Holy shit, where to fucking start with this? I have to tell you that Bob displays a level of retardation here that has moved me to feel bad for him — almost.
ITV, Bob:
- Can’t read four upside-down words on his baby poop brown pajamas.
- Snaps his fingers at Rene and gives her a dirty look, like she’s a servant or a dog.
- Complains that no authorities have come to his door and says he’s waiting for the knock. Bob’s mad that he’s being left alone. Guess he’s REALLY starved for attention.

- Claims he’s “warned” the local authorities about “you people.” He offers no proof of this, so it’s a pretty obvious lie. Bob is afraid of men in uniforms, especially if they have guns and badges.
- Says he has diplomas and they’re not fake because they come in “big black binders.” I was relieved he didn’t mention BBC.
- SHOCKS EVERYONE by claiming he doesn’t know how to hack into servers and sophisticated computer systems. You don’t fucking say, Bob.
- Misuses the phrase “tip my hand” — words, how do they work?
I’ll say this: It sounds like the gay ops are in full effect via email. Whoever is doing this is not making it funnier. Then again, Bob hasn’t given much of a glimpse of these emails so maybe it’s another lie. As with his claims that he warned the authorities and has copies of everything printed out, I’ll believe it when he shows proof. What kind of person would beg strangers for money and steal food from poverty-stricken children if they have money for a printer, ink, and paper?
(I really hope Bob didn’t borrow money against the stimulus check he’s not getting. That would be rather unfortunate for many reasons, including that it will make it more likely that he serves a custodial sentence for his welfare fraud crimes.)