(((I am NOT a jew)))
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- 14 de Dic, 2022
I really debated going to my head manager over the behavior of my coworker. I'd classify the guy as a shark, he has never worked his way up to anything else but has stayed in the company for three years, but has also run off a lot of new talent with his way of behaving (They used to have about ten people working in our department, now it's literally him, another guy and the two people they've hired last month). He's also best friends with one of the middle-managers. He's enmeshed with all the other guys and is likable and talented enough half of the time that they seemingly don't care about the fact they're running a ghost crew.
Long story short he has a lot of narc traits and has been escalating his putdowns and micromanagement of me, him also training the kind of teacher's pet brown noser newer than me who will basically agree with, laugh along with and double down on whatever he says hasn't helped.
I don't like going to HR or feeling like a pussy, especially asking a middle aged woman to step in when I'm a grown man. But their behavior has gotten worse and it is verging on harassment, and I knew based on the ways they've interacted with me before, the men underneath her would laugh me off or make things worse if I took the issue to them.
So I laid all my cards on the line because I knew we were short staffed. I asked her if she has any honest thoughts on if I'm a productive member of the team. I asked if me leaving would generally be considered a loss for the business. She said I was a great worker and she would honestly hate to lose me (This could all just be lip service but I think she really meant the things she said). I then told her about some of the stuff that has happened over the weeks and that I was going to address it personally with the coworker once before asking her to do anything about it, but wanted to let her know ahead of time in case nothing changed from me addressing it. I told her that if he did not alter the ways he's been behaving soon that I would unfortunately have to leave the company even though I did not want to.
At first I was really judging myself for doing something like that, but I felt so much better afterwards. She seemed to completely understand and was on my side, saying that isn't the first time she's had to address that behavior with that specific coworker and that her office is always open.
Would it have been more masculine to have blown up or done something drastic to a dude half my weight after he's screamed at me for the seventh time and not gone to the female head of business with pretty much an ultimatum? Yeah probably. But I honestly don't feel nearly as much shame for talking about it and being honest with the management about where I'm at as I thought I would.
We'll see where this goes. I know he's too productive to actually do anything about. But I just would like him to shut the fuck up around me. I also wasn't bluffing, I will walk off the job if that shit's supposed to be the norm because I don't need this in my life. So either way, I felt relieved to do something I usually would think is feminine gay behavior.
Something something "toxic masculinity isn't real but-" something something.
Long story short he has a lot of narc traits and has been escalating his putdowns and micromanagement of me, him also training the kind of teacher's pet brown noser newer than me who will basically agree with, laugh along with and double down on whatever he says hasn't helped.
I don't like going to HR or feeling like a pussy, especially asking a middle aged woman to step in when I'm a grown man. But their behavior has gotten worse and it is verging on harassment, and I knew based on the ways they've interacted with me before, the men underneath her would laugh me off or make things worse if I took the issue to them.
So I laid all my cards on the line because I knew we were short staffed. I asked her if she has any honest thoughts on if I'm a productive member of the team. I asked if me leaving would generally be considered a loss for the business. She said I was a great worker and she would honestly hate to lose me (This could all just be lip service but I think she really meant the things she said). I then told her about some of the stuff that has happened over the weeks and that I was going to address it personally with the coworker once before asking her to do anything about it, but wanted to let her know ahead of time in case nothing changed from me addressing it. I told her that if he did not alter the ways he's been behaving soon that I would unfortunately have to leave the company even though I did not want to.
At first I was really judging myself for doing something like that, but I felt so much better afterwards. She seemed to completely understand and was on my side, saying that isn't the first time she's had to address that behavior with that specific coworker and that her office is always open.
Would it have been more masculine to have blown up or done something drastic to a dude half my weight after he's screamed at me for the seventh time and not gone to the female head of business with pretty much an ultimatum? Yeah probably. But I honestly don't feel nearly as much shame for talking about it and being honest with the management about where I'm at as I thought I would.
We'll see where this goes. I know he's too productive to actually do anything about. But I just would like him to shut the fuck up around me. I also wasn't bluffing, I will walk off the job if that shit's supposed to be the norm because I don't need this in my life. So either way, I felt relieved to do something I usually would think is feminine gay behavior.
Something something "toxic masculinity isn't real but-" something something.
