How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Soup ‘n’ Salad]

After multiple years of living on this property, I appear to have had something stolen out of my yard for the first time!
I used to have a garden hose holder staked in the ground by my outdoor water spigot. Very unassuming, simple thing, which was originally a small housewarming gift from a family friend. This morning I went out to water my plants, only to find my garden hose coiled up on the ground and the hose holder missing! I thought it'd come loose from the soil and fallen over, but I didn't see anything of the sort in the area. The only other thing I noticed was a trail of lightly-trodden grass leading away from the site (which, for all I know, could've been my own footprints from previous walks around the yard)...
The thing that really confuses me is that they left my garden hose untouched, which is probably worth even more than the holder! Why would someone trespass into my yard to steal something so unremarkable...?

 

[Getmeout]

Good day mostly. Remembered some stuff though and now I’m sad. Wish I could have a good vent about it but I don’t wanna put that on any of my friends. Oh well, I’ll forget about it eventually most likely

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

im now in fucking limbo. in a few weeks im gonna find it if I'm going to make six figures a year or not.

I've been needing a major lifestyle change for a bit. I live in an area concentrated with pooners- including pooner moms and I'm absolutely done with it. this is no place to raise a child.
I shit you not. I've done the math. 1 in 10 people I see in town are pooners.

however, if I get this job-which seems like a 99% sure thing, I can gtfo
its incredibly stressful

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Got the 1080p 200hz monitor. I'm cozy at my PC again. Yay! 16:9 Master Race!

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

I believe I would kill a man for a hug. Like, a lady hug.

so ronery

 

[73_Autistic_Fuck_54]

Two things that have been eating at my mind lately

The jobs really just don't seem to exist in the rural community I live in outside of the dead-end fast food and retail businesses (that would rather run on a skeleton crew to begin with), the online sites have almost nothing to offer that's not well over an hour away (I've applied at the few things that are nearby, but have heard nothing back)

I'm worried that both of my parents are entering the very early stages of dementia. Not anything particularly obvious like what you might read about online, but little things here and there, both have experienced pretty radical personality changes over the past few years, becoming very socially withdrawn, they both have become noticably financially irresponsible, dad has been spending very large amounts of money on car parts for his classic car projects, often forgetting what he's even ordered because he buys so much stuff, they go out to restaurants on a very regular basis on a whim, multiple times a week now. My mom went from being a social butterfly, going to church every Sunday, to spending nearly all of her free time essentially bedrotting while watching AI generated end-times apocalyptic Christian videos.

I'm probably not explaining this very well, I've never been good at that, but if you lived with them you'd likely understand what I'm getting at.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Now you just need to face the actual truth that any and all people are capable of being fucked over by cosmic rays deciding their time has come.

That's missing the forest for the trees honestly.

You're looking at people you thought higher of, who likely never thought ill of you,

Completely off. You have no idea about what my life was like or what was said/done to me in the past. Not going to go into every detail, but you're off base to put it lightly.

now facing misfortune or stagnation, and your only measure of them as people is materialistic.

Again, wrong. I never said anyone was going through any major financial pitfalls or had any major reckonings, so I don't know where you got that. My entire post had to do with the fact that they are still making the same arguments and/or engaging in the same behaviors they did (and I in turn did) when I was around them almost half a decade or so back. I'm saying it's nice to see people who've been around this earth a lot longer who have had more materialistic gains than me have worse outlooks than I do.

If anything, feel superior to their idleness and lack of drive. Your posts read like that those of a tranny friend. You can tell transitioning is a joke to him, yet he does it. You can tell he's above the troon pipeline and stereotypes, yet he partakes in them.

Still have no clue what the fuck you're talking about.

It's not any less severe to be a low quality human just because you bring light to it. You're hellbent on change and improvement, but once that zipperhead broad leaves you, the gun is back in your mouth. Not much of a change then, innit then bruv?

Me and that girl have barely even talked since then. And I'm under no delusions that things will all work out magically and I now have a forever waifu that will solve all my problems. I'd say the positive changes in my life came about a couple weeks to a month before then. Meeting more positive people, realizing I can interact with the world and it wouldn't bite me. Feeling like that was the only option and then not being able to made me just have less of a concern about everything and made me want to engage with the world and the future more.
All I'm talking about is that I've found a positive feedback loop that I'm continually feeding instead of the self-destructive cycles I've had for a long time.
I know I have extreme peaks and valleys and I am trying to look into treatment and help for mood swings. I know my life has been very... uneven so I've probably caught some bipolar fleas from it all. I know things will be bad again, it's looking at how I'll react to those things that is really different.

And also yes, I went on a date with a girl and had a change in perspective. What's your point? It could be going on a date. It could be a change of scenery. It could be getting a dog. Finding a new hobby. If someone is engaging in the world more healthily than before, who cares about the details of how it happened?
I think half your posts can be very well thought out and helpful to people. But then you engage in this crab-bucket shit that's honestly really out of pocket and weird. You talk about being unhappy with your career, your living situations and meeting romantic partners online, but also can't help but make fun of the fact other people might be changing their patterns and actually doing things to improve their surroundings.

It just feels off base, my guy. I recently lost my closest friend and was feeling really hopeless about life, not knowing what to do. I still feel that way sometimes, but I'm bouncing back faster. I'm meeting people, I'm actually doing things, I'm looking forward to things for once.
I'm going to the beach tomorrow and enjoy my weekend. Mostly alone. For a while I felt a certain way about doing that but now I'm just looking forward to the fact I'm going to the fucking beach. I'm doing a lot of things just by myself, without any help or approval. And the world is opening up more.
Why do you feel the need to trample on any of that? What is your goal in that? Legitimately if you feel the ways you're describing here most of the time why do you have to try to shoot down anyone who might be changing their perspectives?
It just seems so off, dude.

I hope you can stop engaging in this behavior at some point because it's a possible marker for why you're feeling stagnated to begin with.

 

[Quijibo69]

I'm so happy not doing jack shit on Saturday!

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I believe I would kill a man for a hug. Like, a lady hug.

The answer is you just have to simply not care that much. And not in the stoic "male with rbf" way. I mean you just have to continually put yourself out there without really thinking of modern social ques.
I don't know your exact story but going off some of the things I've seen you post that I can relate to I'd just suggest to stop seeing yourself as autistic. Even if you are. Just kind of vibe. Girls will be surprisingly forgiving for how retarded you are if you're not in your head about everything. Having an internal monologue in my experience is always the thing that gives girls the ick, not social faux pass.
I'm that weird "anxious extrovert" type. I have no problem breaking the ice with people and just starting up conversations with women hotter than me. But what makes it awkward is I don't know where to go if they actually seem to show interest because I'm in my head all the time.
Funny enough, just start seeing everyone as at least at your level. Even if they make more money, even if they seem from a different crowd. Just literally start up talking about whatever retarded shit is around. You might not get laid but you'll have a conversation with another person, possibly one with tits, and the world won't end.
Now how do you shut off The Underground Man in your head? Fuck if I know. RSVP that shit when you find out. Usually beer helps. Sometimes lack of sleep. Wouldn't suggest those two consistently though. But mostly it's just immersion therapy and caring less if you look like a retard than anyone online will have you believe.

I'm probably not explaining this very well, I've never been good at that, but if you lived with them you'd likely understand what I'm getting at.

You explained it perfectly. And as someone who's gone through both those things, I get it. The early onset dementia shit hits so hard. You start questioning reality and forgetting your own stuff after a while. Not a good place to be. Only thing that helped is I didn't have to be around it long.
I don't know your exact situation but maybe a bit of distance will help. You don't need to move across the country, but if there's a neighboring city nearby you might be able to have more avenues open up, and you won't have to continually be in that environment. It's really fucking hard to function at all or work on any beneficial endeavors when even one of your parents is starting to show those signs. But being able to be around that less while someone more accustomed to providing support can help them would probably be what you would need.
Again, my heart goes out. That is a very lonely place to be in.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

It sounds like you two met in a very vulnerable space and she took that opportunity to relieve herself upon you. You approach eachother with exposed hearts and she rips hers apart further than it's necessary, for an avoidable reason (choosing to do sex work). She desecrates herself by this humiliation ritual of explaining her line of work to men on apps, and then desecrates her body by doing said work. She damages every aspect of her life, then promises to damage yours by cucking you

She went on to brag about her 800 matches while ignoring half the questions I asked, giving none in return at that, so nothing out of the ordinary. It's very apparent when you're semi-blacklisted on dating apps, meaning only matches are from paying users.

On one hand I don't mind just having these apps installed and use it now and then, but it's a waste of time even before you consider not being pushed due to inactivity.

 

[SneedleDee&SneedleDumb]

I was replying to someone that posted on Nulls profile directly talking about the wollygog and it just snapped a majorly impactful huge series of memories completely wiped from my consciousness my whole life. I had an insanely tumultuous week, one of the hardest in my life, but it grew me much closer to my father and to God/Jesuz, I ain’t gonna get preachy here. But this memory bank being unearthed for the first time in 30 years was such a wild experience, actually never in my life had such an awakening of memory. Profile posts are limited to 1xxx characters, hence why it’s being relocated here, just chopped it off and plopping it as is here.

First a little thought exercise that helps me immensely in life, including this week that has been overwhelmingly frightening, dire, and imposing a sense of hopelessness for days on end, some times are tough, to put it lightly; but without hard times, the good times are far less appreciated and cherished. I hope everyone here has a positively trending near future. Try to remember when you’re freaking out about things you can’t ensure outcome of, for better for worse, then there’s no point of worrying or thinking about it if the nothing more to be done to improve the potential outcome; or all the things in your past you freaked out about, how much have those concerns and events left a residual effect as of this day? More often than not, those concerning matters are done and moved on from and never thought of again.

Poster said something along the lines of wollygongs being super valuable potentially.

And then my post that brought me much relived memories and joys and emotions that formed my psyche and personality in ways I had no conception of until now while writing it.

Said post
This is true. My mom’s side grandmother’s from Arkansas sold on eBay for $800+ back in ~1997 and it was a dinky lil thing..

This is waaaaay TMI, but I just need to type it out so I don’t lose it again. That knick knack recollection just opened a huge lost archived memory; Sorry for using your profile as a blog function, Null. I’ll buy some more stickers for compensation.

The lighthearted racism of that generation was endearing while also perplexing to me, even around the age of 4-7; my grandma didn’t hate black people, she was actually very hospitable and true southernly sweet when a nigger family were guests (mom was a Berkeley hippie so happened often), but would use all the stereotypes I.e make fried chicken and watermelon for dinner and have menthols just for them. And would always see if they wanted to go gamble, specifically play craps lmao. One of my earliest memories of social narratives showing their stupidity was one nigger family got infuriated and cursed her out with hostility and left, like niggers. She was almost 90 I’m almost certain, and they were early 30s with a. ~12 year old daughter who looked distraught by the niggeration of the whole thihg. She cried, hard, and I did too, think it was the first time I had overwhelming empathy and didn’t understand why they would react like that when she did so much just for them. 99% of the niggers loved the chicken, rightfully so, and chain smoked with her straight to the casino. And one bought her a pool table after making it squirt on the tables, and my sister a saxophone and a trumpet for myself. One stereotypical fuckin cool jazz nigger.

This made me genuinely happy and nostalgic, I can’t even articulate how tangibly warm and fuzzy I feel, that memory has been sealed tight for like 30 years. Thank you for lining up the words to hit the perfect synapse to trigger this.

RIP grandma
..

I hope at least one person gets a positive result on their outlook on life as it is now, and how you direct it with the time you have left.

The glass is half full if you last poured your drink into it, and it is half empty if you last drank from it. Just appreciate the fact you are at the liberty to quench your thirst at nearly any given time of the day. May god speak to each and every one of you one day, and may you brighten the world around you with his light and make our kingdom a better place for all.

 

[ilovecornsyrup]

I'm considering going (back) to Russia. The political climate is the biggest thing stopping me. I enjoy living in a western democracy but having a weak citizenship (unless you're a nigger/sandnigger who can claim asylum) basically makes you a slave to the system. I can't even take a year or two to learn a trade I actually enjoy despite having the money to sustain myself. Such is being a snownigger dumped in the west. Maybe when the war ends. I do not miss the pollution and overall shitholeness though. When you drive from the Russian part of Karelia to the Finnish part it's like a new world.

She went on to brag about her 800 matches while ignoring half the questions I asked, giving none in return at that, so nothing out of the ordinary. It's very apparent when you're semi-blacklisted on dating apps, meaning only matches are from paying users.

On one hand I don't mind just having these apps installed and use it now and then, but it's a waste of time even before you consider not being pushed due to inactivity.

I installed tinder recently and on the first day I asked one of the women I matched with on a date and she told me that she didn't want to meet anyone because she got raped recently. I can sympathize but nigga why are you on tinder?

 

[DeeDee Megadoodoo]

Fucking fantastic, as usual.

I discovered an easy, healthy breakfast this week that has 50grams of protein in just 330 calories, and even tastes good. You mix a cup of unsweetened greek yogurt into a scoop of whey, with a half cup of blueberries and a tablespoon of psyllium powder (that's optional) and just stir it up. Sounds gross but its great and now I have even more time to be fucking fantastic.

 

[long waters]

I believe I would kill a man for a hug. Like, a lady hug.

so ronery

Shie, story of my life nigga. Except I know the man I must kill. I know him very well for he is I. I must kill him and become someone else less cringe and more outgoing for that to ever happen.
But it's actually a really complicated stalemate right now, none of us can really win this fight, so we must negotiate some kind of favorable truce and deal instead. Or perhaps I must employ some grabler like deceit and slowly boil the frog so to speak? I'm not sure.

 

[73_Autistic_Fuck_54]

I don't know your exact situation but maybe a bit of distance will help. You don't need to move across the country, but if there's a neighboring city nearby you might be able to have more avenues open up, and you won't have to continually be in that environment. It's really fucking hard to function at all or work on any beneficial endeavors when even one of your parents is starting to show those signs. But being able to be around that less while someone more accustomed to providing support can help them would probably be what you would need.
Again, my heart goes out. That is a very lonely place to be in.

Ideally I'd like like to pay for an in-home caregiver if they are in fact coming down with dementia, as I'm too dysfunctional due to my autism to handle caregiving myself, and the nursing home near where we live has a bad reputation (as do many nursing homes)

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I installed tinder recently and on the first day I asked one of the women I matched with on a date and she told me that she didn't want to meet anyone because she got raped recently. I can sympathize but nigga why are you on tinder?

The obvious: Attention. That said, I think a lot of people just enjoy the casual exposure, especially women who get tens of likes a day. You can tell yourself "I'm out there trying" when in reality they're not. I see the same faces on dating apps as I did 5 years ago, even the hot ones. Nobody is moving on, nobody is dating, nobody is putting in any effort. The few times I've had this ungodly urge to just go "Fuck, let's meet", it goes nowhere. The few shut-in nerdy types who I'd vibe well with either pull the plug when things get a bit too close for comfort or they're up their own ass with 2000 likes and an inflated ego because of it. And that's before you even get into the dating itself, where people stand you up, ghost you, don't pay their half of it etc.

Spoiler

Again, I've had times when I created an account and got 15 likes in 10 days. Others, I actually take new pictures, write a good bio and swipe more than I usually do - 2 likes in a month. It's 100% down to whether the algoryfm decides you'll get your time worth or not. Looking back, I've matched with a bunch of women who were within my league and pushed to meet, but every time they ended up just being odd one way or the other. Lots of flirting only for me to re-read the chat and realize there's nothing of substance. It's flirting and "Oh yeah? ".

Going to dating events or an old greasy pub used to be cheat codes, but that's not exactly where I'd want to meet people. That said, there's a lot of new women at my workplace of equal age, and rather than the boring useless smalltalk, they actually seem to genuinely talk to me/us throughout the day. Just now on my way home I was passed by one of them and the stars aligned that we'd both turn towards each other, but I just didn't have the expectation of good things happening to me to say hi. Probably married at 21 anyways, being a nurse.

On a positive note my motorbike license course is almost completely planned. It's not til august/september, but at least by then it'll be smooth sailing (unless I fail it).

Shie, story of my life nigga. Except I know the man I must kill. I know him very well for he is I. I must kill him and become someone else less cringe and more outgoing for that to ever happen.
But it's actually a really complicated stalemate right now, none of us can really win this fight, so we must negotiate some kind of favorable truce and deal instead. Or perhaps I must employ some grabler like deceit and slowly boil the frog so to speak? I'm not sure.

It's typical. Depressed and lonely enough to want to end it, yet not enough to take out a $10k loan and fly to Japan, Greece or whatever before doing so. There's nothing to lose and everything to gain by just going to whatever is happening locally, but people are so down that they can't even muster up that tiny sliver of hopefulness. Though in my case it's mostly "what kind of female of my age and general interests would find themselves -there- looking for interactions?".

 

[dick brain]

Been feeling like John Spartan. Everything keeps getting gayer, more retarded, more authoritarian/globalist/dystopian/corporate and I just stay the same. Which is objectively the correct way to be, but leaves me somewhat alienated. Most of my friends are catching up or keeping pace in terms of seeing through the They Live bullshit, but I can tell I'm losing others, not because they disagree, but because they don't care, and as they fail to swim against the tide of bullshit and get swept away the distance between us grows. It's not even like we disagree, we just don't even care about the same things.

I miss my dad.

Except I know the man I must kill. I know him very well for he is I. I must kill him and become someone else less cringe and more outgoing for that to ever happen.

You're cringe because you care. You have some expectation or vested interest in how you want the interaction to play out and it makes you desperate and awkward. Kill the part of you that cares and become who you are.

 

[long waters]

It's typical. Depressed and lonely enough to want to end it, yet not enough to take out a $10k loan and fly to Japan, Greece or whatever before doing so. There's nothing to lose and everything to gain by just going to whatever is happening locally, but people are so down that they can't even muster up that tiny sliver of hopefulness. Though in my case it's mostly "what kind of female of my age and general interests would find themselves -there- looking for interactions?".

That's not what I meant at all. I mean "killing the self" in a metaphorical sense. I think dick brain basically gets the idea.

You're cringe because you care. You have some expectation or vested interest in how you want the interaction to play out and it makes you desperate and awkward. Kill the part of you that cares and become who you are.

This is 100% on point.

I think my problem is that I'm not sure how to proceed. I think I already tried the "kill the part of you that cares" part. I stopped caring for almost a decade and it didn't help anything, it just made me older and more schizoid.
So now I think I am in a position where I think I have to kill off the part of my personality that makes me what I am, in order to become what? Normal? I don't think I really want that either. Hence the "stalemate" part.
Perhaps my previous attempt at "giving up on caring" was not honest and thorough enough.

Ah, I don't know. I suppose the only thing I know is that my current incoherence is proof of how well or not I'm doing.

 

[Quijibo69]

Sleeping until 12:30pm on Saturday is great! Need to do that for a long time now. Time to game all night like a boss!

debating if I want to do dinner or laddery tomorrow

 

[Otterly]

Ideally I'd like like to pay for an in-home caregiver if they are in fact coming down with dementia, as I'm too dysfunctional due to my autism to handle caregiving myself, and the nursing home near where we live has a bad reputation (as do many nursing homes)

Just be aware that that is an option to a point only. It’s great for the early stages, but at a certain point you will possibly need actual full on 24 hour nursing care, rather than the sort of minor caregiver nursing (changing, feeding) stuff.
Very sad, it is awful, kind of going through this as well, it’s really difficult. Make sure you get power of attorney BEFORE they lose it completely.

I installed tinder recently and on the first day I asked one of the women I matched with on a date and she told me that she didn't want to meet anyone because she got raped recently. I can sympathize but nigga why are you on tinder?

Jeez that’s like some kind of ‘write a dystopian story in one sentence.’

I have not had a good week. Today was not good either.