🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[AnOminous]

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... it seems highly, highly probable. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if we learned, by some horrific circumstance, that this guy turned out to have an inverted penis.

Is he flipping off a tombstone?

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

He has some weird autistic beliefs about journalism. He seriously believes having a "press badge" allows one to trespass with legal impunity.

Like everything else he thinks, Sweet's belief in "press badges" and their magical powers is imbecilic.

Back when they actually existed, press badges were nothing more than ID cards issued to reporters and photographers by various state governments. Their purpose was to let officials determine if someone at a crime scene or a fire or a press conference worked for a news outlet. That's it. It was not, as Sweet imagines, a license to commit a spree of misdemeanors and felonies. It did not allow free access to all movie theaters throughout the land. It did not get you free meals at scrumptious buffets. In fact, if you attempted to use it for those purposes, you would be fired just as quickly as if you had plagiarized the copy you turned in.

I'm not sure if any state governments still issue press IDs. Arkansas certainly doesn't. Many, if not most, news organizations actually oppose state-issued IDs for reporters and photographers because it comes dangerously close to a form of government licensing. For example, state agencies have been known to cancel IDs and reject applications from organizations whose coverage of the news pissed off government officials.

The good news is that if Sweet wants a press badge, there are numerous sites on the Internet where he can download a template and make his own. Oh wait, someone will have to show him how.

 

[TowinKarz]

Eh, no need for templates, a few minutes of YouTubing, and I found this easy tutorial.....

 

[DrJonesHat]

Regardless of Sweet's sexual orientation, I seriously doubt he's ever actually had a intimate encounter with another person. If he had, he would have told us about it by now. Has he ever mentioned looking at porn? I can't recall Sweet really bringing up the topic of sex beyond the phone sex he had with a troll. I think sexual gratification takes a back seat to his 18 year vendetta against ASU. If he had control over his own money, he could hire a hooker like Chris, but even that option's closed to him.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Has he ever mentioned looking at porn?

Sweet does have a "sexy" collection of favorites on his dA, so he probably surfs the net for porn. Unless of course, no one told Sweet there's porn on the internet.

It's been brought up before, but Sweet also mentioned romps in broom closets and bathrooms. I figure that's what he wanted to happen at the climax of the chinaphone dating with "Ashleigh" (and he may have heard about that sort of sex happening with others at ASU). But, when he tried to use the fact his dad died to score pity sex, that, combined with his appearance, made "Ashleigh" decide to bail out. Sweet tried to stalk her long after that. I don't think I'd be surprised if he's still at it, trying to "get closure."

 

[Ti-99/4A]

Unless of course, no one told Sweet there's porn on the internet.

He probably knows about internet porn since it also existed during half-past 1997.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Also someone suggested it back before he was too afraid to post here anymore, and he got very defensive and denied it. "I'm not a fruit", I believe were his words. Given his record of denying things that have later been proven true (), and he dA favourites include at least three volumes of a magical forced transgenderism comic, I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility that he's at least bisexual.

I Am Not A Fruit wrote:

Don’t know if it [the Southern sun] ripens the boys’ parts up early too--I don’t look, God, no . . .

This definitely seems to fall under the rubric (written, of course, by a rubricator) of "doth protest too much." No straight male writer would feel the need to deny something so off-topic, much less to add a melodramatic "God, no" at the end. The fact that Sweet remains disconsolate and bitter about not getting to run the quaint and girly doll shop -- in a very manly fashion, no doubt -- is also telling. His long and loudly proclaimed love affair with farting and belching must now be considered suspect, little more than his confused nine-year-old's take on how "real men" behave; in reality, I bet he collects tiny glass figurines and antique thimbles, which he displays on lace doilies that he makes in his copious free time.

It's all starting to make sense now.

 

[MrsFrizzle]

This is the worst Tennessee Williams play ever.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

This is the worst Tennessee Williams play ever.

My working title is Jonathan Sweet Bird of Youth.

 

[John Titor]

Regardless of Sweet's sexual orientation, I seriously doubt he's ever actually had a intimate encounter with another person. If he had, he would have told us about it by now. Has he ever mentioned looking at porn? I can't recall Sweet really bringing up the topic of sex beyond the phone sex he had with a troll. I think sexual gratification takes a back seat to his 18 year vendetta against ASU. If he had control over his own money, he could hire a hooker like Chris, but even that option's closed to him.

Spoiler: Not safe for life

He told a forum (forgot which one) he found tubgirl arousing.

EDIT: Fucking A. It was AJM Studios where he announced this.

 

[Mahimahi]

Sweets would be devastated to learn the true sorry state of freebies for newspapermen - and newspaperwomen - these days.

About half-past 2007, when companies everywhere were shitting themselves about the global financial crisis, lots of firms slashed their publicity budgets to next to nothing and then never restored them. Partly because they realised that the amount of coverage they got had very little to do with the amount they spent on freebies, and partly because of the waning of the influence of traditional media.

But if Sweets had actually been working for a real newspaper pre-GFC he could have got all sorts of freebies, including but not limited to iPods, resort holidays, bottles of Grey Goose vodka, books, CDs, DVDs, video games, woollen Hogwarts scarves, and bobble-head dolls promoting The Anna Nicole Smith Show.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

Sweets would be devastated to learn the true sorry state of freebies for newspapermen - and newspaperwomen - these days.

You still get freebies, just not on the scale of what it was. Minor powerlevel but I'm a freelance photojournalist part time (really just for fun because photojournalism assignments don't pay dick compared to advertising shoots).

But do I get to meet cool people and I get a lot of free merch like CDs and LPs and t-shirts when I shoot shows, and Red Bull gave me an extremely nice SnapBack, a great lunch, and as many free energy drinks as I needed to fuel the fight (I drank about seven) when I was covering their event for a local magazine last weekend.

It may not be as good as the Pamela Anderson posters, and piss bottles, and pennies in the door of half past 1997 but it's something.

Also, if sweet wasn't a retarded virgin who can't drive, all he would have to do is put together some writing samples and hit up the local paper. It's really not that hard to get into that kind of work if you have a degree and some samples, the hard part is making enough at it to earn a living.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

It's really not that hard to get into that kind of work

[something about Sweet not being informed of that]

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

You still get freebies, just not on the scale of what it was. Minor powerlevel but I'm a freelance photojournalist part time (really just for fun because photojournalism assignments don't pay dick compared to advertising shoots).

But do I get to meet cool people and I get a lot of free merch like CDs and LPs and t-shirts when I shoot shows, and Red Bull gave me an extremely nice SnapBack, a great lunch, and as many free energy drinks as I needed to fuel the fight (I drank about seven) when I was covering their event for a local magazine last weekend.

It may not be as good as the Pamela Anderson posters, and piss bottles, and pennies in the door of half past 1997 but it's something.

Also, if sweet wasn't a retarded virgin who can't drive, all he would have to do is put together some writing samples and hit up the local paper. It's really not that hard to get into that kind of work if you have a degree and some samples, the hard part is making enough at it to earn a living.

It sounds like you got some cool swag, but being an intelligent, level-headed adult, you appreciate it (and meeting people) for what it is: stuff that's quite nice. Sweet, on the other hand, looks at these goodies (ugh) as if he'd been delivered gold bars delivered between the cleavage of one of the Rockettes. It really speaks a lot about his mindset when it comes to getting free stuff.

 

[DrJonesHat]

I oscillate between contempt and pity for Sweet. Right now, I feel kinda sorry for him, because, despite his deplorable behavior, he really did get the shaft growing up. If he lived in a bigger town, his school might have had the resources to identify and help with his issues. Yeah, a lot of his problems are his own doing, like he might have been able to stay at ASU if he'd just gotten the evaluation, but really, his behavior at ASU was the culmination of a short lifetime of untreated behavioral disorders. He was pretty much doomed from the start at ASU, I'm honestly surprised it took as long as it did for him to get expelled.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

[something about Sweet not being informed of that]

It's honestly just a matter of politely bothering them every couple of weeks until they give you something.

Sweet is awesome at harrasment but I feel like after no reply the first couple of times he'd start threatening them with medival weapons and calling their families.

I oscillate between contempt and pity for Sweet. Right now, I feel kinda sorry for him, because, despite his deplorable behavior, he really did get the shaft growing up. If he lived in a bigger town, his school might have had the resources to identify and help with his issues. Yeah, a lot of his problems are his own doing, like he might have been able to stay at ASU if he'd just gotten the evaluation, but really, his behavior at ASU was the culmination of a short lifetime of untreated behavioral disorders. He was pretty much doomed from the start at ASU, I'm honestly surprised it took as long as it did for him to get expelled.

I feel nothing except puzzled amusement.

 

[DrJonesHat]

You know, given Sweet's bizarre and annoying behavior at ASU, I'm honestly surprised we haven't heard stories from @Dr. Merkwurdichliebe's sources about Sweet being on the receiving end of a corrective beating. Maybe no one felt that Sweet was worth the risk of a battery charge. I think if he had been knocked around, he'd trumpet that as proof that he was a threat to "the System".

 

[DrChristianTroy]

You know, given Sweet's bizarre and annoying behavior at ASU, I'm honestly surprised we haven't heard stories from @Dr. Merkwurdichliebe's sources about Sweet being on the receiving end of a corrective beating. Maybe no one felt that Sweet was worth the risk of a battery charge. I think if he had been knocked around, he'd trumpet that as proof that he was a threat to "the System".

Why beat up Sweets when life clearly did it for you?

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

It sounds like you got some cool swag, but being an intelligent, level-headed adult, you appreciate it (and meeting people) for what it is: stuff that's quite nice. Sweet, on the other hand, looks at these goodies (ugh) as if he'd been delivered gold bars delivered between the cleavage of one of the Rockettes. It really speaks a lot about his mindset when it comes to getting free stuff.

True, but remember he is a primitive being who comes from an impoverished land that lacks many of the comforts and modern conveniences we are accustomed to in the first world.

To Generalismo Thumbhead of the Mold Kingdom a snapback and free Red Bull might seem like gold bars delivered between the cleavage of one of the Rockettes.

I think it's been mentioned before but there really are many fascinating similarities between Ol' Sweetums and the cargo cults of the south pacific.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

You know, given Sweet's bizarre and annoying behavior at ASU, I'm honestly surprised we haven't heard stories from @Dr. Merkwurdichliebe's sources about Sweet being on the receiving end of a corrective beating. Maybe no one felt that Sweet was worth the risk of a battery charge. I think if he had been knocked around, he'd trumpet that as proof that he was a threat to "the System".

Major beatdowns are a rare occurrence on U.S. college campuses. But as I've mentioned before, some of the behavior he boasts about at ASU would have resulted in him being knocked on his ass a few times at my alma mater. His abusive treatment of women, in particular, would not have been tolerated. Anyone who punched Sweet would have probably received a semester on conduct probation; but Sweet's actions would have resulted in him getting conduct probation, an immediate trip to the counseling center and eventual expulsion from the university. Given his aversion to dealing with mental health professionals, I doubt he would have made it to the end of his first semester even if he didn't attract a little street justice. Faculty and staff members -- including dorm RAs -- were required to report people like Sweet to the dean of student affairs, a man who did not tolerate extravagant deviations from the norm such as peeing in jars in your dorm room and cursing at staff members.