05/15 - Phil Phights Ba... Wait, I swear I've done this before... - In which, yet again, Phil conphiscates another phucking phone

[Jaimas]

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Oh my. I mean, this is a pretty hefty cavalcade of bullshit, but the one detail that just strains credulity the absolute most is probably the idea of Phil running. And a few blocks! Wow! If it weren't total bullshit I'd bet it sounded like an old toolbox falling down stairs, only with a phuck of a lot more panting and wheezing.

And that Kiwi? Albert Einstein.

 

[Ravenor]

There are multiple reasons why this didn't happen. If nothing else it was raining some today and we know Phil is adverse to any sort of water.
I also imagined him imagining doing a cool Naruto run after this figment of his imagination.

You know what I'm going to buy to a DSLR and a Macro lens so you can get right up close to Phil (don't worry I'll include a peg for your nose) take all the photos we would ever want and a film crew to record the glorious moment where your 6 inches away from him side step him when he finally twig's your taking photographs of him after an hour or so leaving him breathless and confused.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Funny how Phil gets so worked up over a blurry photo taken of him cheese shopping, yet he uploads all sorts of unflattering photos of himself all the time. It's similar thinking to CWC getting worked up over the GAMe PLACe photo, yet look at all the crap he uploaded.

 

[Every Crook and Nanny]

Phil's just jealous that his senpai CWC is raking in the dough from his sales and continuing his legendary comic series and wants to grab our attention back.

 

[Feline Darkmage]

Funny how Phil gets so worked up over a blurry photo taken of him cheese shopping, yet he uploads all sorts of unflattering photos of himself all the time. It's similar thinking to CWC getting worked up over the GAMe PLACe photo, yet look at all the crap he uploaded.

He's exactly like Chris, except add the fact he's got an irredeemably putrid personality on top of it.

 

[obliviousbeard]

Ever been so dumb you had like, maybe five lies that you circulate?

 

[Deadpool]

Actual photo of Phil chasing the kiwi:

 

[Zim]

The only way Phil would ever even notice a Kiwi agent would be if they were wearing one of our Kiwi Brand Kiwi Shirts (tm) or our Kiwi Brand Kiwi Hats (tm) with 'Tismshield Technology (patent pending). Seriously, the only thing that makes him run is from being responsibilities and confrontations. Or when there's a sale on cheese. He'll run after that.

 

[Fareal]

You could chase Phil in one of these and the spazmo still wouldn't get the hint.

https://sneed-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/31/e1/24/31e124c7bfc0af27d95317608ef85bfb.jpg

 

[TiggerNits]

The homeless guy I'm paying to stalk Phil hasn't told me he lost the camera phone! I swear Hobo-Jonny I'll have your ass for losing equipment in the field!

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

The kiwi's name? Albert Einstein!

I was literally just Ctrl+Fing through all the pages to see if this exact joke had been made yet.

I'm running on fumes I'm afraid.

 

[The Dude]

Did everyone in the street begin slow clapping like some cheesy 90's inspirational movie/RomCom? The kind where one person stands up and starts clapping slowly, then a couple more people join him, then more people until everyone in the vicinity is clapping and cheering? Is that how it happened, Phil?

 

[Optimus Prime]

Or when there's a sale on cheese. He'll run after that.

He'll run after Cheese even if it's marked up. Phil's money priorities tend to be needlessly extravagant where they matter least I.E. bike-daughter-altar and the taticool belt of fail.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

They tried that. Until Bob died.

I would have loved to have seen that fight. Both autists, trembling in fear, flailing randomly at the air but not getting more than six feet near to each other, eventually overbalancing at the same time. Everyone leaves in disgust before the aroma of two sets of crapped pants renders the area uninhabitable.

 

[nad7155]

I was literally just Ctrl+Fing through all the pages to see if this exact joke had been made yet.

Rehashed jokes on HERE???

No way.

 

[m0rnutz]

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Spoiler: Text

today is hell.
Today so far, I catch a Kiwi Farms stalker trying to get blurry photos of me on the slide, I chase his Hot Pockets eating ass a couple of blocks and he tripped over the curb and beefs it on the sidewalk front first, I grab his phone - delete the photos, give the phone back to him with a warning to not do that shit again.

Discovers Rose Haven is closed, hikes back home via across Southwest Portland hills and narrow two lane roads since I did not want to mess around with Downtown Portland because of Rose Haven being closed for Mother’s Day weekend fuckery.

And Facebook ID policy my main account suspended until they can verify my identity

And I have a chiropractor appointment at 3 today.

End me.
Please.

What is he worried about verification for? Just show them his birth certificate.


Oh wait.

 

[auroraboreanaz]

Rehashed jokes on HERE???

No way.

He rehashed the lie, we may as well rehash the jokes.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

The only way Phil would ever even notice a Kiwi[...]

Or ADF just assumes everyone who's a CIS male is a potential Kiwi. In ADF's eyes, we're all males, wear fedoras, eat hotpockets, live in moms' basements, and other MRA stereotypes.

Like Shaner thought that Kiwi Farms was a wide-reaching conspiracy with local railroads.

 

[Darndirty]

Personally I feel bad for the minorities of australatina, whenever Phil suffers, they suffer.

 

[Rio]

There are multiple reasons why this didn't happen. If nothing else it was raining some today and we know Phil is adverse to any sort of water.
I also imagined him imagining doing a cool Naruto run after this figment of his imagination.

I'd pay all of my 13 dindu nuffins to see Phil do a naruto run irl.