Your personal nightmare pizza

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Actually, I was just thinking about this question, and - General Tso's Chicken.

I made some at a Chinese buffet years back; took a slice of cheese pizza, covered it in General Tso's. I thought it would be amazing. I was wrong.

I'll be honest, it wasn't the worst pizza I've ever eaten. And it's clearly not the worst pizza I can conceive of. But it was certainly the biggest culinary letdown of my adult life, and to this day I get sad even thinking about it. Maybe if the base was a white pizza instead of red it would have worked, but I can't bring myself to try again.
 
Paper-thin crust, bottom completely burnt to shit, thin mucus-white sauce, and a sea of black olives, chopped fine, and scattered about the pizza like a minefield of salt.

Just a myriad of all the worst pizzas I've had and the memories of horrible cafeteria food rolled into a tiny bundle of sick.
 
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This is a thought experiment I can get behind.

The cheese: bleu
The sauce: honey barbecue
The crust: that weird kind that's all spongy and rubbery even when it's fresh and hot
The toppings: tuna, arugula, sweet corn, extra anchovies, and cilantro
 
Cheerlead-in-Chief dijo:
Got a new one inspired by a Subway sandwich order:
Regular crust, marinara sauce, sliced meatballs, tomato slices and ranch dressing.
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That honestly doesn't sound half bad. The only thing that'd make that proper nasty is if the marinara sauce had onions in it and the tomato slices were soggy and overcooked. Perhaps even put some beef gravy on the meatballs so anyone who still thinks it sounds good is deterred.
 
Gluten free crust with fish sauce, cottage cheese, fruit cocktail, ham, and ground ginger.
 
I saw online some guy made a pizza with baked beans. So either that or any seafood. Love seafood. But thats not a pizza topping.
 
Solid Snek dijo:
Actually, I was just thinking about this question, and - General Tso's Chicken.

I made some at a Chinese buffet years back; took a slice of cheese pizza, covered it in General Tso's. I thought it would be amazing. I was wrong.

I'll be honest, it wasn't the worst pizza I've ever eaten. And it's clearly not the worst pizza I can conceive of. But it was certainly the biggest culinary letdown of my adult life, and to this day I get sad even thinking about it. Maybe if the base was a white pizza instead of red it would have worked, but I can't bring myself to try again.
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This sounds like something I would do while stoned off my ass and enjoy every bite
 
For me, it would be a pizza with the kinds of foods that make me throw up: avocado, seafood and fish.
 
There was a great little hole in the wall pizza place near where my wife and I lived in Montgomery County Pennsylvania when we were first married called Michelle's. Their claim to fame (other than having fantastic regular pizza) was having damn near any topping for a pizza that you could name, and this allowed me to witness the supreme culinary horror of my life. I was waiting to pick up my order one evening, when a couple came in to pick up theirs, I both saw and smelled the absolute disaster they'd ordered. A Chicago style (very deep dish) white pizza with anchovies, pineapple, black and green olives, avocado slices, topped with blue cheese, and Sriracha drizzle. As they paid for it, I caught a whiff, and it was truly an unholy amalgamation of aromas, and it haunts me to this day nearly 17 years later...
 
I got drunk and already had my nightmare pizza. So bad the dogs wouldn't even touch it. As it's described on the menu:

'Our Delicious Marinara, a Half-Pound of Melting Mozzarella and Provolone, Fresh Roasted Chicken, Crunchy Cashews, Real Korean Kimchi (Spicy Pickled Cabbage), and Sweet Mandarin Oranges complimented by the fabulous Salty-Sweet taste of Traditional Japanese Teriyaki Sauce'

I think I've tasted actual vomit which was better than that, but really what could have I been expecting
 
I Love Beef dijo:
My nightmare?

A pizza:

That composes itself mostly of the bread to fill you up, with barely any sauce, and uses cheese to attempt to make up for its lack of taste. It is a shitty dry and messy abomination with a greasy butter crusted bottom and is so heavy and mind numbingly overwhelming to eat that you feel sick eating it.
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So Chicago style
 
During the late 80s/early 90s, there was a short-lived range of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle themed pizzas put out by Asda.

There were four toppings to choose from: chocolate and marshmallow; sausage and egg; bacon and beans; apple crumble.

They were short-lived for a reason - all of them were fucking terrible. Sauce | Archive
 
Incitatus dijo:
When I found out that this became a trend.

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Oddly enough, before I even clicked on this I thought "peeps" to myself because I hate peeps so much. I didn't for a moment think it would exist.
A damn shame because that looks like a good pizza otherwise.

Along with peeps I'll say anything with mayo. Japan loves their mayo, I'm sure they're putting that shit on it.
 
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