My cat of 17 years passed away on Saturday and I am still so fucked up. She loved me so much and so did I but we were inseparable. I got her when I was 18, when I had moved into my first apartment. I was really stupid for a lot of her life and she had some hard times due to me being a dumbass 20 year old. No matter what she stuck by my side. I made it a goal in the last 10 years or so to make her life as comfortable and easy as possible. She slept in bed with me almost her entire life, up until the last year or so its been off and on. It is so weird she went from playing and happy like a kitten, to the point no one knew how old she was, to really sick so fast. And I am extremely angry with my vet. I have no one to talk to about this so I am venting here. She started acting lethargic and off and I just know her so well I knew something was up. Then she started squatting all over the house and dribbling pee. Only dribbles, and she was straining. So I took her to the vet ASAP. She had the same vet for over 10 years. All my cats do/did. Well they wanted to keep her on an IV and diagnosed her with a UTI. Originally they said 2 nights 3 days, then that became 3 nights. My bf and I visited her every single day. At first she wasn't doing so well but after the second day or so started to perk up. I kept calling and asking for updates on her the entire time with no response or calls back, and no real answers when we visited. I asked when i visited why she was still hunched over straining to pee in her little cage and the girls didn't really know. She wouldn't stop laying in the litter box so the girls made her a bed with a clean litter box. When i would come to visit that bed would be filthy with litter, her food and water would have litter in it, and so would the bandage holding her IV in on her paw. So I took matters into my own hands, since the girls were not doing it I just started to help myself cleaning her little cage up. One night I came in and her little paw was SO swollen from how tight the bandage was I asked the girls if it was normal. They promised they would change the bandage. My bf went by after he got off a few hours later and I told him to check the bandage. They still had not changed it and promised him they were about to, so he sat until they did. The 4th day she was there I called from 9am to 4:30pm (they closed at 6pm) asking if she was to be discharged. I never got a call back. So my boyfriend and I just said fuck it and went up there to get her because we were done with the lack of communication. They said she was cleared to come home. After all our total was almost $700. We brought her home and immediately noticed she still was squatting and dribbling all over the house. Which I thought well maybe while finishing her antibiotics up it would pass. It was a Thursday we picked her up. Saturday she had a little blood in her urine. Monday I called as soon as they opened asking to speak with someone because I was concerned. No call back the entire day. Finally after another day of that shit I called to set up an appointment, as that was the only way I was going to get any help. They were able to get her in the next Monday. So this is a week after she initially was hospitalized with a UTI. Finished her antibiotics, but was still squatting and dribbling pee all over the house. We had puppy pads everywhere. She never urinated outside of the litter box before this. I was so stressed from her suffering and so was my bf. We were fighting every day and I was losing it. That Monday her appointment was weird. They gave her subcutaneous fluids there and sent some home for me to administer, another anti-biotic, and some valium. I asked the doctor if there was any way it could be some kind of blockage? All signs were pointing to yes in my mind. The doc said she had only seen one female blocked in 32 years of running her clinic, and that she was still able to urinate, even if it was only a little bit at a time. I asked question after question stating I needed her cured or at least properly diagnosed. The doc said she thought she may have heart problems and wanted me to come back to get a heart exam. Then left us in the exam room until some came and said I could leave. Like they forgot about us. I was very frustrated but this was my doctor of 10 years and she obviously knew better than me. No X-Rays of her bladder or kidneys...nothing. I was getting very scared but I had to trust the doc. Flash forward she is only getting worse. I am crying daily and trying to figure out how the fuck financially I can get her better help. I knew in my heart something was wrong. I had a gut feeling. That Saturday I had enough. I was going to get another opinion, nothing was changing and in fact it seemed worse. And I love this cat so fucking much I am hurting knowing she is hurting and she is not herself. I was kicking myself for trusting the doctor and not just going to a different place instead of my doctor that Monday. We went to an urgent care because it was Saturday. Urgent cares are significantly cheaper than an emergency clinic, which I was not aware of, but makes sense since it is the same for us. I brought all the medications, paperwork, etc. Within walking in we were in a waiting room. The doctor was with us in under 10. The doctor took her back for examination after we talked about what was going on and in less that 20mins came back to let me know her diagnosis, but first of all let me know her bladder was as hard a rock and she was in extreme pain so she wanted my consent for a catheter for pain meds. The doctor believed she was blocked, by what we didn't know yet. She said it was very severe and that our options were to have them test her kidneys to start, and find a way to unblock her, but the doctor was concerned by her age and the fact that the blockage would most likely come right back. The bladder was full and was basically poisoning her body. That we would also need to take her and admit her to the hospital and have her put on fluids and constant supervision for more testing. That her quality of life was very bad and this would be the "gold standard" route to go. Otherwise she recommended that due to her age and quality of life it was time to possibly let her go. I do feel the first choice she gave us would have caused her more pain and after talking to the doctor while breaking down it seemed she genuinely thought euthanasia was the best option. Otherwise we would be sending her away to a hospital to possibly not even make it not to mention put my bf and I in extreme debt, potentially having her last days be in a cage in a hospital medicated and with strangers messing with her. I had to let go for her. I genuinely believe the doctor only gave us that option in case we would not euthanize, but I 100% believe she would have passed away regardless. I asked the doctor how this could have been missed when she was at the vet that Monday. She did not want to speak for or against another vet....To me it is clear my former vet had too many clients, too little time, and did not pay close enough attention. This could have saved my sweet baby days of suffering and the severity of the situation was never mentioned to us. My baby deserved so much better. I am beating myself up so bad. My baby suffered because I trusted her vet....and I had a gut feeling something was wrong. Shit I diagnosed her knowing nothing. None of the correct steps were taken in this situation. Even if she couldn't have been saved and the options were the same, at least she wouldn't have suffered all that week. I can't get over my anger for this vet. And when I called them to inform them their patient had passed, they said "sorry" and left it at that. No questions, nothing. This was their patient of 10 years....I will not be returning and genuinely I am glad I did not lose it on them.. I dont know how i didn't. I am not blaming them for her death necessarily but I am blaming them for their negligence and mistreatment of the situation due to time, staffing, and possibly ignorance. This should have been caught by my doctor that Monday. The Urgent Care doc did let me know due to her paperwork the first time when she was admitted and stayed overnight her results from her pee only indicated a UTI but that further steps should have been taken ASAP after her release when antibiotics did not help and there was a continuation of symptoms. That she should have done X-Rays, and taken urine samples again. There is no excuse. Obviously with those two options we decided it was best to let her go and end her suffering. I did not know that day I would be returning home with an empty carrier, although I had a terrible feeling when I left. I let my baby suffer needlessly for way too long. For weeks. This cat was the love of my life and I failed her. I will never ever be able to forgive myself. I am heartbroken. Words cannot explain the pain I feel. She did not deserve this. And nothing can be done. We let her go, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Watching her body go lifeless.......I wanted to scream. I wanted to change my mind, selfishly. I wanted to go with her. I held her the entire time. The compassion and care that Urgent Care doc showed us that day I have never experienced from my doctor. And she runs a CAT CLINIC. It's time for her to hang it up. Their small operation has grown too big too fast and they keep accepting clients. They literally have a physical file for each patient, and keep physical records. They forget long time patients names almost immediately after walking away and coming back. Shit while I was there last time they brought this lady picking her cat up THE WRONG CAT in the ladies carrier.. They tell me they are short staffed almost every time I talked to them. I could go on and on. Anyway 17 year old Meek Meek grew up with me as I became an adult. As I grew into the woman I am. today. She was there for it all, the good and the bad . She loved me even when I was a fuckup, she was my soulmate. She taught me unconditional love and how to care for and keep safe something that depends on me She gave me my love of kitties. I never had a cat growing up, she was my first. Letting her go will be one of the saddest moments of my life. I broke down super hard before and during writing this, and probably after, but putting it into words feels so good. I will be receiving her ashes soon, I am ready for her to come home. It's killing me not having them. I also received a letter in the mail today from the urgent care with handwritten condolences. That was really sweet. Meek also has a son, Naboo. She had him when I was young and irresponsible. So I have a piece of her in a sense with me everyday. Anyway I apologize for the fucking book but I needed to get it off my chest.
RIP Meek Meek
2009-2026
You will be forever loved,
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