So just came back from Guardians 3, it's out in the UK already. I will be frank I walked out of this film. I have only walked out 3 films in my life and Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was one of those. The film is awful for a multitude of reasons.
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All the stuff you said
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The film is a mess but the Marvel shills are in hyperdrive atm
Just came back from it, and oh my god, you're so full of shit, or a massive pussy.
Yes, there's body horror and scenes of animal experimentation, but it doesn't "relish" on it, it's shown as something horrific and tragic. And it's not 50 minutes, the experimentation flashbacks must total at most 20 minutes out of the film.
What the fuck are you talking about Warlock being gay? He's dumb and childish, because as they explain, he was pulled out of the cocoon before he finished developing. There's literally no "faggotory" scenes with him. He gets a pet, is that what you mean? The gay joke with Mantis and Drax is one 30 second (at most) scene, and it's not a running joke either, Drax just says that she "does this every time". It doesn't reoccur, the joke doesn't come back when the man in question appears again, etc.
The amount and appropriateness of jokes is about on par with Vol2, which I thought was too much already. But it's not on the level of, say, Thor4. The humor is also more character driven, and jokes that seem to be just throwaway quips for the hahas end up informing character moments later. For instance, there's a lot of jokes (and scenes of characters bitching) about Drax's intelligence, and later it pays off as they realize what Drax's calling really is. There's scenes that play out like a comedy of errors (characters end up in different places because of misunderstandings or miscommunications or just plain wrongheadedness), but they also inform character moments or lead to necessary plot development.
I'm gonna be honest: this one is actually good. Maybe even great, but I need to let it marinate a bit in my mind. There's the usual Marvel caveats, like the aformentioned humor, of course. But it's got good action (there's a oner -obviously very CGI-heavy- that's really well done and reminded me of the big scene in Avengers where the action followed each character as they did essentially combo attacks with other Avengers. Hell, the very final fight scene with the villain is like something you'd pull out in Marvel Vs Capcom 2 if you knew how to use your assists and supers); there's a ton of tearjerker scenes, and while some do rely on the body horror aspects, they're generally very well done, and the big ones are really, really earned, not just from this movie but from the entire arc of the Guardians; you criticize the acting, and in some of the more comedic scenes yeah, I can give you that. But in the dramatic scenes, they really manage to sell the emotions the characters are feeling.
Both in action and emotion, pretty much every primary and secondary character gets a moment or two.
I'll say there's a couple things you get right. A few songs aren't as well utilized as in the previous films, there's a lot of profanity that feels out of place (lots of people calling each other assholes, dicks, Quill going "just open the fucking door", etc.). There's a joke near the end that feels like something out of Deadpool 2 (not for the profanity, but kind of a scene that's supposed to be tense and dramatic turning into something a bit undignified). And you're absolutely right that the actor for the villain would have been a much better Kang than Majors.
What can I say, I really liked it. I felt Ants3 was criticized more harshly than it deserved, but it was still very flawed. Not this one. It's really good, and a great sendoff to the trilogy. It's what I wanted out of Thor4, Ants3, and some others: complete the character arcs, close the loose threads, give a good sendoff to the characters, and sure, introduce something for the future but provide a jumping off point for those who want out.
And ironically, I think this is my stop. I can honestly say I don't care for anything that's upcoming from the MCU. I may care about Nova if they ever get around doing him. Maybe Spidey, but it depends on what they do moving forward (if they just go back to Zendaya getting her memories back immediately, which they just might, then fuck that). But right now? I think I'm good.
