Oh my God it's overstimulating chaos from the jump. Anderson is agitated and yelling at her feet. She opens with "hey friends, welcome back!" Then immediately admits she doesn't know why she did that, starts over. I want to close the browser window forever but I've got a job to do!
She bitches about it being early morning, that Anderson was up since 5, and it doesn't matter what time they go to bed or if they Skip naps (ha!), he's up when he's up.
She says happy Sunday?? Wasn't her last vlog on Sunday? So this bitch is retro posting and faking the timeline to fuck with us and fill the gaping void of interesting activity in her life.
This weekend, Yar is "at army" (fucking kill me), so ofc she calls in the reinforcements and has mom take her to the beach so she can snore in the sand while Nancy traumatizes Anderson.
She claims she's on solo mom duty. Eat my asshole, Alex. Apologies in advance, I'm a cranky, stale, burnt sandwich today.
my doc just diagnosed me with fibromyalgia this week, and as an avid reader of the munchie thread, I'm pretty irritated about it!
Anderson runs hollering through the kitchen. "Yes, that's how I feel!"
Alex desperately wants to go back to bed herself, so she's going to dose Anderson with Benadryl to ensure he gets his nap this morning, then they're going to the beach.
She claims she's been back into walks in the morning before it gets to hot. Again, eat my asshole ma'am. With love from the hottest hellhole in Texas.
I wish she'd wear more clothes.
She thinks because she's further alone in her pregnancy that she's feeling better and can breathe better and therefore is more active??
She claims she's going for a walk, then to the grocery store, of fucking course, and she's going to prep them some "beach Sammies".
"Who doesn't love a Sammie on the beach? Ugh, so excited!" About food, Alex.
She snorks like a congested pug while rambling on about how it's a chill beach to see if Anderson even likes it, and that he doesn't usually like sand but he might now because he used to not like grass but he does now. What the fuck??
Of course she's raising a little psycho.
She waddles off screen because she overnighted beach toys on Amazon for Anderson and she expects them to be delivered already. They aren't. Why the FUCK does he need new beach toys?!
Good question.
She bitches about how her neighborhood is "kind of new construction" and deliveries has a hard time? Since when?
They put the package by the garage and she spends three minutes rambling about it.
The real reason she's excited for this package? She hunted down that blue and white dress she was obsessed with finding in her last 'sunday' vlog at target and ordered it online. She bought the toys as a cover.
She complains that it's been a minute since she's had date night with Yar.
She complains about how she feels she can't control a two year old, and that she needs to go to the garage, but if she does, Anderson will want to go outside. The horror!
She ends up taking him for the walk she was lying about earlier, because he just wants to be outside and she has no authority over him. She pretends to love the fact that he wants to be outside and is essentially forcing her to be active. I still can't believe she won't cover up, her neighbors must be rubber necking like crazy when she comes waddling through.
She pulls her air pods from her saggy sweaty tits, then complains about how she had to buy new ones because the old ones mysteriously "shit the bed".
She claims they took a 40 minute walk before going grocery shopping, and she cuts to the car.
She complains about it being busy. On a weekend.
She struggles to get the seatbelt buckled around her girth. She's clearly irritated today and being pretty cunty.
She's worried she didn't pick a good watermelon because Anderson was fussy and she was taking too long and she panicked and just grabbed the first one. She's fucking pathetic.
She suddenly transitions home, and unapologetically tells us she's doing her grocery haul while seated. Such fitness! Yass queen!
She complains some more about panicking at the watermelon disco. Guess she can't bitch about having male grocery pickers any more. She claims she's going to cut it while he's napping, which we know isn't true, because then when will SHE nap???
She thinks the beach will be busy because the grocery store was busy which means EVERYONE is copying her amazing special unique idea and her beach day will certainly be ruined.
She is super irritated when Anderson interrupts her pity fest with babbling and she asks him if he's tired.
They didn't have any ripe pineapple but she bought one anyway.
She got sandwich pickles and mandarin slices in juice, for Anderson, of course. More micro plastics!!! He needs to be top of the class in something.
She got table salt and one onion for her mom's sandwich. Oh and onion powder. Ugh.
The peel from Andersons free banana at whole foods.
A party sized bag of chips for the day, of course!
Veggie straw chips just for Anderson!
She really needs that nap, she's putting zero effort into this haul. She got more ripple milk for Anderson, chobani yogurts for Yar.
Turkey and "prov", for Yars sandwiches. She shows off that the sliced turkey was 50% off
revenge for leaving you alone with your son, eh?
Cheddar just for her and Nancy. She says she's making a tuna sandwich for herself and a turkey sandwich for her mom. Hot tuna at the beach sounds awful ngl.
And finally, more Parmesan cheese. She launches into a story about how much she uses parm, much to her surprise, and the last one was moldy. She then admits she makes pizza pretty frequently. We know hon. We can see it in the dough boy physique.
She shows off her weird ass body again, claiming she just ordered maternity bike shorts?! Of all the needless things.
She finally hit Anderson in the head with the skillet and he's down for a nap. She's going to prep and 'chill'.
Peep the open diet coke, that's 2 sodas/caffeine sources for the day so far.
She shows of the temu level, ai packaged beach toys she bought Anderson.
She forgets the term 'watering can' and says he loves "little sprinkly dinkle things like this".
There are way too many plastic sand shapers.
She calls a rake a "scraper". All brain cells have officially expired.
There's a collapsible pail, and she ponders the mysteries of the little bag included for transport.
She shows her Florida beach bag, and you KNOW she's linking this shit again. Clicky clicky bitches!
She had stashed away the beach bag after her last trip without emptying it, so it already had dollar tree toys in it ready to go.
Speaking of trips, did she ever mention the DR trip again???
She struggles for air as she raves about the kids sunscreen.
She goes through all the forgotten junk still in the bag from months ago, and is confused by a container she later claims Anderson packed in there for playing with.
She opens a brand new pair of sunglasses she bought for Anderson. He refuses to wear a hat, and she's hoping she can 'force' him to wear the sunglasses en lieu since they come with a strap. The strap is so they aren't lost if lowered, but she's going to use it to cinch them to his face so he can't pull them off. Yikes.
She flaunts more TMI personal products and shows her monistat chafing relief powder gel.
She rants about how well it works, and all I can think is unless you're a triathlete on
@Diet Coke 4 Life 's level, you gotta get a grip and lose the weight. You shouldn't need a whole new bottle of chafing gel just to go the fucking beach and lay around! We know she is making Nancy run after Anderson, especially while she's 'so preggo'.
And, of course, more food with which she will attempt to placate a cranky Anderson. She said she got a big pack of tractor wheels, which I had to look up.
Ahaha, I called it! She's not cutting the watermelon today, but sadly, saving it for another vlog, as if anyone wants to watch that.
She shows us the trash from the last monistat cream she left for weeks in her beach bag to prove how much she uses and loves it.
She notices the diet coke is in frame and needs to address it; she says it's so cute, bless her heart, she went to her grandma's the other day and Grandma got her a caffeine free diet coke because she's worried about her health but knows she'll throw a shit fit if she doesn't have a little treat at grammies! So, my bad, there's no caffeine in this one. Explains why it's still half full I guess.
"My heart was like exploding..." In more ways than you realize girly pop. Alex's heart putting the pop in girly pop lol.
She runs through the rest of her packing list; towels, blanket, chairs, sammiches.
Her watch panics in real time about her heart rate as she gives us a 2x speed montage of sandwich making. She is so focused on food, it's bizarre. I don't know how she can't see it.
Shockingly, she actually does a nice job wrapping them in cling wrap. I am surprised with approval lol. It's well done and cheaper/more practical than ziplock bags.
She does too much performative cleaning, then we finally get to the meat of the vlog... Only 16 out of 23 minutes in!!
We have a nice musical montage at regular speed.
It does look nice, reminds me of my childhood on the NW coast
Anderson sizing up Nancy, calculating the chances that he'll get away with making her drowning look like an 'accident'.
Alex and her reason for living
Nancy lets Anderson know she's onto him and is willing to meet force with force.
"Big update from last year, Anderson likes the beach now."
"Someone tell us why Anderson took a fat dump at the beach. *Chortle*". Nasty stupid bint.
And OF COURSE she makes Nancy change him.
Alex pretends she's reality show material again and tells us they filmed on this beach in Real Housewives of Rhode Island.
Eldritch Nancy haunts the frame.
Then suddenly:
It's time for her disease announcement.
Deflection in the comments:
So, I'm guessing this is from last Sunday, June 7, and Yar was 'at army', and the last Sunday vlog she showed was actually two weeks old, may 31.
Anyway, you guessed it, she's sho shick you guysh. But more importantly!!!
She's going to eat food on camera! And try the new nasty looking sour puff bars.
At this point in time she's claiming only Anderson is sick, and down for a nap at the moment.
She sighs, exasperated at how much effort goes into cobbling together a full vlog, and 'apologizes' for it being short.
Barf.
"Mommy duties come first, of course." BITCH WHERE
She claims they had a lot of fun at the beach.
She says he loves the sand now but was still freaked out by the ocean, which, like, yeah, he's an iPad baby, and all kids need to get exposure to varied textures, sensations, and environments, but she wouldn't know that.
She gulps for air and reiterates how he loves being outside.
But on to more important things, she cuddles her new trophy.
She loves these bars because they "taste like candy", but remember, she's not a sweets girl AT ALL YOU GUYS OKAY?!
Also, I think we'll get a nail vlog soon, I don't remember her getting neon pink nails.
She wonders how many points these would be with WW, then tells us she has her account suspended for now. As if we thought she was trying in any capacity.
Her comments come to her defense, unprompted.
She claims she loves WW and will get RIGHT BACK INTO IT after 'baby' comes. Ok. But we can judge her for not doing it while pregnant, she doesn't care!!!!! She doesn't!!!! This isn't preemptive!!!!
"This looks so fun!" She rambles about reading the reviews as foreplay for this moment, to ensure she ordered the most popular flavor.
SHE LICKS THE FUCKING SPRINKLES.
"Ooo, they're sour!"
She tries it, does her best fag hag impression (she wishes), then speeds up her cud chewing session, slowly zooming in on her deteriorating face.
It's essentially candy with a smidge of incomplete protein, so of course she loves it. "That is so good, that is giving peach rings!"
She calls these an "excellent tool" for curbing late night sweet tooth, as if she's some health and weight loss guru.
She immediately admits she wants to try the rest of the flavors too, despite their lower review scores.
She manages to squeeze in some complaints about how pricey they are, of course.
She apologizes for now filming any new members videos lately; she claims she was GOING to, of course, but fucking ANDERSON wanted to be sick and contagious and couldn't go to daycare until he's healthy again so she's been stuck with him all week, ugh. She thinks she'll try to squeeze in some overpriced nontent during a nap time for some shit, she doesn't know or care. Fuck you for being stupid enough to subscribe. K bai!
