How would you kill the above poster?

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An alpaca with dynamite hidden under its lush wool coat. You'd get up close to pet it and BAM! The perfect crime.
 
Scream Julay while beating you to death with a giant pickle.
 
I would lock you in a room. Every day I would come in and -- starting with your toes -- cut off one inch of your body and immediately cauterize the wound. I would continue like this every day until you kill yourself to escape the torturous pain. When the police come, I would tell them, "She said she was into self-mutilation but I never expected anything like this." The perfect crime.
 
Have Chris-chan read Twilight to you in his HelloLadyFans voice, in a room with sharp objects hanging from the ceiling just out of reach. Eventually, you dehydrate.
 
I would marry you and together we would lead a happy,long life until we died together of old age :oops:
 
I'd become business partners with you, and when we're on top of the world I'll assassinate you so the company's fortune can be mine.
 
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