🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[John Titor]

Comment chain. http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/journal/Nov-27-2015-Black-Friday-574795793

2. So what you're saying is, I should link my Amazon Wish List onto every blog I write and try to get my readers to buy me the specific gifts I want, instead of leaving it to their discretion. In other words, a perfect synergy between 1997-era progressiveism and millennial-era progressiveism. After all, why pay for stuff like a chump when I can get my goodies for free?

What's the difference? You expect people to give you free stuff for your shitty work.

That's how things were done before. Why change?

I suppose reading comprehension was different in 1997 too?

No, fuckface, I just chose to ignore your insult. Back in the day, hen we turned in a good column, we got gifts. And if it was just me getting goodies, well, all the better. It's not my fault my coworkers got jealous and started plotting against me instead of, oh, I don't know, turning in better columns so they could see more mail and gifts too?

Show us proof that these gifts exist. I don't think your coworkers are impressed by trash people were trying to get rid of.

Soon as Doc Murky shows me proof his "sources" exist. I'm still not entirely convinced he doesn't make up most of his "data". You ever notice he never quotes them directly? It's always highly-editorialized third-person blah-blah. Now maybe they've requested to remain "deep background", but then he slips up and all but gives me one source's name and address in one post. Oops. I can't tell if he's utterly incompetent or he's also mad at these people and trying to play one against the other, too. I guess it's a race to see who comes out on top in a very high-stakes game of "button, button".

 

[MrsFrizzle]

I just came back from seeing a stage production of A Confederacy of Dunces (starring Nick Offerman, who was excellent) and, Jesus, Sweetums is Ignatius J. Reilly without the charm, isn't he?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

It's like an autistic Game of Thrones said:

Soon as Doc Murky shows me proof his "sources" exist. I'm still not entirely convinced he doesn't make up most of his "data". You ever notice he never quotes them directly? It's always highly-editorialized third-person blah-blah. Now maybe they've requested to remain "deep background", but then he slips up and all but gives me one source's name and address in one post. Oops. I can't tell if he's utterly incompetent or he's also mad at these people and trying to play one against the other, too. I guess it's a race to see who comes out on top in a very high-stakes game of "button, button".

First, they don't exist; then I've identified one of them.

First, they don't exist; then I'm pitting them against one another.

First the stories are lies; then they're merely embellished.

Sweet's brain needs to be donated to science. Are there any schools of veterinary medicine near Blytheville?.

And why are we engaged in a "high-stakes" game of anything? Jonathan Mack Sweet ain't gettin' back into ASU because of this thread or for any other reason. His sociopathic ass is banned from the campus for all eternity. Plagiarism. Stalking. Harassment. Terroristic threats. Conspiracy to have carnal knowledge of a minor. And those are just the offenses to which he's confessed all over the Internet. Who knows what else is in the huge red folder in the registrar's office, the folder on which the words spelling the end of Sweet's clinically insane dream are writ large: "NEVER TO BE READMITTED!!! ARREST AND HOLD FOR PROSECUTION!!! IF SIGHTED, LOCK UP YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS!!!"

 

[AJMLurker]

I've been playing around with this idea for a while. I think I'm going to start doing reaction posts to The Belch Dimension if I got the free time. We barely touch upon Sweet Bro's comic here since, well, it's a pain in the ass to read. Besides the fact they're complete shit, his comics are often too incomprehensible to read.

Ironically I just finished reading an issue of The Belch Dimension that illustrates Imperial Wizard Sweet's racism. Literally, I went over to dA, picked an issue with the dumbest cover I could find, and lo and behold, encountered plenty of Sweetness racism hilarity.

So, here's the cover:

As you will notice immediately, there are two inaccuracies seen in the cover.
First, no black man would be looking at Sweet Bro with an expression of "Oh shit, this guy looks like he has good ideas. I need to listen to him!". Sweet, as usual, glorifies himself and does not portray reality. A black man would only be near Sweet if they're beating the living shit out of him for being a sperg that freely says racist remarks with no consideration for who will take offense.
Second, Rush Limbaugh would not be sitting next to Sweetness like that. If Sweet actually portrayed reality in his comics for once, Rush Limbaugh would be hacking away at Jonichu's stand with an axe and screaming at him for being a pathetic worthless lunatic welfare-leech that has no right to pass himself off as a "conservative". To any sane Republican, Sweet would be considered a RINO (Republican in name only). If any of these sane Republicans came across this wonderful thread, they would further realize he's a crazy autist with no grasp of what he's saying.

As characteristic of Sweet's drawing style, the black guy on the cover is drawn to look apish and generally inhuman. Rush Limbaugh, being a white person, is drawn to look human, but the black guy, being a darkie, has to look subhuman. Sweet has shown himself to be a fan of those early 20th century racist cartoons where black people are portrayed in an extremely offensive and stereotypical manner. Over at AJM, those cartoons were one of many things he would autistically rant about and as you expect, he played devil's advocate for them (remember, Sweetums believes he's not racist).

To further imply to the reader that da niggo is inferior to the white Limbaugh and Jonichu, Sweet has a text box with "Young skull full of mush" over his head. Obviously, da dang dirty darkie needs to be educated by the WISE and NOBLE Jonichu to become a real person. Until that lowly coon reads Jonichu's Autism Manifesto, he will remain subhuman and inferior. Boy, this author is sending a great message to his readers. I feel like buying every single issue of The Belch Dimension now.

Here's the second page:

OH GOOD GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!!

Oh wait, it's Jonny's autistic attempt at a logo for his fictional comic company "Smoking Cat Productions". Check out his masterful MS Paint skills there guys!

Considering Sweet creates all his work from scratch, to make this legendary logo of his, we can safely assume he got one of his cats, stuck a cigarette in its mouth... and wait, is that cigarette lit? WTF? You literally made your cat smoke a cigarette for a stupid logo for your shit comics?

So we can add animal cruelty to the long list of Sweet scumbaggery. Can somebody photoshop Sweet's face on the Scumbag Steve meme? It's long overdo.

Next, here are the first two pages of the issue's first story: All Farrakhanine in Love and War

First off, as you all probably noticed immediately, this comic is actually legible and thus it can be read without your eyes being tortured (no, they're still going to be tortured actually). I have barely read The Belch Dimension, but from what I've noticed, Jon's comics were apparently quite readable in the early issues. It is only in the later issues, when Jonny's MS Paint skillz become moar uber leet, that they become the illegible mess of color and crap as we know them today.

Second, as these first two pages show, the story revolves around the dog characters. Jonichu and his band of autistics are absent from the plot for this episode. Not a loss, but there will be no mocking of Jon's precious stick figure idol in this post.

So here's a basic synopsis. The black dog, Louis Farrakhanine, is a thinly veiled dog caricature of Nation of Islam leader, Louis Farrakhan. The Nation of Islam, being an Islamic group for darkies, obviously does not please our Sweetian Hero at all. Two things he hates in one package. Sweet just couldn't wait for the chance to tear into them in his comic! Anyway, Buddy, Jonny's admitted favorite character, and Brandy, the hideous looking anthropomorphized female dog, meet Louis Farrakhanine. Buddy, serving as a voice for Jonny's deviancy, immediately hates Farrakhanine off the bat, but Brandy scolds Buddy for his rudeness and forms a friendly relationship with the recently moved in Farrakhanine. Also, guess what? Brandy is Buddy's girlfriend and she's into the new darkie dog. Yeah, I don't think I need to go further with the plot details. Anyone who has been exposed to media knows where this cliche and uninspired story is headed.

I wasn't an art student in school so I can't really comment on the aesthetics of Jon's dog drawings since I don't know much art vernacular. If any art!Kiwis want to tear into Jonny's dog designs, feel free. All I know is that they're shit.

Now we're going to skip to the climax of the story:

Well, well, well, we've learned a lot about the author, Jonathan M. Sweet, from these last two pages.

Jonathan M. Sweet hates black people because he sees them as a threat to his attempts to score china. I repeat, JONATHAN M. SWEET HATES BLACK PEOPLE BECAUSE HE SEES THEM AS A THREAT TO HIS ATTEMPTS TO SCORE CHINA!

JONATHAN M. SWEET WISHES HE COULD FIND A BLACK GUY ABOUT TO SCORE AND BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM!

JONATHAN M. SWEET IS SALTY THAT HE CAN'T GET LAID LIKE THE SCARY DARKIES CAN!

This comic was drawn solely for the purpose of Jonny to make himself feel bigger over the niggos that terrify him. He used Louis Farrakhan to play the role of the evul darkie, made him attempt to rape Buddy's girlfriend, and then had Buddy save the day by beating the shit out of him. Jonny is trying to live vicariously through Buddy. Since he poses no threat to a black person in real life, he needs his comic to show domination over the darkies.

I guess this image will piss him off then:

 

[wheat pasta]

I wasn't an art student in school so I can't really comment on the aesthetics of Jon's dog drawings since I don't know much art vernacular. If any art!Kiwis want to tear into Jonny's dog designs, feel free.

Basically, he draws dogs like he's never fucking seen one before. Sad, isn't it, considering he has a good model or two living in his house...

 

[ActualKiwi]

Basically, he draws dogs like he's never fucking seen one before. Sad, isn't it, considering he has a good model or two living in his house...

Pretty much. If my dog had teeth that colour (Buddy, specifically) I'd be seriously worried. He draws them less like dogs and more like people in Fursuits..

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Confirmed for not knowing shit about faiths besides his own. Allah isn't a trinity. Also, confirmed for thinking his own faith is something you only resume practicing after a severe beating to the head.

FleshLy pleasures, Einstein. FLESHLY. Not "fleshy" pleasures. You, Jon, are "fleshy." Things that are of the flesh are fleshly. However, Jon is a virgin so I think we can cut him a tiny bit of slack on this, although not as much as if he typed in his lettering instead of doing it by hand.

"Fairdinkum" as an expression that a US redneck, even a US redneck dog, would know and use instead of "Farrakhan"? The dysphemism in this case (opposite of a euphemism, Jon, wouldn't want you to strain your poor old body reaching for a dictionary) is more obscure in the US than the original name is. I can't wait to see him tying himself in knots giving Green Teeth Buddy a backstory where he once visited Australia and met some fair-dinkum Aussies. But wait! Could that be why Buddy looks more like a kangaroo than a dog?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Confirmed for not knowing shit about faiths besides his own. Allah isn't a trinity. Also, confirmed for thinking his own faith is something you only resume practicing after a severe beating to the head.

FleshLy pleasures, Einstein. FLESHLY. Not "fleshy" pleasures. You, Jon, are "fleshy." Things that are of the flesh are fleshly. However, Jon is a virgin so I think we can cut him a tiny bit of slack on this, although not as much as if he typed in his lettering instead of doing it by hand.

"Fairdinkum" as an expression that a US redneck, even a US redneck dog, would know and use instead of "Farrakhan"? The dysphemism in this case (opposite of a euphemism, Jon, wouldn't want you to strain your poor old body reaching for a dictionary) is more obscure in the US than the original name is. I can't wait to see him tying himself in knots giving Green Teeth Buddy a backstory where he once visited Australia and met some fair-dinkum Aussies. But wait! Could that be why Buddy looks more like a kangaroo than a dog?

Notice that at the end of the comic, the evil Muslim, after getting his ass kicked by the God-fearing Lutheran, is staggering away while singing Bringing In the Sheaves. A good beating has caused him to convert to Christianity. Just like in the real world.

Fleshy, fleshly, it's all the same to Sweet, who doesn't know dick about the English language.

Sweet almost certainly only knows about the phrase "fair dinkum" because it was the name of a koala cartoon character on a Disney TV series titled Dumbo's Circus. This is, after all, a guy who admits that he chose the screen name Iconoclast because the word was used on an episode of Pinky and the Brain and despite the fact that Sweet is the very antithesis of an iconoclast. Yes, he's that stupid. He uses words all the time without having any idea of their meaning or origin. which is what you would expect from someone who once stated that the noun spelunking is his favorite verb.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Sp apparently, Sweet thinks black people are all Muslims? Sweet has mentioned @AJMLurker is of the "Moorish persuasion" and then there's that comic.

Confirmed for not knowing shit about faiths besides his own. Allah isn't a trinity. Also, confirmed for thinking his own faith is something you only resume practicing after a severe beating to the head.

I've pointed it out several times before, but Sweet seems willfully ignorant of one of the biggest aspects of Christianity: forgiveness. I remember that one verse about forgiveness being brought up over on dA by Troy, and Sweet just went on to try and justify vendetta, and then pretty soon forgot about that conversation as his grudges continue unabated.

Spoiler

And like I also said, I think the church Sweet really goes to is the Church of The Ruinous Powers. Except Tzeentch. Tzeentch is bad.

Sad, isn't it, considering he has a good model or two living in his house...

It's totally not his fault he doesn't draw dogs well. Don't you remember? The government took away his incandescent bulbs, so he's stuck with dimmer Obama bulbs that don't allow him to see in the Sweet House that well. Yet another example of how progressives roadblock him.

Spoiler

(Sweet probably thinks that last part is completely serious)

 

[CatFace]

W-why does he make them think their words like they are 'real' dogs then have them standing on two feet?

 

[Adamska]

Here's the second page:
Ver archivo adjunto 63383
OH GOOD GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!!

Oh wait, it's Jonny's autistic attempt at a logo for his fictional comic company "Smoking Cat Productions". Check out his masterful MS Paint skills there guys!

Considering Sweet creates all his work from scratch, to make this legendary logo of his, we can safely assume he got one of his cats, stuck a cigarette in its mouth... and wait, is that cigarette lit? WTF? You literally made your cat smoke a cigarette for a stupid logo for your shit comics?

So we can add animal cruelty to the long list of Sweet scumbaggery. Can somebody photoshop Sweet's face on the Scumbag Steve meme? It's long overdo.

Speaking of logos, I decided to use the same software Jonny the Incompetent Inwit uses to make a different version. This is the result of half-assery:

 

[ToroidalBoat]

This is the result of half-assery

Awesome, although through Sweet-O-Vision, the logo Sweet made probably looks like a Sistine Chapel painting to him.

 

[Adamska]

Awesome, although through Sweet-O-Vision, the logo Sweet made probably looks like a Sistine Chapel painting to him.

He does assume that people can instantly understand the cluttered mess that is his piece of shit comic, and genuinely thinks it's fine as is. He also is delusional enough to think this will become his meal ticket. On top of that, repeatedly saving as a .jpg using a shitty camera on an older paint variant is juuuussst fine for him. So yeah he thinks he's producing a veritable Calvin and Hobbes or Doonsbury.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

Speaking of logos, I decided to use the same software Jonny the Incompetent Inwit uses to make a different version. This is the result of half-assery:
Ver archivo adjunto 63408

Just wait for John to be stupid enough to assume that this is fan art and not a criticism on his incomprehensibly shitty not-a-real-company logo. He might try to claim it's his, use it on his comics and website and send you a homebrewed cease and desist order to remove it from your post despite it being an obvious parody of his fugly icon, therefore meaning he has no legal right to fuck with it at all.

 

[Goofy Logic]

On the comic cover, I don't think Rush Limbaugh would be sitting beside Sweet who is attempting to sell an 'addition' to his book - he would be throttling Sweet's neck like Homer Simpson.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

So yeah he thinks he's producing a veritable Calvin and Hobbes or Doonsbury.

If there's one almost guaranteed way to get Sweet to respond to you, it's criticizing Belch Dimension. Sweet takes criticism of Belch Dimension very seriously, because Sweet sees those comics as a reflection of himself, IIRC.

For example, I remember posting that I didn't understand what the hell was going on in some Belch Dimension panels awhile back, and he replied (in a post over on dA) with a lengthy explanation.

Speaking of which, way back on the first page of this thread, Sweet essentially claimed that if you haven't made a comic, you can't criticize the one he made. That's like a chef claiming that people can't criticize the food he makes because they're not chefs.

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

Troy and HSMOF pointed out a small detail that I'm surprised didn't get a lot of coverage.

No, the "x factor" is what allows a twenty-something angry journalist/ crazed ex-fan/ demented prospective roommate (or whatever your story is now, you clam-heads keep changing it. like the soup of the day) to ask a 15-year-old townie girl, who they may or may not be dating, to solicit someone they're mad at, and she does it without question.

Ummm... Sweets, exactly how old do you think those college women are? As someone in their junior year, I can safely say that my campus doesn't exactly let 15-year-old girls freely walk around and flirt with the guys here, on account of them being in high school.

This is just the most off-putting thing that I've gotten from Sweets's shit. We all make the jokes because he genuinely does look like one, but the man pines over Ashleigh, who he freely admits was underaged, and always talks about and writes about girls of questionable youth hooking up with him or his Gary Stus. I'm not sure if the age of consent laws are different where Sweets lives, but what I'm basically trying to say here is that

anyone over the age of 18 that talks about seducing 15-year-olds is a fucking pedo.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Back in the day, hen [sic] we turned in a good column

Ah yes, good columns like where he hinted at pee jars and suggested "TV B" for shows starring people of a certain color.

Rush Limbaugh

Note that Rush's tie in that cover has the watermark of Sweet all over it.

Ummm... Sweets, exactly how old do you think those college women are?

That makes that planned brothel college living experience barracks hotel look even more horrifying.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Troy and HSMOF pointed out a small detail that I'm surprised didn't get a lot of coverage.



Ummm... Sweets, exactly how old do you think those college women are? As someone in their junior year, I can safely say that my campus doesn't exactly let 15-year-old girls freely walk around and flirt with the guys here, on account of them being in high school.

This is just the most off-putting thing that I've gotten from Sweets's shit. We all make the jokes because he genuinely does look like one, but the man pines over Ashleigh, who he freely admits was underaged, and always talks about and writes about girls of questionable youth hooking up with him or his Gary Stus. I'm not sure if the age of consent laws are different where Sweets lives, but what I'm basically trying to say here is that

anyone over the age of 18 that talks about seducing 15-year-olds is a fucking pedo.

Oh, goodness yes. Jon has made far, faaar too many statements indicating that he has a rather suspicious convictions about sex and underage girls. That he keeps going on and on and on about getting back with/at this girl who was supposedly a minor when he sent nude pictures of himself to her and used her as an aid towards squeezing his peepee, well, absolutely, yeah. The guy's a perv. I mean, he'd made it abundantly clear that his interest in her was centered entirely around the subject of his tiny tootsie roll.

The thing is, however, about that above quote, I think what's going on there is that Jon is trying to play both sides of the field. As @Dr. Merkwurdichliebe showed above, Sweet is capable of holding two (or more) conflicting ideas in his head at the same time, in the very same post.

Jon has accepted that "Ashleigh" was a troll playing a prank on him. However, he keeps going on about having inappropriate relations with a minor. What needs to be clear is, unless he's talking about a totally unrelated incident, what he means is his "relationship" with "Ashleigh." Using a bunch of disparate information and specious thinking, he ended up tracking down a woman who was too young for university at the time. In other words, he got the wrong woman. However, not being very intelligent, Jon swallowed his wrongheaded theorizing hook, line, and sinker. He pegged her as being "Ashleigh," likely out of desperation. From there, it was merely a matter of connecting his conspiratorial nonsense together to absolve him of any wrongdoing.

See, it's okay that a man in his mid-twenties was having a sexually-charged relationship with a minor, because nobody told him at the time! And since she eventually became of age, it was perfectly alright to stalk her. After all, he wanted answers! And when he didn't get them, he began to blame his made-up, conveniently ambiguous "The System" for getting him into a relationship that didn't work. I mean, really, why else would he never have a hot, upper-class girlfriend in his adult life ever since? Easy: there was no system to provide him with one.

So, naturally, the question remains, why would Jon keep blabbing about perving on a youngster? Well, the answer is simple: Sheer despair. Being pranked and falling for it like a chump is one thing, but like I said above, it indicates a far more unpleasant reality for Jon than just being made to look like a fool (I wonder if anyone has that nude pic of him floating around? Perhaps it's not just his neck that's crooked).

If "Ashleigh" was real, then Jon was the victim of a vast, evil, wildly formless plot by ASU. He's the good guy and they're the villains, no matter what the circumstances, and he is owed justice for all that he's suffered through.

If "Ashleigh" was a troll, then that's it. That's all. No one ever loved Jon, no one ever wanted him, no one ever thought he was attractive or sexually desirable in the slightest, and no one took him seriously. At an age when most people were typically doing it like lemurs in heat, Jon got nuthin'. That "piece of tail" he was "promised for weeks" was never to come. No real "Ashleigh" meant that dere no sistim, and thus, Jon was not entitled to making "animal noises" with anyone.

Remember, according to Jon, "Ashleigh" had called for his roommate first, not him. His roomie had a girlfriend, Jon never did. Jon's brothers have had sex, had kids, and even got married. Jon - the eldest brother - hasn't had a girlfriend to this day, nor has he lost his virginity. Jon's never had sex, and as he gets older, he's probably realizing that his chances of ever being in a romantic relationship, let alone one with sex involved, are becoming slimmer and slimmer every day, unlike him.

What we're seeing in Jon's perverted reports are the results of a sick and feeble mind trying to condemn the world for trolling him, while desperately trying to hang on to the belief that he had a girl, and would have one again.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Sweet thinks it's very suspicious that @Dr. Merkwurdichliebe doesn't directly quote the "phantom sources."