random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

 

[ロボ﹏§¤r﹏h¶rœ]

Merkel and her consequences have been a disaster for the Bavarian people.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

I just realized something about my wording: by "gets him really hard" I mean strongly affects him emotionally, not that it gives him the big penis.

Chicken alfredo and six dead children, amazing

Alt is the peoples' janny. He shows that even someone with a broom can shit on the floor with the rest of us.

 

[SofondaCox]

@MrTroll
No. Didn't you notice the sign that says Hate Has No Home Here? It's written in multiple languages in case you're some retarded foreigner who doesn't speak English.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

I dunno. I’m on Facebook and have low standards and I tell black chicks “Yo, how about I face fuck you like my dick is Popeyes and you want a dinner for three?” And they seem flattered and interested in my poetic words.

 

[Haffhart]

Reddit go five minutes without concocting yet another hairbrained scheme to rape kids challenge (impossible)

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

There's no such thing as too many sandwiches.

 

[Meat Target]

That isn't what it means to have "explosive diarrhea", Grandpa!

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

I hope Nathfield every one of you trolls.

 

[Norbert the Tiger]

So there's the hips, the brow ridge, the arms, the hands, the feet, the Adam's apple, the tits, the genitals, all need to be changed to approximate the visual appearance of the opposite [sex]?

The people who go through this are sick and need help, and the people to urge them on and profit from their suffering deserve to die.

 

[Probably An Autist]

This isn't speculation, I literally have have a video of @AnOminous jerking off while moaning the name of Elon Musk's jet. I'm not joking, I have the video

 

[Aunt Carol]

At least in my fanfic you can inject the narrative of God being dead and we are all alone.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

In some ways I'm thankful I spent my early 20s almost without friends because I couldn't go out drunk with them and slur "hey you know whuddat be fun, let's get Megaman X tattoos" and wake up with a Sigma symbol on my ass

Everyone's laughing until someone lights one of her farts on fire, then you'll see what she means.

When Eminem said "Hi kids, do you like violence? want to see me stick nine-inch nails through each one of my eyelids?" He never actually meant that. I on the other hand, want to do that. The nails in the eyes, not Moby-Lizz.

Oh, naturally. Did you also utilize next-generation metrics and leverage your synergies to create a holistic customer-centric paradigm?

Anything is a buttplug if you're brave enough.

Everyone’s favorite pepperoni connoisseur has received a modest amount of attention on r/antiwork. Truly, this is his zenith

There are a rare few who are privileged to witness the birth of new pasta.

You could post that entire essay on his forehead and still find room to write it again.

.44 Magnum is irreplaceable, punk!

which really molests my monkeys

 

[IKOL]

Does Mien Kampf have a Pidgin version?

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

They're slicing and dicing all over the place, cutting up urethras and ballsacks and constructing all kinds of weird shit. I know these "surgeries" will always create disgusting abominations, but once, just ONCE I am begging surgeons to create two labia minora that go all the way down, with the hole between them. BETWEEN THEM, YOU ABSOLUTE MADMEN. Wtf am I even looking at here??? Not underneath like the number 8, not totally outside the entire fiasco like a second asshole, PUT IT BETWEEN

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

I read this out loud and my inner nigger came out.

 

[Fannyscum]

Context: Text exchange between Ethan Ralph and Alanna Morris, Pantsu's sister:


Bitch I'm an Internet Celebrity

 

[Elim Garak]

Man imagine being a Gayden. You fall over and your horrible flesh sausage comes loose and rolls out your pants.

 

[Meat Target]

You don't expect me to get on a snowmobile sober, do you?

 

[ロボ﹏§¤r﹏h¶rœ]

Imagine having to set a VPN for IRAN of all countries to access a US site with US legal content.