Funny idioms from your country. - Post literal translation and English equivalent of idioms from your language.

[Slav Power]

"Темно, как у негра в жопе"

Identical to our "ciemno jak w dupie u murzyna". As for "middle of nowhere", there are the main two: Zadupie and Wypizdów. "Zadupie" can literally mean "the place behind the ass", and "Wypizdów" is hard to translate, but it does relate to the cunt.

On a side note, much like the Russian Mat, in Polish there are five main swear words:
-kurwa, whore
-chuj, dick
-pizda, cunt
-jebać, to fuck
-pierdolić, to fuck
And obviously they have all kinds of meanings depending on how you use them, change them or combine them.

"Если бы у бабушки был хуй, она была бы дедушкой"

I remember a similar phrase from the song Kazik na Żywo - Plamy Na Słońcu. "Gdyby mama miała fiuta to by była ojcem", same meaning, but about mother and father. I don't think it's a common idiom though.

Here are some funny vulgar ones:
"Kurwa kurwie łba nie urwie", a whore won't rip another whore's head - people who have the same interests won't hurt each other
"W chuja cięcie też zajęcie", cutting in a dick (?) is also a task - slacking off is also a task
"Kręcić się jak gówno w przeręblu", to spin like shit in an ice hole - to move around erratically or aimlessly
"Kręcić się jak smród po gaciach", to move around like stink in pants - to move around aimlessly
"Jest szansa na wyruchanie szympansa", there's a chance to fuck a chimpanzee - the chances are low
"Wygrałeś talon na kurwę i balon", you won a ticket for a whore and a blowie - you've won fuck all
"Pierdolenie o Szopenie", talking nonsense about Chopin - talking bullshit

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

• You have ants in your pants: you can't sit still without Ritalin, can you?
• On a fishing expedition: looking for something, anything, to use. Typically used to describe people looking for scandals to use against politicians.
• Running around like a headless chicken: to be confused, disorganized; to engage in a lot of activity to no clear end
• Smell a rat: get a sense that there's a problem with something. Not related to rodents.
• Dime a dozen: very cheap and worthless
• Bet the farm: wager everything on a certain outcome
• Riding shotgun: sitting in the seat next to the driver's seat. Holding a shotgun is optional, but recommended.
• I'm on it like white on rice/ugly on an ape: you are just about to do a task
• Sack out: go to bed
• The whole nine yards: an idiom signifying completeness. Rarely has to do with distance or front yards.

 

[Rango Dango]

Here are some funny vulgar ones:
"Kurwa kurwie łba nie urwie", a whore won't rip another whore's head - people who have the same interests won't hurt each other
"W chuja cięcie też zajęcie", cutting in a dick (?) is also a task - slacking off is also a task
"Kręcić się jak gówno w przeręblu", to spin like shit in an ice hole - to move around erratically or aimlessly
"Kręcić się jak smród po gaciach", to move around like stink in pants - to move around aimlessly
"Jest szansa na wyruchanie szympansa", there's a chance to fuck a chimpanzee - the chances are low
"Wygrałeś talon na kurwę i balon", you won a ticket for a whore and a blowie - you've won fuck all
"Pierdolenie o Szopenie", talking nonsense about Chopin - talking bullshit

And two of my favourites
- "Wyżej sra, niż dupę ma" - Shits higher, than his ass (very bad translation, pardon me) - a person with a high ego
- "W dupie byłeś, gówno widziałeś" - You were in the ass, shit you have seen (seen shit in Polish means the opposite to what it means in English) - you don't know anything

 

[I (Don't) Have A Gun]

"al dra 'n aap 'n goue ring, hy is en bly 'n lelike ding" - even if a baboon wears a golden ring it is and stays an ugly thing.
"Jy krap met 'n kort stokkie aan 'n groot leeu se bal" - you're scratching with a short stick a big lion's balls. Basically you're looking for trouble.
"Lepel in die dak steek" - stick a spoon in the roof... it means to die. No idea why.
"Die koeël is deur die kerk" - the bullet is through the church, meaning what's done is done.
“Wors in die hondestal soek” - looking for a sausage in the kennels, so looking for something you won't find.

 

[Crypt Kicker]

Ufdah (oof-duh)
some hokey old people shit I always heard growing up.
Basically the Scandahoovian "Oy Vey!"
Eat a good big meal and you're stuffed? "Ufdah, that was a good meal"
See a nasty car accident? "Ufdah, that looks like a bad one"
etc.

 

[three_little_rats]

"Ебала жаба гадюку". Literally: "a toad was fucking a viper". Used to describe a conflict where both sides are equally unlikable. Similar idioms include: "борьба была равна: боролись два говна" (literally: "the fight was fair: two shits were fighting") and "моча против говна" (literally: "piss versus shit") - last one is mostly used on imageboards.

"Если бы у бабушки был хуй, она была бы дедушкой". Literally: "if grandma had a dick, she would've been a grandpa". Used as a humorous response to an impossible hypothetical. A similar and less vulgar saying is "если бы да кабы, да во рту росли грибы, то был бы не рот, а целый огород"(literally: "if this and if that and if mushrooms could grow in your mouth, it wouldn't be a mouth, it would be a garden.")

"Темно, как у негра в жопе". Literally: "dark, like in a negro's asshole". Used to describe pitch darkness.

Oh we have the same but instead of a dick we have a mustache.
"If a grandmother had a mustache she'd be a grandfather "
Two shits fighting is usually " a choice between a cholera and a plague" if i understand correctly.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

American: BFE is also used for "middle of nowhere".

That's way out there in BFE.

It stands for "Butt-Fucking Egypt"

 

[Pee Cola]

"We're not here to fuck spiders" - hurry up, get on with it
"We're not here to fornicate with arachnids" - as above, but more polite
"As useful as tits on a bull" - something that is useless
"No wukkas" - not a problem

We've got two sayings for "middle of nowhere" in Portugal:
Cu do conde (the count's ass)
Cu de Judas (Judas' ass)

In Croatian, if you want to say you're in the middle of nowhere you say you're in "vukojebina" which translates to you're in the place where wolves fuck.

In Australia, the middle of nowhere could be "Woop Woop", "Back o' Bourke", "Beyond the Black Stump" or "Dingo Piss Creek".

 

[Valiko Zizandari]

I don't use them myself often, but here are some Swedish ones:

If there's heart-room; there's arse-room = Good friends makes space on the sofa

There's owls in the moss = Something's fishy...

Throw yourself into the wall! = "Take a hike!"

Shitting in the blue locker = Going too far

 

[Battlecruiser3000ad]

"Gdzie psy dupami szczekają" – "Where dogs bark with their butts" (English equivalent: middle of nowhere)

Kde lišky dávaj dobrou noc / Where foxes bid good night

"Raz na ruski rok" – "Once in a Russian year" (English equivalent: once in a blue moon)

Jednou za uherskej rok / Once in a Hungarian year

"Если бы у бабушки был хуй, она была бы дедушкой". Literally: "if grandma had a dick, she would've been a grandpa". Used as a humorous response to an impossible hypothetical. A similar and less vulgar saying is "если бы да кабы, да во рту росли грибы, то был бы не рот, а целый огород"(literally: "if this and if that and if mushrooms could grow in your mouth, it wouldn't be a mouth, it would be a garden.")

Kdyby byly v řiti ryby netřeba by rybníka, sáhli bychom do prdele a vytáhli kapříka / If there were fish in the asshole we wouldn't need ponds, we'd reach inside the ass and pull out a carp. (Often just shortened to 'If there were fish in the asshole...')



Malovat straky na vrbě / To paint magpies on a willow tree - To trick/lie to/make fun of someone

 

[Milton Luther Keynes]

Your more poetic Britbong might say "I'm so unlucky, if I fell in a barrel of tits I'd come out sucking my thumb." Or if somebody's always interrupting to tell a story that's just a bit more awesome than yours: "Oh yeah, and where'd you take your last holiday, Elevenerife?"

 

[Mark Knopfler]

I'm not from the south, but the song "Losing My Religion" by REM comes from a southern expression meaning to lose your temper.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

American: BFE is also used for "middle of nowhere".

That's way out there in BFE.

It stands for "Butt-Fucking Egypt"

A favorite of mine, it's BF Egypt as I learned it.

Fubar is definitely ours as well.

 

[Calvin Gabriel]

Whenever I entered a room and forgot to close the doors behind me my grandma would ask "Máš v domě černochy?" ("Do you have blacks in the house?"). I only understood what it meant some years later when I learned about slavery being a thing.

Sometimes she would use the more PC equivalent "Máš v prdeli voj?" ("Are bees stinging you in the ass?"). I guess that's asking "why are you in such a hurry that you can't even close the door behind you?".

 

[BadGoy1488]

"A bird in hand, is worth two in the bush." -Be content with what you have instead of taking a unneeded risk
"Let it roll off of you, like water down a ducks ass." - Don't let it bother you
"Where there is smoke, there is fire."- If it seems like something is off or wrong, it's probably because it is
"Coming out swinging..."- To begin with a lot of gusto, or get straight to the point of a conversation

edit: others I think of

"Don't let the door hit you, where the dog should have bit you!"- I'm happy you're leaving, usually said after an argument.

 

[three_little_rats]

"A bird in hand, is worth two in the bush." -Be content with what you have instead of taking a unneeded risk
"Let it roll off of you, like water down a ducks ass." - Don't let it bother you
"Where there is smoke, there is fire."- If it seems like something is off or wrong, it's probably because it is
"Coming out swinging..."- To begin with a lot of gusto, or get straight to the point of a conversation

First three are almost identical to ours.
"Nie ma dymu bez ognia" → There is no smoke without fire.
"Lepszy wróbel w garści niż gołąb na dachu" → A sparrow in the hand is better than a pigeon on the roof.
"Splywa jak po kaczce" - Like water off a duck’s back.

Are you from Eastern/Central Europe or is it just coincidence?

 

[BadGoy1488]

First three are almost identical to ours.
"Nie ma dymu bez ognia" → There is no smoke without fire.
"Lepszy wróbel w garści niż gołąb na dachu" → A sparrow in the hand is better than a pigeon on the roof.
"Splywa jak po kaczce" - Like water off a duck’s back.

Are you from Eastern/Central Europe or is it just coincidence?

No sir, the ol' USA here.

Idiom tax:
"Stick to your guns"- Hold firm under opposition

 

[Neodanthril]

These are really metaphors and not idioms but they are funny so I'm sharing them anyway.
" Colder than a witches titty in a brass bra"
"Tighter than dick's hatband" specifically referring to ones penis
This isn't an idiom in my language, I read it in don Quixote but it is hilarious to me " looking for a better bread than was ever made with wheat," I assume the meaning is a more grandiose equivalent to " a fools errand"

" You've got to hold your tongue just right" typically said after accomplishing a task that is either complex or was completed in an unusual or lucky way.

" Bless your/his/her/their heart" this one can be used in several ways. It can be used as a genuine statement or passive aggressively. The genuine connotations are either recognition for a good deed, or consolation for problems or tragedy Ie after somebody dies or has some serious issue. The passive aggressive connotation is more or less an excuse to gossip about somebody as if saying these words somehow makes it okay to talk shit about other people behind their back.

" I'm plum tuckered" I'm tired/ exhausted
" Chump change" a very small amount of money, so small you wouldn't miss it. Alternatively can be used to flex ie, I am so rich a large amount of money to you is chump changed to me

 

[Whatevermancer]

Whenever I entered a room and forgot to close the doors behind me my grandma would ask "Máš v domě černochy?" ("Do you have blacks in the house?"). I only understood what it meant some years later when I learned about slavery being a thing.

Sometimes she would use the more PC equivalent "Máš v prdeli voj?" ("Are bees stinging you in the ass?"). I guess that's asking "why are you in such a hurry that you can't even close the door behind you?".

Here they say "Ты что, в лифте родился?" - "What were you, born in an elevator?"

 

[Firewater]

Colgar los guayos: "To hang up the football cleats", means that someone has died.

Perdirle peras al olmo: "ask the elm for pears", meaning to ask for something impossible.

Árbol que nace torcido, su tronco jamas endereza: "Tree that's born crooked, never straightens its log", Bad habits during someone's youth persist for the rest of their life.

Tira la piedra y esconde la mano: "cast the stone and hide the hand", do something bad then try to avoid the responsibility .

Ni raja ni presta el hacha: "Doesn't cut nor lends the axe", said of someone who doesn't work and won't let others do it for them either.