The shitty advice thread

[Suburban Bastard]

I'm conflicted on whether traps are gay or not. I need some sort of middle ground.

Slice the dick off but keep the balls. Now you got some levels of straight and gay, the perfect middle ground.

 

[Samoyed]

how do I tell my dog it'll go to heaven?

 

[JambledUpWords]

how do I tell my dog it'll go to heaven?

You don’t tell your dog it will go to heaven, you kill it so it can experience heaven.

 

[Lame Entropy]

how do I tell my dog it'll go to heaven?

Become a dog otherkin. Once you become one with your true canine self, you'll be fluent in dogonese and be able to relay your message.

 

[Midlife Sperglord]

how do I tell my dog it'll go to heaven?

Give it multiple orgasms so that it will never want to leave Earth and go to Heaven to begin with.

 

[666DEATHGAY]

I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz

 

[Clop]

Call me when you can get half as many bitches with your skinny ass ?

I know who I'm calling you sick fuck.

 

[Midlife Sperglord]

I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz

You don’t need a resume to be a streetwalking prostitute. Nor do you need one to sell heroin to inner city youth.

 

[nagant 1895]

I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz

There are many helpful websites than can teach you all the secrets of money making success for just 49.99 per class. Yes, you too can become a millionaire by working from home with just these 5 weird tricks wallstreet doesn't want you to know.

 

[Sundae]

I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz

Just lie on your resume and say you have years of experience and multiple degrees. It's not wrong if you don't get caught.

And that last bit of advice doesn't just apply to lying on resumes.

 

[obliviousbeard]

If you feel little bit under a weather, try lubricating your nipples with some pig lard to avoid chafing.

 

[JM 590]

What weighs more by itself: An anus or a vagina?

 

[Spunt]

<- Depends how many anuses you have.

 

[Begemot]

How do I convince the people on the desert bus that eating cats is good both morally and in a culinary sense?

 

[oldTireWater]

I've been called for jury duty. How can I escape this terrible burden?

Jury duty pays. Quit your job and rejoice in your new long-term employment as a peer. Go buy a new car with your new juror fat-cash to ease the transition.

If you can't accept your new life, then just bring a gun to the court-house.

 

[Lilac1]

My upstairs neighbors are really noisy and I'm searching for ways to kill them without causing damage to my apartment/having to actually go up there.

 

[PT 522]

How do I convince the people on the desert bus that eating cats is good both morally and in a culinary sense?

Bite the head off a kitten ozzy ozbourne style in front of them while screaming "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD". I'm sure that'll get everyone on your side.

 

[JambledUpWords]

I can't get a job because no work experience and I can't get work experience because of no job. Help plz

Steal someone’s identity and pretend to have experience at whatever job they do. Afterwards, kill that person you stole the identity from and forever change who you are.

 

[IV 445]

If you have an opinion about how the site could be better you should PM Null about it

 

[A single cheeto]

How do you cook good? How do you make bubble bath?