How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

  • 🇵🇦 Nuestro primer dominio localizado está en español en kiwifarms.pa. Our first localized domain is on Spanish on kiwifarms.pa.
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bro

im fried rn but we in goofyland i guess. the american people do not know their history, we.are. so. fucked. are you listening to me? i was trying to explain gun rights and shit to someone i know. and they was next like "is the earth flat or round?" so damn fed up i said bitch its a rectangle, ive been around this mf up bout five or nine times.

and i also said nigger. i have a persoonal limit of how many times i say it with someone i know (its like seasoning, ok.) but like that was fun i guess.

—

I had this shit in the nfl drafts im rereading it so im finna post it.

Martin, bring your bitch ass up here and come holla at a njgga, making some limp wristed ass busted salad nigga. Come on now!
 
I've realised that family isn't everything. I have a family member who has wronged me time after time. Naively, I kept thinking "they wouldn't do this to me, we're family", yet they did. They are hostile, intrusive, and go out of their way to make my life significantly worse for seemingly little gain. But there's not a lot I can do right now. They think I don't know.
 
Every other time I suffer the weakness of dating apps, I'm immediately shoved this chick into my face I spoke with pre-covid. She moved literally 30 meters away but never really met up. Now, she lost a ton of weight and moved, so it'd genuinely be fun to just hear how things are going out of boredom, but despite being single, still, she has warped her entire FB profile, through which we spoke, to something short of a kweenie. Still a bit sour she won't reply to a simple check-up, probably assuming an attempted rebound. mfw I for once just wanna be friendly and even that isn't going well.

Feels like all I do is get up, work, get home, wait to work again. Not as bad now that I'm not at my horrendous previous job, but I really need to find something to do. I sit here with all the acquired tools and time to play the games I want to, but I just don't. I look through my old steam screenshots and not a year ago I used to play a ton of games. :(
bulletttproof dijo:
I've realised that family isn't everything. I have a family member who has wronged me time after time. Naively, I kept thinking "they wouldn't do this to me, we're family", yet they did. They are hostile, intrusive, and go out of their way to make my life significantly worse for seemingly little gain. But there's not a lot I can do right now. They think I don't know.
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Aunt bullied my mom their whole lives. Grandparents died and now the aunt had to justify her being around. Her rational conclusion was to write a real fucking mail to her saying "pls move on it's hurting me". One cousin is breeding with a weed-head 'musician' and the other is on second black child with a second black man. I think distancing from family is far game.
(((I am NOT a jew))) dijo:
Should I have spent most of my 20s doomposting, feeling sorry for myself, watching anime and movies, working retail and other such nonsense. Probably not.
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Life starts once you realize it doesn't end at 29. I've read of so many people of all walks of life hit 30 and a literal switch flipping. Feminazis now love pink and the thought of pleasuring a man's pipe. Dudes start lifting and picking up atypical hobbies. Most normal people stop caring what others think of them, ironically becoming all the more attractive. You literally learned how to talk, walk, work and think from age 0 to 20. With decent health, you got that 2-3 times over, now knowing it all and having some kind of money to use as you see fit. But oh no, you're not a smooth, wrinkle-less femboy who can make money on onlyfans! Life is over!
 
Ok I think I’m pretty much prepared for the sudden unexpected pivot from commuting via car to commuting via bike but I’m sure there will be a few things I didn’t plan for. Now to see if I can manage the next week without missing work
 
I've lost a ton of weight recently due to mental illness & not being able to eat properly.

People around me compliment me for doing so great (because being thin is apparently everything), and I just smile in return while fighting the urge to just kill myself on a daily basis.

I guess I'm not doing great.
 
soft breathing dijo:
I've lost a ton of weight recently due to mental illness & not being able to eat properly.

People around me compliment me for doing so great (because being thin is apparently everything), and I just smile in return while fighting the urge to just kill myself on a daily basis.

I guess I'm not doing great.
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Reach out to Christ, there's hope with Him.

In my personal life, have been working on some farming at my home growing potatoes. One has revived recently, and I'm glad to see it. Have three fly traps out there to protect the food, and the flies themselves have been going ballistic today and yesterday. I believe it's got something to do with the seasons changing, though I need to keep an eye on them.

Have recently finished cleaning up a lot of my living space, have a bunch of books I need to read through which I've put in crates on top of my dresser. Also selling stuff to assist with decluttering; I need to be content with living a more minimalist life given what I'm reading in the scriptures.
 
I've been having a ton of weird Deja Vu moments reading threads and a number of strange dreams about Dear Feeder, I think I'm spending too much time on the farms.
Otherwise, things are chill.
My meeting last week with my wrangler and my case worker went as I expected, "we're sorry you feel that way, we're sorry we triggered your mental illness, we're sorry you're a sperg" (okay, they didn't actually say the last two things.) and I have a meeting in the coming week with the nurse handling my case at the psych ward and a doctor, hopefully they'll be useful and actually refer me to the department for personality disorders since they seemingly refuse to further treat my depression - I took a Hamilton score test and the nurse said my depression was "mild", so I don't qualify for alternative treatments like TMS despite fighting depression for the last 20 years.
I am running out of ideas, my options feel extremely limited because I don't fit into the boxes the professionals want me to fit in, and frankly I think I'm becoming numb to the disappointments.

At the very least I can look forward to my sister and her two kids coming to visit at the end of the month, maybe I'll try to download scummVM onto my tablet and get some of my childhood point-and-click games to show to my oldest niece. They're all in Danish so maybe they'll click with her despite the moon logic that many puzzle adventure games suffer from.
 
im not trying to sound whatever, but i feel like there isnt a point to doing anything anymore.
now that im officially old, i just dont see why i should expend any time and money towards things i like, because what is the point? i just want to hide in a cave somewhere, forever.
(:_(
 
I’m gonna be honest? Just not good, man. A few days ago my dad called me fat, which I usually shrug off since he’s like much fatter than me so what does he know. But he said it in such a… I dunno, angry way? In public? He said some other stuff that I’m not gonna post on KF. Ever since that day I’ve just felt so gross, I don’t even wanna go outside, man. Let alone eat, though I have a bunch of shit in my fridge that’s gonna go bad if I don’t eat it. One already did, opening a Greek yogurt container to just see GREEN is probably the worst surprise I’ve ever gotten. After I clean out my fridge I think I’m just gonna go back to my ED days cause honestly it feels like the only way I can survive in this friggin household.
Banquet Meal dijo:
im not trying to sound whatever, but i feel like there isnt a point to doing anything anymore.
now that im officially old, i just dont see why i should expend any time and money towards things i like, because what is the point? i just want to hide in a cave somewhere, forever.
(:_(
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Nah, man, that’s what the world wants you to think! “It’s weird to do this at this age”, “You’re too old” fuck that! Getting older just means more freedom! (And more hip pain I guess), there’s so much in life you can do, and it’s the same shit you could’ve done at 20! As long as you’re breathing, the world is your oyster
 
Banquet Meal dijo:
im not trying to sound whatever, but i feel like there isnt a point to doing anything anymore.
now that im officially old, i just dont see why i should expend any time and money towards things i like, because what is the point? i just want to hide in a cave somewhere, forever.
(:_(
Presiona para expandir...
Buy shit you like. Spend whatever you must for necessities but if you are old and earning your own $ , buy things you like. Put those things in your cave.
 
I think my pc monitor is dying. The flickering finally stopped but now the top half is visibly darker than the bottom half.
Sure, it would be smart and appropriate to upgrade my entire setup but I neither can nor want to spend current year prices on a new pc when I don't want Win11, I don't much care for 99% of modern games and my current rig ran Cyberpunk 2077 on High if not Ultra with very few hiccups.
Yes, my setup is nearing 10 years old but damnit, I don't care for UE5 slop games.

Damned my lack of technological understanding. It is what it is, toobz. At least I won't have to spend an arm or a leg on a discounted monitor from the local electronic store but it's the principle.
 
At a very tiny airport with 5+ hours to takeoff. We're having live entertainment but the singing part was torturous. Sitting under a cold air vent with a dead outlet, waiting for an opening to try another but afraid that the offer of free electricity is a lie. Plenty of time to rotate around seats because I don't think everyone here is waiting for my flight. In other words I am bored silly and hoping for a happening.
 
Banquet Meal dijo:
im not trying to sound whatever, but i feel like there isnt a point to doing anything anymore.
now that im officially old, i just dont see why i should expend any time and money towards things i like, because what is the point? i just want to hide in a cave somewhere, forever.
(:_(
Presiona para expandir...
How are things with your son and husband? You must be so tired.
That thing you’re feeling is depression, not age. I feel like that too. Like ‘I’m done here. There’s no pointt. I dont want any more, everything hurts. Must hide.’
You’ve been through a lot recently, that urge to just go hide is a fairly rational response. I’d say be kind to yourself but maybe that sounds trite.
 
I am doing okay. Started TMS. It's too soon to experience significant improvement but I just feel good to be doing something. And it's a bit activating so I am experiencing more clarity and such already.

My coworker that is twice my age is still being very immature and I have decided to stop begging for their friendship/understanding. If you're pissed at me, tell me. I'm very chill and open to criticism. If I don't know what I did, I'm not going to go up to you with that wimpy "Are you mad at me? :(" shit, which is what they expect me to do. Grow up. I'm looking into other work options (not just because of this, I've just outgrown the space, I think) and am really hoping to find something chill. I'd honestly take a pay cut if it meant a more monotonous, boring job. I like my personal life to be unpredictable and chaotic, and I can't do that if my job is also unpredictable and chaotic.

I am making other changes in my life as well that align more with that I want/where my values lie. Feels good.
 
Survived my first day biking to and from work. Wednesday we're expecting rain, but I think I'm prepared. Pedal assist is definitely cheating, but I'm so out of shape I need it. Hopefully I don't end up completely reliant on it or the winter will be tough if I end up switching to a standard bike with winter tires.
 
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