YouTube's most punchable face?
Yar, the only half functioning adult in the house, went and got Alex and Anderson breakfast from the hot bar at Whole Foods.
She can't even scramble an egg, she's so sick. But she WILL EAT GODDAMNIT
She reminds us that Anderson is sick... But so is she!!! WOE
She claims it's Saturday, likely June 13. She's SHO grateful Yar is home, she just cant understand WHY she would be SO CRAZY to vlog while sick??? Who does that omg the self sacrifice




she just missed it so much!! She loves her 'job', you guys.
She reminds us Anderson has had this before, but she hasn't, and she was told by other adults it's REALLY PAINFUL but she was so full of hubris. If only she had listened! If only she washed her hands at least once a month!!
She claims it's day five of the plague, and Anderson has been spared and is feeling better again, but she is NOT. He didn't have body rash, but he did have fever and throat sores, and so does she.
She reiterates how she is God's strongest warrior, and the throat pain is the worst part, and she admits to using "dr. Google", so I wonder if she and Anderson were even officially diagnosed at all, or if she typed in her own symptoms and decided they both had HFM?
She has to leave in the part where Yar comes in from God knows where, to show how super chill and very nonchalant she is. He apologizes for the interruption to the viewer and she immediately responds "oh I don't care". Bitch he wasn't talking to you
Anderson babbles a noise that sounds like "umah", and Yar tries to get him to say 'mama', while Alex pretends Anderson is fully saying 'mama' and 'mommy' on purpose now, how convenient!!
She complains that it's a beautiful day and they were supposed to go to yet another birthday pool party, of course, but they can't. She pretends to have humility and self awareness and apologizes for being whiney, says she'll call this a venting vlog, she supposed, then marches steadily on through her mucky marsh of total lack of self awareness.
As
@I call shenanigans predicted, she lets us know Yar is mounting his grass cutting vibrator today, flinging feces into the wind for the whole neighborhood to choke on.
She thinks the funniest part of all of this is that today is their anniversary, too! And she's sick!! AHAHAHA the hilarity.
She begrudgingly mentions he got her some peonies, her favorite flower, and admits she's relieved he finally did something of value to her for once and got her breakfast.
She's annoyed because she can't mix her own lean and pass the fuck out for 12 hours, because she's pregnant, and can't have NyQuil.
All she can have is Tylenol, and it just dulls the '10/10' pain to a 6. She can't even drink water without the Tylenol. X to doubt forever, this bitch has no idea what a 10 is on the medical pain scale
She claims she has to take the Tylenol with yogurt "just to get it down"???
She says so much has been going on that she wanted to vlog but she just COULDN'T, she's too sickly!!! And then she admits it was just opening packages because "what else have we been doing?" Ahaha so close.
She remembers that her toddler exists and tosses out some faux gratitude that he's feeling better, then reiterates how awful the week has been.
"Pregnant. Toddler. Hand foot and mouth. Summer. Too much. It's been too much!!". She loathes giving attention to anything but her own whims.
"Thank God for ye old Love Island!"
She rambles about staying up all night to binge the show. I don't give a flying fuck about this shit so whatever. But Anderson interrupts her rambling with what sounds like 'dada' babbles, and she looks annoyed lol.
She admits he can't say "all done" and just babbles "dada" until she lets him out of the high chair.
She's acting like she's giving her own eulogy, but this bitch still managed to pour herself into the drivers seat!
She has clocked into the slave labor farm today just to complain about her decision to vlog yesterday when she is in so much pain!! It's so bad we could never understand or relate AND she is the most selfless and giving YouTuber ever to have YouTubed, YOURE WELCOME PEASANTS.
Lolol she's so fucking self pitying that she's camped out in front of the Urgent Care center, waiting for them to open so she can be the first to waddle in. Gotta get the good bariatric seat right by the nurses window!!!
Apparently she has been annoying her mom and grandma so much they told her to shut the fuck up and roll her ass to urgent care already. Yet she must sit here and continue to do the most painful talking in the history of humanity!!! For us, right??
She admits the real reason she's kicking the door in before they're open: she read online that if you're pathetic enough, they could give you a steroid to help with the pain, even if your pregnant. She's putting her acting game face on today folks, she's getting her pity meds!!!
A viewer has some logical advice, but OF COURSE Alex's case is SO SPECIAL AND INTENSE that she's already tried it despite not mentioning it and it just didn't work for her!
She claims she's not sleeping (DOUBT), she claims THIS is the 5th day of her having it (not yesterday when you said the same thing?), she reiterates that stupid Anderson is FINE and fully recovered and she's the only one still suffer and no one cares about her!!!
She claims she had to be convinced by Mom and grandma to go to urgent care, but she admits to shopping around for the one which opened the earliest (7 am), and was the quietest in the reviews
She tells us it's 6:57, and there's one person waiting at the door for them to open. She'll keep us posted, because we really fucking care. She reiterates how dumb it was for her to vlog yesterday, she's in so much pain... While continuing to vlog...
She just keeps repeating the same talking points, she really needs a pat on the ass and a lollipop or something.
Of course she leaves the mask on just long enough to catch a clip of it. SHE IS SICK Y'ALL
She coughs grossly then immediately wipes her eyes
If Yar doesn't catch this it'll be a miracle.
She was only in briefly apparently, and she's pissed because they won't give her anything because she's pregnant lololol (and had gastric bypass)
She decides to admit she's technically in less pain than she's been saying
But only just a little bit less!!!!
She's already gotten in her car, started vlogging, and rubbed her face, but remembers to sanitize her hands. "I don't think I've touched anything though..."
She claims that she has no Tylenol in her system yet, but the pain has only gone down from a 10 to an 8, and that in the past few days, just to swallow, she had to grab a pillow and squeeze for dear life, it was by far the worst pain any human has ever known.
She claims she talked to a few random people while in there (despite the unbearable pain I suppose, she just won't shut the fuck up), and conveniently they have ALL experienced HFM as adults, too! And they thought they were dying,too!
Like, no doubt this experience sucks, but come the fuck on, Alex.
At this point, she's so irritated by not being validated by the medical staff that she's given up on her performative scratchy voice entirely and does a little sing-songy warble, as she is wont to do, hoping she never gets this disease agaiiiin!
Thank goodness she's only at an 8 on the pain scale!!
She reiterates that it was a "great urgent care", very quick and quiet. I'll try to remember that when I'm having a medical emergency and simply MUST go to the nicest urgent care facility available, not just the closest.
She looks like shit lol.
Omfg UPDATE: The eye she smeared her nasty coughing hands all over in the car yesterday now has CONJUNCTIVITIS!!!! Ahahahaha
She laughs and tells us WAY TOO MUCH, that her eye has been "oozing pus" all day
It looks like she's pressing a newborn diaper to her eye, but apparently it's warm compress. God she's gross.
"I'm this close to losing it!"
"I'm so sorry, this is just officially a vlog of me complaining." Yeah what's new?
She claims she woke up with double pink eye. After literally showing us the crime live on camera in the urgent care parking lot. I can't even make this shit up.
She's blaming the HFM of course, claiming she woke up with her eyes "crusted shut"




She complains that the doc told her to just use warm compress and not to rub it, "which I just did... Um..."
"Truly, this is me using all my energy to talk." I wonder if Anderson is already back at daycare, super spreading in the name of the Holy Mother of Consumption?
When she talks with Yar, she just whispers
to make him pity her to 'preserve her voice'.
She claims she now has a 'weird' cough, and is coughing up mucus, and it hurts to cough so she isn't sleeping and is up every hour.
She's pitiful, alright, just not in the ways she's imagining.
She reiterates the complaints about how unfair (she uses that word) it is that she is sick and pregnant and she can't have her beloved NyQuil. She shows us her super special Gatorade zero.
She says the pain level without Tylenol is a 9 IF she's NOT being dramatic. I'm about to be dramatic and drive up to Rhode Island and slap this blubber ball. With PPE on, of course, I don't want to be patient 0 with the next super bug because I touched this filthy ho.
She is very smug about her perceived suffering.
She points to the brown tube in the corner. "On a bright note, we got a rug.". Every time I wonder if she could possibly get more boring...
She's clearly sick, but also clearly exaggerating for pity, and she essentially resumes vlogging per usual.
Her true self righteous attitude shines through the facade as she complains about how being sick is like a 'mental challenge ' (lol) for her, because she feels 'stuck' and she wants to just do things but she can't!! Translation: she wants pity and comfort because she doesn't feel very good, but feels forced to perform as most sickest ever in order to be exempt from her normal responsibilities, but that means she has to hold back from doing all her favorite bullshit, like store hopping and junk food binging, and she feels trapped in her own catch 22.
Damn this bitch really trying to snatch chantals crown these days.
"I'm almost claustrophobic in my own body when I'm sick, I'm like I need to get out, I need to get back!"
She pretty much ditches the woe is me act entirely as she gets excited about her boring ass rug plans and slightly reorganizing one room of the house. Even she's bored with her charade lol.
She wants "coastal energy" in her house. Boomer Florida Tourist tack, here we come!!
I wonder if she made Yar set this up for her bc she's so sick?? She loves her own choices. She got a bigger rug so the chairs don't snag.
She finally shows the anniversary peonies, and I wonder if she actually just recently got them for 'proof' lol. The reddit noticed there was no big anniversary announcement from Yar...
She claims Yar told her he would have gotten the flowers for her even if it wasn't their anniversary because she needed cheering up. Yeah, sounds like the Yar we all know and see. She pretends she's glad he didn't catch the sickness too; probably because she'd be forced to play good mom and wife and take care of both him and Anderson lol.
She sounds almost completely normal now as she lets us know she'll link the new rug, don't worry!!!
"I remember I used to not want to vlog without make up on... And look presentable... *Guffaw*"
"BECAUSE WE HAVE PINK EYE!" Looking like you feel just fine, Alex
She doesn't edit out her haggard pug inhale as she drinks, which is gag inducing and clearly for more sympathy because she is SO SICK!!!
"It still hurts to swallow!!" And the Oscar goes to...
She complains it's been a full week of HFM 'ruining her life' while SMUDGING HER GODDAMN PUS WEEPING PINK EYES WITH HER GRIMY FILTHY HANDS
She hopes we were entertained enough to click links for her despite knowing all she has done so far is complain.
She says this is an update for those who don't waste their time following her on Instagram
She looks and sounds like a slightly froggy, slightly less manic version of her normal self, of course. She claims she's been going out of her way not to talk at all at home though. Ha!!
"Do you like how I prioritize you though?!" *Blows us a black plague kiss* *half the world's population dies overnight*
She's been getting medical updates by the hour, but claims she didn't even want to call and talk to the doctor for her desperately needed medicine!!
A true martyr.
Omfg, she admits she just googled "pinkeye treatment" and got an ad for Amazon Medical...
"...do you want to DM with a doctor? Sure indo, I don't want to talk, it hurts to talk!!!"
FINALLY some hard earned validation!! From an AI ad.
She pretends to be excited when Yar comes home from work, she's so bored, she wants to whisper her hot stinky breath onto him forever, begging for interactions.
This feels like a covert ad, but she admits she's been chatting with an Amazon Medical bot, and it's a free program since she subscribes to Amazon prime. And her little attention seeking munchie heart is finally satisfied.
She scoops up some more eye pus for later as she describes how she's ordered her next day delivery meds from Amazon, likely for illnesses she's not actually diagnosed with, because she accidentally admitted she's avoided her regular doctor and has been seeing "Dr. Google" on the side.
She claims she wishes she knew she was going to get pink eye after rubbing her eyes with filthy hands after the urgent care visit BEFORE the urgent care visit so she could have just asked for eye drops then... But if she had that kind of self awareness, we probably wouldn't be anywhere near here, would we, Alex?
She rambles about having pinkeye as a kid.
She thinks it was super cool to get a prescription from a bot, and claims she told the bot she's pregnant so it has to be pregnancy safe eyedrops



.
"It was pretty cool! Certain parts of the future are... Fun and fresh... Some are not."
She's just waiting to watch more love island now. She claims it's almost 8pm and Anderson is in bed and she had dinner with Yar and she's already bored shitless with playing sickly Victorian waif.
She claims she's going to shower lol, then lay down for the next 16 hours.
She gets distracted by what I assume is the open 'tech junk drawer' and shows us she still has Anderson's first haircut in a ziplock bag and thinks she is so fucking funny for it.
Her arm rolls roll with laughter too
Performative mama schtick is more lucrative I guess.

"I grew these in my belly!" Ew stop
She yaps about a chinesium memory box she needs to put them in, and rubs the other eye for a superbug sample as well.
She uses her Hawking math brain to suss out the percentage of healing she's experienced day by day, deciding she improved 10% every day, and is definitely still dying please send pity money, but she's technically getting better or whatever
She tells us she hates wearing her glasses because they fog up because she's 'hot' all the time, but surely it's her hot stinky mouth breathing that's getting them foggy. She leans in way too close and whispers loudly and surely stinky that she loves us (ew) and is finally going to rest her voice, God bless her selfless soul.
