🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Adamska]

Ah yes, 1997, the year that the 56 Kbps modem and the 300 MHz processor are introduced to an awestruck world. But it was probably a couple of years before ASU moved up to that Buck Rogers technology after shelling out for all those 36.6 Kbps modems 166 MHz processors two years before.

How the fuck does he have any ability to make it at all on the internet with this shit? It was already pretty slow in the 1990s, but webspaces are far nastier on the connection rate now than they are then (and no Jonny, it's not because the government did it to troll you, it's because most webzones have more functions). How in the fuck is he making on to DA for instance?

 

[Ti-99/4A]

I'm sure we'll get our answer in 4-6 weeks in his blog once this page finishes loading for him to read and reply to in typical Sweet fashion.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Ah yes, 1997, the year that the 56 Kbps modem[...]

I wonder if Sweet visited ASU more recently since he was banned? I'm not entirely sure if the computers there would have CD burners in half-past 1997. In the very first post Sweet made in this thread, he bitterly recalled how "dangerous, selfish, ignorant mental and morally-defective children" didn't allow him near "their precious computer lab."

So maybe sometime between 1997 and 2014, Sweet snuck back on campus (Mama Sweet probably drove him there) and like a kid in a candy store, he was using a CD burner to copy Belch Dimension from floppy disks to a more modern format. And using a faster internet connection which blew his mind. But Sweet's wondrous time in paradise was cut short when he was caught trespassing and was then kicked out. Which could have resulted in one of those unknown charges mentioned.

If a story like that is true, it might also explain how Sweet knew the old dorm he lived in was torn down.

 

[Adamska]

I wonder if Sweet visited ASU more recently since he was banned? I'm not entirely sure if the computers there would have CD burners in half-past 1997. In the very first post Sweet made in this thread, he bitterly recalled how "dangerous, selfish, ignorant mental and morally-defective children" didn't allow him near "their precious computer lab."

So maybe sometime between 1997 and 2014, Sweet snuck back on campus (Mama Sweet probably drove him there) and like a kid in a candy store, he was using a CD burner to copy Belch Dimension from floppy disks to a more modern format. And using a faster internet connection which blew his mind. But Sweet's wondrous time in paradise was cut short when he was caught trespassing and was then kicked out. Which could have resulted in one of those unknown charges mentioned.

If a story like that is true, it might also explain how Sweet knew the old dorm he lived in was torn down.

This wouldn't shock me considering just how much like classic Chris Jon is. Only worse.

 

[AJMLurker]

Sweet said that he was indeed aware of that new Star Wars movie coming out. Probably from magazine covers at the newsstand while going on battery runs. I don't know if he's seen any of the series though. Are there references to it in Belch Dimension?

In all my years of knowing Sweet, I have barely seen him reference Star Wars in his tangents. Makes sense though since he doesn't seem to be into sci-fi in general. I just find it strange he uses an obscure show that ran for two years during the late 70's and early 80's to reference technology he perceives as "futuristic". Yes, I had to check Wikipedia to get this information. As a 90's child, I had no fucking idea what Buck Rogers was.
Anyway, the original trilogy was during his time so how come he doesn't refer to advance tech as "Star Wars tech"? Or shit, "Star Trek tech" at least?

Of course, I already know the answer though... it stems from his autism making him unable to care about things outside his narrow line of interests. With Sweet, it always comes back to his autism. Somehow motion pictures never held the same allure over him that his TV shows did.
It must suck having your entire life controlled and motivated by the same old tired interests. Sweet should of outgrown shit like Bugs Bunny or Buck Rogers long ago, but he hasn't. He's stuck relishing in shit that no longer serves him a purpose except to keep him rooted in his destruction.

I won't lie, I do wonder what it would be like to encounter a completely normal Jonathan M. Sweet from an alternate dimension. I'll be optimistic and say this normal Jon would of succeeded in all the areas where our Jon had failed. Normal!Jon managed to make a name for himself in the media industry. Normal!Jon actually draws/writes a damn good comic series. Normal!Jon is a notable critic who reviews all kinds of media, from movies to animated shows. And best of all, Normal!Jon is NOT a complete self-centered asshole. That would be the best, meeting a Jonathan M. Sweet whose a chill easy-going dude that is open to all ideas under the sun and has great wisdom to share. Not some blowhard who forces childish and idiotic notions upon you to support a nonsensical agenda.
Unfortunately though, I think seeing his autistic self would drive normal!Jon into a fit of rage that ends with him brutally murdering our autistic Jon... crazy part is, it wouldn't even be a tragic ending. Sweet's mom and brothers would be brought to tears at finally getting to see a vision of what their family member could of been: a productive and great member of society and the Sweet family.

Jon wants greatness, no doubt about it, but there is nothing great about Jon. Jon's only great at tearing people apart and causing conflict.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Sweet should of outgrown shit like Bugs Bunny or Buck Rogers long ago, but he hasn't.

I don't think one necessarily has to outgrow old old interests to continue to mature, but if nothing is added to them, it's a sign one may not be undergoing the "ploy" of progressing. Like with the Pixar movies thing I think I mentioned earlier, some mature adults like Buck Rogers and Looney Tunes, but they also like other stuff.

classic Chris

I hope campus security wasn't run over twice in one day.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

He bought a laptop on Black Friday 2014, but by March 2015 he was commenting on YouTube videos about repairing laptop charging sockets, so I'm assuming it's now prime spider real estate in one of Jon's two trash-filled bedrooms.

The power supply connections on laptops are not designed to meet the durability specifications of the National Standards Institute of Enraged Neanderthals.

It's hard to imagine that Jon doesn't absolutely brutalize any piece of equipment less sturdily built than a sledgehammer or an anvil. He can't even come close to controlling the pressure he exerts on the pens and pencils he uses to create his comics, which is especially noticeable in his maladroit lettering, with random words -- and even random letters in individual words -- appearing to be bold-faced for no reason other than the artist's lack of motor control.

Considering how angry he is at the world, I'm surprised that the keyboard still works.

 

[Ti-99/4A]

This isn't just a Jon Sweet problem. Almost everyone I've dealt with that claims their computer is their whole life and could I help fix it barely knows how to use it and treats it worse than shit.

 

[Mahimahi]

how come he doesn't refer to advance tech as "Star Wars tech"? Or shit, "Star Trek tech" at least?

You're thinking half-past 1979 but you should be thinking half-past 1929.

The Buck Rogers newspaper cartoon and radio series began in 1929, and pre-war generations quickly came to use the name Buck Rogers as a descriptor for any kind of futuristic technology. I guarantee that Sweets picked up the reference from older people and that it has nothing to do with '79/'80 stuff.

What I don't get, though, is Sweets' description of the Black Friday "military operation". Do American stores let people inside but then prohibit them from touching the merchandise until a certain time? That seems bizarre, but I guess it's designed to cut down on deaths and injuries from crushing and trampling...

 

[AJMLurker]

The Buck Rogers newspaper cartoon and radio series began in 1929, and pre-war generations quickly came to use the name Buck Rogers as a descriptor for any kind of futuristic technology. I guarantee that Sweets picked up the reference from older people and that it has nothing to do with '79/'80 stuff.

Awww, that makes a lot more sense. Thank you for the explanation. I don't doubt for a second that you're correct.

 

[Mahimahi]

Thank you for the explanation.

You're welcome. I do aim to please.

I also think it's kind of cute that Sweets uses pop-culture references that date back to a time when the streets were full of Model T Fords. Or, in his part of the country, horses.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Considering how angry he is at the world, I'm surprised that the keyboard still works.

I wonder what Sweet is like reading this thread?

I guarantee that Sweets picked up the reference from older people and that it has nothing to do with '79/'80 stuff.

Casually using antiquated idioms and slang from the early 20th century? This reinforces that Sweet didn't really connect with peers and only had the older generations to really relate to.

 

[Adamska]

I wonder what Sweet is like reading this thread?


Casually using antiquated idioms and slang from the early 20th century? This reinforces that Sweet didn't really connect with peers and only had the older generations to really relate to.

You mean had the older generations to be an annoying entitled asshole to since they couldn't just leave like the peers could as a kid. Mainly because they (being his parents) enabled his sociopathic behavior at home rather than discipline it out of him, and couldn't really pick up and leave when he acted out like a chimp.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Jon's flabby, hairy buttcheeks are stinging. Great work, Kiwis!

120215-- Buck Rogers technology by HaggisMcCrablice
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Photography / Still Life / Other©2015 HaggisMcCrablice
I used this fairly common (so I thought) phrase casually one time in my blog, and the peckerheads at the Other Forum demanded to know what it was all about. I first saw it in Stephen King's short story "Umney's Last Case". I was in college at the time--right about, in fact, when I was learning to use computers that, to a kid used to hammering out stories on an old typewriter that required a lot of finger strength to depress the keys (hence my somewhat indelicate touch), did indeed seem like Buck Rogers technology, so I could relate.

The machine detective Clyde Umney describes in the story probably looked a lot like the T-1000 model laptop you see here on the left-- to him, a man from the world of half-past 1938 (give or take a couple of months), a futuristic gadget ripped straight from a Buck Rogers comic strip... to someone from 1987, spiffy and new but fairly commonplace... to someone in 2005, a laughably antique piece of hardware. It's all about perspective. The right-hand picture is a picture of a modern laptop I tore from one of last year's Black Friday sales circulars-- the one I bought is an HP, not a Toshiba, but minor cosmetic differences from brand to brand aside, essentially the same.

So why not call it "Star Trek technology" or "Star Wars technology"? Well, if they start selling matter transporters, phasers (real ones), or light sabers (not plastic toys) at Wal-Mart, I will. 'Til then, I'll stay withthis turn of phrase. I don't do a lot of Star Trek or Star Wars jokes because, quite frankly, everybody's doing them, and they get boring. I think maybe once I referenced Star Wars in the comic, and it was just an excuse to show a female character in that skimpy gold Leia bikini. I liked the first three films, but I was indifferent towards The Phantom Menace (or, as I once dubbed it ,"The Fandom Menace"), and was so soured by it I never watched the second two prequel films. Midichlorians, my butt. Why do another Star Wars parody? I think between Mel Brooks' Spaceballs and Family Guy, it's pretty much covered.

Star Trek? Sure, I've seen it. It's good, but I'm not as fanatical about it as some. In issue #76 the gang crashes the movie set for the new "Star Drek" film, and I mentioned elsewhere my idea for a gag about Nurse Chapel and Mr. Spock that I ended up cutting... but I think that's about it for refs. I think Animaniacs did all the good Trekkie jokes 20 years ago.

But you know what Buck Rogers has that neither of the other two can boast? One, Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny, Barney Rubble, and Woody Woodpecker, as well as scores of other characters) as Twiki the Robot, and, two, that choice piece of ass Erin Grey. Hey, for a doll like her, being stuck 500 years in the future would be almost worth it.

".... that choice piece of ass Erin Grey. Hey, for a doll like her, being stuck 500 years in the future would be almost worth it."

"that choice piece of ass Erin Grey."

"that choice piece of ass"

He referred to an accomplished actress and role model - the first female colonel on TV - as a "choice piece of ass."

Huh. Well. Didn't realize I'd have to break this out again so soon. Ahem:

Hey, Jon?

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE ALONE AND POOR.

 

[CatFace]

It's a good thing he cleared up that issue for the viewers of his blog.

 

[Le Bateleur]

He's not an out-of-touch fogey, everyone - he was just ripping off Stephen King, again.

He honestly doesn't have many original ideas, does he? Even the little details in his work are taken wholesale from other media.

inb4 "nuh-nuh-nuh but you libuhrul Kiweewees is has be are love when Seth McFarlane does dat!".

Fun fact, Sweetie Man - I don't like Seth McFarlane or any of his work.

 

[Shadow Fox]

What I don't get, though, is Sweets' description of the Black Friday "military operation". Do American stores let people inside but then prohibit them from touching the merchandise until a certain time? That seems bizarre, but I guess it's designed to cut down on deaths and injuries from crushing and trampling...

At stores like Wal-Mart that are open 24/7, the employees have no choice but to put out the pallets of Black Friday merch while dipshits like Jon and his family are milling around like pigs waiting to be slopped. The customers are allowed to hover around whatever discounted garbage they're determined to claim but have to wait until the sale officially starts before they can begin ripping the pallets open and shoveling shit into their carts.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

So, as expected, the answer is a mix of autism and "Look at me I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO original."

 

[Le Bateleur]

Yeah, that "piece of ass" comment was pure slimy cringe. Fits the theory he's a closet homosexual or bisexual, and he's going out of his way to act like he thinks a straight man would.

Or maybe he's completing his transition into one of those creepy old men who comment non-stop on girls like Gloria Tesch's social media.

 

[CatFace]

Yeah, that "piece of ass" comment was pure slimy cringe. Fits the theory he's a closet homosexual or bisexual, and he's going out of his way to act like he thinks a straight man would.

Or maybe he's completing his transition into one of those creepy old men who comment non-stop on girls like Gloria Tesch's social media.

Especially when the cast of Star Trek included some very attractive women. Star Wars has the slave Leia costume... edit: and after a quick google Erin Gray actually looks a lot like Carrie Fisher. This is compounded when you remember both characters wear white, full body costumes and use blasters.

(And just to point it out: Erin Gray has appeared on a Trek webseries. Not a cannon show but still. It was after '97 so I guess I dunno ASU and the liberal media forced her to do it to sully his memories or something. I wouldn't blame him for not knowing this really, but this is the level of research a self proclaimed "bad boy of journalism" makes before putting out his statements)