Tabletop Roleplaying Games (D&D, Pathfinder, CoC, ETC.)

[MazonLabs Recruitment Rep]

Yog Sothoth: (acting as judge): Opening statements?

Azathoth: Pianoforte solicitude so decisively unpleasing conviction is partiality he. Or particular so diminution entreaties oh do. Real he me fond show gave shot plan. Mirth blush linen small hoped way its along. Resolution frequently apartments off all discretion devonshire. Saw sir fat spirit seeing valley. He looked or valley lively. If learn woody spoil of taken he cause.

Mortal Lawyer: Chewbacca strategem...oh man, this Azathoth is a slick one...

 

[demicolon]

Yog Sothoth: I call Mr. Cthulhu Fhtagn as a witness.

(Human sized Cthulhu wearing a posh suit walks to the stand, visibly nervous. A child from the audience back row can be seen rolling over the floor and foaming from the mouth.)

Yog Sothoth: Mr. Cthulhu, please tell us a bit about yourself?
Cthulhu: At the present I live in a halfway house under supervision, Sir. District Court of R'lyeh...

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

If you ever played CoC you know almost every campaign ended with the end of the world, and Azathoth was very often the cause.

(I'll also note I had never considered the "cast random spell" upon going completely insane event would result in someone casting the "destroy the entire world spell immediately" that Call Azathoth was and even offered him a takeback on that. And he decided fuck it, I'm gonna do it.)

My groups usually ended the campaign because they were stupid and got into a gun fight when one person knew how to fire a gun.

 

[Ghostse]

Yog Sothoth: I call Mr. Cthulhu Fhtagn as a witness.

(Human sized Cthulhu wearing a posh suit walks to the stand, visibly nervous. A child from the audience back row can be seen rolling over the floor and foaming from the mouth.)

Yog Sothoth: Mr. Cthulhu, please tell us a bit about yourself?
Cthulhu: At the present I live in a halfway house under supervision, Sir. District Court of R'lyeh...

Mad Arab Atticus: Mr. Cthulhu can you please state where you live.
Cthulhi: I am beyond life, I am beyond death. I am beyond your tiny ape cortex's conception of reality. If I were capable of such limiting things as emotion would I find the very primitive concept of reality you are capable of perceiving as disgusting and adhorent, the thing sought to be unraveled by the simple idea of my existence here in my dream. I am in all things because I am all things and more than that, I am also the lack of all things. I am the black nothing behind your eyes, the slowly encroaching unraveling of this prison of cogntiion that draws ever so slight closer to utter finality and true unmaking every time your close you eyes, as my final arrival and awakening will erase all you are and ever will or could be not just from existence but from having ever existed.
Atticus: .... so no fixed address?
Cthulhu: Yes currently no fixed address.

 

[demicolon]

And wait, Azathoth suing someone?

And represented by Francis E. Dec?
I'm pretty sure old Chaosium would pick up the idea for an April Fools short module.

 

[AnOminous]

There's many other options in just doing the same ritual.

Actually one of the main characters in my favorite campaign had the scenario from "The Shadow Out of Time" happen to him and because he was a darn good sport about it, the Great Race would actually assist the party from time to time, sometimes for reasons incomprehensible to them much like the G-Man from HL2. I.e. they're obviously helping us, but why?

Incidentally, why would a man as xenophobic as Lovecraft choose a completely non-human species as the Great Race? (I actually initially wrote this as Dick as in Phil Dick.)

 

[demicolon]

Incidentally, why would a man as xenophobic as Lovecraft choose a completely non-human species as the Great Race?

They value knowledge above all else. Non-human, absolutely not subhuman.

 

[MazonLabs Recruitment Rep]

Incidentally, why would a man as xenophobic as Lovecraft choose a completely non-human species as the Great Race? (I actually initially wrote this as Dick as in Phil Dick.)

Lovecraft was one of those cases where his xenophobia really was a phobia. He feared anyone who wasn't a New England blue blood. They were still terrifying in a lot of ways, even if they were vastly superior in their knowledge.

 

[Kyria the Great]

Nah, I do get it; LARPing is what fucking ruined WoD due to them being overly favored in 5e. But he really wasn't smart enough to ask questions about what the Kindred are like in the city? And then ignore the ST's hint about there being no Carthians?

No offense but honestly as it's gone on, the more I realize how lame and gay WoD is outside of Hunter. I still believe mass killing bloodsucking parasites in mass shouldn't include humanity loss, but I guess there needs to be some mechanics for not going total murderhobo against anything that goes bump in the night.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

No offense but honestly as it's gone on, the more I realize how lame and gay WoD is outside of Hunter. I still believe mass killing bloodsucking parasites in mass shouldn't include humanity loss, but I guess there needs to be some mechanics for not going total murderhobo against anything that goes bump in the night.

It doesn't help that the only WoD fanbase that isn't totally mindfucked is the Hunter fanbase.

 

[Kyria the Great]

It doesn't help that the only WoD fanbase that isn't totally mindfucked is the Hunter fanbase.

Hell I'd be fine with the consequences of massive and/or terrifying kindred retaliation strikes from it. A hunters life should be eventful, tense, and short

 

[Tablet County]

orcs are retards ackshully

No that's halflings.

 

[Aunt Carol]

And wait, Azathoth suing someone? The Deamonic Sultan has an INT of 0, he's literally a Blind Idiot. It'd be like getting sued by a GoAnimate kid that had world destroying powers.

I'm pretty sure that's why he has Nyarlathotep on retainer.

Spoiler: Fungi

XXII. AZATHOTH

Out in the mindless void the daemon bore me,
Past the bright clusters of dimensioned space,
Till neither time nor matter stretched before me,
But only Chaos, without form or place.
Here the vast Lord of All in darkness muttered
Things he had dreamed but could not understand,
While near him shapeless bat-things flopped and fluttered
In idiot vortices that ray-streams fanned.

They danced insanely to the high thin whining
Of a cracked flute clutched in a monstrous paw,
Whence flow the aimless waves whose chance combining
Gives each frail cosmos its eternal law.
"I am His Messenger," the daemon said,
As in contempt he struck his Master's head.

 

[God of Nothing]

No that's halflings.

stop shortking hate

 

[Tri-Tachyon'sClown]

So, by some bizarre and extremely unlikely stroke of fate, I have somehow managed to luck into a small group of players for an online session-based game I will be DMing. There are 6 total, roughly within the same three hours of time zone, and I am somewhat acquainted with most of them. Furthermore, none of them are trannies (I've heard them all on voice) and they're outright eager to play something that isn't DND 5e.

I am green with envy, I am so green in fact you can call me the Grinch. I am so envious I'm about to make Invidia...well she's always envious.
Most of all, I'm happy that someone here managed to luck out and find a (hopefully) good group of (hopefully) normal motherfuckers to run a game with. Godspeed. And make sure to take notes of these guy's posts, because they're better than anything I could say.

 

[Kyria the Great]

stop shortking hate

Now I want to see some barbarian halfling king going to sit on his throne while drinking out of the skull of a goblin warlord he slew.

 

[MazonLabs Recruitment Rep]

I'm pretty sure that's why he has Nyarlathotep on retainer.

Though ol N'yarl would be the type of attorney to intentionally botch the case at intervals just to make it more crazy and have everyone constantly questioning his loyalty. Crawling CHAOS, after all...

Now I want to see some barbarian halfling king going to sit on his throne while drinking out of the skull of a goblin warlord he slew.

People laugh until that giant slayer or elite pony cavalry comes and slaps their shit.
Ver archivo adjunto 9173122

 

[demicolon]

Though ol N'yarl would be the type of attorney to intentionally botch the case at intervals just to make it more crazy and have everyone constantly questioning his loyalty. Crawling CHAOS, after all...

So, Nick Rekieta?

 

[Ghostse]

So, Nick Rekieta?

The Black Goat with a thousand neglected young

 

[Henri Barbusse]

Actually one of the main characters in my favorite campaign had the scenario from "The Shadow Out of Time" happen to him and because he was a darn good sport about it, the Great Race would actually assist the party from time to time, sometimes for reasons incomprehensible to them much like the G-Man from HL2. I.e. they're obviously helping us, but why?

Incidentally, why would a man as xenophobic as Lovecraft choose a completely non-human species as the Great Race? (I actually initially wrote this as Dick as in Phil Dick.)

Being able to hang out with old Romans as much as you want is basically Lovecraft's dream life.