Lolcows by the numbers

[AWPerative]

I'm sure there's lots of data available for this sort of project. Has anyone thought of ranking lolcows based on various statistics and metrics, and placing them on a leaderboard-type table?

Some proposed statistics would be like number of arrests, restraining orders, commitments to mental hospitals, etc. to have an idea of how "lolcow" a lolcow would be. We could probably create a "lolcow meter" based on these statistics. Some other things can fall under intangibles (i.e. a lolcow's political views). It would probably be easier to find information on celebrities like Milo Yiannopoulos or CWC but it would help to have some sort of measuring stick where some of the more obscure lolcows might rank. Just a thought.

 

[The Pink Panther]

that's like so fucking gay, we're here to laugh at them. there's no fucking mathematical or statistic aspect to being a lolcow; just laugh at them when they fuck up living a human life

 

[No Exit]

That sounds really stupid and pointless.

 

[Coke Pope]

>hello my fellow humans, please, do my job and feed me data about potentially dangerous and subversive members of society.

I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.

 

[AWPerative]

That sounds really stupid and pointless.

Thought it would be interesting to compare obscure lolcows to more prominent lolcows TBH. Staring at Excel spreadsheets all day long for work (which I'm sure a few of us do) can get tiring. It's whatever, wasn't expecting anything out of this.

 

[Plasmapheresis]

Good job thinking of something super autistic and dumb lol.

 

[DidYouJustSayThat]

Fund it. Ignore the naysayers and create couple leaderboards on some quantifiable metrics and post them once you have something, Figure out a way to have other kiwis help to adjust data. Never know, might catch on.

 

[drtoboggan]

OP is gay and unrealistic.

 

[Gym Leader Elesa]

I once tried something like this. I ranked lolcows by how much people wanted to lick them.

Everyone told me to kill myself and called me a Muslim. So, basically what I'm saying is

Do it. It will be funny.

 

[Kamov Ka-52]

That's incredibly autistic even by Kiwi Farms standards.

Plus, there's no way to create a completely objective quantitative measure of lolcow-dom, it's inherently subjective and qualitative.

 

[The Real SVP]

there's no fucking mathematical or statistic aspect to being a lolcow

You are not thinking autistic enough. What if we could laugh at them mathematical?

I ranked lolcows by how much people wanted to lick them.

See? Do you see where that could go? There is limitless potential in the realm of mathematical entertainment.

 

[PsychoNerd054]

You are not thinking autistic enough. What if we could laugh at them mathematical?


See? Do you see where that could go? There is limitless potential in the realm of mathematical entertainment.

Just because you can say something's "mathematical", doesn't mean it actually means anything!

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

It’s alway a good sign when there’s a new thread in the “New Content” section posted by someone with the default avatar.

 

[The Pink Panther]

It’s alway a good sign when there’s a new thread in the “New Content” section posted by someone with the default avatar.

Especially when it's an old fag who's been here for 4 years already.

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Especially when it's an old fag who's been here for 4 years already.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting that part.

 

[PsychoNerd054]

Especially when it's an old fag who's been here for 4 years already.

Can you still be considered a newfag if you haven't really experienced much here for those 4 years? Or are you just a plain faggot? It's probably the later.

 

[nagant 1895]

I've got lolcows by the numbers
Autists by the score
every day i love them less
each day they shit post more

 

[Freya]

It isn't like people on here haven't put a lot of time into doxing a cow or collecting and archiving everything they've ever posted online. I don't see the difference.

Analyzing data like OP is suggesting sounds dumb and pointless though.

 

[DidYouJustSayThat]

That's incredibly autistic even by Kiwi Farms standards.

Plus, there's no way to create a completely objective quantitative measure of lolcow-dom, it's inherently subjective and qualitative.

Everything is subjective objectively. Apart from math and the fact, that there are only two genders, that are immutable, but I digress. Subjectively graded lolcow leaderboards have potential, if people can't agree civilly on the metrics, it's even better

 

[THOTto]

Rank them by how fat they are and how much they shit their pants.