ArthuriusMartyrius
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- 3 de Ene, 2018
I've seen the movie and I am confident in saying that this is the worst onscreen adaption of the Odyssey. Ever. I am not kidding.
1) Odysseus is a moron in this movie, period. None of his clever planning or quick thinking is on display here in fact the movie repeatedly shows him doing astoundingly moronic things. One example I've listed previously is with the Cyclops where the guy needlessly gets several of his men killed (also Odysseus doesn't trick the Cyclops, in fact it's essentially a mute monster for the most part). Another is with Circe (who is now a haggard old woman who exists as a feminist screed on how men are horrible instead of a beautiful seductress who tricks Odysseus' men) where instead of Odysseus outwitting her and causing Circe to fall in love with his Chadliness, he gives her a dagger and very nicely asks her to pretty please remove the curse from his men as she is holding it to his throat.
2) The gods have been completely removed which means that about half of the crucial story beats are missing. The closest we get is Odysseus hallucinating some random Trojan girl played by Zendaya that got killed in front of him as the goddess Athena which I think was supposed to be showing his PTSD from the war. Speaking of which there's an entire sequence of Troy getting sacked during one of Odysseus' flashbacks which I think was supposed to be horrifying but is instead utterly sterile. The destruction of Troy in the 2004 movie (especially the director's cut) was far more disturbing and emotional.
3) The Phaeacians have been cut out and instead Odysseus is telling his story in flashbacks to Calypso.
4) A whole bunch of melodramatic filler material surrounding Telemachus, Penelope and the suitors has been added that could've been spent on, y'know, the main fucking protagonist. Also plenty of "men bad" hand-wringing especially with Circe and Helen of the Congo.
5) Diversity out the ass. Indians, Asians and blacks as your true-blue, authentic ancient Greeks, yes saar.
6) In addition to the main characters acting retarded, there's also a lot of random stupidity scattered throughout such as during one of the Trojan War flashbacks where a random Trojan soldier is stabbing the wooden horse to presumably check for people inside, managing to stab and draw blood from one of the Greek soldiers inside the horse, pull out the bloodied sword, EXAMINE IT and then proceed to act as though everything is normal instead of wondering why there's blood on his sword from stabbing an inanimate wooden horse. There is also the entire gate opening sequence where the Trojans are alerted to the Greek saboteurs trying to open the gates and instead of bringing down the whole might of the army down to stop them, they send a small skirmish group. Also the Greek soldiers were apparently standing right outside the walls the entire time and the sentries couldn't see them...somehow.
7) The sound mixing is still horrible and mind you I was watching this in an IMAX theater. Don't believe the excuses, Nolan's audio isn't shit because he's adjusting it for IMAX, it's just shit period.
8) Sinon is in the movie taking the role of Achilles, played very poorly by Ellen Page pretending to be a man despite still very obviously sounding like a woman trying to do a masculine voice. He also takes on the role served by several other characters during this section in the poem such as Odysseus' mother in terms of giving exposition.
9) Christopher Nolan has one single character archetype that he uses for everyone which is that of the mopey navel-gazer with a troublesome history and Odysseus is no exception. I actually think that Matt Damon could've played a decent Odysseus if given the chance but the material he has to work with doesn't permit it. Same goes for all the other characters who are written with the same depressed, dour mood to the extent where they all start blurring together, male or female.
10) WHERE IS THE FUCKING COLOR? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MEDITERRANEAN FFS.
11) The setpieces are utterly unimpressive. Charybdis is literally just a tiny-ass whirlpool in the middle of a calm ocean probably because Nolan assumed that Charybdis was an actual whirlpool and not a giant sea monster whose actions were causing massive whirlpools to be formed. Similarly Scylla is a tentacle monster that grabs a handful of Odysseus' men...and then just leaves the rest alone even though his ship is still in range. Again I don't think that Nolan seems to understand that Scylla only managed to nab 6 of Odysseus' guys before the rest escaped out of its reach not that it nabbed 6 guys and then let the rest go.
12) The dialogue. Oh God the dialogue. Pretentious and yet simultaneously unsophisticated and not worthy of a classic of Greek literature. Also Lupita is so fucking ugly, holy shit. Like goddamn, couldn't they get a cute black chick with big bazongas like Jessica Lucas if they absolutely had to cast a negress? Why get one with the body of a man?
TL;DR: I'd wait for the XXX parody. It'll actually have hot women in it AND probably be more faithful to the source material.
1) Odysseus is a moron in this movie, period. None of his clever planning or quick thinking is on display here in fact the movie repeatedly shows him doing astoundingly moronic things. One example I've listed previously is with the Cyclops where the guy needlessly gets several of his men killed (also Odysseus doesn't trick the Cyclops, in fact it's essentially a mute monster for the most part). Another is with Circe (who is now a haggard old woman who exists as a feminist screed on how men are horrible instead of a beautiful seductress who tricks Odysseus' men) where instead of Odysseus outwitting her and causing Circe to fall in love with his Chadliness, he gives her a dagger and very nicely asks her to pretty please remove the curse from his men as she is holding it to his throat.
2) The gods have been completely removed which means that about half of the crucial story beats are missing. The closest we get is Odysseus hallucinating some random Trojan girl played by Zendaya that got killed in front of him as the goddess Athena which I think was supposed to be showing his PTSD from the war. Speaking of which there's an entire sequence of Troy getting sacked during one of Odysseus' flashbacks which I think was supposed to be horrifying but is instead utterly sterile. The destruction of Troy in the 2004 movie (especially the director's cut) was far more disturbing and emotional.
3) The Phaeacians have been cut out and instead Odysseus is telling his story in flashbacks to Calypso.
4) A whole bunch of melodramatic filler material surrounding Telemachus, Penelope and the suitors has been added that could've been spent on, y'know, the main fucking protagonist. Also plenty of "men bad" hand-wringing especially with Circe and Helen of the Congo.
5) Diversity out the ass. Indians, Asians and blacks as your true-blue, authentic ancient Greeks, yes saar.
6) In addition to the main characters acting retarded, there's also a lot of random stupidity scattered throughout such as during one of the Trojan War flashbacks where a random Trojan soldier is stabbing the wooden horse to presumably check for people inside, managing to stab and draw blood from one of the Greek soldiers inside the horse, pull out the bloodied sword, EXAMINE IT and then proceed to act as though everything is normal instead of wondering why there's blood on his sword from stabbing an inanimate wooden horse. There is also the entire gate opening sequence where the Trojans are alerted to the Greek saboteurs trying to open the gates and instead of bringing down the whole might of the army down to stop them, they send a small skirmish group. Also the Greek soldiers were apparently standing right outside the walls the entire time and the sentries couldn't see them...somehow.
7) The sound mixing is still horrible and mind you I was watching this in an IMAX theater. Don't believe the excuses, Nolan's audio isn't shit because he's adjusting it for IMAX, it's just shit period.
8) Sinon is in the movie taking the role of Achilles, played very poorly by Ellen Page pretending to be a man despite still very obviously sounding like a woman trying to do a masculine voice. He also takes on the role served by several other characters during this section in the poem such as Odysseus' mother in terms of giving exposition.
9) Christopher Nolan has one single character archetype that he uses for everyone which is that of the mopey navel-gazer with a troublesome history and Odysseus is no exception. I actually think that Matt Damon could've played a decent Odysseus if given the chance but the material he has to work with doesn't permit it. Same goes for all the other characters who are written with the same depressed, dour mood to the extent where they all start blurring together, male or female.
10) WHERE IS THE FUCKING COLOR? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MEDITERRANEAN FFS.
11) The setpieces are utterly unimpressive. Charybdis is literally just a tiny-ass whirlpool in the middle of a calm ocean probably because Nolan assumed that Charybdis was an actual whirlpool and not a giant sea monster whose actions were causing massive whirlpools to be formed. Similarly Scylla is a tentacle monster that grabs a handful of Odysseus' men...and then just leaves the rest alone even though his ship is still in range. Again I don't think that Nolan seems to understand that Scylla only managed to nab 6 of Odysseus' guys before the rest escaped out of its reach not that it nabbed 6 guys and then let the rest go.
12) The dialogue. Oh God the dialogue. Pretentious and yet simultaneously unsophisticated and not worthy of a classic of Greek literature. Also Lupita is so fucking ugly, holy shit. Like goddamn, couldn't they get a cute black chick with big bazongas like Jessica Lucas if they absolutely had to cast a negress? Why get one with the body of a man?
TL;DR: I'd wait for the XXX parody. It'll actually have hot women in it AND probably be more faithful to the source material.
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