🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

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Chan the Wizard dijo:
He says black guys, but as we've learned: Sweet is a liar or a plagiarist.
Given the incidences of domestic violence Sweet has taken on his own brother, would it really be a shock if Jon was the one who beat up his own mother and the family story became it was a gang of black men?
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If, as I hypothesize, Sweet is himself a black man with a light complexion, it wouldn't be much of a leap to go from one black man -- Jonathan -- assaulting Mrs. Sweet (probably after he discovered that she was trying to find him a job) to "a gang that attacked in seconds before fading back into the night that spawned them." The best lies contain an element of truth.

After years of angry denial, Sweet is doubtless relieved and grateful that the tireless workers at the Kiwi Farms have revealed to the world that he is a gay, black man whose racist and homophobic tirades were the pitiable results of desperate repression and unjustified self-loathing. We have liberated him.
 
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What if Jon is mixed.
Momma Sweets slept with a black man and gave birth to Jon. Even Jon cannot deny his African qualities. As Jon started to tard rage at ASU, Poppa Sweets found out the awful truth. A combination of shame and disgust overwhelmed him and killed him.
As the truth was revealed to Jon, he had to go into denial mode, but we've discovered it much like we discovere the conspiracy at ASU.
Jon is a mixed race, autistic manchild with deep homosexual desires who can no longer (and never did) have traditional intercourse.
 
This would explain why Jonichu in The Belch Dimension is drawn the way he is. It's a very clever visual pun: his face might pass for Caucasian, but his body is Black.
 
I honestly think Sweets was born without a penis.

1. We've never seen proof of it.

2. If he had a wiener he would of scored at some point in his life.

Seems like an open and shut case to me. Possibly born hermaphrodite or maybe he transitioned when he was a child still.
 
I think Sweet has no idea what sex really entails, gay or straight, and he has absolutely no chance of a consensual sexual encounter, so really, speculation about his sexuality is academic. As to his racial heritage, I can believe he's white, but of the backwoods redneck variety. I can't speak to his dental hygiene, but I would not be surprised if he was missing a few teeth.
 
DrJonesHat dijo:
I think Sweet has no idea what sex really entails, gay or straight
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Sweet has mentioned going to church (although obviously his eyes probably glazed over he didn't give a shit with all that talk of loving your enemies and forgiveness), and likely being conservative Southern Protestantism, that probably didn't help either. It's probably similar to Shaner: church and parents supposedly taught Shaner that sex was normally dirty and shameful, so Shaner apparently got some pretty weird ideas what it entailed due to a persistent lack of it.
 
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I believe it is also possible that Sweets has converted to radical Islam. His local police department will be notified.

So what we have is:

Hermaphrodite / transgendered
Half black because his mother fucked a black guy out of wedlock, causing her husband to kill himself.
Fundamentalist Muslim.

No wonder he is so fucked up.
 
ToroidalBoat dijo:
It's probably similar to Shaner: church and parents supposedly taught Shaner that sex was normally dirty and shameful, so Shaner apparently got some pretty weird ideas what it entailed due to a persistent lack of it.
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Society should endorse whatever steps are necessary to keep Shaner and Sweet from having sex with women. Think of the children mutant offspring such unnatural unions might produce.
 
Sweet's personality is a natural 100% effective contraceptive. No worries from that quarter. And since his mom controls his tugboat, he can't hire a professional.
 
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Last night I watched a documentary about environmental collapse which mentioned a small Hawaiian songbird, the Kaua'i o'o. These birds would partner for life, and mated pairs would sing duets to each other, first the male and then the female answering him. Footage of the last known Kaua'i o'o was recorded in 1987, of a lone male calling for a mate that would never answer, and the species is now presumed extinct.

Today I looked at this thread and realized how unjust the world is, for we have lost these wonderful little birds while Jonathan Mack Sweet continues his foetid existence in Blytheville, Arkansas, having contributed to the world not a fraction of the beauty or joy that a single o'o ever did.
 
Shadow Fox dijo:
Last night I watched a documentary about environmental collapse which mentioned a small Hawaiian songbird, the Kaua'i o'o. These birds would partner for life, and mated pairs would sing duets to each other, first the male and then the female answering him. Footage of the last known Kaua'i o'o was recorded in 1987, of a lone male calling for a mate that would never answer, and the species is now presumed extinct.

Today I looked at this thread and realized how unjust the world is, for we have lost these wonderful little birds while Jonathan Mack Sweet continues his foetid existence in Blytheville, Arkansas, having contributed to the world not a fraction of the beauty or joy that a single o'o ever did.
Presiona para expandir...

Well, yes, that is sad indeed. However, we can laugh heartily in the knowledge that the terribly lonely fate that met the male bird will also happen to a much more deserving Thumbskull Sweet.
 
It would just be fart noises and him screaming about how his dad's dead and that means the troll should sleep with him.
 
Shadow Fox dijo:
I shudder to think what Sweet's mating call would sound like.
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Probably pick-up lines that the generation of Mama Sweet used back in the day. As filtered through Sweet's unique worldview.

Speaking of dating, at least before Sweet figured out (or did he?) that Ashleigh was a troll, I think he honestly believed that the progressives (the university) paired people up -- that is, it's they who have the girl ring up the guy. Sweet certainly has a unique way of interpreting situations.
 
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Shadow Fox dijo:
Last night I watched a documentary about environmental collapse which mentioned a small Hawaiian songbird, the Kaua'i o'o. These birds would partner for life, and mated pairs would sing duets to each other, first the male and then the female answering him. Footage of the last known Kaua'i o'o was recorded in 1987, of a lone male calling for a mate that would never answer, and the species is now presumed extinct.

Today I looked at this thread and realized how unjust the world is, for we have lost these wonderful little birds while Jonathan Mack Sweet continues his foetid existence in Blytheville, Arkansas, having contributed to the world not a fraction of the beauty or joy that a single o'o ever did.
Presiona para expandir...

According to the Greenpeace website, the last female Kaua'i o'o was killed with a boning knife by an obese, "socially awkward" redneck in northeastern Arkansas and microwaved in a homemade Hot Pocket prior to being devoured during a Three Stooges short that was being shown on an Obamacable channel. The remains of its tiny feathered head are reportedly impaled on a miniature pike in the hillbilly's back yard.
Shadow Fox dijo:
I shudder to think what Sweet's mating call would sound like. Fart noises interspersed with giggling, maybe.
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He almost certainly regards the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles as a prelude to an orgy.

 
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