and it seems like you are, other than the delusion that you can diagnose and treat yourself, which is a forlorn hope.

I think we need to think about what you're asking. Can "delusion" be defined?

In an angrier time I memorized this, from Webster: "a persistent false belief maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary". But if John Nash "learned how to consciously discard his paranoid delusions", as Wikipedia says, how can he be said to have "maintained" anything "persistent" at all?

Surely some people have those "persistent false beliefs", but what you're really asking about is the layman's understanding of schizophrenic delusion, and any attempts to define it at dictionary length are self-defeating. For everyone knows that some people have hallucinations - images not from images and sounds not from sounds - and some people have delusions: notions not from notions. That's really what I think you're asking about, and no, I don't have notions not from notions.

 

[TinyKitty]

no, I don't have notions not from notions.

Other than your conviction that you can cure your own brain disease.

 

[henstepl]

Other than your conviction that you can cure your own brain disease.

If you wanted to pin me on "delusion" as it's defined anywhere you might have pointed to my belief that I had encephalitis. That's arguably a persistent false belief, if not a trivial notion-not-from-notion. I had long decided against encephalitis by the time I posted my manifesto, but I allowed it to remain there as a relic of my past anger. (Aleve NSAID still definitely does something but it probably just boosts serotonin.)

But since you're pointing to that claim, I'll clarify it to: I should follow the rules I've designed, to navigate my brain disease. What's the alternative? Surely you'll agree I should take some steps, or my unmanaged brain will be broken. If not mine, then what steps should they be? Is there really a meticulous map of the schizophrenic brain that's on the books, that I'm shirking?

It's clear that I'm 99% schizophrenic, and we're just waiting for that one delusion/hallucination/disorganized speech that would give me the diagnosis. But can you guarantee the antipsychotic path remains the best path if delusion is truly absent?

And isn't the schizophrenic dream to be like John Nash - simply discard the notions not from notions, in order to focus on navigating all the other brokennesses of the brain?

Also,

But if they see his aphrenia, and if he says his pill can fix it? Surely delusional is the claim to cure schizophrenia. And delusions, from an aphrenic flat affect? It proves to them, he'll have had schizophrenia after all.

 

[TinyKitty]

If you wanted to pin me on "delusion" as it's defined anywhere you might have pointed to my belief that I had encephalitis. That's arguably a persistent false belief, if not a trivial notion-not-from-notion. I had long decided against encephalitis by the time I posted my manifesto, but I allowed it to remain there as a relic of my past anger. (Aleve NSAID still definitely does something but it probably just boosts serotonin.)

But since you're pointing to that claim, I'll clarify it to: I should follow the rules I've designed, to navigate my brain disease. What's the alternative? Surely you'll agree I should take some steps, or my unmanaged brain will be broken. If not mine, then what steps should they be? Is there really a meticulous map of the schizophrenic brain that's on the books, that I'm shirking?

It's clear that I'm 99% schizophrenic, and we're just waiting for that one delusion/hallucination/disorganized speech that would give me the diagnosis. But can you guarantee the antipsychotic path remains the best path if delusion is truly absent?

And isn't the schizophrenic dream to be like John Nash - simply discard the notions not from notions, in order to focus on navigating all the other brokennesses of the brain?

I honestly don't know how to reply to this. You're some kind of unclassifiable, as I pointed out when I brought Pam, who is a classic schizophrenic, into this thread. You're not like her but you're not sane either. And I certainly can't fault you for trying to stack your way out of your mental hell.

 

[henstepl]

I honestly don't know how to reply to this. You're some kind of unclassifiable, as I pointed out when I brought Pam, who is a classic schizophrenic, into this thread. You're not like her but you're not sane either. And I certainly can't fault you for trying to stack your way out of your mental hell.

Notions not from notions will be notions not from notions. But the reason I memorized the Webster definition of delusion is to show that there's claims being called "delusion" when that "delusion" declaration wouldn't stand up to scrutiny. Wouldn't hold up in court...

You may have no label for me, but I used to call people like you noncontentioner. When Webster's is the standard of "delusion", the claim, which is that there are thousands of kids with Florian syndrome to be diagnosed and saved, remains uncontested.

I don't fault you, and I'm glad to see you won't fault me either. I'm going to sleep now; have a nice night.

 

[WolfeTone]

Schizoid is pretty much schizophrenia without the psychosis.

I'm pretty sure Nikolai Tesla was schizoid, which would attribute to his saying "If you want to find greatness, become alone".

Maybe you're just not interpreting the genuine malice that exists in our, and other, mental health services.

Take, for instance, a mechanic. You might have a problem with your blinkers, that would be a pretty easy project to fix if you knew the electronics, but you're busy with your schedule, so you accept the role of 'I'm the drivers, he's the mechanic'.
Well, a crafty and ambitious mechanic would ask you a few things, find out how much you know, scope out your electrical and mechanical knowledge of the car, and if he finds out you don't know anything, and he doesn't know you from Adam, it's time for him to feed his kids.
He'll swap out parts, make problems, and lie to you about costs and requirements to milk you, often times leaving you and your car, and your life for that matter, in a much worse state than you were in before. But he's nice to his friends, and he feeds his family, and with the system crushing down on us more and more, higher productivity, lower wages, opportunity all going to the top 0.1% of the population. Instead of staying up all night pouring over bills and worrying about his children's future, he can sleep a little fitfully for the next day of work.

Apply this lesson to the comfier job of an arm-chair clinician, a person who has suffered less than the mechanic, who is forced to study a new book every year and base their policy on that if they want legal protection against mistakes, and who themselves might be absorbing a ton of emotional negativity. See the phrase "the ones usually needing therapy the most is a therapist". On-top of the roll in life, that some people are just, themselves, evil; they've chosen the path of darkness and might be proud of hurting poor people, to assert their dominance, or, as they are part of the same macrosystem as the mechanic, for fear of losing their position of power, a "not me, not us, you" attitude, which is more neutral.

If you can take the main point and apply it to the system you're in, and then the system above it, you might be able to parse out the good more efficiently, while recognizing the intense gravity placed on all participants.

Hope you have a good weekend bro, watch https://trovo.live/stillmad on Fridays at 12PM East time.

 

[henstepl]

Schizoid is pretty much schizophrenia without the psychosis.

I'm pretty sure Nikolai Tesla was schizoid, which would attribute to his saying "If you want to find greatness, become alone".

Maybe you're just not interpreting the genuine malice that exists in our, and other, mental health services.

Take, for instance, a mechanic. You might have a problem with your blinkers, that would be a pretty easy project to fix if you knew the electronics, but you're busy with your schedule, so you accept the role of 'I'm the drivers, he's the mechanic'.
Well, a crafty and ambitious mechanic would ask you a few things, find out how much you know, scope out your electrical and mechanical knowledge of the car, and if he finds out you don't know anything, and he doesn't know you from Adam, it's time for him to feed his kids.
He'll swap out parts, make problems, and lie to you about costs and requirements to milk you, often times leaving you and your car, and your life for that matter, in a much worse state than you were in before. But he's nice to his friends, and he feeds his family, and with the system crushing down on us more and more, higher productivity, lower wages, opportunity all going to the top 0.1% of the population. Instead of staying up all night pouring over bills and worrying about his children's future, he can sleep a little fitfully for the next day of work.

Apply this lesson to the comfier job of an arm-chair clinician, a person who has suffered less than the mechanic, who is forced to study a new book every year and base their policy on that if they want legal protection against mistakes, and who themselves might be absorbing a ton of emotional negativity. See the phrase "the ones usually needing therapy the most is a therapist". On-top of the roll in life, that some people are just, themselves, evil; they've chosen the path of darkness and might be proud of hurting poor people, to assert their dominance, or, as they are part of the same macrosystem as the mechanic, for fear of losing their position of power, a "not me, not us, you" attitude, which is more neutral.

If you can take the main point and apply it to the system you're in, and then the system above it, you might be able to parse out the good more efficiently, while recognizing the intense gravity placed on all participants.

Hope you have a good weekend bro, watch https://trovo.live/stillmad on Fridays at 12PM East time.

I want everyone's gravity to be recognized. I want everyone to be taken at face value. The psychiatry of my dreams would have me and the doctor shaking hands like parties signing a treaty to end a war. Or the doctor would be just a face on a wall observing me, obfuscated like A Scanner, Darkly.

While I've been treated with actual malice before, I think that people need to be aware that bad psychiatry occurs for non-malicious bad reasons too. It's perfectly fine for the doctor to say, oh what a sweetheart, she'll make a good receptionist. And most people are more comfortable with the one-on-one confinement to a room treatment, whereas it's likely to make me dissociate.

There's just a lot of things for me to consider - which I argue are things people at large should consider - and actual malice is only one of them, but police in the room would solve virtually everything.

Sorry if I take a long time to get out of bed these days. 12PM Eastern is 11AM Central, and that's a lot to promise.

...

The state of mind unique to Florian syndrome, I think, is GQ. And I call it GQ because it abides by quartile rules. Tonight I am in the first quartile, serotonin/no-dopamine, so I have a carbonation grimace but I can vanish it by drinking soda through a duckface. Tomorrow I may be in the second quartile, serotonin/some-dopamine, in which the dopamine excludes the serotonin from proceeding all the way down. My behavior will be different, and I won't be able to sip soda with any amount of facial exercise.

Also, Pop Rocks produces very strong and sustained carbonation grimace. It might actually be more ideal for the schizophrenia test than any form of soda.

 

[Jan Ciągwa]

While I don't agree with your 4-monoamine-cornered-brain hypothesis, I have to say that you'll probably never find recognition among doctors. They had tons of people like you before and it's getting tiresome, especially when you prescribe the same cure for the same thing over and over again. You have to find what works for you yourself, I'm afraid. I've never met a psychiatrist who admitted to taking themselves anything they like to prescribe to others, and they love to prescribe antipsychotics for everything, so I'm not suprised that people with real problems tend to not trust them.

If you don't have hallucinations or delusions and you're not a danger to yourself or others, I don't think you need antipsychotics. On the other hand, why not test some to see how they'll work on you?

 

[BillionBisonBucks]

I want everyone's gravity to be recognized. I want everyone to be taken at face value. The psychiatry of my dreams would have me and the doctor shaking hands like parties signing a treaty to end a war. Or the doctor would be just a face on a wall observing me, obfuscated like A Scanner, Darkly.

You are being taken at face value. You are clearly, obviously unwell. One of the ways your illness manifests is through believing you alone hold the keys of truth. This robs you of any gravity you have to contribute on the subject until you become well. Nobody does this to you. Your illness makes everything you say obviously false.

Let's say a doctor hears you out, reads your manifesto, listens to your theories, and declares you utterly wrong. Would you then recognize the gravity of a decade of training and many people like you cured before? Or would you assume they had failed to understand somehow?

 

[henstepl]

While I don't agree with your 4-monoamine-cornered-brain hypothesis, I have to say that you'll probably never find recognition among doctors. They had tons of people like you before and it's getting tiresome, especially when you prescribe the same cure for the same thing over and over again. You have to find what works for you yourself, I'm afraid. I've never met a psychiatrist who admitted to taking themselves anything they like to prescribe to others, and they love to prescribe antipsychotics for everything, so I'm not suprised that people with real problems tend to not trust them.

If you don't have hallucinations or delusions and you're not a danger to yourself or others, I don't think you need antipsychotics. On the other hand, why not test some to see how they'll work on you?

Schizophrenia is NMDA hypofunction, and I'm hoping for a Perampanel prescription to confirm that Florian syndrome is NMDA hypofunction+AMPA hypofunction. The telling absence of psychosis in my case is informative, and if the pill works the way I expect, it'll confirm I know exactly what AMPA hypofunction means.

Part of the rules of AMPA hypofunction is that I can not take antipsychotics in the morning or I'll get akathisia (which is hell). Haldol is quite a gem, having no anticholinergic or antihistamine affinity. People are surprised when I tell them it doesn't sedate you. I expect other antipsychotics to have similar effects if more sedating, but if perampanel succeeds in getting me from G- to GQ every day, it'll be the mainstay of my care.

You are being taken at face value. You are clearly, obviously unwell. One of the ways your illness manifests is through believing you alone hold the keys of truth. This robs you of any gravity you have to contribute on the subject until you become well. Nobody does this to you. Your illness makes everything you say obviously false.

Let's say a doctor hears you out, reads your manifesto, listens to your theories, and declares you utterly wrong. Would you then recognize the gravity of a decade of training and many people like you cured before? Or would you assume they had failed to understand somehow?

There's something that can't really be appreciated through the medium of this forum, which is how dopey I get if I don't follow my rules. When I'm dopey I can tell you all the rules but something about me leaves a bad taste in anyone's mouth. Nobody would respond to the gravity of my concerns when they're coming from the mouth of a dope. It makes me focus on the wish to be taken "at face fucking value".

What's worse is dissociation. When I'm dissociated, what comes out of my mouth is going to be entirely ignored, because all my other symptoms will be so alarming that that's all the doctor will focus on. I guarantee you nothing that came out of my mouth during the ER dissociation went on the record. Just barefaced observations that got me a stay in the ward (a stay that didn't achieve anything).

"You took me at less than face value" is only one of the things I'd love to point out, when I notice a number of doctors' bad decisions that wouldn't hold up in court. I've been declared utterly wrong before, but with such little effort that it wouldn't hold up. In the ward they don't have to give you Aleve to say it's a placebo and you're an idiot for thinking it works. In the courtroom that wouldn't be the doctor's decision.

 

[AnOminous]

Schizophrenia is NMDA hypofunction, and I'm hoping for a Perampanel prescription to confirm that Florian syndrome is NMDA hypofunction+AMPA hypofunction. The telling absence of psychosis in my case is informative, and if the pill works the way I expect, it'll confirm I know exactly what AMPA hypofunction means.

You should possibly take the advice of actual psychiatrists. Remember, when you're using your mind to self-medicate, that's exactly the broken organ that is telling you to do the dumb things you do, like set things on fire. You should possibly take real advice and then make decisions when your mind is actually working.

 

[BillionBisonBucks]

There's something that can't really be appreciated through the medium of this forum, which is how dopey I get if I don't follow my rules. When I'm dopey I can tell you all the rules but something about me leaves a bad taste in anyone's mouth. Nobody would respond to the gravity of my concerns when they're coming from the mouth of a dope. It makes me focus on the wish to be taken "at face fucking value".

What's worse is dissociation. When I'm dissociated, what comes out of my mouth is going to be entirely ignored, because all my other symptoms will be so alarming that that's all the doctor will focus on. I guarantee you nothing that came out of my mouth during the ER dissociation went on the record. Just barefaced observations that got me a stay in the ward (a stay that didn't achieve anything).

"You took me at less than face value" is only one of the things I'd love to point out, when I notice a number of doctors' bad decisions that wouldn't hold up in court. I've been declared utterly wrong before, but with such little effort that it wouldn't hold up. In the ward they don't have to give you Aleve to say it's a placebo and you're an idiot for thinking it works. In the courtroom that wouldn't be the doctor's decision.

Coherance is not sense. You can form a sentence better than when you're in full psychosis, but the content of the sentence is equally meaningless. The points you really want to make will always be ignored until you're treated and educated. Also your stay in the ward did exactly what it was meant to - you didn't hurt yourself or others for that time period.

Courts don't assume they know better than doctors. Everything your doctors have done would hold up in court, because they would say 'I'm a doctor, here's my credentials' and the court would credit their expertise. Unless they were actually committing malpractice, which doesn't seem to be the case, there will never be a situation where a judge will scold a doctor on behalf of a patient.

Oh, and placebos have nothing to do with intelligence. They represent the phenomena where belief affects the body - much like your belief in carbonation being a detection tool.

 

[henstepl]

You should possibly take the advice of actual psychiatrists. Remember, when you're using your mind to self-medicate, that's exactly the broken organ that is telling you to do the dumb things you do, like set things on fire. You should possibly take real advice and then make decisions when your mind is actually working.

I know this has been touched on before, but you are probably wrongly assuming that I've had a schizophrenia diagnosis delivered, when really what's been diagnosed is half-asseries like "Psychotic Disorder" and "Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified". I've recently gotten on good terms with my current doctor, and part of that is realizing that dropping everything I've declared I know, and asking for his diagnosis and medicine, would simply bewilder him. And he agrees, he'd be bewildered.

Coherance is not sense. You can form a sentence better than when you're in full psychosis, but the content of the sentence is equally meaningless. The points you really want to make will always be ignored until you're treated and educated. Also your stay in the ward did exactly what it was meant to - you didn't hurt yourself or others for that time period.

Courts don't assume they know better than doctors. Everything your doctors have done would hold up in court, because they would say 'I'm a doctor, here's my credentials' and the court would credit their expertise. Unless they were actually committing malpractice, which doesn't seem to be the case, there will never be a situation where a judge will scold a doctor on behalf of a patient.

Oh, and placebos have nothing to do with intelligence. They represent the phenomena where belief affects the body - much like your belief in carbonation being a detection tool.

Let me thank you for correctly identifying my carbonation claims as that of a "detection tool". It makes me wonder what I did wrong when I see jokers say I think "the soda did this to me".

I suppose the closest claim I make to a delusion is that I would have anything worth a damn to say in court. And I suppose there's only one way to find that out.

In the meantime, I'm glad to say my doctor has asked for a writeup of my beliefs, and I'm writing it. My experience with Theanine makes me wonder if AMPA hypofunction is the nature of Florian syndrome, and if I get my Perampanel prescription, it'll basically validate that that's what carbonation grimace means.

Also, I'm wondering if anyone has experienced bad reactions from melatonin and Benadryl on the same night. Not that I'm resorting to that, I'm just commenting that my sleep is probably shot enough to get Ambien or Belsomra by now, and wondering if melatonin+benadryl night terrors (not succeeding in sleep) would evidence that.

 

[Figger Nucker]

@henstepl You in prison yet, ya schizophrenic psycho?

 

[NerdShamer]

@henstepl You in prison yet, ya schizophrenic psycho?

His court date is in February, and it usually takes several sessions to convict someone if he doesn't plead guilty during his arraignment.

 

[henstepl]

Oh, I loved the ER teddies once, when I went there and I couldn't breathe. It wasn't a Big Beef with Doctors then, it was surrenderance, and that made the teddies okay.

That's half of what you pay for in an ER, is a bunch of girls fawning over you. And every patient is like a little puzzle for them, and they look up into your eyes and seek the solution that lets them ooh and awe and feel that pity-for-a-young-man that drives the soul of their existence on this planet.

@henstepl You in prison yet, ya schizophrenic psycho?

No, I am in a hotel. The most infuriating incompatibility of the disease is the impossibility of sleep before a 6-8am appointment. So I won't sleep, except maybe by halves, and I'll remain in quite the A/b psychopathic mindset.

I'll probably run to Waffle House to test with a soda, but I'm in such frank traversal that I might just have inconclusive results.

I'm sorry that I can't be in traversal all the time, and I'm sorry that I'm not allowed an Ambien shutdown every night to time myself precisely.

I'm sorry if I've appeared low energy to you guys. I promise I'm still around.

 

[JY's Tampon]

https://twitter.com/henstepl/status/1379687552853098501

 

[Spedestrian]

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https://twitter.com/henstepl/status/1379687552853098501

My brain is full of fuck bubbles.