🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Ti-99/4A]

People by newer models cause they're better. Also, the idea that no one knows how to service his ancient PC is typical of his ignorance. No one will service it because they don't make components for it anymore. You'd have to buy from retrocomputing places, and those can be expensive.

It's a good thing for us that he got into computers late. Otherwise he'd still be fuming to himself that his Commodore 64 works juuuust fine and why can't the internet work with it?

 

[Shadow Fox]

That's a very good point. If he's so opposed to pro-oooo-ooooooo-gress, why is he using some newfangled early 2000s computer instead of a good old C64? Heck, why use a computer at all? Dang dirty liberal tools! Cuneiform tablets ought to work juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine.

 

[autism420]

The damage to his charging port isn't going to be covered under his manufacturer's warranty anyway because it's damage that he has caused.
I am assuming his laptop is some crappy $300 Toshiba or equivalent, and they are pretty much made to be disposable. It's almost impossible to take those things apart and get them back together correctly.

tl;dr Sweets is an idiot

 

[DrChristianTroy]

The damage to his charging port isn't going to be covered under his manufacturer's warranty anyway because it's damage that he has caused.
I am assuming his laptop is some crappy $300 Toshiba or equivalent, and they are pretty much made to be disposable. It's almost impossible to take those things apart and get them back together correctly.

tl;dr Sweets is an idiot

Which is even more baffling to me because I've had one of those for the past 5+ years and only now is it showing signs of slowing down. Ruining it within a year? That sounds impossible unless you're actively trying to fuck it up.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

This last blog has left me speechless. I am fucking awestruck.

Again, I have to ask: How the fuck is Sweet an actual, real human being!? Just... how?

 

[The Mountain]

One of my favorite theories for that exact question is quite simple:

If there is a God, then he probably finds exceptional individuals like Sweet hilarious. All the potential of the human race, and this one can't figure out how to do anything. Like an NPC getting stuck on an ankle-high rock, or a physics engine wonking out, Sweet and his ilk are the funny video game bugs of reality.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

The damage to his charging port isn't going to be covered under his manufacturer's warranty anyway because it's damage that he has caused.
I am assuming his laptop is some crappy $300 Toshiba or equivalent, and they are pretty much made to be disposable. It's almost impossible to take those things apart and get them back together correctly.

tl;dr Sweets is an idiot

They're not that bad, I wouldn't personally buy one but they're not really that hard to fix. I'm sure your average geeky high school kid with basic soldering skills could easily repair that charging port.

Sweet however is a lazy, retarded caveman who lacks even the most basic knowledge of pretty much everything.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Just... how?

Serious unresolved issues that he's in denial about. Bam. Roasted.

 

[Adamska]

Right then, Jonny the Stupidest Man Alive said more bollocks. Let's sift through it and giggle at his existential nightmare of a life:

1. That doesn't make a lick of sense. What you're telling me is that a group of people, who apparently had nothing better to do (except, you know, their own studies, jobs, errands, families, other responsibilities) hated me sooooooooooo much they got together and concocted an elaborate hazing scheme to scare me by... giving me gifts.

The joke here is that you barely ever did the work required in class and you basically hogged the break room tv like the selfish piece of shit you are. And again with pretending anyone liked you; even that guy you pretend to be better than realized his "friends" weren't friends, and he did it in half the time. He also doesn't flip flop over it like a delusional autistic faggot.

Plus fucking about with a retarded man takes at most a few minutes of prep time. Retarded people don't take much effort to fool; case in point you.

Uh-huh. Oh, and they also went to the trouble of keeping everyone around me directly or indirectly involved with this elaborate and far-reaching prank from spilling the beans, no doubt with an elaborate system (note small s) of nondisclosure agreements, payoffs, threats, and to insure their silence and full complicity.

Only a conspiritard would build extra layers on top of a simple idea to strawman it like this. Your trolls likely didn't even try with their pranks, especially since all it takes is a series of dudes doing it individually. But again, this is coming from the absolute moron who believed dogs were working in tandem to prevent you from learning to drive.

I am now curious to see if Jonny the Fucktarded Failure is an unironic Geocentrist with statements like this.

Uh-huh. I see. All this?

Your fault and you will die alone and unloved by anyone in your family.

A huge, elaborate hoax in which people invested their time, money, and effort, while in the long run it would have been far easier and less costly just to tell me to, in the ebonic vernacular, get to steppin', broth'a.

Dumping garbage off to a retarded hoarder who can't understand basic human expression isn't that much effort. And pennies are so worthless that using them to lock you out of the room gives it more value.
Plus it has been established they tried telling you to stop being a retard; you didn't listen.

And yet when pressed on it, you people keep insisting "dere nuh sistim, dere nuh sistim".

That's because you're too retarded to understand that being a relentless obnoxious dipshit pisses people off. And are so autistic that you link random shit together to get out of the fact that every bad thing that happens to you is mostly your own fault.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, it simply doesn't wash. Tell you what, Slick, why'ontcha take a break, go confab with your buddies, and don't come back until you have your damn story straight, 'kay?

Says the pathological liar who has made four different stories about why he was too much of a horrible little gremlin to help his elderly mother and three different variants to excuse his attempt at fratricide.

Oh, and by the way, if you're too dumb to use the correct form of "too" or properly employ a present participle phrase, you don't deserve.... well, much of anything. Bam. Roasted.

Says the imbecile who fucks up basic elements in writing like semantics and a point of view.

Zipzobboobity bop this dumb shit makes me right.

2. So what you're saying is, I should link my Amazon Wish List onto every blog I write and try to get my readers to buy me the specific gifts I want, instead of leaving it to their discretion.

Most people just link to a patreon and just get money to buy the stupid shit they want. Since you're too retarded to understand something like that, and too insolent to accept information and assistance, I'll just laugh at your self-inflicted poverty.

In other words, a perfect synergy between 1997-era progressiveism and millennial-era progressiveism. After all, why pay for stuff like a chump when I can get my goodies for free? Bam. Roasted.

Says the man who refuses to work and relies on welfare.

Hurdadurdalurr making onomatopoeias via text like an :autism: makes me right.

Also, if you can buy the bulbs online so easily, why did those two krauts get in trouble with the Federalis for their little heatball scam? is that an example of the European progressiveism that American liberal douche-bags so desperately want us to emulate? Bam. Roasted, then basted.

No one but stupid autistic morons from the Bootheel gives a shit about ancient inefficient light sources that suck up money for a weaker variant of light. Especially since their supposed "other uses" get the shit kicked out of them with things like bug zappers and space heaters.

Maybe if you weren't such a stupid manchild, that money you splurged on children's shows could've been used to get these extremely useful items.

Gawargl flip kablah making noises means I'm S-M-R-T.

3. You don't know what the hell you're talking about. I babysat for the kid countless times while she was growing up. Since I worked at home, I was the perfect live-in "manny". And I'm sorry, but pray tell, what does a "kiddie diddler" look like, because I'm sure your adroit eye will make the local constabulary want to hire you on as their new police profilerimmédiatement. Bam. Roasted, basted, and served with potatoes.

A kiddie fucker looks like this:
https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/thumb-head-jpg.60633/

Besides, we already pointed out that the only thing that stopped you from becoming the next Nick Bate was the fact that the baby was not a teenager or older child when you were left alone with her.

*Gargle rocks and shards of glass* Because this makes my point bettargh *spew blood from mouth*.

4. I only threaten people who deserve it.

You only threatened the entire staff of the college, the school psychologist, the troll who kept calling you, the guy who threw garbage on you because you're an unfunny prick, your own brother, your other brother, probably your mom, the beau, a black child, a childhood bully from 30 years ago, a photographer, a guy who recorded you being too retarded to get salad in one sitting, a rape victim, people on the internet who laugh at you. All of these people deserve murder.

Oh wait no. That don't make no fuckin' sense. In fact, murdering any of these people merits you the electric chair most likely.

I'd say posting false and misleading information, fabricating phony court documents, and putting up photos of my house on public message boards qualifies you as deserving it.

But we got all of this true as fuck info directly from your own facehole you magnificent reason why intelligent design is a lie.

As for my "former classmate" (and I think you mean "faculty adviser"-- see, you can't get anything right, gibberhead), I have reason to suspect she was compliant, directly or indirectly, with the attacks on my person and psyche following my termination (i.e. the trash can incident, the "Ashleigh Bainks" debacle).

Firstly, you mean tard wrangler. Because you explicitly mention you were too retarded to go anywhere without her. Secondly, this was after you threatened to murder several people over the course of a year after being kicked off the paper for being an intrusive, creepy, rude, socially maladjusted inwit.

Thirdly, this is further evidence you need to be put in a home; since only autistic schizophrenic conspiritards are delusional enough to think people they don't like intentionally work together to fuck them.

Whether it was furious former coworkers or rabid, disturbed former fans who felt I betrayed them responsible for those acts, firing me was the worst mistake she could have made.

No one liked you. No one wanted to be around you. You were an unpleasant faggot whose crippling retardation at best inspired pity. You only ever got one or two articles onto the paper due to the fact that it's a volunteer gig. You sat about and lazed while other people did work. You annoyed everyone around you to the point where they would randomly prank you.

Your tard wrangler doesn't give a shit about you and only remembers you as that retarded idiot who threatened death on everyone for a whole year and was soundly kicked off. She did not regret dropping your pathetic ass and wouldn't care if you died alone and broken. You are proving her right.

5. Here's the thing-- I could have, if my family hadn't intervened and fought me off of him. I was perilously close to either putting a second crack in his ass with that metal bar or strangling him with my bare hands.

You were such a chickenshit that dogs scared you away from driving despite you actually being in a fucking car and completely safe. You couldn't understand why using a boning knife is a shit weapon idea. You couldn't even muster the balls to call 911 on the muggers. You are such a weak and pathetic loser that what I imagine happened was that Tim whooped your scrawny ass, hence why he went to jail with you.

But I later realized my anger was misdirected- -It was Dale's fault for skipping town, turning him onto drugs, and tearing the family apart. He's the

I need to hunt down and make miserable.

You don't give a shit about your family. If you did, you'd actually do the yardwork around the house for your dear old Ma. You'd have gotten a job using your very flexible degree you already have or at minimum a McJob just so the house can see repairs. You wouldn't arrogantly expect them to fuel your Quixotic quest that would never work.

You are a selfish completely helpless fuck, and will die of starvation when your Ma passes.

 

[autism420]

I hate to make this request because I'm sure it's linked somewhere, but can someone link me the salad story?

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

You are a selfish completely helpless fuck, and will die of starvation when your Ma passes.

Would he even be able to comprehend it when his mom dies? He might end up concluding that she's just sleeping.

 

[Goofy Logic]

I hate to make this request because I'm sure it's linked somewhere, but can someone link me the salad story?

The Salad Story

 

[The Mountain]

@autism420 , while I can't link to the exact salad story, I can give the basic overview.

One day at the sumptuous buffet of ASU, Sweet apparently got a plate, put a single piece of salad on it, and went to his table. He then proceeded to go back and forth between the salad bar and his plate, assembling the salad one piece at a time. You know, like a normal person with the proper number of chromosomes.

EDIT: That's what I get for switching tabs in the middle of reading a new page. Goofy not only beat me, but made me look like a damn fool.

 

[Holdek]

I have never seen him write about receiving a response to his lunatic letter to YouTube.

They probably mailed him a check for a new computer, though, at least.

(I went ahead and gave the thread the prefix "Artcow.")

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

So Sweets spazzed the fuck out last night and replied to three things of mine last night. Haven't commented yet but here they are in all their delusional glory.

Thanks, @DrChristianTroy. I would not have looked at that page again if you hadn't pointed out his latest demented tirade.

The Farting Sociopath wrote:
I only threaten people who deserve it. I'd say posting false and misleading information, fabricating phony court documents, and putting up photos of my house on public message boards qualifies you as deserving it.

No, Sweet threatens every normal person who comes in contact with him, including his blood relatives and people who did nothing more than encounter him in college almost two decades ago. He seems to forget that he has boastfully confessed to all of the court appearances cited here except for the one involving the recent arrest warrant out of Craighead County. (What did you do that time, Sweet?)

The fact that an admitted violent criminal thinks tales of his life as ASU's campus clown are deserving of a death sentence is more than a little odd.

"Are you guilty in the eyes of the law of conspiring to have sex with a minor?

"Yes."

"Have you served time in jail for a violent crime?"

"Yes."

"Did you once make multiple trips to a salad bar to assemble a single salad?"

"No, you faggot, jigaboo assknocker! I'll kill you! I'll torture you to death! I'll cut off your head with a boning knife and impale it on a pike in my mom's . . . in my back yard!"

As to the image of "his" house: Sweet doesn't understand that we didn't drive to Blytheville, take a picture of his house, and post it on the Internet. He doesn't understand that most fifth-graders -- with no access to a supercomputer and no knowledge of Boolean logic and the many other resources available at the Kiwi Farms -- are capable of typing "Jonathan Sweet" Blytheville address into Google and that the fourth hit takes you to this site, which includes a picture of his house. Takes less than 30 seconds. Unless you're Jonathan Sweet. (To summarize for Jonny Fartsalot: Pictures of your house have been on the Internet for years, Sweet, you gormless Luddite twat. And any child can find them in mere seconds.)

The Giant Brain of Blytheville wrote:
Oh, and by the way, if you're too dumb to use the correct form of "too" or properly employ a present participle phrase, you don't deserve.... well, much of anything. Bam. Roasted.

Oh, this is so typical of Sweet. So, so typical.

Before we start, I'll remind the class that Mr. Grammarknocker is the person who, when asked during his AJM interview to name his favorite verb, replied, ""Spelunking. It sounds dirty." Spelunking is a noun. That's how stupid Sweet is when it comes to grammar.

Here's the sentence he's attempting to criticize: "Naw, if you are to dumb to get your own bank account you don't getting deserve money for your shitty art."

@DrChristianTroy has simply transposed the words getting and deserve. Happens to the best of us, and Sweet does things like that more than we do. (For example, The Professional Author wrote this three days ago: "That little pin's been giving me trouble over for six months." A transposition, exactly like the one for which he attempts to ridicule someone else.) There is no problem whatsoever with DCT's use of "getting money for your shitty art," which Sweet describes as "a present participle phrase."

And here's the part that is so, so typical of Sweet.

As Sister Dolores would point out, while slamming Sweet's head into the top of his desk, what he calls a present participle phrase is actually a gerund phrase. Why? Because it functions in the sentence in question as a substantive, specifically as the direct object of "don't deserve." Present participle phrases typically function as adjectives.

For example:

Having failed, Sweet went into a tardrage and destroyed his computer. (Participle)

Having failed sent Sweet into a tardrage, during which he destroyed his computer. (Gerund)

When I wrote in a previous post that Sweet could not pass my grammar-intensive middle school English classes, I was being quite literal. He is a bad writer; he knows nothing of formal grammar. But he nonetheless tries to criticize the hastily composed Internet posts of his betters. Meanwhile, his novels and short stories stand as preeminent examples of (a) how not to write and (b) how not to conceal the fact that you are a sociopath.

A "Bam! Roasted!" may be in order.

One Hip-to-the-Jive Hepcat wrote:
". . . in the ebonic vernacular, get to steppin', broth'a."

So Sweet thinks that a catchphrase from the 1970s sitcom Good Times (about a black family that lives in a notorious housing project, of course) is Ebonics. His stupidity and racism are indeed boundless.

Spoiler: The Folks Who Taught Sweet How Black People Talk

The cast of a 40-year-old TV comedy.

Jesus wept.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I've noticed Sweet pretty much doesn't do that Whitewash Jones speech anymore to make strawmen imitate criticisms, and just uses "blah blah" and the like instead. This has been been the case since we shot down that "defense" that said speech was "just" a "mockery of the speech of severely mentally retarded people."

 

[DrChristianTroy]

For the record I totally accept him calling me out for my grammar there. I was probably on my phone. That said it's funny he calls me out on that but not a grip of other shit I call him our on.

I've noticed Sweet pretty much doesn't do that Whitewash Jones speech anymore to make strawmen imitate criticisms, and just uses "blah blah" and the like instead. This has been been the case since we shot down that "defense" that said speech was "just" a "mockery of the speech of severely mentally retarded people."

Has to protect his own people.

 

[Holdek]

New blog post up. Mostly spergery about feces. Enjoy, I guess.

http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/journal/Dec-8-2015-576994822

 

[Mahimahi]

A "Bam! Roasted!" may be in order.

It certainly is. I think this thread now needs an exclusive "Bam! Roasted!" rating or emoji.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

To summarize the latest Belchblog:

- Sweet didn't soil himself in that one panel, and he goes into disturbing detail about a fart gone wrong
- @Le Bateleur is now dubbed the "French Fuck-knuckle"
- Sweet's self insert is not an "unintentional villain" you guys, he's a "loveable rascal"
- Some TVTropes linkage happens
- Sweet uses the usual "adios" sign-off

TL;DR: Sweet gets worked up over criticism of Belch Dimension again (this time only 4 days later). Also, farting.