The Julays 2024: Pre-Show Discussion - It's an election year. This thread is the primaries.

[Hamplanet Fitness]

The Julays are an annual award ceremony for our herd of lolcows. (2023's Julays)

Lolcow

of the

Year

Nick Rekieta / Rekieta Law

Austin Curtis Peterson / Bossmanjack

Christopher "Ava Kris" Tyson

Steven Bonnell II / Destiny

Because many people did not follow the instructions last year, which made counting take longer than it should have, I'd like to further streamline voting in this year's lower awards somehow to make it easier on myself, or have established forum members volunteer to count some of the pages so we can get a more timely count. If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Another change I'm making is that lolcows can only be nominated for one award. Our Fresh Meat and Put to Pasture nominees can no longer win awards in their respective subforums.

Introducing Lolcow Emeritus

This is a lifelong achievement award for lolcows. Only five lolcows will receive this award each year, selected from among those with the longest and most storied careers and most Julays wins in past years. This category will not be voted on this year, but that may change in future years. Lolcow Emeritus recipients are not eligible for other awards in the year in which they are inducted.

Christian Weston Chandler

Anisa Jomha

Ethan Ralph / Gunt

Brianna Wu / John Walker Flynt

Subforum Awards

Best Main Forum Lolcow

Emily Nicole Cassidy / SamanthaPrater

Daniel Larson

Russell Greer

Josh Saunders / KingCobraJFS

Samuel Collingwood Smith / Vordrak

Andrew Ditch / The Poopsquatch

Alyssa Mercante / beerandfeminism

Best Lolcow Herd

Ruben Sim Derangement Syndrome
soyjak.party / "The Sharty"
Bluesky

Queen of the Beauty Parlour

This award has been cancelled this year. Congratulations to Anisa Jomha on her Lolcow Emeritus title.

Breaker of Scales

Alexandra Rodriguez

Anna O'Brien / glitterandlazers

Amy Slaton / 1000 lb Sisters

Juliana "J" Aprileo / comfyfattravels

Esther Evelyn Noor / findingevie

Best Animal Control Lolcow
I may remove this award if there isn't enough interest; it didn't get many votes compared to the others last year.

Million Pity

Herbert Kenneth Huachaca / Dansburst Studios

Caden Wayne "Jade" Scholeck / BlueFolf

Sean Patrick Kraese / kittyofquantum

Best Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow (includes Internet Tough Guys and Da Sektur)

Steven Jason Williams / boogie2988

Patrick Sean Tomlinson / stealthygeek

Dax Herrera / Dick Masterson / Juju the Cow

Nikolas Marshall Talbott / itsnatsutalbott

Jackie Singh / hackingbutlegal

Jim Stewartson / stewanon

Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow

Jacob "Pranavi Kalavathamma" Lorei / Tunnel Girl

Stephanie Cianfriglia / Sapphire Crimson Claw

Huai Ze Dong / bobposting

Jude Howarth / Finn5ter

Joshua "Jessica" Routhier / Poppy Diabolique

Fresh Meat
Nominees for this category must have had their thread created in 2024.

Aaron Imholte / Steel Toe Morning/Evening Show

Nicholas "Lilly" Contino / lillytino_

Jessica Anne Boyle / NakedAndLaughing

Ana Victoria "Victor" Markhoff / vvictorman_uel

Patrick Alan Melton / Nobody Likes Onions

Best Put to Pasture Lolcow
Nominees for this category must have passed away in 2024.

Richard T. "Erica Raelene" Gifford / Sissy Baby Pansy Cause of death: Unknown

Gonzalo Lira / Coach Red Pill Cause of death: Killed in Ukrainian prison

Makayla "Griffin" Sivret (SRS Surgeons thread sideshow) Cause of death: Complications from gender-affirming rot dog surgery

Nicholas Johannsen / Hard Rock Nick Cause of death: Suspected suicide

Sean Piche / Dragoneer Cause of death: Illness

Eric Hites / Fat Guy Across America Cause of death: FAT

Concord Cause of death: Overdosed on DEI

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award

Frank Breaker / Monostar Leatherknuckles / Frankman64 @Monostar Leatherknuckles

Amethyst Eve Ines / SinisterSystem @Weed Eater

Colton Marshall "Amanda" Lochmann / Justabatto95 @JustaBatto95 & @Saladfingy05

William T. Cannon / Peppermint Swirl @Peppermint Swirl

Christian Meurin / Sarah Meurin / SchalaZeal @Harvey Denthead

Gordon David Paille / Gflashex / Emperor of DarkFire Verum @Gflashex

sW1chyboi

Other Awards

Best Lolcow Media (pic/video)

If you'd like to nominate someone for an award or suggest Best Lolcow Media nominees, please do! Be sure to include the link to any Best Lolcow Media you nominate, I don't really read some of the subforums so I may not know what you're referring to by name. Thanks!

What happened to Best Lolcow Fanwork and the awards for excellent threads? There's a separate ceremony for those this year - The Bufords!

The Julays will go live December 31.

 

[shinto minto]

Can we include Dax and Ralph as main forum entries?

 

[Frank(en) Castle]

I’d like to nominate PPP for breaker of scales.

Ideas for replacing Animal Control and/or Queen of the Beauty Parlor.
1.) Could there be a “Best Internet Friend of the Farms”, put people like Kino Casino, Metokur, Sean of Potentially Criminal, maybe Hardin “The FOIA Man”.
2.) Considering the amount of arrests this year, we could have a best “Caught Red Handed” award. Daniel Larson, Bossman, Balldo, Riley, etc… could also include shit like ShortFatOtaku’s getting caught with the tranny shit, and Boogies crypto scam.

I regret to say I have no good ideas on making vote counting easier.

Edit: Seconding votes for Ralph and JuJu as main forum cows.

 

[sarna]

Queen of the Beauty Parlour
I'll probably remove this award; everyone's just gonna vote for Anisa again.

Rembembrancermx/Becky Gerber is making a dark horse run at the moment. If her current campaign of fucking rando perverts from Fetlife in front of her two husbands and her sorely neglected infant continues she could put up big numbers down the back half of the year.

 

[Hamstirer]

Not sure if Andy Ditch would qualify for fresh meat. Looks like he did have a tiny thread back in 2020 but it only had 3 replies and died. New one is from 24.

 

[Admiral Throbnelius]

I would like to suggest bringing back an award category from last year, the Michael Alan White OPsec Fail Award:

It was won last year by Nikolas Talbott/@Itsnatsutalbott/@LLLLL, with Felix Lang/@thegooddoctor coming in with a close second. We've had a bunch of crazy halal OPsec fails this year, especially during this summer of Kiw-Eid, including:

Frank Breaker/@Monostar Leatherknuckles: True & Honest Creator of Red Mist and aspiring mangaka who wants to be published in Shonen Jump. Also a vore fetishist.


Colton Marshall Lochmann/Amanda Marie Lochmann/@JustaBatto95/@Saladfingy05: AGP incel brony troon who tried to make a PA request against a former IRL friend of his, only for it to backfire spectacularly.


Gordon David Paille/@Gflashex: Lolicon pedo defender who did a halal speedrun dox. Has one of the most cursed PG OPs currently which has a bunch of his alogs and detractors flocking towards it.


I nominate each of them, and suspect more halals are coming. As of now, it's hard for me to pick one since I'm technically the OP creator of all 3 (Monostar's OP and Gordon's OP are in PG, Colton's thread was recently released in Animal Control). I'm sure there are/will be other contenders for this category as well.

 

[Nikes_JustDoIt]

For Lolcow media

Yes. (archive)
Clerks moment.

Ver archivo adjunto 5770219

 

[Illuminati Order Official]

I would like to suggest bringing back an award category from last year, the Michael Alan White OPsec Fail Award:

Speaking of bringing back old categories, if we bring back Best Researcher from two years ago, I nominate @Admiral Throbnelius for this wonderful and well-researched thread.

 

[liam dees]

Frank Breaker/@Monostar Leatherknuckles: True & Honest Creator of Red Mist and aspiring mangaka who wants to be in Shonen Jump. Also a vore fetishist.

I am biased to nominate this silly billy as well. If he didn't post on KF I wouldn't have an account here.

BTW I think @Admiral Throbnelius is Lolcow Researcher MVP this year I keep seeing him work on new threads, he's on a roll.

And @Cloaca Rimjob should get a shoutout for trolling Monostar so hard.

 

[Osama Bin Laden]

Nominees for this category must have had their thread created in 2024.

For Fresh Meat: Annacondasin

Her thread was created in 2024, has been one of the most active threads when it was in PG and continues to be an active thread since moving it public. For some reason, she still continues to make content and incriminate herself further.

Speaking of bringing back old categories, if we bring back Best Researcher from two years ago, I nominate @Admiral Throbnelius for this wonderful and well-researched thread.

Ditto

 

[TV's Adam West]

Once more it's me, TV's Adam West at the Julaaays. Not matter who loses, we all win, that's the saying, isn't it? Another wonderful year for lolcows and by extension, a wonderful year to be normal.
The smart money is on BossmanJack, but Nicky Rackets is gonna be a shoe in too!
Now remember, That Vegan Teacher has been taking mainstream leads through her child molestation comment, and if course, boogie is suicide baiting again.
As for good old Adam, my bet is in The Joker, Adam White!
Just remember, these sage Bat words. The only thing better than winning the special Olympics, is not being retarded.

 

[Admiral Throbnelius]

@Hamplanet Fitness, I remembered some more nominations for the OPsec Fail Award category if you bring it back.

@Peppermint Swirl aka William T. Cannon

@Prism42 aka Martin Edward Walker

(These two have PG threads as well by @PS2 Nishiki)

If you want, technically Colton Lochmann would count for Animal Control, but I personally feel he's most appropriate for the OPsec fail award.

 

[Osama Bin Laden]

For Fresh Meat: Annacondasin

I nominate each of them, and suspect more halals are coming. As of now, it's hard for me to pick one since I'm technically the OP creator of all 3 (Monostar's OP and Gordon's OP are in PG, Colton's thread was recently released in Animal Control). I'm sure there are/will be other contenders for this category as well.

(These two have PG threads as well by @PS2 Nishiki)

starting to notice a pattern here

 

[PositiveMonk]

Going to get a bit more autistic than usual I welcome the puzzle pieces

Second, many people did not follow the instructions last year, which made counting take longer than it should have. I'd like to further streamline voting in this year's lower awards somehow to make it easier on myself, or have established forum members volunteer to count some of the pages so we can get a more timely count. If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Could be going too far and expecting too much but could votes be done by having a post like this as the second post in the thread
Lolcow of the year
Austin
Rekieta
Breaker of Scales
Fatty 1
Fatty 2
Put out to pasture
Chef Red Pill
Other dead nigger

Then users would hit reply to this post and remove the people they're not voting for

Lolcow of the year
Austin
Breaker of Scales
Fatty 2
Put out to pasture
Chef Red Pill

At which point assuming the thread is only votes and not discussion could the vote count be semi-automated since the names and categories would be standardized? I know it's asking a lot for users to not be retarded and read/follow instructions. Would it then also be plausible to scrape each page of the thread for votes, marking in a spreadsheet if a userid has voted (to prevent voter fraud and dismiss a second vote from them) and tally votes for each category (making sure to only count one name per category in case someone fucks up and leaves more than one name) and putting those votes into a spreadsheet?

 

[R.U.N.]

Shouldn’t there be a community watch section and decide which was the most funniest to watch community wise?

Here’s my personal picks.

Soyjak.Party
Ruben Sim Derangement Syndrome
Team Fortress 2 Community
Navy Seals, Delta Force, SOCOM
Boykisser

 

[#FF0000]

Shouldn’t there be a community watch section and decide which was the most funniest to watch community wise?

Here’s my personal picks.

Soyjak.Party
Ruben Sim Derangement Syndrome
Team Fortress 2 Community
Navy Seals, Delta Force, SOCOM
Boykisser

I was about to mention that there should be something for Ruben Sim. Maybe in the Fresh Meat category if there's no community watch category, because god DAMN that thread is such a shitshow and I love it.

 

[Molly Millions]

I nominate Russell Greer for lolcow of the year



The attachment explains everything but basically Russell sued Null and he kept going full retard until Russell became homeless

 

[Harm]

I love the idea of Lolcow of the Year nominees only being the two or three who have any chance of winning it. No reason to pad it out with filler like Ethan Ralph or Daniel Larson. Makes it feel more prestigious this way.

Patrick Tomlinson should be in the Internet Famous/Grift Wars category if Internet Tough Guys are slotted in there. He's been a mainstay, but there's no way he's touching Rekieta or Larson this year.

 

[Axiom.]

Don't forget this thread that made a father-daughter supernova into relevancy

https://kiwifarms.pa/threads/the-th...enthorpabel-cortney-thorp-thorpotokos.179364/

 

[S.C.U.D.]

>Patrick Tomlinson not even nominated
STOP THE STEAL