random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[PetiteFeet]

I fart on my cats constantly. Not really worried about this happening though, as I'm confident my butthole has a lot more traction than any redditor. (Because I don't do sodomy)

Thanks for sharing that you regularly flatulate upon your cat and for including the fun fact that your anus is right and tight enough for you not to defecate involuntarily. Please pardon my curiosity but have you ever considered a revolutionary technique called keeping that shit to yourself.

 

[Chromeo]

Why are they trying to Weekend At Bernie's this fucking turtle anyway

Please pardon my curiosity but have you ever considered a revolutionary technique called keeping that shit to yourself.

 

[Mr. Beavis]

“If you are somebody who plays life ruination, the same can and will be done to you.
If you are somebody that makes enemies everywhere you go, don't be surprised to see knives in your peripheral.
If you are somebody who thinks families and children are free game, your families and your children aren't excluded.
If you are somebody that cannot put the sword down and learn to walk away, then be prepared to fall on it.

If you cry about the KiwiFarms phonebooking you, your workplace, your partners, and your relatives, kill yourself. Plain and simple. If you do all this door knocking, swatting, welfare check, CPS calling bullshit, threatening to ruin everyone's lives and escalating things past a point of no return, and then fucking cry about it happening to you then kill yourself. There's no other options.”

 

[DickMain]

Do you think people in the day looked at Leonardo Devinci and were like “Nice drawing of a dude with six arms, you retarded FAG. The only thing that can fly is a dick in your mouth on the daily.” - ?

On Reddit, his posting history is either about Walmart or VRChat gooning.

 

[Spectate]

When I was 6 years old, My uncle Chris taught me how to play video games when I was 6, on June 6th, 2004. It's my 6th Birthday

 

[like_shutup_&_drive_scoob]

Please add some Drano to your juice for a little extra kick.

Erika Kirk won’t have sex with me despite me mailing her pictures of my weiner daily.

Who keeps crafting homunculuses out of hair clogs from the shower drain? Stop.

Also Christ redeems and you know how much jeets fucking hate redeeming.

Are there any non faggot retards that wear bowties or can we just reasonably behead anybody seen with a bowtie on the spot?

I have pink nipples. I don't need your validation.

*fist bump* Mad respect that you admitted that you’re a pedo bro.

Justin Bieber in his prime could have molested as many children as he wanted

Ohio won't really understand how cooked they are until Governor Vivek Rapeaswampy builds a 200 foot tall statue of grrreishganog and his anus fairies in the town square

Third of all, give Josh money so he stays fat.

Yyyyaaaaaaayyy finally a substandard attractive woman who will stab me and steal my dick rather then a fat black lady who I seduced at the ihop!!

Nick and Aaron are built different. Built homosexual.

Imagine having to plan your sex life around poop.

Damn I hate when I have my knife out for no particular reason and then my epilepsy makes me accidentally stab someone to death

Man do I feel better about my penis.

he's got the body of a dwarf fused with a jewish yenta

GIVE ME THE PUSSY!
I SAID GIVE ME THE PUSSY OR I'LL SHOOT THOSE KIDS ALIVE!

I wasn't expecting a straight couple here

If you stand up from your computer chair and begin walking, you might eventually end up in a place where the ceiling goes up forever. This is called outside.

“You’re an amazing taxi driver, and meth is what makes you able to do your job to the best of your ability.”

"But what if Erika Kirk got Mossad super snipers to bounce a .22 off the fucking moon".

If only he drank more cum, he would have been healthy enough swim to shore.

“satanic jews from the planet mars”

 

[indomitable snowman]

It seems as they dont realize how freeing it is to accept being ugly as sin.

I used to stick my fingers in sockets and get zapped all the time when I was a toddler since my dad believed that electricity isn't deadly if it doesn't cross your heart.

That explains why I'm sexually attracted to horseshoe crabs.

AHhhrghhh my Razor rainbow lights are making me lust for man butt aARHGHHhhhH~

Just assume I am crazier than you

Is there really nothing else to do in the Midwest but be drunk and have gross sex?

The real antichrist will be Ralph+ Anisa's baby.

Wrong, all you need is mayonnaise.

I'm feeling really called out reading this...

PLEASE DON'T SEND ME BACK TO THE CANADA THREAD!!!!

By the order of the Ayatollah and the will of Allah, the IRGC has just sunk the infidel aircraft carrier USS Gerald R Ford.

Now all will fear the might of the IRGC.

Allah la la la la la la la la!
Ver archivo adjunto 8845814

And that word has basically lost its potency.

For a while, Null used to censor the word retarded and convert it to “exceptional” instead in order to encourage people to expand their vocabulary. English has, however many insulting words? How many adjectives? And here we are wearing out the perfect bombshell that can wake up any normie.

Crack open a thesaurus or I will cleave your cheeks

My food is for me and me alone you can look but you cannot touch

Shit, I'm like a janny of racists, been doing it for free all along

This faggot blocked me on Twitter. I have nothing more to add. Just wanted to brag a bit.

My piss does smell weird now, those jokes aren't untrue.

The only button I would press would be the “nuke India” button. It would be more spamming than pressing. You’d have to pry my hands off the button to get me to stop

I just look at posts here and see if they have or reactions to know if it's bad or good.

>e-girl accounts tipping that they're some jeet catfishing because the Saar's need to participate in mass izzat-farming outweighed his infinitesimal opsec
Man I love to hate Indians, they are so fucking stupid

Dammit, you're right. I'm retarded. Thank you for keeping me honest.

By the standards set by the last administration Trump is ultra fit and in peak physical and mental health.

economics have informed me that showing interest in your user's well-being will encourage positive associative feelings towards you

Breaking news, Apple customers are getting BRUTALLY price gouged! In other news, the sun continues to rise in the east.

Fuck that, I've already got 3 50 gallon drums filled with Ranch dressing and am trying to find a shipper who will do it no questions asked.

I'm starting to understand why they didn't used to teach women to read.

I'm not saying I agree with it, but I understand it.

I often wonder how fat we can get a gorl if we augment her with artificial hearts.

imagine turning yourself into a German Lesbian for imortality only to die anyways.

Whoever they nominate will have had a non-zero amount of cum in their butt in the last calendar year. I'll stake my life on that.

Downers are gay, use uppers like meth and get shit done

911 help this post is making me have a panic attack send an ambulance now please

"Yeah, 911 dispatch? Can you transfer me to @Your Girlfriend's Dad ? Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah, it's a light bulb again. Yes I'll hold."

If Null doesn't want me responding to bait he's going to have to hunt me down and kill me IRL. It's the blood in my veins. The air that I drink.

Scheißeposting macht frei

A holographic AI resembling a young Japanese girl that you created doesn't count.

Ver archivo adjunto 9261917

It was a cold musky night in Utah, and Welper looked at his date, the most beautiful Mormon woman in his neighborhood. Together, they weighed a light 630 pounds, with Welpers' inflamed hands compromised 10lb of that. He looked her in the eyes, brushing away her blonde hair covering her eye and said "you... you showed me hands and didn't disappoint." The woman slightly coughed and said "Oh, I - Thank you. I really appreciated how you took me to the the On The Border near my house and told me that my lady's raunch water was killing me. Did you... Want to..." - "Yes, I would love to show you my various guns." "No. What I mean is do you want to... you know... retire to sleep?"

Welper raised an eyebrow. "Ye-Yeshh.. I would like that, I suppose. I guess." Holding her hand, he brought her to the bedroom, when he sweeped off the the various anime statues where Goku and JoJo are holding shotguns, putting on the finest romantic music of all, FF8's Eye's On Me. Spraying the top comfort layer with a quick febreeze, he sat down. "My... angel. Come to me and we will uh - come together, soon. In the act of sex." She looked at him and slowly slipped one arm out of her Def Leppard XXXL t-shirt. Smiling, Welper turned off the lights.

Legends say to this day, you can hear what sounds like two garbage bags filled with blood and marbles hitting a wall echo throughout the desert. The passion leaving a mark which no man could ever match, a romance linked not only to hedonism, but of faith.

Welper raped me behind an Arby's in 1993

 

[Aunt Carol]

Are you seriously going to let Shrek's cock be the most you know about him?

Mormons had nothing to do with 90% of this, but ESPECIALLY not sriracha.

"Omg gurllll it would totally slay if you went to the *flips hair* emergency room "

"No like dude I mean man you should totally go to the fricken uhhh...hospital right now bro. Dood."

"Yes, this is it! From this day forward, I am autistic and retarded!"

*Sorry for implying Redditors are people.

DO NOT BLAME GOD. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND CHOICES LIKE AN ADULT.

Sorry if I said this already but I'm still MATI with horse figure companies. It's my Rise of Skywalker.

To anybody who did not score 100% transphobia, please reference the answer sheet below in order to see where your transphobia needs improving:

 

[The Noise]

fyi this is the "ai fetish porn" that he keeps whining about. she's fully clothed with nothing sexual going on, and not only is she fully clothed but her cleavage isn't even out. it's a chubby cartoon character eating a taco and farting. this is like trying to get some fat dude arrested on a sex crime for farting at an applebee's

 

[Zeftax]

This is one of the few sites where you can enjoy Hulk Hogan responding to Hulk Hogan.

In a world where women and strapons have been invented there is no reason to put a penis into an asshole.

 

[Gentlebastard]

I knew it would be awful but honestly it's worse than I expected.

I would use gemeni to make anuddah funny, but it threatened to call both my parents and my priest if I do so

I can't even call him a cocksucker because he couldn't suck a cock if he wanted to which I'm sure he does every waking moment of his miserable existence.

Crunchy has to be one of the most ugly motherfuckers ever spawned. Fucker was birthed in increments like a painful shit. Fucking sleep paralysis demon. Like "Jesus christ just bash my face in with a hammer" tier.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

For all the lolifags who might be upset at this, I have made a drawn version. This is just a drawing and artistic expression. It is literally just a drawing on a screen.

 

[Chiang Kai-shek]

Motherfucker it's THE WOMEN THAT HAVE CONDEMNED ME TO THIS FUCKING LIFE. NOTHING TO DO WITH FORUMS, I WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE THE FUCKING FORUMS. I NEED A WOMAN AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE TERRORISTS FOR DENYING THAT TO MEN LIKE ME.

 

[Black Man Underwear]

6) This blogger might face prison time because of Shrek's erect penis

 

[DickMain]

fuck i didnt mean to press post

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

boy is my mouth tired from being open all night. I could sure use some dick.

 

[Mr. Hands]

Would the prosecutor take into account that you're still engaging with dumb shit on the internet?

It's like the Pavlov experiment but he never learns lol

 

[Onni Kalsarikännit]

Can we stop talking about welpers sex life?

 

[Duke's Motel]

Women do not like Penises in general.

 

[Doggy Dog World]

I didn’t expect Concord [insert number here] to be a fursuiter stalking game but what do I know anymore.