Netflix's The Witcher series

[m1ddl3m4rch]

In fairness; if the job of a mage is to manipulate the leaders of various court; it may be advantageous for a man to appear as the wise old leader type; as much as it is an advantage for the women to all look like hot temptresses. It's still dumb as fuck, but you could maybe justify it.

Glamours exist though. I wouldn't pay my balls to get permanent awesome enchantments, just to choose the shriveled old man set.

 

[Johan Schmidt]

Glamours exist though. I wouldn't pay my balls to get permanent awesome enchantments, just to choose the shriveled old man set.

Oh shit, I forgot they got cut on to get their pretty new looks. Did they ever say all the men were eunuchs?

Actually wait, the fucker was using a glamour wasn't he? Because he had no hands, why fix 'cripple' and not 'wrinkle'.

 

[lady stoneheart]

Oh shit, I forgot they got cut on to get their pretty new looks. Did they ever say all the men were eunuchs?

Actually wait, the fucker was using a glamour wasn't he? Because he had no hands, why fix 'cripple' and not 'wrinkle'.

in the books no one is permanently physically sterilized, i always interpreted it as an unfortunate hormonal side effect of too much intense or prolonged exposure to magic since both mages and witchers are sterile, which is almost always permanent (Geralt’s mother is a sorceress). mostly it’s not really explained, it’s only important because basically the main theme of the story is parenthood. there’s a chance Yennefer can get pregnant and that’s why she’s so desperate, kind of like how women who are 99.9% infertile still try for 10 years and spend hundreds of thousands on IVF treatments and etc.

this was why my first major suspicions of the show were activated when Yennefer consensually undergoes a hysterectomy in like the 2nd or 3rd episode. blatant evidence right there that the showrunner and writers do not understand what the books are really about, and are only going for their attempt at a GoT s07 rip-off. it only got worse from there. i torrented the 2nd season and just finished it and it was truly appalling

 

[Milwaukee Macho Man]

There are all these long ass mage scenes and all I took from it was "we don't trust Yen, we mad at Fringilla"

Admittedly, I tuned almost all of them out after the first couple of them so maybe I missed something. I don't think I did though.

I'm so glad I didn't cave after I found out Netflix stopped doing free trials and just pirated the shit. Netflix is so fucking transparent. They couldn't make Geralt a nig so they just pushed them into boring ass elf and mage roles and focused on that shit.

 

[Johan Schmidt]

Also they made phillipa a nig as well. Sad times.

 

[Milwaukee Macho Man]

Also they made phillipa a nig as well. Sad times.

> mages take on forms that people trust and respect
> half of them nigs

 

[Johan Schmidt]

> mages take on forms that people trust and respect
> half of them nigs

No wonder no one likes mages. Also the trailer for the prequel they included looks absolutely atrocious. Nigger elves unironically trigger me so much, I hate seeing mud people.

 

[Bonesjones]

Henry is about the only likeable person in the show, everyone else is either ugly, charismaless, and/or terrible actors. Why does Ciri only have one facial expression? Why are all the mages some form of racially indistinct brown person?

 

[Milwaukee Macho Man]

Why does Ciri only have one facial expression? Why are all the mages some form of racially indistinct brown person?

Netflix™

I really feel bad for Henry Cavil. He gets to take on these roles he (claims) to want so bad in Superman and Geralt, and the movies/shows end up crumbling apart around him.

 

[Johan Schmidt]

Henry is about the only likeable person in the show, everyone else is either ugly, charismaless, and/or terrible actors. Why does Ciri only have one facial expression? Why are all the mages some form of racially indistinct brown person?

I think the actress had filler, or work done. Because her face literally seems fixed, not just that she has little range.

 

[lady stoneheart]

I think the actress had filler, or work done. Because her face literally seems fixed, not just that she has little range.

idk about filler but she may look so robotic because her face is CAKED in makeup. you can see it even in scenes where everyone else is filthy, she’ll have a little smear of mud on her face and then like half a pound of clumpy mascara. it’s really weird looking.

 

[Johan Schmidt]

idk about filler but she may look so robotic because her face is CAKED in makeup. you can see it even in scenes where everyone else is filthy, she’ll have a little smear of mud on her face and then like half a pound of clumpy mascara. it’s really weird looking.

I think they might be trying to make her look younger that way? I can' remember how old Ciri is supposed to be in the series at this point, but I doubt that she's supposed to look Freya Allans 20 years old.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

I think they might be trying to make her look younger that way? I can' remember how old Ciri is supposed to be in the series at this point, but I doubt that she's supposed to look Freya Allans 20 years old.

The problem they're having is that she aged a LOT in the ~2 year gap between seasons. It was a pretty crucial 2 years or maturation, so S2 Ciri is unambiguously older than S1 Ciri despite he story picking up literally where it left off.

 

[Johan Schmidt]

The problem they're having is that she aged a LOT in the ~2 year gap between seasons. It was a pretty crucial 2 years or maturation, so S2 Ciri is unambiguously older than S1 Ciri despite he story picking up literally where it left off.

Yeah, Freya Allan is an attractive looking woman as well; you can't just dress her young and try to hide that. It doesn't work.

 

[lady stoneheart]

I think they might be trying to make her look younger that way? I can' remember how old Ciri is supposed to be in the series at this point, but I doubt that she's supposed to look Freya Allans 20 years old.

she’s like 13 or something at this point in the books, as much as there is a point in the books that correlates with the show (i’m going by Ciri being at Kaer Morhen and not plot similarities lol). really i don’t even think she needs to be aged down, the actress could easily be 16 which is fine for Ciri in my opinion. a 16 year old rich princess can be believably naive and helpless, just starting puberty, and in need of the guidance of elders and a family even if she is precocious, just like a preteen. the bad makeup is much worse. they could make Ciri 20 and she still would be an orphan who craves parents and a family, is unable to control her powers, and is desired by warring political factions for the power she represents.

the more i think about this adaptation, the more i realize that thinking about it at all is pointless. forgive me for screaming into the void here but i just have to get it out. rant incoming.

if i were Ciri and Geralt i would never forgive or trust Yennefer ever again. if Yennefer has already proven that she is willing to sell Ciri to the highest bidder for power, why would Geralt and Ciri even go to Thaenned? if they’re not at Thaenned how will the coup go, will they even be separated? what will the Rats be like, will they even exist? will Rience ever be referred to by name? will the Hanse exist, and if so, will actual baby-murdering Cahir be included? if Ciri can already make portals and do world-changing magic with zero practice, what excuse would she have for being separated from her adoptive parents, and them from each other, for so long anyway? with Fringilla the way she is, will there even be Toussaint/Beauclair?

season 2 specific: if fire magic makes you all fucked up and lose your powers then why was Stregobor using fire magic literally the next episode? if Yennefer has no magic at all then where is she getting all these convenient horses from? how big is this “continent” anyway, like 15 miles? how did Yennefer necking herself actually just give her her magic back? (for the 2nd time in two seasons, Yennefer fails at magic and attempts suicide. thank you Netflix that is very feminist of you) these are just a few of my many many questions.

 

[whitepumpkin]

if they’re not at Thaenned how will the coup go, will they even be separated? what will the Rats be like, will they even exist? will Rience ever be referred to by name? will the Hanse exist, and if so, will actual baby-murdering Cahir be included? if Ciri can already make portals and do world-changing magic with zero practice, what excuse would she have for being separated from her adoptive parents, and them from each other, for so long anyway? with Fringilla the way she is, will there even be Toussaint/Beauclair?

I doubt the whole Toussaint arc will happen, or if it does it'll be a mess. I'm sure Anna will be some NUBIAN GODDESS who treats Jaskier like shit, but maybe they'll skip that entirely since they seem to like leaning into the fujoshi bait route. I'm already seeing girls cry that Burn Butcher Burn is a breakup song. Because men can't be friends.

But I'm sure Thanedd will be used as some modern political talking point. The Rats will be thieves with a heart of gold because BE GAY DO CRIMES or some shit. Someone speculated Milva will be turned into a quintessential American Brat and Angoulême will be trans (please no) and Cahir, lol, will probably be a spy for Nilfgaard or for Fringilla or some shit. Who knows. I personally don't want to think about what they'd do to Regis considering what happened to Eskel, but I can smell a character assassination coming.

It is funny to see the damage control echoing throughout the 'fandom' spaces. r/Witcher's infighting because reddit is always dramatic trash. Girls on tumblr are sobbing over their ships being ruined and also in completely denial, convincing themselves it's actually good. I even saw on Twitch a conversation about how if you wanted a 1:1 adaptation then you don't understand how hard television is and bad fanfiction writing is better than no tv show.

It's been a hilarious couple of days, I must say. But then I'm reminded this show wants to screw with Alzur and the original witchers and I just get sad.

 

[Bonesjones]

Once you see that every woman in the show has so much botox their forehead doesn't move, you'll never unsee it.

 

[Migurdia]

Girls on tumblr are sobbing over their ships being ruined and also in completely denial, convincing themselves it's actually good.

I didn't even know shipping was a thing in this series because the nature of the characters and how the relationships are portrayed in the books (and to a lesser extent the games). But these retards are really trying to ship Yennefer and Dandelion while simultaneously trying to convince themselves he's gay for Geralt. I know I shouldn't be surprised since these are tumblr shippers but fucking hell.

 

[Dona Morte]

All respect to Jaskier, Yen, and Gerald actors.
I am a HUGE fan of Henry because of the care and love he gives this role.
I think this trio really give a shit about the source material and respect it.
I am in the middle of it and I find the mage plot just forgettable.
I understand Yen's motivations here, she sacrificed everything for her magic and without that what is she? (At least in the book). I think this season has a lot of the magic gone for me. There are just too many stories to follow.
I always treated this show as someone with only cursory knowledge of the source material and it seems like something is very missing.

 

[whitepumpkin]

I didn't even know shipping was a thing in this series because the nature of the characters and how the relationships are portrayed in the books (and to a lesser extent the games). But these retards are really trying to ship Yennefer and Dandelion while simultaneously trying to convince themselves he's gay for Geralt. I know I shouldn't be surprised since these are tumblr shippers but fucking hell.

Unfortunately, it's a huge thing. AO3 has a Ship Stat list that comes out every year and is posted on tumblr/reddit. Last year, Geralt and Jaskier/Dandelion was #5. Don't know what it'll be this year, but I don't really want to know at this point.



The Netflix show is what kickstarted that and it's sadly leeched into a lot of Witcher discussion spaces, to the point where I've seen the books be dismissed as just "lore" instead of the actual source material because, y'know. Not enough Jaskier being gay for Geralt or whatever. There's also a few Witcher Shipping discords but I prefer to keep my eyeballs and sanity in tact than to check there for lulz.

All I know is Eskel was apparently a fujoshi favourite and his Groot-Fursona did not go over well.