I didn't fuck with the CMOS battery
There's a chance the CMOS battery is just fucking dead and because it's probably the first time the motherboard has gone stone cold in a very long time, it was just waiting to fuck you over. They're not rechargeable batteries.
If your system was configured as TPM + PIN to protect the authentication material as part of Windows Hello and your CMOS battery is fucked then this is pretty much expected behavior as the TPM chip is designed to clam up when weird shit happens. Windows Hello sign in PINs are not a password, it's the TPM's job to protect the real password.
Same thing would happen if you updated the BIOS, for instance. Which is why all the BIOS update utilities these days temporarily suspend BitLocker before updating.
ok so I'm locked out of Windows with my Outlook and Microsoft passwords in a document file on my desktop
How the fuck is it Microsoft's fault you store your passwords in the most retarded way possible? Do you want it to behave like Windows 98 where hitting cancel just dumps you to the desktop?
I don't know how I managed to do it but I eventually managed to cheat an admin privileged local account for my computer JUST so I could get in and grab as many files as possible
You're actually really lucky that Microsoft hasn't yet flipped the switch on automatically enabling BitLocker for every normie PC or you would've been royally fucked with no hope of recovery. I think it's precisely because of this kind of situation that they only really go hard enabling it on their own hardware.
HBCD-PE has a tool called Windows Login Unlocker for removing forgotten PINs and it also has Free Office so you could've just viewed the document containing all your passwords and saved yourself a lot of screwing around.
This is MY fucking computer. This is MY fucking hardware. These are MY fucking files.
Then don't do the normie Microsoft account sign in bullshit, use a local account and either don't have a password on it, or disable password complexity and set it to be the same as your PIN. You can do all that while still having TPM + Secure Boot for games that insist on it.
I don't trust this PC now, I don't trust Microsoft and I don't trust Windows.
I wouldn't trust it either given you probably ran a shitload of jeeted up shitware to get to this point.
My suggestion if you want to persist with Windows: Grab a fresh ISO for Windows 11 from here:
https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/sof...d Windows 11 Disk Image (ISO) for x64 devices
Prepare an install USB using Rufus but don't select anything it offers in that Windows User Experience prompt (like the offline account stuff)
Use this to generate your own autounattend.xml file
https://schneegans.de/windows/unattend-generator/
Download the file, place it in the root of the install USB with the filename "autounattend.xml". Next time you boot off that USB, it'll run through the install process automatically. I use it as a ghetto reimaging tool at work, but it can work as well as a Windows 11 customization tool so you can have a pre-baked local account and all the shitware stripped away from the start.
If you install a new cooler, you need to remove and reinsert the CPU. The BIOS notices that, and the following reinitialization of everything may screw up a lot of things so that Windows won't boot, or let you log in.
AMD fTPM being on the CPU itself would probably get mad if you did reseat the chip since it probably sensed the system was being messed with due to not having any juice from the CMOS battery anymore.