The "Is Kat Pregnant" speculation thread - MichaelScottShoutingNo.GIF

[Si vis pacem para bellum]

I have to admit the instant, awkward, unconvincing ‘fridge noise’ excuse gives this theory more plausibility than it otherwise deserves

Phil lies about everything. Everything. He wants to always be able to gotcha everyone and frame things the way his tism likes.

Yeah if it was a baby, it probably was one of Khet's coworker's or something like that.

Phil would've been m.lking a pregnancy/baby and there were also no indication on the bankruptcy papers for it.

Literally a few pages back I suggested his big announcement might be kat's pregnancy.

DSP last night did say he had "something special to announce" last night.

Could he be introducing the baby to the stream?

Might also be adopting.

A baby's cry can be over 120 dB. That's the volume strength of a siren. There's no chance DSP (who is not exactly Father of the Year material) is consistently seeing to his supposed child's needs to the extent that no one has ever heard it make a sound until now. Not unless it was being housed somewhere else and it was just brought to the compound yesterday.

Most babies will never be given a reason to screech at that intensity. Sorry if tmi but I've got more than 2, less than a handful myself that I was a primary caregiver for from the day they were born and until now (years later). One of my kids the only time he cried in any way that could be perceived like you would assume a baby's cry was if you indicated you weren't going to let him finish eating and he was still hungry. He would happily play in bed, he would react to diaper situations but his cry just was reserved for what he cared about most.

He wasn't the norm but it's an indication of the variety of experiences you can expect. Also we used a monitor with all of ours, and so they never had reason to cry that loud and kind of learned that. Once the wife put one of our others in a bath that was just a tad too hot and it screeched exactly like you described, and thats the only time I've heard that cry.

Like interrupt your schedule all day and night, all while costing you a ton of money. He would be absolutely exhausted on stream some days--way more than usual.

I just can't see him not using a baby to get tons of tard money. His bankruptcy filing also makes clear that Kat has been working as recently as January of this year. Why would she keep a part-time night shift job with a kid? Phil works during that time, it's hilariously optimistic to think that a baby would sleep exactly as needed.

Again, some of this is willful hope that it's not true because of how shitty Phil is.

Could be her kid from prior that she lost custody of. Could be a family's child, could be adopted.

Realistically? Was Kat doing something and he was embarrassed so he lied to cover up what most people wouldn't notice.

 

[ReentryPhantom]

At that point, it would probably make more sense for Kat to just stay home.

Edit: thinking about it, another point against a baby is that Phil has not taken consecutive days off in quite some time. Best case scenario for a birth would require 2 days away from stream. More realistic is like 3-4.

He told the doctor to make sure the due date falls on a Tuesday

 

[actually]

He told the doctor to make sure the due date falls on a Tuesday

"Just pull the baby out, give them both a pill, and send them home. I'm not paying for whatever this post-nasal care is, dood. It's a baby's market."

 

[Croppered]

I think y'all are reaching a little bit with the baby thing. Phil isn't smart enough to hide that kind of shit.

 

[Si vis pacem para bellum]

I think y'all are reaching a little bit with the baby thing. Phil isn't smart enough to hide that kind of shit.

I personally look forward to a few months from now when a baby crawls into his office and he farts loudly while pushing it out of the door with his foot visibly, and passes the entire thing off as weird gas.

 

[Travis Touchdown Cumsock]

What we do...we pray the merciful lawd made this one fire blanks.

Otherwise...I wonder how deformed the offspring will come out

 

[Phil the Salesman]

Hiding a secret baby is going to be the new escort saga when Phil is desperate to discredit detractors.

 

[actually]

Hiding a secret baby is going to be the new escort saga when Phil is desperate to discredit detractors.

Would be happy to have that happen, tbh

 

[ZehnBoat]

Sounds like a baby to me. If it was coming from outside the Snort Fort Phil would have reacted to it the same way he does with the landscapers (Big ups Mighty D), moving trucks, or construction work being done.

microphones can pick up things people can't hear
and who knows how good phil's hearing is

also the fridge was making a sound
just a generic fridge buzz, has phil never heard a fridge buzz?

 

[Salubrious]

Hiding a secret baby is going to be the new escort saga when Phil is desperate to discredit detractors.

I don't care about the escort saga because DSP absolutely had an escort during that time.

He might not have been paying Kat for sex, but DSP was absolutely flying her out for the "girlfriend experience." Personally I think it's funnier if DSP was flying Kat out just to not get sex.

Just because we got the wrong name, which we discredited ourselves by the way when some other autists decided it would be a good idea to blackmail a man that doesn't feel shame for anything, doesn't mean DSP didn't have an escort at the time (Kat).

 

[Zeelpulp]

Hiding a secret baby is going to be the new escort saga when Phil is desperate to discredit detractors.

Any child reared by those 2 adult humans will become a poor man's Sidella, Hurry DSP i must see this before the coof kills us all

 

[Banned in 49 States]

Poor Khet can't even sacrifice crying infants to Baphomet without the farms getting all conspiracy theory about it.

Fo shame

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

also the fridge was making a sound
just a generic fridge buzz, has phil never heard a fridge buzz?

I'm not going to speculate too much on the fridge comment because this man was amused by the fact there was a waterfall in the Outer Worlds game. Might sit on this one for a bit though because of his exceptional commentary.

 

[der rademacher]

Literally a few pages back I suggested his big announcement might be kat's pregnancy.

I donno why but this sentence and the implications behind it made me throw up a bit in my mouth.

Might also be adopting.

Hopefully it won't get declawed.

 

[Zeelpulp]

I donno why but this sentence and the implications behind it made me throw up a bit in my mouth.

Hopefully it won't get declawed.

Do you think he had a "I am Victorious I am the winner" moment or did he have to give 10 min excuses for poor sexual performance alongside 15 min breakdowns on why it's Khets fault he couldn't release the beast properly?

 

[Watamelon]

What we do...we pray the merciful lawd made this one fire blanks.

Otherwise...I wonder how deformed the offspring will come out

I imagine the kids would be something like this.

 

[actually]

Maybe they got a 2nd cat? Never heard Jasper yowl when he's been around.

 

[ZehnBoat]

I'm not going to speculate too much on the fridge comment because this man was amused by the fact there was a waterfall in the Outer Worlds game. My sit on this one for a bit though because of his exceptional commentary.

this guy is also amused by the existence of squirrels
i guess once in a while phil's brain sobers up enough to notice the world outside of himself and his wants/needs

guy hates video games because he thinks he's in one

 

[Regginmcaids]

Phil does live in a town house, I think its much more likely that its one of the neighbors making this noise than these tinfoil hat theorys.

 

[Travis Touchdown Cumsock]

I imagine the kids would be something like this.

Okay that is giving them too much credit. He at least had discernible traits, what features does DSP even have. He's a literal human potato.