random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

Be honest you just wanna see hassidic jews in full gas mask and shtreimel emerging from the ground like some nazi horror-dream.

We need these two icons of lazy, unskilled, half-assing cooking might to get together and make a dish. Somewhere out there in the multiverse, those two got together and smoked a goat before covering it in Corn Nuts, powdered sugar, boxed cake mix and shitty hardware store hot sauce.

this woman should let some cliché for the rest of us jesus fucking christ

I'll give myself ten lashes and watch twenty hours of interracial cuckold gangbangs to atone for my sins.

"oh no, the tax payers don't want to pay 40k for me to indulge in my fetish, the world is so cruel!"

Yet another sad case of almost getting it.

spending money on trans shit is like paying for the Hellraiser cube. Congratulations, thank you for your purchase, your prize is pain and misery, retard.

swallowing is just common courtesy these days

Fun fact about the bottom tweet. The guy who made it Millennial Woes is a morbidly obese chain smoking homosexual redpill MRA YouTuber who lives in a trailer park and is in a poly relationship with three other obese gay rednecks.

I'm fairly certain he has a thread here and yet he somehow is less insane and makes more sense than your average redditor.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

@Useful_Mistake is next up on retard deathnote.

imagine actually knowing what any europoor country is like

i went to STRACHSBOURG and they had PASTRIES and there were FIVE ROADS and NO AIR CONDITIONING

Europoors will never understand the feeling of a comfy 69 degree AC cooled room in the hot Southern summer.

No AC? Opinion instantly discarded.

True story: When the first VW Beetles were being built for export to America, the American VW representatives insisted that AC be offered as an option, but the Germans refused, as they thought it wasn't needed on a cheap car.

So, the American VW reps got 4 German VW engineers to fly to America in the summer, then told them to get in a Beetle and take a multi-day roadtrip across the South.

When they returned, they agreed to put A/C in the Beetle.

SUFFAH CANADA! NO STANLEY CUP FOR YOU BISH!

Obsession with porn and pornstars is the male equivalent of true crime

If that green-eyed gazonga slipped on peepee at the Costco he could have a nice little payday and change his name to Lucky.

I believe he died. I think getting fucked to death by a horse pretty much involves dying.

Also fake: Nuclear weapons, the moon landing, the moon itself, birds, Canada, the Sphere (Midgard is flat like a 2-D waifu), and the female orgasm.

You have to admit, making your profile pic one of the alpacas your cult genocided is pretty metal.

It's important to diversify your penis investment portfolio.

Personally, I'm a fan of the fact that Viv seems to have made Heaven into an an ethnostate and had the Spanish speaking lesbian wind up in hell.

Redditors really shouldn't use any words at all because at some point a racist has used them too. They should be completely silent forever, just to be safe.

Multi-yohanna has added the epilogue to her Bougie Bookstore fic, a work that has accumulated fanart and a 10k word epilogue. Lines for this chapter include:
- Gonna fill you up so good, baby. Stuff you so full it'll be all you can feel.

I think half of it is them pretending not to understand - the other half is them genuinely not understanding.

If we really think about, anything but vaginal sex and stimulation of genitals with one's hands isn't how sex is supposed to go.

Have you ever seen a monkey give another monkey a footjob?

No, but I have seen a monkey rape a frog.

 

[whatchamacallit]

All immigrants and illegal aliens should go back to their own country for good, Dirty ass Mexicans, Blacks, Asians and other human color should be separation race, This is the great news for Mormons will take back America one way to another as we are cleanest people as individuals ourselves for the right.

I am the right-wing myself as I converted to Donald J. Trump and I heavily support him for good.

For every right mormon and christian individualism in the crowds. We will NO respect to YouTubers at all

I am the saint of Mormonism, As the family who we are. We are stick together as survival in our world that we can't let these evil scumbags like Democrats and Liberals who converted to Islam

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

been served with a subpoena for his Cuba stunt

"So what is @TheRalphRetort famous for? A limp dick and a gunt." This made me laugh more than it should, touché mademoiselle!

 

[DickMain]

It's a weird ass video where a MAGA guy fucks Jason Voorhees in the bathroom. Regardless, it had actual production value.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

Heavy is the head that wears the paper crown.

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

Mormons are the jews of religion

As your local degenerate bisexual clown, I would like everybody to enjoy national milk month.

i havent gooned to porn in a long while
now i goon to irc chatlogs

The SNCA Farms was targeted with a historic SNCA attack last week. Confirmed reports of 2.8 SNCAs on an individual SNCA, topping 4.8 SNCAs when known SNCAs are added together, and possibly up to 8 SNCAs if the nophono is believed. This is the third of fourth largest SNCA recorded.

Little feller made peace with the frickin fricks of this world

 

[Big Nasty]

Garfield anal jihad when????

 

[Keystone]

No, he is not sucking on a dick, he is smoking a cigarette, but how am I supposed to tell.

 

[Skitarii]

From aids Matthew McConaughey to aids Vinnie Jones in two years, impressive.

Given the fruit in your life you don't know Christ.

To refer to Prehistory as "The Pre-O9A era" is insane.

 

[Big Nasty]

This document reads like a corporate board meeting presentation following a particularly bad quarter, only the CEO is a perverted lobotomy patient with herpes.

 

[OvercookedBacon]

"LA Beast but for boner pills" is something that I'm not sure needs to exist, but I'm glad he does.

 

[Sheogorath]

I guarantee an army of gay niggers would instantly defeat all riots in America forever in less than an hour and the cost of a single barrel of lube.

 

[Myrtle the Turtle]

Black bears are like giant racoons

 

[Jhonson the Two]

This is what toxoplasmosis does to a nigga

 

[Tablet County]

I hate it when I eat a burger and all the cum squirts out the back onto rabbis shoes and I have to lick it all up

 

[Secret Boots]

How the FUCK you advocate eating a burger using FUCKING cutlery IN AMERICA and then call the other guy a sissy liberal??

The only cutlery I use on sloppy burgers is MY ERECT COCK and by SLOPPY BURGER I mean YOUR WIFE'S VAGINA.

Gaster creating DELTARUNE so he can torture queer kids

 

[Gentlebastard]

It’s not cannibalism if they’re grass fed vegans.

I will bet my favourite testicle*.

*It's the right one. I don't know; I've just never liked that one quite as much.

Couldn't you just, like, talk normally and avoid this whole thing?

Canadian levels of retardation

The fact that the Scots actually transcribe their accents when posting on social media is conclusive proof, if more were needed, of their fundamental deviancy.

 

[Gregis]

(wi-ha-ni-ni-na)

 

[Aunt Carol]

American racism is at most like c- tier. The most racist American is at most like a causal racist. We have a lot more work to do if we are to ever catch up to the East let alone the Balkans.

No I don't care about naval history.
Yes I paid out the ass on shipping cost due to tariffs.
Yes I bought it because of one scene from a video game I didn't even really like the plot of.
Yes I'm going to put it together while at work.
No I don't have anywhere to display it.

Call me crazy, but I can see how saying "it's fine to jack off to images of children" could result in an account suspension.

He's not doing the N right, he's got all the wrong letters, and numbers for some reason.
I
G
G
E
R
edit: dammit looks like I can't do it right either