random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

And here I just thought I had used up my 15 minutes of fame in kindergarten when I realized I could wiggle my ears. All the other kids were super impressed.

"First they came for the chuds, and I said nothing, cuz they were just heckin fascists anyways..."

My father fought in Vietnam.
According to generational trauma, I'm a war vet.

When he says he's spent $100 on clothes, he means on hookers used panties.

You can just about hear the eye roll in her voice.

Last year, I called it that if he won the lawsuit he would get super cocky and arrogant and boy was I right. Not that it was a hard prediction, but still, I'm patting myself on the back.

"My illegal patio extension is under attack by terrorists!"

"FBI, my railings are being totally cyberbullied right now!"

I hate him.

I really hope the most joyless, rules-lawyering, pedantic, obnoxious lickspittle city worker that they’ve got nails him to the wall.

Good start but you have to go full nigger or you'll get nigmogged constantly. Get that malt liquor and stuff an illegal firearm down your pants and go outnigger to the extreme!

It’s a fascinating scientific problem on a physics test: his fat exerts a gravitational pull on the coffee, that would ordinarily be inescapable. The coffee, however, is repulsed by his very essence and resists this pull. What is the slope of the deck?

He brings absolutely everything upon himself and goes out of his way to be as much of a caustic asshole as possible. I hope he never changes, he brings me so much joy.

I wish I was retarded so I could have massive debt and eat slop every day and not lose a wink of sleep over it.

Hey, don’t criticize my only joy as an upstairs neighbor! I’m gonna drop my metal water bottle three extra times this morning just for this.

Wait, that's the "Before Ring Curse" pic? Jebus...

 

[Path Wanderer]

Yes, but when will we get the butthole shot?

“You bastard! You ate my GOO and this is the thanks you give me?”

I remember thinking, wow what a fucking loser. In hindsight he was probably better than what they have now.

He's probably a tranny now though.

 

[Secret Boots]

Don’t worry, all those names identify as two syllables so it’s okay