2020 RESOLUTIONS | WEIGHT, MONEY, COLLEGE, ETC 1/2/2020 - StoryTimeLynn starts 2020 off with one helluva tall tale

[iDontSmileMan]

She wants to start up a NEW Insta account for weight loss; the old one, (Curvy Calories), isn't working.

She probably finally realized how retarded Curvy Calories sounds for an IG that is about "losing weight" and is now making a new one (and yes, I'm aware she'll 100% stop bothering with the new one at some point, bonus points if she just doesn't make one in the first place)

 

[Turd Fergusson]

Sorry to sperg, but I can think of at least two different legitimate, non-community college, brick-and-mortar universities around me that offer an associate degree in psych and are offered as online only.

How much are the semester tuition for these courses?
While online courses seems easier than on campus programmes, they still require a significant amount of work, and this will last at least 3 to 4years. I cannot imagine her sticking to it for more than a month or so.

 

[Gene's Secret Cat]

How much are the semester tuition for these courses?
While online courses seems easier than on campus programmes, they still require a significant amount of work, and this will last at least 3 to 4years. I cannot imagine her sticking to it for more than a month or so.

It will be based on a sliding scale of how many credit hours she takes. Without power-leveling too much, it is usually more expensive per credit if you go only part time, usually less than 12 credits. If she kept a full-time schedule (generally 12-18) then the cost per credit would be less. Some universities also offer flat-rate tuition for full-time students. Some universities charge more for upper division course (300-400 level) if she ever had the ability to take them.

It would be thousands to complete. If she started with one 4-credit course only, it would probably be a grand. I'm talking at a university though, not a community college. And there are definitely possibilities she could get loans for school. That's a whole other can of worms, even if she has prior student loan debt. The government wants you to keep borrowing money to come to (an accredited) school, and if you don't qualify for their traditional loans and don't have parents who can cosign for you, there are some super helpful banks out there that will probably loan a small amount of money in an educational loan because psYchOLoGy is yOUr PasSion.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

I cannot imagine her sticking to it for more than a month or so.

You're far more generous than I am. Even if I believed for an instant she would even get going on this, I think she'd be quitting within days/a week at a most. All that readeeeen and participateeeen in the discussions just doesn't work for her, boo boo.

 

[Turd Fergusson]

You're far more generous than I am. Even if I believed for an instant she would even get going on this, I think she'd be quitting within days/a week at a most. All that readeeeen and participateeeen in the discussions just doesn't work for her, boo boo.

I guess there would be some kind of situation with her family that she could not talk about that force her to quit because of her mental state.

 

[Ann Berlin]

It's such a shame she's only "seriously thinkeeng" about college. Sending a character to college for a week is a classic sitcom plot and I'm sure we would get entertainment out of it. Imagine the YouNow rants about the perils of academia, only it's because she got points off for narcissistic powerleveling in her online community college essay. She then emails the "professor" with a full-blown do you know who I am? speech. Realization dawns on her that YouTube is her first and best destiny (ha) and she quits with relish, recounting the tale in her newest mookbong.

 

[Munchie_Minder]

She was told this before. The weight loss doctor told her to throw the scale out, which Amber took literally and bitched because she spent so much money on the scale...it’s now collecting dust in the corner apparently because “wonky batteries” (whatever the hell that means). The problem is she never follows through with anything beyond the exciting new phase.

“Throw the scale out” and “wonky batteries” are excuses not to weigh in and see what her new highest weight is.

 

[L. Ron Hubbard's Cat]

Now, now, let's not put the melk before the cow. Big Al said she is "seriously thinking" about college. That effort alone is going to wear her out shtooooo much, you guize. She'll think and thunk and think some more, on the odd second here and there, and then that, too, will be never mentioned again.

People keep talking like she's contemplating going to college so she can get a real job, too.

That's a huge load of horseshit. She has no interest in working. Anywhere. Ever. It could take fifteen minutes or fifteen years to get qualified as a therapist, and she won't do it because she's not interested in being a therapist.

Likewise, she's ESPECIALLY uninterested in improving as a writer -- she wants to take a course and have the instructor suck her dick over how brilliant her poetry already is. And if that doesn't happen, she'll just tell us it did (she's a brilliant writer, so this little fiction should be totally believable and well-executed... not).

If it's fashion she's after, she'll get about ten minutes into a class and realize it's not just coloring in templates with rainbow doodles of "lesbian," and decide that coloring books were way more fun and creative after all.

She's trying to see herself as one of the idle rich, able to pursue interests without needing to worry about the cost of tuition (or for that matter, her GPA while she's in school). University, community college, diploma mill -- doesn't matter. This is just another indulgence/flex for her.

Not that she'll go.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

People keep talking like she's contemplating going to college so she can get a real job, too.

Nah, I don't think anyone really believes for an instant that this narc bitch is going to go back to school. It's more mental exercises for us. Gotta keep those brain cells active.

That's a huge load of horseshit. She has no interest in working. Anywhere. Ever. It could take fifteen minutes or fifteen years to get qualified as a therapist, and she won't do it because she's not interested in being a therapist.

As I said somewhere, it's work she's allergic to, not ayyyggs.

Likewise, she's ESPECIALLY uninterested in improving as a writer -- she wants to take a course and have the instructor suck her dick over how brilliant her poetry already is. And if that doesn't happen, she'll just tell us it did (she's a brilliant writer, so this little fiction should be totally believable and well-executed... not).

Her poetry (and prose) ranks right up there with a middle school/junior high kid's efforts and readability (and content and form and and and). It is some of the worst I've ever read, and I read a ton of (brief PL: and also review) both prose and poetry. Hers is laughably bad, and because she is allergic to work, it will never improve. But I'm still looking forward to her gracing the world with more of her deep thots and word vomit.

If it's fashion she's after, she'll get about ten minutes into a class and realize it's not just coloring in templates with rainbow doodles of "lesbian," and decide that coloring books were way more fun and creative after all.

She has the fashion sense of a middle schooler, too.

She's trying to see herself as one of the idle rich, able to pursue interests without needing to worry about the cost of tuition (or for that matter, her GPA while she's in school). University, community college, diploma mill -- doesn't matter. This is just another indulgence/flex for her.

Not that she'll go.

That's part of her problem, to be sure: she sees herself as one of the idle rich (and I suppose in KY, with what she makes, that may qualify). Unfortunately, she is both uninteresting (in the meta sense, not the lolcow sense) and uninterested in anything, really, which makes all of her goals/resolutions just crap she threw together so she could have something to film and begin her cycle all over again.

 

[behavioral swamp thang]

A lot of online degrees require an in person component. So like at the end of the course you have to go in somewhere to apply your learned skills and have them evaluated. Also, I looked up community college tuitions. Seems to be about 800 a semester for in state, double for out of state. There are also programs for free tuition. In the town I grew up in, you could get free tuition just for volunteering a certain number of hours a week.

 

[idosometimes]

Amberlynn grew up on social media. She says this stuff to convince people that her life is great and she as a person is even better. It is about image. Nothing else. Mushmouth does the same thing. He is also an immature moron.

The "getting serious" about weight loss talk is proof of how much effort she is putting into her weight loss journey on her "not a weight loss channel". The journals and school show that she is intelligent and curious and driven. Her displays of affection toward her slow in the mind personal assistant display her awesome relationship as a strong lesbian. Planning out all the crap she never actually shows how organized she is. The great parties she throws/attends plus the dinners with her friends, fatty and the leech, exhibit her "amazeen" social life (,guise). Flashing all that cash and posting monthly torrid hauls proves that she is a successful youtube star with money to burn.

She is just like those idiots she idolizes on youtube: smart, successful, and really going places. Believe it. She bought a goshdanged journal and made an appointment with a bariatric doc. The first step in the process is apparently also the last.

 

[Billie Ross]

New decade, same old lahs...
Quoting from her infamous vlog about the things she lied...
1-"I lie about how much money I make on youtube"
2-"If anyone asks me if I'm gaining weight, I ALWAYS say I'm losing it..."
She could try some more original stuff like:
-This year i want to be able to scratch my own butt hole, or
-This year I want to buy my own pink scootypuff
Anything new... bitch...anything...
About her not spending "none" of her money some months... yeah.. how does she pay for the $100+ daily in eating out/ take away runs/ wallmart runs?
That sums up easily $3/4k a month just in food alone.
I'm sure we can imagine her going to an accountant do her taxes.... the one who's office is called "Chinese Buffette"....

 

[Whatthefuck]

A lot of online degrees require an in person component. So like at the end of the course you have to go in somewhere to apply your learned skills and have them evaluated. Also, I looked up community college tuitions. Seems to be about 800 a semester for in state, double for out of state. There are also programs for free tuition. In the town I grew up in, you could get free tuition just for volunteering a certain number of hours a week.

I'm ngl, I'd get a kick out of Hambone taking a course. I imagine her sitting at the dining room table like an exceptional toddler, squinting those little piggy eyes at the screen with her tongue just hanging out a smidge from the effort of concentration. Since we know her reading comprehension has got to be just God awful since she can't clearly articulate verbally, she'd give out an almighty, "like, whhhhuuuuut?" and immediately leave the virtual classroom. That would be content worth watching.

 

[Tiki Bar Man]

You are missing the real reason she can't go. Her hygeine. Literally imagine the smell of hambre in a university class.
She probably has to shit in the tub at this point so no potty breaks for her at the school.
And everyone Is always going to be in awe at her absolute size. She'll probably think everyone is flirting with her with all the staring

 

[Pog Mathoin]

Amberlynn has no intention of attending college. This is just part of her behavioral dysfunction where she attempts to copy or imitate the actions of those around her. Dana and Eric have expressed an interest in college, therefore Amberlynn must also talk about attending college. She doesn't actually want to go, she just thinks it makes her more interesting. Plus, we all know that for Amberlynn, the sheer action of talking about doing something is just as good as actually doing the thing.

 

[SituationTypeThing]

I hesitate to mention what went through my head a moment ago because I'm sure Fat Amber reads here, but I'll mention it anyway because if this gives her an idea she'll surely bungle it spectacularly, to the amusement of us all.

Taxes scare her? If she was running a church she would be exempt. Get all the occupants of Chateau Homo ordained, write up a belief statement and statement of faith, make up a list of 'church officers' or board of directors, maybe file papers to be a corporation, not surre if Kentucky requires that, declare themselves a non-profit organization, mention it on her channel so that it becomes a part of the ministry, send the yt profits to a "church" bank account instead of her private one.

This is all too advanced for our college bound gorl, but probably some grifter in Becky's family could sort it out for her if they aren't too busy running this scam themselves already.

This is basically what the kardashians do. While they're not ordained, they have a scandal-magnet "minister" who was shamed and ousted from his original church. All the Kardashian/Jenner charity offerings go to things affiliated with their church, and their tithes and whatnot go back into their pockets.

I don't know how easy this is for someone w/o a bunch of accountants specializing in shady dealings, but it's not like chez mo needs to wash millions and millions of dollars. The IRS probably would never notice. They should definitely do this. They can record their craft making or soup beans and cornbread videos as faith and ministry videos. I think ad income might even be exempt then.

Gorls, I think we need need to get in on this, @Null can be our leader. Church of Kiwi, farming luls for dog.

 

[thejackal]

lol, she reads and writes at a 6th grade level or thereabouts. How she gonna get an undergrad degree? She'd need years of remedial education before she could even do the coursework for a 101 level class. You think Big Al can put together a 5 page thesis on anything with a coherent intro, supporting evidence and conclusion? Fuck no. She doesn't even know what half those words mean.

And this isn't even to mention her trying to pass a qualitative methods class, of which a psych or criminal justice program would almost certainly require.

 

[MissLosR]

To add to the college discussion; if in person, even if only for an orientation day or exam or assessment for an online course, it would put such a strain on her body to go out all day like that. In person would be impossible; idk about American colleges, but walking from one class to another, or the carpark/buses to almost anywhere is at least 2000 steps easily where I am. In one day I'd walk 10,000 just getting from home to there, around to classes, and back again. She struggles to go grocery shopping. Not only would she not fit in a lecture theatre seat, she'd struggle to get there, and then to walk up stairs to find a seat. She'd struggle to sit in the car to even get onto her campus.

 

[Twinkie]

To add to the college discussion; if in person, even if only for an orientation day or exam or assessment for an online course, it would put such a strain on her body to go out all day like that. In person would be impossible; idk about American colleges, but walking from one class to another, or the carpark/buses to almost anywhere is at least 2000 steps easily where I am. In one day I'd walk 10,000 just getting from home to there, around to classes, and back again. She struggles to go grocery shopping. Not only would she not fit in a lecture theatre seat, she'd struggle to get there, and then to walk up stairs to find a seat. She'd struggle to sit in the car to even get onto her campus.

And this is the gorl who will call the movie theater to make sure the movie she wants to see has chairs with arms that fold up. She's not going to risk so many things she won't fit into/would crush trying sit on, etc.

 

[PRE PRE DIABETIC]

And this is the gorl who will call the movie theater to make sure the movie she wants to see has chairs with arms that fold up. She's not going to risk so many things she won't fit into/would crush trying sit on, etc.

And remember she “doesn’t need” two seats at the cinema, but wants two “just in case”!