Containment What If?

What if Chris decided not to start wearing a bra, but instead bought a toupée?
 
Since Chris hates men, what if he watches a sporting event where men are playing; especially soccer or American football?
 
What if Chris hired a hitman?
Chris would try to hire him to assassinate the Blue-Armed Bandit. The hitman would pretend to go along with it, planning to take Chris's money and just say he did it. However, Chris would tell the hitman sob story after sob story to try to guilt trip him into doing it for free, and when that wouldn't work, he'd try to pay him in homemade medallions and Amiibos. At this point, the hitman would get fed up and shoot him. With his dying breath, Chris would blame SEGA.
 
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