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This was actually good advice, thanks! I did it with the perspective "this is my allotted 'sad time' when I am free to be a complete weak mess, and I'll stop in ten minutes and get back to work" and I focused a lot better afterwards. Still feels pathetic given my relatives survived some real horrors and never cried and were always very flat, calm and strong, but I guess it came out in other ways. Like my oma never cried, but she refused to have brown rice or tapioca starch in the house because it was all she was fed in the IJA camp and it triggered her, in the original sense of triggering a panic attack, not the SJW sense of throwing a tantrum when someone uses accurate pronouns. We millennials really are the weakest generation, man.
Been dealing with the inevitable loss of a close relative diagnosed with cancer and in terminal stage. Doctor gave two weeks tops.
Death isn't something that we're prepared for. Ever. Be it someone else's or our own and there's nothing we can do to stop it and the more you try to avoid or deny it, the worse it is in the long run.
I only have a personal dream left but as I reach 30, I find it very unlikely for it to become true.
With few surviving relatives and absolutely no prospect of being with someone in the foreseeable future, as this was never something that would ever come to be, I gotta be prepared to deal with life alone until my last breath.
Anyone under these circumstances would feel sad, forlorn and depressed, but I kinda stopped giving a fuck about life a long time ago. "Numb" would be the word for what I'm feeling right now.
I have no clue of what's going to become of me from now on. Loneliness isn't something new to me, but it gets stronger over time.
Well, today was said relative's wake and I, along with other family members, were there to mourn. Ended up not shedding a tear because I already had accepted their demise, but can't say the same for the rest.
I, for once, am not afraid of death. All we are is dust in the wind, as a certain song goes. Now my life goes on as those who already passed away done their time here in this world. Their story came to an end, mine haven't, although I know how it will end.
Situations like these makes me wonder about relatives and couples who quarrel with each other over silly issues. You never know when it'll be the last time you'll see that person, so don't go expecting things you shouldn't from others and learn to live past misunderstandings behind. Otherwise, when that person is gone, you'll regret it.
As for myself, after numerous failed attempts and rejections, nothing in life has convinced me I'll ever have a partner because I'm such a loner that I've already got used to it and, unfortunately, I can't make anyone fall in love with me or whatever. It's always been like this and always will.
This relative died surrounded by people and had people mourn them. I don't think the same will happen to me, as older relatives will go one by one and I'll be pretty much the only one left.
The takeaway being, learn how to cherish people around you and don't take relationships for granted. You'll likely won't stand the loneliness.
I need a backwoods wine cigar, and a nice DeKuyper Triple Sec. I do not have those.
I would eat a bullet rn if I had one. But it's not worth it. Would be funny though.
As for myself, after numerous failed attempts and rejections, nothing in life has convinced me I'll ever have a partner because I'm such a loner that I've already got used to it and, unfortunately, I can't make anyone fall in love with me or whatever. It's always been like this and always will.
You got that right. Who needs one anyway? It's not fucking worth the damn, unless you find "the one". The only one that's left for us would be God, but I don't really feel His love sometimes.
Fuck 2026. This whole decade is a clusterfuck. Fuck it all.
The worst thing about being an adult is moments like I had this July 4th, just never last. They'll all probably be a haze compared to the memories of my childhood. I'm a complete failure. Maybe it'll get better when I turn the ship around. For now, I'm as much of a friendless loser as I was when I graduated. I have nothing to show for. I've wasted every opportunity I had, and more. It's over. If I had the guts to ice myself right now I really would. I should've killed myself in 2024. Forever 19. At least I can probably make a forever 27 instead.
I march on alone towards a lonely death. Maybe some will say "it ain't like that" but I can't see it any other way. Perhaps, I, in my resentment, without realizing, have built a fortress around myself and don't know how to get out, but I kinda had it coming.
My body being found after days I've passed away, already decomposing and being found coincidentally by the stench of rotting flesh is a death rather suitable for people like me. It wouldn't be undeserving.
I march on alone towards a lonely death. Maybe some will say "it ain't like that" but I can't see it any other way. Perhaps, I, in my resentment, without realizing, have built a fortress around myself and don't know how to get out, but I kinda had it coming.
My body being found after days I've passed away, already decomposing and being found coincidentally by the stench of rotting flesh is a death rather suitable for people like me. It wouldn't be undeserving.
I'm inclined to agree with your position since I think the same sometimes, but I recommend trying to obtain friends at the very least before you perish.
“We all need friends partner, We die alone but we live amongst men.”
Your children are important and will always be with you. If you’re divorced you’re still both parenting them and will be forever. Honestly I’d be more worried about a man who didn’t give a shit and let his ex do everything, but i think she has shown you who she is here.
Your children are important and will always be with you. If you’re divorced you’re still both parenting them and will be forever. Honestly I’d be more worried about a man who didn’t give a shit and let his ex do everything, but i think she has shown you who she is here.
And it took me by surprise, because she had been tremendously supportive about many things since I met her.
On our very first date, my dog (whose tale I've told here before, a blind rescued greyhound who gets desperate when alone and has escaped many times, one nearly killing himself in the process, an incident that left me pretty traumatized for a long time) disappeared from my home cameras and I had to abort the date to go check on him. Not only did she understand it, sent me messages to help me stay calm on the way home (I was still anxious at the time because of the traumatizing incident I mentioned), and called me to check how things were when I got home (they were fine, he'd managed to somehow open a room that doesn't have a camera and hid in there).
She was very understanding about my time limitations during the weeks the kid is with me.
But the moment "YOU CHECKED YOUR EX'S MESSAGE ON OUR DAY!!!", that was seemingly crossing an unthinkable line.
She kept going on about how she had no exes still in her life, how she was free of that kind of baggage*.
Well, I'm not, I have a child, and the mother will always be a part of my life, as the dads of the kids of the women with children that I've dated in the past have been parts of their lives as well, which I always accepted implicitly.
It's puzzling to me how my immediate concern for the dog was endearing to her, but my immediate concern for my kid was not.
In short, she's an amazing woman in so many ways**, but she's immature and insecure when it comes to former partners. Unfortunately, when you're a responsible parent, the other parent being in your life in some capacity is not optional.
*I don't think she was. Not that there's exes still in her life, but that she has grievances about them, from stories she told me. She seems like the kind to nuke the bridge on her way out, when the break up is less then amicable; ours was as amicable as I could manage. I don't like nasty endings, so I always make efforts to exit gracefully.
**She was even homophobic! I thought I had hit the jackpot. I didn't have the chance to determine if she was transphobic as well, but she did make fun of furries and therians once, so it's likely a yes.
It could have been a love story for the ages, I tell you.
Poison ivy itch comes from an oil that gets into the skin. If you’ve washed ALL of it off, and are confident it’s off, you can get some relief before bed with hot water. Run water as hot as you can manage without burning yourself over the skin for about a minute. Do not burn or scald yourself, as hot as you can cope with without that. It makes all the histamine pour out of the cells and it’ll give you a few hours relief (works for all allergic itches.) if you think there might be any poison ivy oil at all anywhere use cold water, hot will open your pores and drive it deeper in. This works for mozzie bites and general itchiness
the thing is, if you had one bad ex that’s their problem, if you have all bad exes you’re the problem. Everyone has exes for a reason, most people will have an opinion like ‘yeah didn’t work out, they were ok, this and that wasn’t great.’ But someone who tells you every single one of their exes was a psycho is the psycho.
This is indeed the saddest but when I read it I’m remembered that we got bought loads of baby shoes and never wore any of them because babies just pull them off.
Wedding dress, never worn
Spent a couple of hours at the beach with my new friend and our dogs.
It was nice to feel like I was a normal woman in my 30's for once.
Life can be good, if you are open and able to take the opportunities that it offers you. Sometimes it even offers them up on a silver platter.
Now to not slip back into despair and self-hatred.
I'm currently seeing someone but idk how far I want to take it because I would feel awkward being "neurotypical" with an aspie gf. Just due to a perceived mental maturity gap, even though I'm a few years younger so it cancels out.
the thing is, if you had one bad ex that’s their problem, if you have all bad exes you’re the problem. Everyone has exes for a reason, most people will have an opinion like ‘yeah didn’t work out, they were ok, this and that wasn’t great.’ But someone who tells you every single one of their exes was a psycho is the psycho.
That is true, but just to be clear, she didn't say anything like that, but rather than none of her exes were still part of her life in any capacity.
She did tell me the story of her previous ex, who she left because "he made girly noises in bed, and one time a friend of his made a gay joke with him as the butt (heh) of the joke and he didn't fight back". This convinced her he was a secret faggot, and she could never look at him the same again, so she dumped him.
That is true, but just to be clear, she didn't say anything like that, but rather than none of her exes were still part of her life in any capacity.
She did tell me the story of her previous ex, who she left because "he made girly noises in bed, and one time a friend of his made a gay joke with him as the butt (heh) of the joke and he didn't fight back". This convinced her he was a secret faggot, and she could never look at him the same again, so she dumped him.
. The only one that's left for us would be God, but I don't really feel His love sometimes.
