🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[DrChristianTroy]

Talking about kidnapping his brother. What a class act. How is dude not swimming in pussy?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Talking about kidnapping his brother. What a class act. How is dude not swimming in pussy?

It's a mystery, ain't it?

For everyone else's enjoyment, there's also a nice conversation going on right here, in which Sweet explains his inability to write as well as a seventh-grader by complaining about his lack of a copy editor -- once again, his shortcomings are not his fault. The complaint is especially odd when you consider that the last time he had a copy editor he was found guilty of plagiarism and fired from The Herald. Trust me, Sweet, editors are your enemies. After reading the crap you write, most of them would begin plotting your murder.

EDIT TO ADD:

He does like to return to old threads.

The Very Bad Boy of College Journalism wrote:

Oh, isn't he? [In reference to my not being a journalist.] I've been thinking: he seems much too in the know about the newspaper business to just be a casual observer, and why are all these "sources" willingly talking to some nobody from a message board? I think they know him. Further, I think he's someone I knew from those days, someone I hurt, out for revenge. All I have to do is follow the clues....

I've made no secret of working on my college paper despite not being a journalism major. Our paper came out five days a week and had a large circulation and a large staff. We were organized like a real-world daily and used the same technology found and the same terminology heard in newsrooms around the country. A couple of my old college buddies are still in the business, but most of those who were journalism majors have moved on to more lucrative and stable industries. Compared with Sweet, I am vastly more "in the know" about the newspaper business than he will ever be.

And the idea of Sherlock Sweet following the clues is laugh-out-loud hilarious.

Sweet should also understand that if I knew him personally, he would be in prison or a mental institution. His criminal behavior doesn't get any passes from me just because he's stupid, autistic and insane.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

He actually goes pretty hard at you with a conspiracy in an older post he replied to. I am going to bed but I will post it tomorrow. Shit is hilarious.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

He actually goes pretty hard at you with a conspiracy in an older post he replied to. I am going to bed but I will post it tomorrow. Shit is hilarious.

I think I may have just found it and commented on it in the post above yours. If that's not the tirade you're referencing, let me know.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

[apparently Dr. M is a journalist from Sweet's past]

I think I'm starting to get a Shaner-esque vibe from Sweet now.

Sweet also waxes fondly about taco salad and how it takes him back to the "simpler time" of half-past 1997.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

I think I may have just found it and commented on it in the post above yours. It that's not the tirade you're referencing, let me know.

That's it. For those that don't want to go through pages of crazy...

1. The last time I got involved in my family's business I got way too emotionally invested. That's why Dale is on my hit list. Do you really want to see some poor family hunted down and dealt with over a few hundred bucks in unpaid in rent? I suggested moving my brother into the old place, but nobody ever listens to my ideas.
2. Oh, isn't he ? I've been thinking: he seems much too in the know about the newspaper business to just be a casual observer, and why are all these "sources" willingly talking to some nobody from a message board? I think they know him. Further, I think he's someone I knew from those days, someone I hurt, out for revenge. All I have to do is follow the clues....
3. I never said they didn't exist. I just said I don't see them. Those channels you mentioned? ABC--blue-screen from 7-9 p.m on Wednesdays. CBS-- picture, no volume. NBC--forbidden. There are rules. Weird, stupid rules.
4. Tattoos? Oh, yeah, sure. Nothing like hepatitis to put the color back in someone's cheeks. Besides, a new diet and a workout regime won't do anything to shrink my large forehead, which is the part of me you gibberheads focus on (that and my wiener-- why does Doc Murky think a bully went after me for looking at my junk in the school locker room? That's just creepy and stupid).
5. The world is whatever those in power say it is. NYC isn't the only place people get knifed or shot, ya know. Read the crime reports this side of the Mason-Dixon line sometime, you insular, nattering little twit. Memphis is a craphole. And I saw the real world, in college. It was far too freaky for me to take. I'm willing to settle for the "real enough" world.
6. You could never understand. Taco salad reminds me of a simpler time... the nineties, sitting in the ASU cafeteria enjoying a dish of taco pie and waffle-cut fries, which were served there every Saturday morning, and watching my favorite shows on the tube. When I returned home I would often make the dish for my family. My mother didn't quite like it as much as I did-- she said the chip crust was too hard for her to chew-- so I deferred to her and modified it to taco salad. Iprepare taco salad for Mom maybe three times a month. For me it's like returning once more to those glory days, if only for as long as it takes to get to the last pinto bean remaining on the plate.

We also learn that it's ASU's fault for not letting him get fit...

Yeah.... irl I don't have a team behind me to throw the punches and build the gadgets while I plan strategy, look for diplomatic solutions to problems, and throw caustic quips at the bad guys. No one else was doing anything about my brother. I stepped up. I made a hash of it. I should have planned it better. Maybe a dose of chloroform, a stout rope, and a waiting train boxcar. The victim would be halfway to Chatta-noogie before he knew it.

Or, you know, they could let me back into ASU, whether I could enjoy a better diet, work out in the weight room and jogging track, enjoy a much healthier and more fulfilling lifestyle. But, no, it's always going to be Nuh, nuh, nuh, them's our perks! On-on'y we is can has that. Goin' back ta our school be th' wuhhhhst thing fuh yee-oo. You bitch at me if I stay in and watch TV; you say I'm being a nuisance and driving everyone crazy if I go out and socialize. Blah blah blah. Yab yab yab. Make up your mind, huh? You say you want me to live better, but not if it inconveniences you in the slightest, is that it? Typical self-contradictory double-talk. That's why I despise you people. You are so confusing and frustrating.

There are no piss jars or bottles in my room, jackass. If I have to go and the bathroom is ocupado, I step out back and drain my lizard in the bushes.

And last, but not least, he loses his god damn mind when I made an easy joke about editors. Caution, emoticon overload.

Uh-uh-uhh, Troy-Boy. Now you're being dishonest. It's been established by you people, and Doc Murky's own sources, that there was no plagiarism; I was fired for being an office nuisance. The plagiarism thing was merely something convenient to hang their snappy fedora (the hat of choice for film-noir newspaper men since 1948) on. So basically they've admitted right out there was blatant fraud committed. I will never forgive them for that. They could have just asked me to leave. They could have cited an ethical breach in my accepting gifts for my work; I did it, I admit it, and wouldn't have questioned the charge. But nooooooooooooooooooooooo. They lied. They couldn't help themselves. They lied against me. They filed a false, trumped-up charge, which turned my fans against me, who flipped their shit and turned all creepy and murderous. I tried to redeem myself and win back both my job and the hearts of the people.

That just made things worse. But I have plan to make it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall better.

 

[Shadow Fox]

You know what, Sweetums? If you miss ASU so much, just go back there. Literally go back there and plant yourself in the library or the caf or wherever and refuse to leave, and I guarantee you will have all the perks you're dreaming of - three squares a day prepared by staff, access to technology and a gym, health benefits, TV, copious sex, and a structured existence where you don't have to worry about making any decisions for yourself.

I mean, those perks won't actually be at ASU, they'll be at the prison you're eventually sentenced to for trespassing and, I'm sure, assault when the authorities are summoned to escort you off the premises. But what's important is that all your needs will be catered to, amirite?

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

Or, you know, they could let me back into ASU, whether I could enjoy a better diet, work out in the weight room and jogging track, enjoy a much healthier and more fulfilling lifestyle. But, no, it's always going to be Nuh, nuh, nuh, them's our perks! On-on'y we is can has that. Goin' back ta our school be th' wuhhhhst thing fuh yee-oo. You bitch at me if I stay in and watch TV; you say I'm being a nuisance and driving everyone crazy if I go out and socialize. Blah blah blah. Yab yab yab. Make up your mind, huh? You say you want me to live better, but not if it inconveniences you in the slightest, is that it? Typical self-contradictory double-talk. That's why I despise you people. You are so confusing and frustrating.

Alright, Sweets. You seem so fucking hard set on returning to ASU where your life would be so much better. So, here are some important questions coming from a university student.

1) What classes will you be taking?
2) What major will you be working toward?
3) How will you be paying for your dorm and all of that shit?

Because people may attend a university campus, but this isn't where they live. I'm also rather curious to the third of all of those questions above everything else, since college tuition is incredibly expensive and you strike me as the type of person that wouldn't qualify for any financial aid whatsoever.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Alright, Sweets. You seem so fucking hard set on returning to ASU where your life would be so much better. So, here are some important questions coming from a university student.

1) What classes will you be taking?
2) What major will you be working toward?
3) How will you be paying for your dorm and all of that shit?

Because people may attend a university campus, but this isn't where they live. I'm also rather curious to the third of all of those questions above everything else, since college tuition is incredibly expensive and you strike me as the type of person that wouldn't qualify for any financial aid whatsoever.

But all these perks are only at college! It's way more sensible than joining a gym and not eating shitty food.

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

They are. Colleges tend to have a gym available to all attending students and a cafeteria with food that is healthier than fast food.

That shit ain't free.

 

[24isthehighestnumber]

So it's impossible for him to eat healthy or work out unless he's in college. Got it.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Taco salad "takes him back." A shopkeeper is on a "hit list." Sweet needs ASU to get fit. ASU. Sweet needs ASU for tech support. ASU. The Herald. ASU. The state-of-the-art computer lab. ASU.

Damn, moving on really is a "ploy" to him. And the "loveable rascal" despises us because we "confuse him" with our "double talk." Aaaand the Whitewash Jones speech makes a comeback.

Also, to address an accusation of "double talk," the solution is simple: don't act like a jerk in public (so being a nuisance in public is not an issue), even if going back to ASU isn't possible. If that's still "confusing" to Sweet, then he should reevaluate calling himself the "bad boy of college journalism" (assuming there was no need to already).

 

[The Mountain]

Now you're being dishonest. It's been established by you people, and Doc Murky's own sources, that there was no plagiarism; I was fired for being an office nuisance. The plagiarism thing was merely something convenient to hang their snappy fedora (the hat of choice for film-noir newspaper men since 1948) on. So basically they've admitted right out there was blatant fraud committed.

Sweet, you knuckle-dragging troglodyte, that's not what was said. What we're saying is that the plagiarism was a valid offense they could use to give your flabby ass the boot. They wanted to get rid of you because you were a nightmare to deal with, and you handed them a reason to get rid of you on a silver platter when you plagiarized. And your claim that you'd have been fine if they'd simply asked you to leave is hilarious, because we know you well enough to know that's not true. You're a narcissist, plain and simple.

 

[AJMLurker]

Aw yes, I remember my college days fondly. They were four great years. Spending all my days watching cartoons on a big screen TV. Enjoying scrumptious buffet food three times a day, sometimes more. Sitting in my dorm room like an anti-social weirdo, waiting for the landline to ring so I could chat up those townie girls. See, since college exists in a world that follows neither the Laws of Man or God, we forsake cell phones there. Our progressive overlords have conceived the legendary chinaphone for us male students to enjoy. Good times.

Ah, you guys should've seen me talking to da ladies over the phone. My fellow college graduates would know what I'm talking about.
Townie Girl: Hey, just calling to see if you want to have some secks.
Me: Whoa, whoa, hold up bby! We gotta talk on the phone for six months before the secks!
Townie Girl: Oh right, silly me!
Me: After we get to know each other, we'll hit up that broom closet down the hall.
Townie Girl: Oh joy!

Since I managed to pass myself off as a progressive, I got to enjoy the perks. It's all in how you play the game. Silly Sweet Bro, you should've known that Conservative ideals aren't allowed in the halls of college. You were rightfully banned from ASU for going against the party agenda. Git gud scrub.

Now that I've given my life to the ways of progressivism, I have a high paying journalistic career. I also actively spend my days conspiring against Jonathan M. Sweet since he's a major threat to our party agenda. That's why I'm here at the Farms now! Guys, we need to step up our game, he's catching onto us. We're gonna have to call Obama and demand he pass some legislation against taco salad! Quick!

Spoiler

Yes. I fully and absolutely expect Sweet to take this post 100% seriously.

 

[Shadow Fox]

I wonder what analog to the Chinaphone was in place for female college students under Teh Sistym. Sweet never mentions anything about underage townie boys hanging around campus waiting to be sexed up, after all. Were women just not provided for?

 

[DrJonesHat]

Sweet, since you seem to have trouble grasping the reality of a situation, I'll explain it one more time: There was no conspiracy to kick you off the Herald for your views, or to boot you out of college. Your behavior was the reason people wanted you gone. Your admitted plagarism (with a signed confession on file) was the reason you were removed from the Herald staff. Yes, they wanted you go before then, but they didn't make anything up to get rid of you. You handed them the reason. After your termination, you engaged in a three-semester campaign of harassment to get your old position back. When that failed, you made threats. THAT is why you were expelled. The psych eval was a last chance to remain at your beloved ASU that you didn't deserve. There was no conspiracy to unjustly remove you for being conservative. You were removed because the college authorities believed you were a physical danger to the faculty, staff and students at ASU. The safety of the students is any college's first priority. ASU was simply doing their moral duty to keep their student safe from someone who was demonstrably unstable and potentially physically violent.

EDIT: @Shadow Fox Yeah, I wondered what the female students did for companionship. Also, what about gay men and lesbians? Where they simply left out in the cold?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I wonder what analog to the Chinaphone was in place for female college students under Teh Sistym.

Nope. It's the guys who wait around for the girls to call. And the girls are assigned by the System.

And in case anyone missed it earlier, I believe that it has been revealed that by "The System," Sweet normally means the ASU college system. Which is why he doesn't like it when we insist there's no "system."

 

[Goofy Logic]

EDIT: @Shadow Fox Yeah, I wondered what the female students did for companionship. Also, what about gay men and lesbians? Where they simply left out in the cold?

Don't forget this is Iconoclast we are talking about. Gay bashing is probably the true sport of conservative Republican college students to him.

 

[AJMLurker]

Someone should inform Sweet that those "class" things at colleges and universities, yeah, they're optional now under The System. It has all been revamped for half-past 2015. The only people required to attend class mandatorily are students with slight right-leaning views. A necessary progressive brainwashing procedure has to be done before we can fully induct them. As you expect though, straight up conservative students are kicked out of college if their views are discovered.

Sorry Sweet, The System is stronger than ever. We half-past 2015 progressives are collaborating with the half-past 1997 progressives to maintain our control.

Spoiler

Oh God. If this actually inspires a serious rant from him...

 

[MrsFrizzle]

I enjoyed college and made close friends there, but it was hard fucking work (classes and my 25-30 hours/week on-campus job). My fondest memories of college are for sure not eating taco pie and watching cartoons.

And after 17 years, isn't it time for Sweetums to come up with Plan B?