random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[CaddestSlown]

You're telling me that my Patrick Bateman lifestyle impression is not only inappropriate but stupid?

 

[JackingOffGeorgeLucas]

I'll apologize when I feel better, I'm just too horribly upset with my own actions to apologize now!

Nigger, what? Death penalty.

Whoops! I just pressed a button and I blew up my house!

 

[Crex Crex]

The person who posted that meme is Indian and one of the first things you see when visiting his profile is Blacked porn.

Not surprising to be honest.

 

[Overly Serious]

I am getting sick of living in the timeline where my jokes aren't funny because they are statement of fact.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I'm only failing because society has removed all incentives that used to force women to settle.

 

[Chromeo]

What's the name of the law that says every forum thread will eventually turn into a debate about the ethics of ass-eating?

 

[Gregis]

I have spent the last few days specifically looking into the health effects of cannibalism.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

I really love when cops send the fur missles after someone

My favourite customers are the boomers with the lead paint stare who walk up to me and go "SOAP" and I just say "TEN" and they march on to aisle 10. No theatrics, just SOAP

I don't get why poison oak has to itch this bad. I don't want to eat your oily fucking leaves or your shitty little seeds. I know you absolutely do this shit on purpose, hiding in other plants, sending one little arm out to tag me when I walk by. Like, if you don't like animals disturbing you, why the fuck do you stick crappy branches out into the path like an asshole?

Fucking asshole.

Mortal Kombat has always played like dog shit. I think people just latched onto it because a ninja pulled out someone's spine once. And now the fatalities are like watching a Pixar short about dismemberment. I shouldn't need a sandwich and a chair to Finish someone

Another attractive female to add to my Harem Ball EDH deck (wife hates that name).

Of all the things to focus on, I think the eyelashes might be the least concerning when her shoulders appear to be so fat that they are attempting to consume her head and neck like massive lipidacious jaws.

They want Peter Darker not Peter Parker.

Just look at her brunette skin complexion and meticulous aging feature.

This may sound harsh to some viewers, but it's my opinion that everyone who worked on The Simpsons from the year 2000 onwards should be beaten to death with a shovel.

I'd rather have someone piss all over me that go through something like that.

poorly thought out puberty metaphor done with all the subtlety of a dick in the ass

He means us. We're green reddit.

Somebody get a broom and sweep these dusty fuckers out of the studios.

You're describing plotonium reactors that emit particle-like hand waves.

I found a black bear on my deck one morning just after they were coming out of hibernation. I got it to run away by opening my kitchen window and calling it a nigger. I wouldn't suggest this method if you have neighbors nearby.

Who needs to play and develop your sense when you fucking moisturise instead

Now, I'm no expert or anything, but I know enough that stroke-count and stroke-order is important, yet for some reason, this thing is suggesting kanji that have waaaaay more strokes than "Woman." Hell, it even managed to find "Rape" (姦) which is literally made of "Women," but the actual kanji for "Woman" is nowhere to be seen!

The "Don't Die" guy, Bryan Johnson has a whole healthy ass-eating protocol. Seems like his GF, Kate, is into it. Surprising because he eats so many chia seeds.

I highly doubt that would ever happen. This degenerate personification of the nerd emoji doesn't even have half the sordid history that DSP had when the Sons of Kojima came into existence.

Don't question the freak level of original animators. They were just better at hiding it because we still used to lynch people for knowing what vore is.

The hobby is alive and well, you can still get awesome ducks on the cheap

These repugnant dolts need defenestrating out of the Overton Window and right back into the radicalism they so claim to fight against

It is increasingly obvious that old people don’t know how to do a single thing except reply to chain Facebook posts. GOBBLESS.

But ask them to attach a PDF to an email and it’s like you just asked them to perform open-heart surgery. They don’t know how to forward shit. They don't know how to "MAKE THE LETTERS BIGGER."

This is why they still have landlines. The landline never asked them to attach anything.

I'm in the break room, trying to eat my sausage and egg bagel and these women start talking about their boyfriends, one of them keeps "sticking his hand right up my butt crack" in public. I'm trying to eat and I'm imagining her "babe" rummaging around her anus for loose change

What exactly did she think the other woman would say? "Oh my bf credit cards me too"?

 

[often puzzled]

TLDR; I bought the same couch that Chantal owns, got drunk on it and watched movies staring fat people.

 

[JustSomeDong]

i wish people could just mind themselves.

You told the farms details about your personal love life?

 

[Token Faggot]

If you give me head, it counts as anal. Filthy dalit.

 

[Super Malario]

Some of you are cool

Don't come to earth next month

 

[Pizza Time]

I miss FurFag's big dumps

 

[Chromeo]

Easy doesn't always always mean good. You know what else is easy to get? Bed bugs, and I don't want them either.

This is a blogposting thread so I'm gonna blogpost.

 

[Caliph of Abu Baka]

I made a post on reddit months ago about how I scored really low on one of those shitty online IQ tests [...] And they somehow found It

 

[CaddestSlown]

"They're doing kiwifarms shit to a fictional rabbit"

 

[skunt]

Hey you fat retard, how’s your new trash can? You’re fired, get the fuck out.

 

[Cun75p4rkl35]

Man, if some faggot NYC rat Buckbroke my dead ass, I would be so angry in the afterlife. Be like “NOOOO MY EARTHLY ASS!!” While demanding a pact with the devil to come back as the crow and rape that nigga to death. Except, not like, skinny like the crow but like 7’1 and 320 pounds.

It would be like Hellraiser except with extreme buttfuckin’

First Harambe, now, a St. Berdoodle. Even when niggers are not actively killing, they are still getting things killed.

Dicks out for the St. Berdoodle, guys.

If you find a gaggle of Anarcho-Primitivist girls though.... they will smash the patriarchy by letting you smash their asshole.

fine bruh damn. here's a compilation of people screaming in agony while dying.

did zooble really spur that intense of a bloodlust in you

 

[Bill Evans 45]

You know what's fucked? These faggots can have all out wars over who can and can not edit an article on fish eyes or needle work yet somehow I'm the weirdo for posting on a gossip forum. Who's the real autist here?

 

[Israel Light]

Fuck you, if you rated my post autistic