Jurassic Park/World megathread - Spared no expense.

[TVB]

And just like with the Universal Monsters movies, the Jaws series or the Fast & The Furious series the more they went on the more ridiculous they got because they had to write their way backwards from having to have a shark eating people, car chases or dinosaurs on the loose, eventually the monster movies became self parody and they wanted to do that with Jaws even.

The World movies are not great but my point is they can be fun if you get in the right headspace, honestly JP got off easy when compared to other ips like Star Wars.

Universal has some very crazy ways of milking their IPs. At least I'm still happy they never continued Back to the Future movies after its third movie.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

The World movies are a lot more acceptable when you put them in the context of Universal studios itself and how they've operated since the 1930s.

They've always gone after a more "blur collar" audience with a catchy central hook like "hey, look at this cool monster" or "hey, look at this cool shark" or "hey, look at these cool cars" and in the case of JP "hey, look at these cool dinosaurs"

And just like with the Universal Monsters movies, the Jaws series or the Fast & The Furious series the more they went on the more ridiculous they got because they had to write their way backwards from having to have a shark eating people, car chases or dinosaurs on the loose, eventually the monster movies became self parody and they wanted to do that with Jaws even.

The World movies are not great but my point is they can be fun if you get in the right headspace, honestly JP got off easy when compared to other ips like Star Wars.

It helps that compared to star wars, Jurassic Park literally had no sequels that topped the first one and the World Films are at least more consistent in how ridiculous they are compared to the Sequel Trilogy

 

[A Grey Cat]

Universal has some very crazy ways of milking their IPs. At least I'm still happy they never continued Back to the Future movies after its third movie.

or jaws after the revenge, despite what Back to the future 2 said that we'd have 19 jaws movies by 2015.

But yeah the series is...in a bit of a purgatory imo. the films are nowhere near as good as they used to be, but not as horrendously bad as say the star wars sequel trilogies or they haven't gone as over the top ridiculous into so bad their good territory the way fast and furious (debatably) has (Hard to believe that series started as universal trying to cash in on the popularity of extreme stunts and sports that cropped up in the late 90s/2000s post tony hawk world)

 

[TVB]

or jaws after the revenge, despite what Back to the future 2 said that we'd have 19 jaws movies by 2015.

But yeah the series is...in a bit of a purgatory imo. the films are nowhere near as good as they used to be, but not as horrendously bad as say the star wars sequel trilogies or they haven't gone as over the top ridiculous into so bad their good territory the way fast and furious (debatably) has (Hard to believe that series started as universal trying to cash in on the popularity of extreme stunts and sports that cropped up in the late 90s/2000s post tony hawk world)

I mean Fast & Furious used to be brainless yet fun 2000s Need for Speed/Burnout/Tony Hawk combined fun, yet Universal milked it down the drain to the point where it wants to ape the likes of Marvel, DC, Star Wars or Star Trek just in case other IPs burn out, and even milked their own family-friendly properties like Land Before Time and Despicable Me to the core. Once other IPs like The Thing or The Mummy fail to capture new generation, then they just move on to something else.

 

[That Chris Guy]

Late I know, but I eventually mustered up the resolve to see Dominion through, since it was free on Prime.

Dear Lord what a fucking stupid mess this movie is.

Spoiler: Rant

Forgetting the common talking points like Dodgson being a dumbest villain and the shoehorning of Discount Black Han Solo, they clearly have no conceptual knowledge of how animals behave, of how genetics works, or even of how humans behave.

They went with the stupid laser-pointing tripe of the second movie. Sure, point your laser at the first enemy then turn it off and point it at the next enemy. Do they think animals understand lasers as a point of object permanence? That when the laser goes off you're supposed to still just follow this creature to kill it? Assuming they did, what if you made a mistake and shine it in the wrong place - how does the creature recognize that?

That Maisie Lockwood shit is even more retarded. She gave birth asexually, and not only did she have this impossible abnormality, but she also happened to be the smartest person on the fucking planet and she secretively developed a method not understood by anyone else to modify all the genes in her child's body to remove [unspecified genetic disease]? And she didn't record any data of this anywhere nor did anyone else? Yeah, not buying what you're selling.

"Woman inherits the Earth" should be the tag line of this film, considering that Sam Neill does collectively fuck-all other than rescuing Goldblum once. Seriously, Laura Dern keeps doing everything, even the kid does more. Couldn't have had her do the computer work or lab work (stuff she would be better at) while he would do more of the action (stuff that as a lifetime digger, he should be better at). That's to say nothing about how the mercenary boss was that chick in Altered Carbon, or Henry Wu saying how the aforementioned super scientist with the impossible birth was, "So much smarter than I - the long-running geneticist of this series - could ever hope to be". It's just so on-the-nose.

So yeah, total shitshow. You could pick this movie apart from beginning to end. About the only good part was the way the Therizinosaurus appeared.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

Discount Black Han Solo

wait what movie are we complaining about in this thread?
I'm getting confused

 

[That Chris Guy]

wait what movie are we complaining about in this thread?
I'm getting confused

I was referring to Dominion. The new character Kayla is essentially a smuggler flying a cargo plane and acts like a rogue. She struck me as annoying, like if Jada Pinkett-Smith had been given a role in the film.

Most of the controversy surrounding her iirc was because they didn't just put her in as a character first; they cashed in on the "(NOT) THE FIRST BLACK TO DO (SOMETHING OF LITTLE CONSEQUENCE)" shtick that every movie tries nowadays.

 

[TVB]

Late I know, but I eventually mustered up the resolve to see Dominion through, since it was free on Prime.

Dear Lord what a fucking stupid mess this movie is.

Spoiler: Rant

Forgetting the common talking points like Dodgson being a dumbest villain and the shoehorning of Discount Black Han Solo, they clearly have no conceptual knowledge of how animals behave, of how genetics works, or even of how humans behave.

They went with the stupid laser-pointing tripe of the second movie. Sure, point your laser at the first enemy then turn it off and point it at the next enemy. Do they think animals understand lasers as a point of object permanence? That when the laser goes off you're supposed to still just follow this creature to kill it? Assuming they did, what if you made a mistake and shine it in the wrong place - how does the creature recognize that?

That Maisie Lockwood shit is even more retarded. She gave birth asexually, and not only did she have this impossible abnormality, but she also happened to be the smartest person on the fucking planet and she secretively developed a method not understood by anyone else to modify all the genes in her child's body to remove [unspecified genetic disease]? And she didn't record any data of this anywhere nor did anyone else? Yeah, not buying what you're selling.

"Woman inherits the Earth" should be the tag line of this film, considering that Sam Neill does collectively fuck-all other than rescuing Goldblum once. Seriously, Laura Dern keeps doing everything, even the kid does more. Couldn't have had her do the computer work or lab work (stuff she would be better at) while he would do more of the action (stuff that as a lifetime digger, he should be better at). That's to say nothing about how the mercenary boss was that chick in Altered Carbon, or Henry Wu saying how the aforementioned super scientist with the impossible birth was, "So much smarter than I - the long-running geneticist of this series - could ever hope to be". It's just so on-the-nose.

So yeah, total shitshow. You could pick this movie apart from beginning to end. About the only good part was the way the Therizinosaurus appeared.

What's so weird is that Fallen Kingdom and Dominion felt more like shitty lost episode creepypastas than actual Jurassic Park movies. Sad.

 

[That Chris Guy]

What's so weird is that Fallen Kingdom and Dominion felt more like shitty lost episode creepypastas than actual Jurassic Park movies. Sad.

To be fair, Jurassic World was also a very dumb movie, but I guess it had the amusement park angle going for it if nothing else. It once again made sweeping assumptions about the intelligence of animals that the complexity of their ideas was absurd.

- The Indominus just knowing that putting some scratches on the wall would make its owners assume it had escaped, instead of just needing a dino-sized cat castle in there.
- Knowing that scratching the wall would produce a result where three humans would open the gate and blunder inside to inspect, unarmed, into a chamber that's supposed to house an apex predator.
- That it would know since early conception that some tracking chip was placed in its body, and exactly where it was located.
- That it knew removing the chip would cause a team of humans to appear that it could wait in ambush for.
- Knowing that scaring a bunch of pterosaurs would cause them to scattered into the path of the pursuing helicopter Last Crusade style, even though it would have rarely seen powered aircraft and not understood what they were, much less been able to utilize the panic of other flying animals to make its escape.
- Thinking that because an animal was partially made from the genes of another animal, those two animals would communicate cross-species and spontaneously ally themselves with each other,

It was bloody awful. The original may have mixed some dinosaurs around and given them some traits they did not possess, but it was way more down-to-Earth about what these things could accomplish.

 

[Basic Blond Boy]

To be fair, Jurassic World was also a very dumb movie, but I guess it had the amusement park angle going for it if nothing else. It once again made sweeping assumptions about the intelligence of animals that the complexity of their ideas was absurd.

- The Indominus just knowing that putting some scratches on the wall would make its owners assume it had escaped, instead of just needing a dino-sized cat castle in there.
- Knowing that scratching the wall would produce a result where three humans would open the gate and blunder inside to inspect, unarmed, into a chamber that's supposed to house an apex predator.
- That it would know since early conception that some tracking chip was placed in its body, and exactly where it was located.
- That it knew removing the chip would cause a team of humans to appear that it could wait in ambush for.
- Knowing that scaring a bunch of pterosaurs would cause them to scattered into the path of the pursuing helicopter Last Crusade style, even though it would have rarely seen powered aircraft and not understood what they were, much less been able to utilize the panic of other flying animals to make its escape.
- Thinking that because an animal was partially made from the genes of another animal, those two animals would communicate cross-species and spontaneously ally themselves with each other,

It was bloody awful. The original may have mixed some dinosaurs around and given them some traits they did not possess, but it was way more down-to-Earth about what these things could accomplish.

If I recall correctly, a big twist of World was supposed to be that the creature was mixed with human DNA to some capacity explaining the weird intelligence. It is also why the rex killed other dinos for sport, not food. As a concept, having the human DNA be the key that makes it a monster is a great twist, not sure how logical the science would be, but as a story device, it is a good one.

 

[TVB]

If I recall correctly, a big twist of World was supposed to be that the creature was mixed with human DNA to some capacity explaining the weird intelligence. It is also why the rex killed other dinos for sport, not food. As a concept, having the human DNA be the key that makes it a monster is a great twist, not sure how logical the science would be, but as a story device, it is a good one.

The writing (especially its twist reveal) is definitely crazy, especially for JP standards, but needless to say, it's still more logical and also balances the entertainment factor of the prior three movies. The whole point of the first World was man vs. both creature and science. This kind of plot device is missing from Fallen Kingdom and Dominion, making them more brainless than a typical Bayformers movie.

 

[That Chris Guy]

If I recall correctly, a big twist of World was supposed to be that the creature was mixed with human DNA to some capacity explaining the weird intelligence. It is also why the rex killed other dinos for sport, not food. As a concept, having the human DNA be the key that makes it a monster is a great twist, not sure how logical the science would be, but as a story device, it is a good one.

I don't see anything in a Google search that points to the Indominus Rex having human DNA, only fan theory shit. As for the science, I think it's bunk. It's like Kojimbo saying that the Snake twins were opposed by one having all-dominant genes and the other being all-recessive, when such a configuration is impossible as abnormalities comes from various mixes of dominant or recessive genes, rather than the rudimentary concept of one dictating strength and the other dictating weakness. Likewise, there is no "evil" gene to be gained from human DNA - the creature acts the way it does only because the movie needs it to.

Ultimately, your mileage of the film depends on how much you're willing to believe that some Frankenstein's Dinosaur could achieve all of what I said before, that it would be undone by a T-Rex and a Velociraptor in a WWE Wrestling Match, and that dinosaurs are so great that they should be used in military applications. For me, it's far too stupid to enjoy, in both the pseudo-science and the decisions made.

 

[A Grey Cat]

I know it's not usually a good idea to necro threads especially ones you start but...


JUNE 11, 2023

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY JURASSIC PARK

We were all just innocent, fun, happy and carefree kids then...now...we're the dinosaurs. traded our surge and mondo in for scotch and whiskey.

Cheers

 

[TVB]

I know it's not usually a good idea to necro threads especially ones you start but...


JUNE 11, 2023

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY JURASSIC PARK
https://youtube.com/watch?v=HY2TORGrm8w
We were all just innocent, fun, happy and carefree kids then...now...we're the dinosaurs. traded our surge and mondo in for scotch and whiskey.

Cheers

On a related note, this is a certified hood classic

Happy 30 years of the dino island park

 

[A Grey Cat]

Nedry: don't get cheap on me Dobson. That was Hammonds mistake. Resumes eating...


Dennis nedry the original discord mod...and the first troll.

And speaking of hood classics.

 

[Cnut]

It took me 30 years to realize why Dr. grant has such a wistful look at the end when he sees the flock of pelicans. I feel so stupid.

 

[Frosted Snowflakes]

From LibsOfTikTok's Twitter post. And I thought Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous is a kids show about dinosaurs, not grooming children to be LGBTQ+ lesbians? It's from S05E09 The Core.

1:25

 

[3deadniggers]

From LibsOfTikTok's Twitter post. And I thought Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous is a kids show about dinosaurs, not grooming children to be LGBTQ+ lesbians? It's from S05E09 The Core.

n_XQBR3E5WBCz8ei.mp4

Many modern shows have the underage mixed race lesbian romance in them now. Dan Schneider wishes he could have got away with this much fetish insertion in his scripts. It's not safe to expose your kids to anything aimed at them made after 2000 and some of that stuff should be carefully watched first.

 

[Standardized Profile]

"The dinosaurs in Jurassic Park can't breed."

"Why not?"

"All the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park are female."

Pink raptor with buzz cut, facial piercings, and pectoral scars bursts into the room. "SUP, DOODS?"

 

[TVB]

It's not safe to expose your kids to anything aimed at them made after 2000

So you don't like Avatar TLA, Billy & Mandy, Fairly Oddparents, Codename KND, Invader Zim, etc.?