Aaaand just like that, the effort is over again! Jumping right in to a vlog, sounding tired. As if she has so much to do.
"Good morning vlog, where could we be at 7:57 on a Friday morning...". Gee I wonder.
"...other than Tar-jay??"
She says she's shopping for two reasons: she claims she hasn't 'perused' in a moment, no seriously she hasn't!! She has been all business lately, absolutely no pleasure!! And she needs to shop fatty boobalaty clothes. She launches into a complaint about target not having maternity clothes any longer.
She claims she always needs grocery of course, and the 3 of them 'crushed' half a watermelon the night before.
She tells us she's mic'ed up and heads in, claiming she's such a summer girl.
She starts in the low price junk section by the door
She describes greeting cards for the retards in the audience.
"Wait, this is like so pretty!"
WHERE
She wants to do a coastal theme in here house, somewhere, she just doesn't know where. She brags about her hair being too thick for a certain type of clip. Likely, too greasy to stay in place.
She sees kid stuff and pretends she was looking for Anderson intentionally.
She's never seen an unassembled hula hoop before, she is impressed.
While fondling the cheap junk, she spots another Cape Cod sweater she simply MUST have. So summer, so chic!!
It's an 'off the shoulder' style and there's a white Nantucket one, but she claims she went to the cape as a kid, so she's a cape Cod gurl.
She wants it, but she's so used to Amazon and temu that she's hurt by the $30 price tag, and has the gall to complain about inflation these days. She's going to scan it with the app in case she can squeeze a deal out of it.
Update: not on sale. But she excuses her stupid overconsumption by reminding us that if we love it, we deserve to treat ourselves and simply MUST waste money if we love ourselves!!
*Gasp* "Ride white and blue matching family stuff?!"
She's a government psy op experiment influencer, she was built to CONSOOOOOM
She find another titty dropping halter dress she wants to shove herself into, but complains that the cinched waist isn't bump friendly, and makes her look bigger than she is. She means, it shows her actual size and lack of separately identifiable bump.
She finds a much too young and short tank and shorts combo, and they only have it in a size XL, but she's going to try it on anyway, because she is desperate to be young and interesting again.
She JUST got done telling us she's been up sizing to XXL to accommodate her twin sized bump. Uh huh.
She has to shout out her caffeine fix for the day.
She complains that she doesn't like body suits but really wants to. Thank God she at least has the awareness now that her body is shaped like a radiation mutated bean.
She reminds us that just because it's plus sized, doesn't mean we have to buy it! She knows the pressure is strong to just buy anything labelled plus sized, because fatties are so desperate for clothes!!
She waxes nostalgic and complains about target playing music. She says it interrupts her hyper consumption fow state. So close, yet eternally so far away from self actualizing. Sigh.
She decides to passive aggressively address her bitchy Instagram bump size matters post.
She claims she doesn't read the comments (lol), but 'someone' told her the comments on that post were mean!!
She absolutely gasps for air and executes her best Chantal eye dart impression as she desperately digs through the cobwebs of her empty mind for a polite and normal way to say that she's obsessing over this visible bump so much because she's definitely not getting the pregnant lady fawning attention she demands, damnit!! She's just as important as skinny ladies, hello?!
She straight up admits she's jealous and competitive with her pregnant, normal sized friends. She admits what we've known all along, that she has zero self confidence, and is aware that she's just been gaining weight and she doesn't look pregnant at all. All this hubbub has been a mask to hide her anxiety and try to fool herself into believing she really is just as good as everyone else. She's creating life, she's a goddamn goddess, you WILL PRAISE HER!!!
She pretends to hide her jealousy behind society's fatphobia, that we're brainwashed to forget how magical it is to grow a human life. As if that's anyone's problem with her. She knows the truth but will die on this hill and take her fetus with her.
"So if you left a mean comment... Shame on you!" Sudden jump cut.
Who doesn't love a shapeless spaghetti strap dress that will surely snap under the pressure of her refusal to wear the correct size???? We've learned nothing.
She loves the boat one, of course, but it's $35 bucks and she recoils. "It's just not like the old days!" Or like temu. But she must try it on, it's beachy!!!
She thinks her cart is so summery aesthetic. PLEASE develop an individual sense of style, I'm BEGGING YOU
I know they still have a plus sized section, but she is clearly still shopping straight sizes. She complains that she can't find any XXL bathing suits, only XL.
Omfg what is it with fatties and Feminine Wash?! I actually would like to know, are they just unable to stay clean down there because of their size?? Is it their refusal to wash regularly that's farming mushrooms in the depths?? The lack of shame is shocking. She lets us know she's picking up more feminine wash, as she just ran out. Does she have to use it daily?????
She calls this bottle 'a fave' and raves about how it actually works. My God.
Uh, yeah, anyway, she finds dresses on sale.
She admits the more mature style is what she needs, but refuses to save money and dress appropriately because it's not trendy and she doesn't think that's her color.
She finds more age and size inappropriate leftovers and complains about not finding her size
She wants the blue and white dress so badly that she's going to check her other target for it. Christ.
She threatens brands in general to be more plus size accommodating
Shes so determined to have the blue and white dress that she threatens to have it shipped.
She begins to tell us to never settle, but gets distracted by some sets.
But she's certain her belly is blowing up at the speed of light, not just her bmi in general, and it'll only fit for like a month, so nah.
She checked the app for the blue and white dress, and the store's stock claims there's one more somewhere in her size, so she's going to scour the whole store for it.
She claims if she weren't pregnant she'd snatch this vest/sleeveless shirt up so fast. Lucky us.
"Let me guess... There's only two extra smalls, yes of course." Cry me a river fatty. I'm taller than the average woman, I rarely find off the rack shit that fits perfectly, get over yourself and lose the fucking weight if you want to complain.
She complains about her bad luck today. Uh oh, temper tantrum incoming!! What will she food soothe with today?!
She dares to claim these horizontal stripes are belly friendly lol.
She claims she desperately misses the brand 'stars above', a pajama line.
Lol I know I've used this one before, but it's giving:
She asks the class if we notice Vera Bradley core coming back in vogue. Girl everyone notices trends a month before you do.
She finds another sale section, and sarcastically laughs about her size being gone. She's getting annoying. Well, moreso than usual lol.
She is finding it harder to hold up the mask of niceness, she's cracking!
She's feeling defiant but calls it whimsical, and decides she's trying it on regardless of size, because Veruca Salt wants it NOW!!!
BAHAHAHAHA
"This is cute but definitely not like superly accommodating *wheeze laugh* the belly."
Omfg.
"Let me know what you think of this one" babe you already know just go home.
Because of the elastic cotton nature, it I more flattering than a lot of what she tries, but it's too tight for her form and she needs to stop trying to make fetch happen.
She still doesn't look pregnant and she knows it, but this flatters her profile more than most things she wears.
But this short, shapeless, migraine inducing patterned dress?? She loves!!!
God her legs are weird.
She says she's dying for this sweater, but I think she meant in.
It's clearly meant to be off the shoulder but her linebacker shape makes it boat necked lol.
She calls it an awkward neck and thinks it's perfect for high waisted white shorts, to really highlight her SpongeBob silhouette.
She acknowledges she can't try on the teen sized white set without shredding it like the hulk.
She came all this way for bump friendly summer clothes, so she has to buy SOMETHING, so she goes with the sack and the unseasonal sweater.
She claims it's time to shop for actual needs now, and she's heading to the home section. Yeah, needs.
She stops by the shitty shoe display.
She looks at a pretty subtle, navy blue vase, and claims she's very trendy and getting into color finally. We all know she's too scared to try to incorporate bold looks in home decor because she has ZERO eye for style.
She likes these pillows. I do too. But neither of us need new pillows, so...
She thinks they're in between seasons, and claims it would just be ridiculous if they set up fall decor. As if she wouldn't be first in line.
She finds a simple still life print and raves about it. Wanna be petit bourgeois neuvo riche shit.
Personally, I'm kinda obsessed with the theory of precession of simulacra, so seeing it in real time through a tards eyes is a treat for me. She's my dummy little (big) guinea pig!!
She says she has the orange companion piece already, and just can't help herself, but must buy this one too. Fascinating.
She loves the Instagram aesthetic, granola millennial neutrals ceramic berry bowls! That way she can give anderson diarrhea in style
"I don't know if I trust myself not to break that, though." Thank God you can acknowledge that.
Sudden jump! She's home.
And she's got some excuses to justify, you pricks!!
See, her orange painting fell and the frame broke, and she couldn't figure out a simple fix, so she'll replace this perfectly functional one with the brand new one, duh!!!
She just thinks it's more specialer with that linen accent on the frame!!
Don't worry, she'll link it!!
Aw, look at that baby mama glow
"I don't know why, it just tickles my heart strings." I couldn't come up with these wild malapropisms if I tried, goddamn lol.
"You go pot-pot?" She releases poor bboy into the yard.
She immediately freaks out as she lets in '3' bugs from her shit infested yard.
Another sudden transition, and 'obviously' she had to try on her new trophy.
She claims she's getting ready for no reason, she just wants to feel cute, then immediately admits she's getting ready for another baby scan. She's wearing this to a doctor's appointment.
She claims the past two scans couldn't detect the baby's actual heart status, since the baby kept moving. Definitely not because she's fucking fat. So now she's going to a bigger hospital with better equipment, because surely their nicer equipment can better see through all the gut.
Plus, as
@I call shenanigans mentioned, she's getting regular check ups for her placenta previa. I am inclined to agree with shenanigans, I find this sudden complete 180 very fishy. Maybe it's just her feminine wash lol.
Ever so conveniently, she talked to someone at her friends baby shower who ALSO had complete placenta previa, but it was caught at 20 weeks, just like Alex, and it moved completely on its own!! So she definitely isn't making any of this up, and it's super very normal!!
She boldly lies to us and herself that she has come to peace with the C-section and the baby arriving early.
She very boredly claims baby girl is healthy and that's all that matters, before she tells us what we all can see, that her hair is dirty and old. She's going to curl it to try to hide it.
She shills her Vinted account again.
She claims she already has some sales that she's going to drop of today.
She claims she has a hair appointment next week to touch up her overgrown roots look, and laughs at her phrasing when she says she's already begun to embrace the darkness regardless.
She claims she's so jealous of people who know how to use their hair tools, and can do the "wrappy thing".
"And I went to cosmetology school!" Not a flex, sis.
She bashfully admits her scheme to plan for a placenta miracle, and she's taking us along to her appointment. Prepare for the obvious car update.
She admits her pregnancy is finally real to her now, and she thinks it's moving by quickly now. She's showing her nerves.
She begs us to tell her how to live her life: was it harder going from 0 kids to 1 kid? Or from 1 to 2?
She hears the first kid is harder, but she thinks having two will be harder. Because obviously she can't pawn the second kid off as easily if the first is already taking up someone else's attention! She'll have to attend it herself?!
Ofc she waits until it's way too fucking late to think about a serious life decision. "The thought of having two is like... A little bit daunting?!"
She admits her true concern: she knows it's easy to throw Anderson in jail care for the week, and then go off and do whatever her stupid, fat riddled heart desires on a whim. But with TWO, can she manage that?? Will she actually have to dedicate her own personal time to some fucking child???
She has the balls to call Anderson her bestie and claims she loves alllll the time they spend together while Yar's at work.
She claims because she works from home, it's ABSOLUTELY VITAL she gets out of the house, for her mental health!! She's so scared she'll have to sacrifice something!!! Do something she doesn't want to do!!
She thinks it'll be tough in the beginning, when she has to manage an infant, but once they're old enough to barely take care of each other and she can abandon them, she's gonna enjoy it.
Birth complications, who cares?! But lost free time?? CRISIS.
Sudden jump cut. Thankfully, she admits she came to her senses and put on a more appropriate outfit.
She says she's "making it work.". Uhhhh
My thoughts exactly
She waits until she's driving in bad traffic to update us.
Again, she claims the baby was moving so much that she was there for nearly two hours, and multiple techs had to come in and try to get a good shot at her heart. I'm sure the babyoves, but clearly they can't see her through the stuffing and had to fanagle the perfect angle to see anything.
Of course, everything was textbook perfect for Alex, the baby is perfect, she weighs just over two pounds. TWO POUNDS, ALEX. How much weight have you gained since pregnancy???
She tells us here what we know about the placenta moving, it's up on the left now, and totally out of the way. She says she could cry with happiness. But the lack of even some performative joy and surprise makes this feel pretty rehearsed. It could be that she was just so in denial and she got incredibly lucky, and she honestly thought she would regardless, so she's simply not surprised. I have when delusion is rewarded, especially to self centered twats like Alex. Her delusion has been reinforced.
She whines about the current physician trying to explain the miracle to her, that sometimes the scans can kinda read things wrong (probably especially when the patient is fucking FAT Alex).
She is so smugly vindicated and declares it's over. God I wanna punch her so bad right now.
Didn't fucking learn SHIT.
She immediately launches into a bitch fest about why the first doctor insisted she had Previa and there was nothing she could do to change it and was scheduling a C-section. Of COURSE Alex knows better than any professional she disagrees with! Obviously, she was right!! Stupid doctor.
She accuses the doctor of under promising to over deliver. God get over yourself you undeserving, just plain lucky bitch.
She's upset that her first doctor prepared her for the worst, so she wouldn't go into shock just before birth, because this new doctor told her like 90% of previa patients resolve before birth, so what was she worried about???
She's as trustworthy as she is healthy, fuck off.
She begins to bitch about how she was having to accept the fact she was going to have to give birth early, and she knows she sounds like a petulant child, but the ultrasound tech today TOTALLY could relate and gets her, y'all.
She's so self absorbed and self congratulatory in this scene, I'm about to crash out irl, she is unbearable. UGH
She complains about how just the THOUGHT of how hard she would have to work to celebrate two special individual birthdays back to back was exhausting, so she's so relieved she doesn't have to worry about that now. Again, pregnancy complications? Who fucking cares. Alex's sense of entitlement to her own time in her child's life?? PARAMOUNT.
She catches herself and claims she 'obviously' cares more about their health than their birthdays, duuuh. We totally believe you.
She admits she was scared, too. She was referring to it as "the Previa, like a horror movie".
We know bitch, you're as transparent as glass.
She complains for far too long, and she can't even say more than one positive sentence about the whole experience before getting distracted by a fucking cake shop, of course.
"It's taking all my willpower not to pull over and get a giant piece of cake" *wheeze scoff*
She's home, she smugly lies that she's "tapping into mom mode now" and turning the camera off for the day. She feels she met her social contractual duties. Fuck you, bye-bye.
