I should mention that I've always had some belief in... maybe not the supernatural. The heavenly? The ethereal? There's something out there that isn't physical or material and I believe that very strongly. I don't dabble in the occult, that shit's for gay losers who don't value their souls, but this sort of stuff has been a recurring factor in my dreams for pretty obvious reasons. I'm also Jewish-- mentioned before, not super religious, but relevant because it's how I was raised and it influenced how I view this stuff. I spent a lot of my childhood in or near a synagogue and a not insignificant amount of it praying or watching others pray. So, generally, there is one God and he loves you. Your main purpose in life is to do good for other people and try not to spit in God's eye. This is obviously extremely truncated (
and crass) and I'm sure CTR can give more specifics, but at the ABSOLUTE MOST FUNDAMENTAL BASIC LEVEL that's the primitive level I'm operating at here.
Since my dog passed, this kind of bizarre shit has sort of lingered in my brain like a really weird aroma. I really don't know how to explain what happened with my dog. I'm completely aware, almost
convinced that I psyopped myself into thinking my dog was going to die, dreamt of it, and reality happened to line up with that. But I cannot deeply,
truly convince myself. I felt
something (or really
someone) there that night that I did not feel any other night. And there was really no real reason for my dog to die like that-- by all expectations, he should have stayed at the vet's for a week or so and come home healthy and happy. Plus, dreams like that have just kept happening since, almost never when I'm actually thinking or learning about all this stuff (which, for the record, I don't usually do).
They seem to strike at completely random, somewhat inconsequential times. There's not always a presence-- sometimes it's just weird shit like feeling like I lived an
entire day somewhere else, vividly, and only noticed that it was a dream upon
waking up. (This started happening before my dog passed, but became more common afterwards. Think it's happened like thrice since then where it only happened once before.) There's also still the usual anxiety stuff plaguing me-- getting run over by two cars while stuck in my own, feeling my bones break as the car crumples and the window glass cuts my skin. Or someone's getting skinned alive again, something's on fire, someone's jumped out a window, blah blah.
But, more and more, there's
something or
someone there and I can feel it in my soul in this really specific way that I can't fucking communicate. It's driving me nuts to even try doing so now.
I'm actually not sure if it's one person/thing/entity, because it seems to alternate somehow. The first time I saw it (assuming it's separate from the dog), I didn't really "feel" it like I did every subsequent time. I thought it was a guy off a dating app I'd been chatting with. I'd dreamt he was visiting my house for the first time, and I was showing him my room. This was already strange, as I don't particularly like the guy and wasn't sweet on him even at the time, but even stranger was that he wasn't speaking for most of the dream (or, if he was, I wasn't retaining any of what either of us said). I was kind of just talking
to him. Near the end, things in the room started changing when I looked away from them. A shortbox of comics I've got on my nighttable was normal for most of the dream, but near the end turned into a tiny bookshelf (about the size of a bread box, split into lower and higher levels) that had all the comics inside of it neatly sorted by their spines. I noticed the change and turned to ask him about it, but the guy had somehow started sitting atop my bed in the interim (a few seconds max, on the other side of the room) and reading a comic (one that... didn't exist). I asked him outright if he somehow affected the comics, and he
finally spoke-- in a manner that made me immediately aware that this was
not that guy from the app. Think of it like a shy schoolchild speaking with the voice of an old-timey businessman, it's the closest equivalent I can give. I have no idea what he said, or if this was even the same thing/guy as the next few, because I woke up immediately after it.
About ten days (of normalish dreams) later, I had a weird series of dreams that I felt completely detached from. Like someone else was parading around my body. That shit was also another "felt it in my soul" sort of thing and freaked me right out-- I had to really will myself to get those to stop, and it took three days of active effort before I was back to normal.
The next few dreams after that were jarringly lucid-- I'd gain sentience near their ends, or be so deeply convinced that they were real that even waking up didn't really shake them, for another three days. Then I just dreamt nothing for four days-- with the exception of one relatively normal dream after those-- followed by a pair of dreams on the same day "warning" me of something.
One was pretty straightforward, with meteors raining down from the heavens (but somehow not perturbing me?? I don't know why, I was more curious and confused than anything), but the second was more confusing and seemed to be warning me of people more than things. There were a bunch of people in the sky, on a relatively normal day, and they wouldn't answer when I asked them questions or tried to say hello until I somehow forced myself to fly out of sheer willpower. (Without wings, which is an extreme oddity and basically never happens in my dreams. Flying is common, but always with wings.) Even after that, nobody with a face familiar to me would speak or do anything even if I initiated.
Six days (of normalish dreams) later, after an unrelated dream, I had another with a noticeable presence in it. This was the first time I felt anything like what I had the night my dog died-- some intangible soul; only this one was 10x as "strong" (to the point where everyone else there felt like a lifeless puppet in comparison) and somehow felt aligned with a higher power, if that's even possible. I was sitting on the lawn of the white house for some reason, slightly older than I usually am, apparently there for "work," when that presence approached me in the guise of an older middle-aged lady (somewhere in the 45-55 range) wearing the kind of luxurious formalwear that was all the rage 70-odd years ago. We started talking-- again, I don't know about what-- and she made me feel really at ease somehow. Eventually, time started
slowing down around us. I noticed it again, almost identically to the way I did the small shelf from the last dream with some ethereal stranger, and the lady did too. I was once more convinced it was her doing for some reason, and she asked if I wanted to "start this over" and "try again" to practice... something. I declined-- I don't know why, or what I was declining, but I was suspicious of her this entire time and that offer didn't really help anything. Somehow felt I was "supposed" to see her. Still don't know what that means or who she was.
Finally, today, after about a week of really shitty and tortuous dreams that involved a lot of death and confusion and torture, I dreamt of a madhouse full of insane people. I suppose that was supposed to represent the internet, because I distinctly remember scrolling through "highlights" made by the residents and referring to them by (fictional) usernames instead of actual human ones, but I can't say for sure because I was pretty tuned out of most of the dream. All the screaming and tearing faces off and fingernails being ground down on stone walls didn't really bother me. I was kind of just waiting for it to be over.
Near the end of the dream, I got curious about something I saw stuck at the top of a wardrobe and beneath the roof. It was pretty low, so I thought that if it was a living being it definitely wouldn't be comfortable up there, and I grabbed a chair to try and climb up to meet it.
Once I got close enough to see what was there, I was met with... the belly of a horse. A blue horse with a purple vein and a sort of weird gradient on its side. How an entire horse fit beneath a low ceiling but atop a wardrobe is beyond me. I felt bad for it, thought it might be suffering (from being stuck atop
a fucking wardrobe somehow), and tried to get it to move. It wouldn't budge, so I started looking for some way to get atop the wardrobe myself and carry it off. When I looked back at the horse, its face had somehow changed-- into a unicorn's. When I looked away again, then looked back-- it was a horse again. The horse itself had been staying still throughout this-- the only way I knew it was alive was because it was quietly whining/whinnying this entire time.
I decided to try moving it off of the wardrobe from its front, for some reason, and this is when I discovered that the horse had tits.
Human tits.
Saggy human tits that I had just
accidentally groped. They were also descending from its neck, somehow, and that neck had
two heads. They were conjoined about halfway up the neck-- just enough to move around, slightly, but not enough to do so without the heads constantly hitting each other.
That second head was a worn-out looking human woman's, kind of long and not like anyone's I knew. The eyes in it didn't have pupils and seemed to glow slightly. When I turned away from it, its face changed to a screaming baby's. Throughout the dream it also shifted to a male (whom I absolutely
cannot recall anything about, even moreso than the other faces, other than its gender) and a scared boy. All of these faces seemed to be frozen in their facial expressions, unlike the horse's, and I don't think their mouths ever moved. I made a really shoddy sketch of it after getting sick of thinking about it constantly:
Please excuse its quality. I didn't even bother with construction or any real polishing, this is all pretty much freehand.
It's not entirely accurate, but accurate enough. The tits weren't that big and there's a horse tail it also had that I forgot to add. But this is mostly what it looked like. Its neck and horse face bulged with some pretty gross veins, but that's all that's missing.
Whatever this creature was, it inherently repulsed me-- its presence kind of felt like a darker version of the old woman's, noticeably "magical" or "otherworldly" or soul-y somehow, and all the similarities to that skinwalker from almost exactly a month ago are really activating my almonds. I still wanted to help it, but I sort of forced myself not to (after realizing I could definitely not carry something like it off of the wardrobe) and ended up just spending the rest of the dream sitting next to it in a really uneasy silence. Felt like there was some kind of pressure on me the entire time. Really just an unpleasant experience all around.
Anyways, ALL of this is to say that I really don't know what the fuck is going on and pray to god that I'm not going crazy. I've been trying to keep sane throughout all of this, and I'm not about to go tear off my shirt and announce that magic is real or some shit, but all these weird fucking dreams with similar aspects and similar feelings and similarly random occurrences are really throwing me for a fucking loop. I can't talk to family about this because they'll probably think I'm fucking possessed, and I really don't want to go through that rigmarole when they've got bigger problems to worry about.
