The "Is Kat Pregnant" speculation thread - MichaelScottShoutingNo.GIF

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Having a baby requires DSP to get it up for Kat and allowing him to ignore her 5 meter radius of no pigroaches.

Sounds too far fetched.
 
Regginmcaids dijo:
Phil does live in a town house, I think its much more likely that its one of the neighbors making this noise than these tinfoil hat theorys.
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I'd dismiss it as that mostly as well. But the fridge comment is what's stopping me here. He clearly heard that baby crying, heard just how loud it was, and made that very shoddy attempt to talk over it.
 
ReentryPhantom dijo:
Yeah I don't think we'd be able to find it anyway. Unless they did a birth announcement in the paper themselves.
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1585240595961.jpeg
 
Zeelpulp dijo:
Do you think he had a "I am Victorious I am the winner" moment or did he have to give 10 min excuses for poor sexual performance alongside 15 min breakdowns on why it's Khets fault he couldn't release the beast properly?
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No matter the cirumstances, the pigroach always cums out on to... I... must use the bathroom.
 
BallBuster dijo:
IT sort of sounds like a baby, but come on, there is no way he is hiding a baby this long, without a farmer finding a birth certificate for the little chud.
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DSP in 2021, when he reveals his two-year-old "son" during a special event stream after hitting the 'Food for Jasper Fundraiser' goal:

DSP black kid son.png


"*ACK-ACK-ACK* Not a single person managed to figure out that my wife had a son all along! *ACK-ACK-ACK*"
 
Sorry but there is no way he'd have been able to hide a pregnancy or baby

And look how much mental and physical stress a CAT (the least effort pet ever) puts on Phil. A live human? Come on.

It would be funny though. But let's be realistic.
 
tzgnilki dijo:
DSP's response to the refrigerator meme

spoiler: "it was the refrigerator"

his body language screams "liar"
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Think about how much money he got for Jasper (at least initially). Think about how much he gets promising to put on a vest.

Now imagine how many tardbux he would get if he rolled in with a fucking baby and sat it on his lap. As well, nothing about a baby (or anything baby-related) on his bankruptcy form. I know, I know, he didn't list the cat, but he did include cat food. Everything associated with a baby, especially in the US, is expensive as fuck. You're talking thousands of dollars for a pregnancy that is perfect from beginning to end. If there are any complications whatsoever? Start tacking on thousands of dollars more.
 
actually dijo:
Think about how much money he got for Jasper (at least initially). Think about how much he gets promising to put on a vest.

Now imagine how many tardbux he would get if he rolled in with a fucking baby and sat it on his lap. As well, nothing about a baby (or anything baby-related) on his bankruptcy form. I know, I know, he didn't list the cat, but he did include cat food. Everything associated with a baby, especially in the US, is expensive as fuck. You're talking thousands of dollars for a pregnancy that is perfect from beginning to end. If there are any complications whatsoever? Start tacking on thousands of dollars more.
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I feel like if he has a baby, he's trying to protect it

at this moment in his life, he has more money to play with than ever before, I don't necessarily think he needs money at the moment, especially with the corona keeping him and his wife from going out to buy stupid shit

if he tried as hard as he did, for as long as he did, to protect a fucking cat, i'd like to think he'd multiply that by 1,000 for a child

just need to keep an eye out for any other suspicious activity like refrigerators crying

i'm starting to think he was due to show in court on the 6th, but ditched because he was spooked that someone would see him with a child, idk, just an autistic theory
 
tzgnilki dijo:
if he tried as hard as he did, for as long as he did, to protect a fucking cat, i'd like to think he'd multiply that by 1,000 for a child

just need to keep an eye out for any other suspicious activity like refrigerators crying

i'm starting to think he was due to show in court on the 6th, but ditched because he was spooked that someone would see him with a child, idk, just an autistic theory
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He hid the cat because it was an unnecessary expense that ran completely counter to his whole "I'm so poor I can't afford anything" narrative. A baby could be an "oopsie" and while a baby would also technically be an unnecessary expense, the overwhelming majority of people are sympathetic to a pudgy little shitfactory.

I've talked about it before, but Phil gets bent out of shape when Jasper wants to get out of the bedroom. Babies, for at least ~4-6 months after they're born, will wake up about every hour or two and need something, whether it's a fresh diaper, food, or general attention. They will wear you the fuck out (speaking from personal experience). Phil would look like a fucking zombie on stream and would 100% have cancelled streams because of being tired.

Add in the fact that babies are also drooling germ factories, and Phil with his borderline immunocompromised ass would be sick all the time too. And that's not taking into account the ungodly amount of money that they require. That type of personal expenditure would have shown up under clothing, food, and medical expenses on the bankruptcy filing. A new child would also be a humongous sympathy play for Phil with the trustee and judge. Wouldn't excuse all his fuckups on the filing, but he would probably get a lot more leeway.
 
DSP's door has been open several nights, and the only time a baby has been heard is an audioboosted 10 second clip once? It's more likely it was someone walking by his open window holding a baby and DSP didn't hear it through his headphones than a baby has never made noise.
 
Legitimately, I hope that he doesn't have a kid. Considering his financial issues, his infamy online and his general attitude, no kid needs to be brought up with that burden. There's a lot of speculation to it, and there's a lot of weird justification you can make regarding if he does or not. Just pulling an example out of my ass here; the rather sudden wedding between the two, for example. I legit don't think he has one.

But who knows? If we get a sudden begathon with a goal of hitting 5K in donations to reveal a positive surprise, then I'd worry.

Plus, there'd be hard documentation of it somewhere and none of that has really surfaced. According to my knowledge anyways.
 
Bryan Dunn dijo:
You are implying he would be a decent father and husband enough to help out with anything.

Personally I do not believe they have a kid at all. That's just a horrific thought.
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He wouldn't have to help out to be woken up, especially early on when babies are often kept in a crib in the same room, though you're right that he would probably not do much at all beyond the bare minimum.
 
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