Which lolcow will die next?

[chimpburgers]

My money is on Autphag being the next one to die because of his severe pneumonia that he refuses to get treatment for or call emergency services in Scotland about. He literally wants to die in the middle of the night that way.

After that, if someone like Tooter stops coming here for several months, I'd have to assume that he fucked off and died too. Barb will definitely die by the end of the year and then after that, ADF and Chris both have moderate chances of dying. DSP will go on living for a few more years while his gout continues to grow worse and worse.

 

[Ninja_Warrior]

Chris I think, via septic shock and idiocy, or one of the slanton sisters...actually...

 

[BILLY MAYS]

Striker.

Just look at that fat body of his that won't last long.

 

[QB 290]

I'm saying either Nick Bate or Jessee Young. provided they are both locked away in prison, pedophiles and animal abusers don't last long. Might take a while but still

 

[CatParty]

I'm hoping either @Autphag or Chris

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Wait, DSP has the gout now?

 

[Cunty Boo Boo]

Who can even say? If you'd told me a month ago that Julie Terryberry was going to kill herself...well, I would have believed you. But she was a relatively healthy 19-year-old. I never would've guessed with all our disgusting cows who are in such poor health, she would've died before them.

So for me, I'll just shrug my shoulders and say that while I don't know, not knowing is part of the fun.

 

[Purple People Eater]

I'd say Ashley Issacs, but every time someone says she's gonna die soon it seems to extend her life span.

 

[Solzhenitsyn]

Wait, DSP has the gout now?

He's had it for years, but claims that it was cured by the fresh Seattle air.
Add good old 700goingon800 to the potential deaths list. Fatter than ever and the beetus is claiming its due.

 

[Crisseh]

@Weeny Tran killed while trying to stalk a lady.

 

[Trombonista]

Tammy Slaton. At the very least, she will not make it to the end of 2017.

 

[Sl8on]

Yeah, Tammy and Chris both seem to be neck and neck at this point. It's literally a race between Chris imploding and Tammy exploding.

 

[MrTahpHayt]

Me probably. RIP my account

 

[KatsuKitty]

With CWC's woundgina, I have to bump him way up by tens of levels on the Likely-to-Die list.

However, Ashley the spoopy skeleton and Nick Bate still top my charts. Ashley is due to drop any moment. Nick Bate lives in persistent danger for his life in an overcrowded PA country jail, so if he's not in adseg he's going to get disemboweled. The CWC situation is serious enough that I'd put him at #3. Someone with a very poor diet and lifestyle, ripping liquid dump right into a wound on a daily basis that, for all intents and purposes, has gotten so bad that it cannot possibly heal itself. He is due for sepsis literally any moment, precisely because he cannot simply count on his body to fix this one for him.

 

[Innocuous]

It's hard to say, because the whole Julie Terryberry thing happened out of nowhere. I'll just go with Chris or Nick Bate

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I initially thought Chris, but the guy has this incredible way of avoiding the worst consequences of his actions. Either Godbear is preserving him for a greater purpose, or intends to kill him in a totally unpredictable and utterly spectacular way. So I'm going to say Tammy Slaton.

That being said, one of the defining qualities of lolcows is their resistance to logic, so who knows? Maybe Phil will get gored by a stampeding rhino or Sophie Labelle will wander into an atomic test site.

 

[AnOminous]

With CWC's woundgina, I have to bump him way up by tens of levels on the Likely-to-Die list.

However, Ashley the spoopy skeleton and Nick Bate still top my charts. Ashley is due to drop any moment. Nick Bate lives in persistent danger for his life in an overcrowded PA country jail, so if he's not in adseg he's going to get disemboweled.

Nick Bate is highly possible. For whatever reason, they sent him to the Lancaster County Prison for the rest of his sentence. That's not only a really old prison, it's really badly run as well and has little in the way of facilities for prisoners who need special treatment. Nick needs that for mental reasons as well as because most of the people there would really enjoy stomping him.

Either he's kept constantly in what amounts to solitary or he's in a huge amount of danger.

 

[The Kebab and Calculator]

Nick Bate in a pool of blood in the shower seems quite likely.

Or one of the Slatons with a large donut stuck in her gob.

But surely it must be Samuel Colingwood Smith as the Kiwi drive-by squad has been despatched.

 

[InLivingTuna]

Taxman and Kent are eventually gonna succeed at becoming an hero. It's only a matter of when at this point.

 

[Rou]

With CWC's woundgina, I have to bump him way up by tens of levels on the Likely-to-Die list.

However, Ashley the spoopy skeleton and Nick Bate still top my charts. Ashley is due to drop any moment. Nick Bate lives in persistent danger for his life in an overcrowded PA country jail, so if he's not in adseg he's going to get disemboweled. The CWC situation is serious enough that I'd put him at #3. Someone with a very poor diet and lifestyle, ripping liquid dump right into a wound on a daily basis that, for all intents and purposes, has gotten so bad that it cannot possibly heal itself. He is due for sepsis literally any moment, precisely because he cannot simply count on his body to fix this one for him.

Despite his issues, I give him at least ten years. I've seen people in worse shape make it to their 50s and 60s.